Trusting Love Again

by Starla Kaye

  Maybe this wasn’t what she’d pictured in her mind after she’d remodeled the big Victorian house. But it felt warm and comforting, at least for now. She would definitely move here as soon as she could gather up what she’d brought with her from her parents’ house. The idea alone made her smile in anticipation.

  Footsteps sounded outside the door she’d left open, snagging her attention. Someone was climbing the staircase.

  Her heart raced and she sat up straighter, waiting. She was almost certain it was either Ethan or Chad. Would whoever it was be upset with her for being here? They wouldn’t know she had a key to both this apartment and to the house because they’d never talked about it. A conversation that needed to happen soon.

  “What are you doing in here?” Chad asked, a furrow marring his forehead, that sexy lock of hair curling downward. “How did you get in?”

  He looked more curious than upset, so she relaxed. “I have a key. Actually, I had planned to live here while I worked on the main house.”

  His broad chest rose and fell with a heavy sigh beneath his leather jacket. “We need to discuss that mix-up, but not tonight. I’m beat. Tough day.” He frowned at the furniture, glancing around. “I forgot how girly this all was.”

  That didn’t keep him from stepping inside, closing the door, and walking over to drop into one of the chairs. Now that she studied him, she saw the lines of strain beneath his wearily lined face. His vivid blue eyes appeared tired, too; mirrored pain he seemed to be trying to hide.

  “Did you get everything taken care of with Mrs. Harper?” Again, she felt empathy with the older woman. She knew how painful physically and emotionally it was to be slapped around; worse when it was done by someone close to you.

  As if he’d read her thoughts, Chad leaned toward her, elbows on his knees, and met her gaze. “She’ll be all right, like you. Even at her age, she has a lot of spirit.” He chuckled and shook his head. The curl of dark hair that she found sexy seemed to irritate him and he pushed it away. “I need a haircut. One of these days when I have some spare time.”

  “I like it this way.” Her face heated as she realized what she’d admitted. Too personal.

  One side of his mouth tipped up with an intimation of amusement. “I like seeing your hair down.”

  She’d forgotten that she had pulled out the banana clip earlier. The instant her hair was not controlled, it became a mass of thick, reddish-blond waves that fell past her shoulders. It wasn’t as wild as it had been when she was a young girl, when he’d….

  “I miss the Little Orphan Annie hair,” he teased with a smile.

  He’d been the only one to ever call her that. A long ago memory. She chose not to go back to it. “Ellen had her baby. Did you hear about that?”

  He sat back with a nod. “Dad told me. A boy. We’re happy for her, her husband, too.”

  “Speaking of Ellen, did you have a chance to figure out a temporary replacement for her?” Her stomach fluttered with nerves. She wasn’t sure if it had anything to do with having to work with someone else for the rest of her community service time, or if it was because she wanted to take care of the exhausted man in front of her. She’d never felt nurturing toward Stanley, so this was a new experience for her, and she wasn’t sure how she felt about it.

  He threaded a large hand through his hair, making that curl fall over his forehead again, making him frown. “I haven’t had a second to discuss the matter with Dad today.” He glanced at her, hope and a sense of helplessness in his expression. “I don’t suppose you could…”

  Once more she suffered from an awareness of her inadequacy, her incompetence. She admitted quietly, “You haven’t seen my resume; not that I actually have one. I have no skills of any real value. Unless you count knowing how to serve on a committee or host a cocktail party.”

  His brow pinched. “Don’t belittle yourself like that.”

  “It’s not really belittling; it’s speaking the truth.” She jutted out her chin. “It has been a lot of years since I worked anywhere, and then it was fast food. Stanley insisted I not work. He wouldn’t even let me go back to college.” She slammed her mouth shut and looked away in embarrassment. She hadn’t meant to blurt that out. A year into the marriage she’d decided she wanted to work on a degree in marketing. He’d hated the idea; actually laughed at it. Since then she hadn’t even thought about the idea, not really.

  She heard Chad mumble something under his breath and was certain it had to do with Stanley. He’d made it clear that he didn’t think much of her ex, but then she didn’t either.

  “Look,” she said going back to the subject at hand, “you’ve got my services for another three weeks. I’ll do whatever I can, but my office skills are extremely limited.”

  Their gazes met and he nodded in understanding, although he didn’t look happy about it. “All right. Dad and I will do some searching starting tomorrow. At least you can answer the phone and do the basics for now.” He hesitated. “I assume you need to work. Have you thought about where you’ll look for a job?”

