Trusting Love Again

by Starla Kaye

  Stomach churning with unease, she took off her coat and added it to the oversized hall tree in the foyer. There was a faint scent of vanilla air freshener moving around her. She pulled in a steadying breath and headed into the sitting room that had been remade into the firm’s reception area. A travesty that she tried not to let bother her.

  The petite, very pregnant young woman she’d seen the other day glanced up from her desk. “Mr. Anderson - Chad, that is - left a couple of messages for you on your desk. To check later.”

  “My desk?” Even though this wasn’t a real job, a tingle of excitement swept through Toni. She’d never had a desk of her own, partly because she’d never had an office job.

  The woman motioned to another small room on the other side of the foyer. “You’ll be using the copy room as your office during your time here.”

  Okay, the first desk of her own wasn’t quite as thrilling as she’d thought.

  Toni nodded, noting the hint of disapproval in the other woman’s eyes. She started to move but the woman said, “I’m Ellen Yardley, the firm’s secretary and receptionist. Do you prefer Antoinette? Or something else?”

  “Definitely something else.” She gave a smile, hoping to ease the strain between them. “I usually go by Toni.”

  Ellen accepted the information and glanced at her computer monitor. “Chad is in a board meeting upstairs in the conference room. The other men showed up earlier than he expected, but he wants you to help take notes. He said to send you in as soon as you got here.”

  She looked up, appearing puzzled. “Chad also wanted to make sure he scheduled a private meeting with you before you left for the day.” She focused on the monitor again. “I put the meeting on both of your calendars for 5:30. We close at five o’clock, just so you know.”

  “That’s fine,” Toni said, feeling awkward about the ‘private meeting’ and the after-hours time. What could that be about? She really didn’t want to be alone with him, especially after the unsettling thoughts she’d had about him last night.

  She hurried to what had been a small downstairs bedroom and turned into a copy room/office and gaped in surprise. A slender vase with a couple of pink roses sat next to a monitor on a table that would evidently serve as her desk. Roses? For me? She couldn’t remember the last time someone had given her flowers of any kind.

  Drawn by the sweet scent, she stepped closer and picked up a small note beside the vase. We’ll make this work out. The note was signed by both Chad and his father.

  Ridiculously, she teared up. How could they be so nice to her? Yet she couldn’t resist leaning over to smell the roses. A second later she straightened, put her purse down, and found a notepad and pen beside the keyboard. She scooped them up and hurried up the stairs and followed the sound of voices.

  Her hand shook as she gave a quiet knock before taking hold of the doorknob. Calm down. You can do this. The pep talk didn’t help much. She forced a smile, turned the knob, and walked into the meeting.

  A dozen well-dressed businessmen in suits she knew from growing up here glanced at her. She thought she caught a couple of disapproving frowns, but Chad drew their attention. “If you’d look over page twenty-one for a few minutes, we’ll discuss it shortly,” he told the others.

  As the men turned their focus to the papers on the table in front of them, Chad looked at her with a raised eyebrow as if implying “You’re late. Really?” Still, he didn’t appear upset, which made her relax a bit. He nodded at the chair beside him.

  Reluctantly, she moved to it and sat down, her wary smile still in place. Thinking about the roses left for her, she relaxed a bit. They were attempting to make the best of the awkward situation, and she would too. She put the notepad and pen on the table and tried to act prepared. She could handle this.

  But she had to be honest with him. “I’ll try my best to take whatever notes you think necessary,” she whispered, face burning. “You need to know that I’ve never been a very fast writer.”

  He studied her for a second, giving a hint of a smile that made him even more tempting. “I’ve changed my mind about the note taking,” he said in his deep-timbered tone.

  She sighed in relief and started to scoot her chair back.

  “No. I want you to stay. Listen to what is discussed. Maybe you can help me go over it all later.”

  Drat. She would rather have been excused and allowed to get back to her little office. She needed distance from this man who confused her. Instead, she settled into her seat once more and gave a curt nod of agreement.

