The Girl in Between

by Miranda Silver

  Diana buried her face in her hands as her mother grilled Brendan about every conceivable aspect of his summer. So much for not interrupting. She’d tried telling her mom that her job in the lab involved more dishwashing and data entry than groundbreaking research, but it didn’t seem to matter.

  A creak caught her attention. The O’Brians’ front door cracked open a sliver.

  At least Brendan was being less chatty than usual — pleasant, but brief.

  “I better finish up with Di,” he said finally, giving Mrs. Cooper an apologetic smile. “She wanted some advice about college, and my ride’s almost here.” He leaned out the window to shake Mr. Cooper’s hand. “Always great to talk with you both.”

  “We should be going too, Julie,” her father said, steering her mother by the arm.

  “Of course. Diana, what are you wearing?” Her mother stopped and peered at her skimpy tank top.

  “I was just at the gym,” she said nonchalantly. “I decided to try something new this summer. I can’t spend all my time indoors.”

  “Well, I can’t argue with that. Is that your influence, Brendan? Very well-rounded.”

  “Very,” Brendan agreed. “Very well-rounded.” Diana clamped her lips together to keep back a snort of laughter. “Take care, Mrs. Cooper. Mr. Cooper. Have a great night.”

  Diana let out a sigh of relief when her parents made it safely to their own car and drove off in the other direction.

  Brendan leaned over. “It’s okay, Di. I understand about secrets.”

  She found herself squeezing his hand again. “I hate lying,” she muttered. “I just want to protect this.”

  “I know. I get it, cutie.” The charm was turned on again. Lips pecked her cheek, just as the sound of feet pounding the driveway made her look up.

  A tall figure jogged toward the Jeep. His hair was wet, his broad shoulders outlined in a black T-shirt. The bundle tucked under his arm looked suspiciously like a rolled-up blanket with a thermos on top. A scrap of paper peeked from his jeans pocket.

  Brendan climbed out of the Jeep. “Keeping your seat warm.”

  “I see that.” Ian crushed his brother’s shoulder under his palm.

  “Your girlfriend needed company. She was all alone in the car.”

  “Did you shower without me?” Diana demanded. “You did, didn’t you. And you left me sitting here. How evil is that?”

  Crossing to the passenger side, Ian buried his face in her neck with an exaggerated sniff. “Nah, you smell good. Bet you’ll taste good, too.” He grinned at her, deep dimples marking his cheeks. “There’s no way to get you clean anyway, dirty girl. Inside or out.”

  Heat trickled down her neck. “You haven’t tried yet.”

  Brendan just laughed. “That’s what took so long? You missed Di’s parents, bro.”

  “Yeah?” Ian tossed the blanket into the backseat through the open window and dropped the thermos on top. “I’m crying. See these?” He leaned an arm on Diana’s doorframe and pointed to his cheek. “Wipe my tears, okay?”

  She smacked his face lightly. Once her hand was there, it had to slide into Ian’s brown hair, wet and curling over his forehead. The clean shampoo scent was familiar and sexy at the same time, and she just wanted to bury her face in him…

  “I don’t think I can date someone who takes longer to shower than I do,” she announced. In her mind, a little voice whispered it was crazy she was dating at all. “What else were you up to?”

  “Stuff.” Ian’s dimples flashed again. He nuzzled her neck. Then he sprinted around the Jeep and jumped into the driver’s seat.

  Brendan glanced from Diana to his brother, shaking his head. “It’s okay. Di was hiding out from her parents too.”

  “Like you’re so straight-up. How do you find time for it all, Brendan?” Ian’s voice went high in an uncanny imitation of Mrs. Cooper. “How do you do everything and everyone?”

  Diana was about to give him a good hard pinch, but she caught the look the twins shared through the window. A private look, with the same half-smile flickering across two pairs of lips.

  “Did you have a nice chat with Dad?” Brendan asked in a low voice. Almost like he didn’t want Diana to hear.

  “Always.”

  “I find time for everything because I’m organized. You should try it.”

  “I don’t do your kind of shit.” Ian’s tone was amiable, but Diana shifted in her seat.