  Uncomfortable with baring even more of the awful truth about her life, she stood and walked over to the front window. She looked toward the big white house and felt the frustration and disappointment she’d been facing every day that she’d come to the office to work. “Originally, my plan was to focus on the Victorian and remodeling it into my home. Maybe making part of it into a bed and breakfast place. I wasn’t sure about that.”

  She heard him get up to walk behind her. As he drew close, she felt the heat of him, drew in the scent of his after-shave; something sensual that made her pull in another deep breath. She tingled all over; more so in her woman’s places. And that worried her. After what she’d gone through with Stanley, she hadn’t believed she would ever be drawn to another man. But she’d always liked Chad, even when they argued in the past, even when he’d not seen her as girlfriend-worthy. And she’d liked his kiss, and the way he’d gently held her.

  “I’ll check into the legal situation. I’d like to see all the paperwork you have first.” He touched her shoulder ever so gently. When she flinched, he drew his hand away. “Somehow we’ll get this all worked out. I promise.”

  She faced him and hated that tears misted her eyes. “I trusted the realtor. Naïve, right? I’d trusted Stanley, too, and look how that worked out.” She blinked and sniffed. “I know we have history, but it seems ages ago. I want to trust in you, but…it’s hard to do. My instinctive trusts have failed me for the last six years.”

  “I know. God, just having to say that makes me sick, Antoinette.” He held her gaze, frustration etched in his expression. “Believing someone shouldn’t be so damn hard.” Pain reflected in his eyes. He, too, had trusted someone he’d been married to and been betrayed.

  She gave him a wobbly smile and dared to put her palm to the side of his face. The day’s worth of bristles felt strange against her palm; strange but nice. “We’ve both got issues to deal with, difficult ones.”

  His vivid blue eyes narrowed. “You know about what happened with my ex-wife?” He stepped away, hands fisted at his sides. “Your brother, I suppose. Hell. That was personal stuff.”

  “It’s not like Ted announced your secret to the world,” she snapped. It angered her that he thought his “personal stuff” was more private than hers. She was sure that Ted had shared what little she’d told her family. And she’d told even more to Chad, though she still wondered why she’d done so. “Not like my marital issues were shared all over Denver.”

  She slammed her mouth shut, face heating at what she’d confessed.

  His shoulders slumped and he calmed down. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted that way. It’s just that what Sandy did is like a raw wound that continues to fester.” He hesitated. “I’m not sure if I’ll ever get over it.” He pulled in a breath and blew it out. “You probably feel much the same way. I’m sorry for that, too.”

  Before she could respond, he reached for the door. “Not that
we have much say in what you do here, but Dad and I won’t have a problem with you moving into this apartment.”

  “Good, because I’m doing it tomorrow.”

  He smiled back at her. “That’s my girl.” He met her gaze. “Let me know if you need any help.”

  Chapter Seven

  Chad sat in his regular booth in the Dine-In Café, nursing a cup of coffee, and waiting for Ted to arrive. Nearly every Saturday morning he met with Ted and Alex for breakfast and the chance to catch up on their lives. He’d almost called his friends to cancel, but Alex had called saying he couldn’t make it this time. He’d sounded… Well, he wasn’t sure exactly. Distracted. But he hadn’t pressed his friend, and he’d decided to meet Alex after all.

  He’d spent the night tossing and turning, reliving Sandy’s devastating announcement when they’d left the courtroom following the finalization of their divorce. He knew the dream had been brought on by his conversation yesterday with Toni. Would he have had a son by now? A daughter?

  He shoved the difficult reflections aside. There was no sense in torturing himself this way. He had to let it go and focus on his future. One without having the kind of marriage he’d long dreamed about. One without two or three children making him crazy at times, filling his heart with joy and love. While he still desired those things, he wasn’t willing to risk the pain of being deceived again. Toni wouldn’t do that.

  The surprising thought shook him.

  “Looks like you’re mulling over some serious thoughts,” Ted said, walking up and pulling Chad back to the present. He took off his bomber jacket and hung it on a post by the booth.

  “So, are you helping your sister move today?” He didn’t want to talk about what had depressed him so early in the day.

  Ted slid onto the red vinyl seat opposite him at the classic Formica-topped table, shaking his head. “Toni packed up what little she’d brought with her last night. She had her car loaded and left the house before the folks even got around this morning.”