  Before he looked away, she saw his nostrils flare, those blue, blue eyes warmed. Or was she imagining it? In the next second, he shifted his attention to the papers in front of him and appeared to forget her presence.

  It wasn’t that easy to dismiss him, though. She noticed that he needed a haircut. A thick lock of nearly black hair fell onto his forehead. She found it sexy. Totally inappropriate. That didn’t keep her from wanting to touch the curl and slide her fingers through his hair. Even back in her teen years she’d been fascinated by his always slightly scruffy hair.

  She blinked, her face heating, hoping nobody noticed. These were not the kind of thoughts she should be having.

  He got excited, impassioned about something in the papers, and she watched him curiously. He pulled in a breath that tightened the short sleeved dress shirt he wore to compensate for the cast on his left forearm. That was when she realized the other men wore jackets while he didn’t. As she looked guiltily from his arm in a cast to his face again, she grimaced at the sight of the small bandage on his left cheek. He’d suffered because of her fit of temper.

  Oh God. She was a terrible person.

  The other men joined in the discussion, with Chad going into minute details over some kind of re-zoning issue for a proposed parking lot the group wanted. After a few minutes, all she heard was blah, blah, blah.

  Her mind drifted away to something of more interest to her personally. She tried to find anything in her recent past that she could put on a resume. Depressing. With her limited skills, her work future looked unpleasant. What was she going to do? She didn’t need to work, but she couldn’t see herself sitting idly around. She still wanted to buy this house, but that possibility was even more complicated than it had been before. She recalled her mental note about calling Caruthers. Tonight. She wanted to set up an actual face-to-face meeting with him.

  “Okay, good meeting,” Chad announced and jerked her back to the moment. He nudged her foot at the same time and, when he glanced sideways at her, she caught the hint of amusement in his knowing gaze.

  The men closed the folders in front of them and began scooting back chairs and standing. A couple looked in her direction, then at Chad. It was obvious that everyone in the room knew why she was here and wondered why he had agreed to the sentence, since he’d been the injured party. She didn’t understand his reasoning either, unless it was his effort at acknowledging a victory of sorts. But that didn’t feel right.

  One of the oldest men in the group, a paunchy man she recognized as a deacon from her father’s church, walked toward her. His gaze was assessing, as if he were comparing her to the young woman he remembered. While she tensed for his condemnation, his eyes softened and he extended his hand, “It’s good to have you back in town, Antoinette.”

  Surprised, she had to force herself to stand and shake his hand. Did he feel her palm sweating? Sense how nervous she was? “Thank you,” she managed.

  She wasn’t sure what to do now, but she hoped none of the others wanted to speak to her privately as well. This was an awkward situation for many reasons. She slid her glance to Chad, seeking his help.

  He picked up her notepad and pen and handed them to her, a gentle smile on his wounded, carved face. “I believe Ellen has some things she needs assistance with. We’ll talk later.”

  “Yes, of course. Ellen.”

  She walked out of the room, leaving Chad and the older man behind. They talked casually a
bout the last time they’d played golf together. She hadn’t known Chad golfed, but then she didn’t know anything about the man he’d become, other than about the focus of his side of the law practice. It was something that intrigued her.

  Why had he decided to go into defending the elderly in abuse cases? From her own experience in an abusive relationship, she knew how difficult the situation could be. It would take a very special, understanding person to deal with people who had suffered from physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, or from being exploited or abandoned by those who were supposed to care for them.

  She ended up having all day to settle into her temporary job. Ellen kept her busy with filing, making endless copies for a workshop Chad was to give next week, and with trying to figure out the time management program. Ethan hadn’t come in due to outside meetings in the neighboring small town, which was a reprieve. She’d not been sure how to face him after this mess she’d made for them all. And Chad had spent the day scrambling from one client meeting to another. She’d had far too much time to worry about the private meeting with him after work ended for the day. And too much time to smell the roses, to wonder whose idea it had been to get them for her. They were the bright spot of her day. In truth, the bright spot in her life over the last eight months.