  “If you guys need a moment, go right ahead.” She picked up her tote bag and purse. “I’ll just run into my nice, empty house and take a shower. Even though Ian doesn’t think I need one, ever.”

  “Sorry.” Brendan’s shoulders relaxed. “You two go have fun.”

  Ian reached through the window frame to clasp his brother’s arm. “You go have fun. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

  “I’m going to do a lot of things you wouldn’t do.” Brendan smiled broadly. When Diana’s mouth fell open, his smile just got bigger. She busied herself fixing her messy ponytail, but strands of hair kept sliding out. “Have I told you you’re cute, Di?”

  “A couple times,” she murmured. Her imagination was spinning out of control, picturing Brendan doing what Ian wouldn’t. Jesus, what would that even involve?

  Brendan chuckled. “The cutest.”

  “Okay, that’s enough.” Ian twisted the keys in the ignition. Brendan strolled to the end of the driveway, giving them a friendly wave as they backed out.

  “Do I want to know?” Diana asked.

  “My brother’s all talk.” Ian drove down the quiet street. His wicked smile didn’t make her breathe any easier. He looked way too amused. “Don’t let him scare you, baby.”

  “I’m not scared,” she retorted. “I just don’t want him to get too crazy.”

  “Why?” Ian’s hazel eyes were genuinely curious. “Are you worried? Brendan’s the last person you need to worry about. He can handle himself.”

  “What about everybody else?” she murmured.

  For a minute, Ian was silent. He’d turned on the radio, but the volume was low. Mellow chords spilled from the speakers, loud enough for only the two of them to hear.

  “He can handle them too.”

  Chapter Four

  Ian was driving more carefully then she’d ever known him to, but Diana squeezed his knee hard when he suddenly swerved off the main road.

  He chuckled softly. “Meant to do that, baby.” His hand left the wheel to flick her ponytail. “I haven’t had a traffic citation in a month.”

  “Ian…”

  “You’re a good influence.”

  “So are you.”

  Ian’s eyebrows lifted. “No, I’m not.”

  “Yes, you are.” Diana squeezed his knee again. “I won’t tell anyone. But you are.” Ian’s mouth opened. She rushed on before he took over with a joke. “I wrote my graduation speech because of you. And that’s just one example. The gym tonight? I never would have gone in there if it wasn’t for you. And if I had, I would have raced back out and kept on running.”

  Ian didn’t say anything, but he put his hand over hers. Seeing him drive one-handed made Diana’s nerves fizz. She wasn’t about to let go of him, though.

  Rustling trees surrounded them. The road curved and climbed into a wooded area. Ian clearly knew where he was going. The Jeep came to a stop under a thick cluster of trees — a lookout point, where the ground crested in a hill. Below, lights spread out under the deepening dusk.

  Ian turned off the ignition and dropped the keys in the cupholder.

  “Looks like we’ve got this all to ourselves.” When she turned to him, he unhooked her glasses and set them on the dashboard. “And I’ve got you all to myself.”

  “And the other times you’ve been up here, it’s been full of people?”

  A finger traced her lips. She flicked out her tongue to taste the salt and sweat on Ian’s skin. He smirked at her.

  “Yep. I’d come up here in high school and sit all by myself in
the Jeep, thinking about you, while everyone else was doing it.”

  “Right. You were never alone.” She folded her arms. “You were with Brendan, or girls. Or Brendan and a girl. Don’t pretend otherwise.”

  He tugged her ponytail. “You mean, don’t pretend that I didn’t think about touching you? And kissing you? And being inside you?” Her breath quickened. “And wondering which guy would melt your ice princess act, because you wouldn’t even look at me?”

  “It wasn’t an act,” she murmured. “You know that now. I was scared.”

  The car was quiet. Ian’s hazel eyes held hers. With her glasses off, the rustling trees behind him fuzzed to a shimmer. But the burst of green on brown in Ian’s eyes was so clear.

  “Of what?”

  “Everything.”

  “How’d that happen?”