  She was scowling at the monitor, frustrated with trying to retype a legal document for Ethan, when Ellen popped into her doorway. She had a hand to her lower back and discomfort creased her pretty face. The poor woman was due to give birth any day now and more than ready, as she’d told Toni several times during the day.

  “I’m leaving, and I’ll lock the outside door.” Her hand moved to her bloated stomach and she rubbed at it. “I swear the baby has been playing kickball today.”

  Toni gave her a compassionate smile, experiencing the tiniest bit of envy. She’d always believed that one day she would have a family of her own; maybe two or three children. Stanley hadn’t been excited about it. He’d been more interested in her keeping her figure. He’d even suggested that they adopt…in another few years. And he’d never once made love with her without wearing a condom. She had a feeling that he’d checked and double-checked every condom he used, determined to make sure there were no accidents.

  Had he been that careful with the woman he’d started seeing on the side? Definitely a subject she didn’t want to think about. If the other woman got pregnant, tough.

  She shoved the distressing thoughts away. “Go home and put your feet up. Let your husband spoil you and make supper. Just relax.” She’d already heard about how Ellen’s husband watched over her almost to the point of driving her crazy. He massaged the woman’s swollen feet each night. Definitely love. Something Toni was sure she’d never experience, because she wasn’t going to allow another man anywhere close to her heart.

  “Good advice, which I’m taking.” Ellen turned to leave, stopping to say, “Oh, Chad buzzed me a couple of minutes ago. He said you can go to his office any time. He’s ready now.”

  Toni watched the woman leave; didn’t move even as she heard the front door lock. Her stomach fluttered with nerves. She’d been dreading this all day, particularly since the awful mistake she’d made earlier. If she were a real employee, she would probably be fired for it. How would her error affect this situation?

  Chad glanced at the large regulator clock on the wall opposite his desk: 5:15. He’d told Ellen to send Toni up to his office and he’d heard the outer door closing as the receptionist left. He hadn’t had any real plans for this meeting, other than making sure Toni was doing okay here. He was worried about her, and uncertain about how to help her with transitioning from a bad marriage and ugly divorce to life back in her hometown.

  Another ten minutes passed. She was avoiding him. He didn’t like the idea, but was wary about pressuring her. What had she thought about the flowers he’d gotten her in a spur-of-the-moment decision? Even his father had wondered, but he’d signed the card before hurrying off to appointments this morning. He didn’t normally wrestle this much with decisions he made. He’d just wanted to do something nice for her. Maybe he’d overstepped some line that needed to be in place between them while she worked here.

  Okay, she wasn’t coming. He wasn’t mad about it, disappointed. With a last glance at the paperwork he’d straightened on his desk, he started to get up. Then he heard footsteps slowly inching up the staircase, and relief filled him.

  He concentrated on not staring at the doorway, not wanting to make her even more uncomfortable. He’d been uneasy all day. He’d been aware of her presence in the office from the minute she’d walked into the board meeting. Later, her soft laugh had drifted to him in the kitchen when he’d gone down for another cup of coffee. She and Ellen were getting along and enjoying each other. He’d worried at first that Ellen wouldn’t be able to get past her hesitance at having the woman who had caused him injury working here. But Toni had won her over. Good.

  The scent of Toni’s soft, sensuous perfume drifted into his office on the breeze from the overhead fan. Everything in him knew the instant she stepped into the doorway. His immediate reaction surprised him, troubled him. Even during the flare up about the house the other day, he’d sensed something more than anger simmering between them. He hadn’t wanted to think about that too much, still didn’t want to.

  When he thought he’d regained some control, he looked up. She stood stiffly; the color had drained from her creamy face, making the sprinkling of freckles on her perky nose stand out. Uncertainty flickered in her soft blue eyes. She worried the bottom corner of her lower lip, which had his control slipping again. Something about the action was so enticing, so sexy. Don’t go there.

  So he shifted his gaze to her long, wavy red hair. He’d been thinking about it ever since first seeing her the other day. Earlier she’d worn it pulled up in one of those banana clips women sometimes wore. Every time he’d seen her, he’d wanted to remove it and let that mass of soft curls fall freely over her shoulders. At some point in the afternoon she had let it down. Now it teased him. The musing about her hair didn’t help his situation.

  “I hope your first day here went all right.” He slid the stacked papers in front of him back into the folder sitting next to the pile.

  She took a step closer. “Except for that minor incident with the Claymore file,” she said in a near whisper.

  She’d somehow misunderstood Ellen’s instructions and shredded a lot of the estate file’s documents.

  From his office, he’d overheard Ellen’s panicked cries about the problem. He’d started down the stairs to find out what was happening, but had stopped to hear Toni’s distressed sobs about being “so sorry.”

  When Ellen had calmed down and reassured her that the entire file was backed up in multiple places and that they could print out the documents again, he changed his direction and returned to his office. He’d been somewhat frustrated, but hadn’t wanted to upset Toni further.

  “You need to pay better attention to instructions,” he said, knowing she expected him to say something. “That could have been a real disaster.”

  She nodded, her lower lip wobbling. “I’ll do better, I promise.”

  Their gazes locked and he saw what looked like fear in her eyes. It sickened him. The young woman he’d once known wouldn’t have reacted that way when chastised about something. She’d have thrust out her chin and challenged being told she’d done wrong. Just what had her ex-husband done to her?

  “Are you in much pain?” she asked cautiously, pulling him from his distressed thoughts.

  “Less now than last night. I’m healing all right.”

  She lowered her gaze, then looked up again. “Ellen ordered your new sign this afternoon. And she said you had already ordered a new iPad.” She finally shoved out her chin, which he was pleased to see. “I’ll be paying for both items, of course. And I’ll need your medical bills as well.”

  He nodded, remembering the broken sign. He’d been stunned and a bit amazed at h
er obvious strength. As wrong as her actions had been, it gave him hope that the spirited woman in her would be resurfacing. That what her ex had done to her wouldn’t be keeping her down forever.

  “Not that I’m at all happy with what you did to the sign, I admit that was impressive. You just kicked it, right?” He offered a careful smile.

  Her face flamed. “Karate classes.”

  Neither of them spoke for several minutes. He wasn’t sure what to say, felt like he was walking on eggshells, like the saying went. She’d changed in so many ways; some good, some bad. She’d matured into a woman that had filled out in all of the right places. He liked the plumpness of her breasts pushing at the front of her silky white blouse. The black, pencil-styled skirt that ended several inches above her knees complimented shapely hips. And the red, thin-strapped stilettos were man-killers, making her legs appear long and tempting. His mind quickly envisioned her wearing only them and nothing else. Once more his body paid far too much attention to all of that.

  “I wish everyone would stop being so careful around me,” she said, the sadness in her tone pulling at him. She inched closer. “I behaved horribly and I know that.”

  “And you’re paying for it.”

  “Financially, yes.”

  “By serving community service, too.”

  A spark of her familiar temper surfaced. “Yes. In the very place from my destroyed dreams.”

  He felt bad about that, but there was no going back. “You need to get over your disappointment about not being able to buy this house.”

  “But I am in the process of buying it.” She blinked rapidly; tears shimmered in the sad eyes. “At least I thought I was. I’m so confused about where I stand, about where you stand. But I’ll definitely be calling my realtor and demanding to know what exactly is going on.”

  He frowned. It was a situation that he needed to look into more. He and his father had thought the legal issues were being worked out, slowly. They’d temporarily rented the house and paid for remodeling on good faith until the sale was completed. Now what?