  Ian’s gaze, moving over her face in the near-darkness, made her feel more naked than she ever had. But she wanted to be naked with Ian. Strip herself down, show herself to him.

  When she touched his face, she caught sight of a white scrap peeking from his pocket.

  “What’s that?”

  Ian pulled the paper from his pocket and handed it to her. Smoothing out the creases on her lap, she recognized the spiky scrawl she’d seen in her backyard last week. Late at night, scarcely believing her eyes: Can we talk?

  “You saved this?”

  Ian nodded, his eyes on hers.

  “Okay.” Rolling up the note, she let it fall on her tote bag, resting by her feet. “Let’s talk.”

  “Come on in back.” His voice was low.

  She crawled between the front seats. Ian followed, reaching into the trunk, pulling out a towel and draping it over the back seat.

  “Look at you, all prepared,” she murmured.

  “Always.”

  He sat down comfortably, his long body taking up most of the available space, and patted his leg. Diana climbed into his lap, feeling the stretch of every muscle she’d worked at the gym. Strong arms pulled her close.

  “How much do you want to hear?” she asked his shoulder.

  “As much as you want to tell me.”

  The bulk of Ian’s body felt safe, but she pulled back to look at him.

  “When my family moved away,” she began softly, “I was so nervous on the first day of school. I didn’t eat. I was practically shaking. Sixth grade is awkward anyway, and when you’re at a new school — I was just looking for anyone who’d smile at me. I was such a kid.”

  “You were supposed to be a kid.” Ian brushed her bangs off her forehead. “So were we.”

  Him and Brendan. Now that she thought about it, Ian used “we” a lot less than his brother did.

  “Weren’t you kids?”

  “Not as much as you. Maybe we shouldn’t have been in such a big hurry to grow up.”

  She stared out the open window. There was a bench under the largest tree. Carved initials and arrow-pierced hearts speckled the weathered wood. The light breeze blew an empty Coke can across the gravel.

  “My homeroom teacher asked one of the eighth grade boys to walk me to the office.” Her voice wavered, and she forced it steady. “He said he’d show me around the school. He was cute, and he reminded me of you and Brendan, just a little.”

  Ian’s body tensed against hers. “Fuck,” he muttered.

  “You know where this is going.”

  “I can guess.”

  “He took me outside to the field. I trusted him. I even held his hand. It was dumb, but I wanted a friend, and I missed you guys already. You have no idea.” She traced the peeling letters on Ian’s t-shirt. “I worshiped the ground you and Brendan walked on. I wanted to be just like you. Everything you said and did—”

  “Wait, you worshiped me?” Ian broke into a huge grin.

  Diana started to laugh. “Don’t let it go to your head.”

  “Too late, baby.” He rubbed the back of her neck. “The damage’s already done.”

  She snorted, but her stomach knotted up at what was coming next.

  “Go on.”

  “The boy…he tried to stick his hand down my shirt.” Ian grunted, his arms tightening around her. “He wasn’t even looking at me, just at my chest. He didn’t care about me at all. I was so shocked. All I remembered was the times you’d teased me and I’d done you one better. So I kicked him in the balls and rushed back inside.”

  “Good.” Surprise and approval crossed Ian’s face. “I hope you did permanent damage.”

  She laughed again, but it died away. “Not enough to keep him from telling everybody I’d wanted it. By the end of the day, the whispers were everywhere. In the halls, in class, on the bus. I couldn’t escape, I couldn’t believe it was happening. I started bringing books to read at recess and lunch. I got my homework done at school. I hid in the library. Anything to block it out. I thought people would forget, but it went on all year.”

  “Those little shits,” Ian muttered.

  “They really were.” She sighed shakily. Telling Ian about that year felt like uncorking a bottle. Everything was pouring out, too fast to control. “Gym — oh my God, gym was torture. I hated my body because of the way people looked at me.”

  “That was them.” Ian gripped her shoulders. “Not you.”

  “When I came back…” she turned her face to his chest. “I didn’t know who to trust anymore. Boys were scary. Girls were scary. I didn’t know how to talk to my old friends here, and you and Brendan — God, I missed you both so much, but I was too nervous to even say hi. I felt like something was wrong with me.”

  Ian stiffened. “There wasn’t.” His insistence startled her. “Jesus, there wasn’t, Diana. None of this was your fault.”

  “I knew that. I did know that, deep down, but it didn’t make any difference. And in high school — I was thinking about boys all the time. I wanted so much, but I was so scared it would be like that boy out on the field, grabbing me, instead of — this.” She gestured to Ian’s arms around her. He pulled her closer, holding her tight. “I thought if I even looked at a guy, he’d get the wrong idea. Or he’d just laugh at me and not want me. I tried so hard to hold it together, and I know you thought I was a priss and a goody-two-shoes, but really it just took, uh —”

  “Me and Brendan.”

  “Yeah.” She nestled her cheek against his warm shoulder. “It couldn’t have been anyone else.”

  “I know that now.” He gave her a half-smile. “Probably knew it even then.”

  A lump filled her throat. She swallowed, but it didn’t go away. It didn’t dissolve into tears, either. It stayed, heavy and insistent and making it hard to breathe.

  “I was so scared,” she whispered. “Do you know what that’s like? I couldn’t control what happened to me. I couldn’t control what people said. All I could do was study and tell myself it was a fuck-you, every time I got a hundred per cent. It stuck, because it was the one thing I could control. I hated hiding. I missed you and Brendan so much. I missed my old friends, I missed the way things used to be.”

  Ian’s silent grip was all she wanted right now.

  “Tighter,” she whispered.

  Then she gasped when powerful arms crushed her in a bear hug. She squeezed back, hard. Ian’s T-shirt bunched in her fists. His neck was warm, his scent calming, his breath matching hers.

  “Okay.” She rubbed her face against his shoulder. “I’m okay.”

  Ian’s arms relaxed. “Diana, remember the time you lost your shit?”

  She sputtered with laughter. “Which time? There were so many.”

  “The orgy.”

  “Oh Jeez.” She buried her face in his neck, laughing harder.

  “Hey, if you regret that, tell me now.”

  She shook her head against his shoulder. “Uh-uh,” she hiccuped. “I regret that I didn’t talk to you guys for a week. But I don’t regret that night.”

  Ian let out an audible breath. “See? You were out of fucking control, screaming, coming
like crazy, and it was okay. I was looking out for you. Brendan was looking out for you, even though I got mad and told him he wasn’t afterward. I’m not saying let’s go do that again, but I am saying that you don’t have to control every single thing. You’re safe.”

  “With you.” She kissed his neck. “I’m safe with you.”

  A light breeze blew through the open windows of the Jeep, stirring her hair. The only light came from the moon outside, the only sounds from the whispering trees.

  “Always.” Ian’s voice was gruff. “Can I show you?”

  Her breath quickened. “Yes.”

  The next thing she knew, she was being guided off of Ian’s lap and gently pushed back onto the seat.

  Warm hands slipped the straps of her tank top down her shoulders. She grasped the hem, sitting up halfway to pull it over her head. He helped her tug it free.

  She reached for Ian’s black T-shirt. He stripped it off quickly, dropping it on the floor of the Jeep in a dark puddle next to her white tank top. He planted one knee between her spread legs, the other foot on the floor. Steady pressure eased her down.

  At the first contact of his hands with her breasts, she gasped. His fingers sparked currents through her body, and he wasn’t even touching her bare skin yet, just fondling her through the lacy cups of her bra. She reached up to play with his chest, her fingers finding two tiny flat nipples. When she flicked one, Ian made a low male noise.

  “Remember when I told you that you have the most gorgeous fucking tits I’ve ever seen?”

  She arched her back, wanting more touch, as he ran a teasing finger inside white lace over the tops of her breasts.

  “Nope,” she giggled. “I forgot. You better tell me again.”

  His hands worked into the cups of her bra, then withdrew, waking up every inch of her skin.

  “Shit, Diana. Your tits are incredible.”

  “When you said that for the first time —” she broke off, unable to speak for a second. “That was when I stopped hating them.”