  Chad smiled, amused. “Another sign she’s doing better. That stubborn independence she once had is returning.” He was really glad to know it.

  The middle-aged waitress they’d known for most of their lives walked over with a coffee pot. As she refilled Chad’s cup and poured Ted’s coffee, she glanced from Chad’s casted forearm to his face. “You’re looking better today.” She studied him a second. “At least your stitches appear to be healing. But otherwise you look like hell. More trouble with little Miss…”

  “I wish you all would stop thinking the worst of her,” he snapped, glowering his annoyance. How many times since she’d been in town and acted out in frustration had he defended Toni? Too many. It wasn’t right that he needed to do so. She deserved better than this treatment.

  Elsie Mae’s shoulders stiffened, but her expression softened. “You’re right. Folks around town have been saying harsh things for too long. Me, too. And I’m regretting that.”

  Ted didn’t appear happy about the discussion either, yet he visibly calmed down. “She’s had a real rough time for the last few years. Not that I’m sharing any of it with anyone, or that I even know all of it. But I wish everyone would give her a chance. Toni isn’t the same brat who left here. She’s grown up. And she’s hurting.”

  “Pastor Thomas has been telling people to stop judging her by the past. Reminding us that she’d been a teenager and she hadn’t usually acted alone in the mischievous acts. Somehow everyone seems to forget that part.” She sighed. “He’s been reminding us not to cast stones, because no one is perfect.” Her kind face looked contrite. “I spoke wrong and I truly am sorry.”

  Ted nodded, relaxed back into his seat. “Thanks for that. She’s just been an easy target lately.”

  “That she has,” she agreed. “I really do like her, always have. She was a good waitress here in high school.”

  “The regular?” She glanced between Ted and Chad, clearly wanting to drop the awkward subject.

  When they agreed, she hurried off toward the kitchen.

  “Elsie Mae was right about one thing, though. You look like hell today. What’s up?”

  Chad took another sip of coffee. His friend hadn’t asked if Toni had anything to do with his exhausted, strained appearance, but he knew that was on his mind. His restless night mainly had been about Sandy. He’d also spent a great deal of the time worrying about Toni, as well as his growing attraction to her. All those years ago he’d been drawn to her youthful beauty. What guy wouldn’t have been? That hadn’t been all that had made him want her in his life. She’d been energetic, had a great sense of humor, and was challenging. He’d always enjoyed a good challenge. He was ready to have her taking him on again. Well, actually she had, about finding a temporary secretary.

  But his problem with Toni went far deeper than dealing with the changes in her personality. He craved her. Bad enough that he physically ached whenever he was close to her. Something he sure couldn’t admit to her brother.

  “I’ve just got a lot on my mind. Mrs. Harper’s situation. Needing to find a temporary secretary while Ellen is out for a couple of months.” As Ted nodded in understanding, he lowered his voice and added, “Thinking about Sandy again, what she did. And your sister.”

  “What about Toni? Be honest, Chad. Is she more frustration at your office than helpful? I know she isn’t really qualified for much of anything in the work place.”

  Irritated and reminded of his sister saying much the same thing, Chad grumbled, “She’s doing her best.”

  One of Ted’s eyebrows shot up at Chad’s defensive tone. “Ah, so that’s how it is.”

  “What are you talking about?” But he was afraid he didn’t really want to know his friend’s answer.

  “You still have feelings for her, just as I mentioned the other day.”

  Chad gripped his coffee cup tighter. “I don’t want to.”

  Ted looked sympathetic, his gaze concerned. “But you do. Be careful, buddy. I don’t want to see you hurt again, and I don’t want to see Toni hurt, either.”

  Exactly what he’d been thinking. Still, he worried that one or both of them would end up getting hurt.

  ***

  It had been a long day, filled with ups and downs. Sleep had eluded Toni the night before since she’d been excited about moving into a place of her own. The condo apartment she’d had after moving out of the Denver home she’d shared with Stanley, while she’d waited to finalize the divorce, didn’t count. In a way, she supposed, this small apartment shouldn’t count either. This was temporary, too. But, somehow, moving here felt like she’d taken another big step in her recovery. A positive step in starting a future somewhere she wanted to be.

  The downside came when she realized she was feeling lonely. Even though she’d wanted privacy, she missed her family. Not that they’d stayed away today. She smiled at the memory of her parents dropping by about an hour after she’d carried in her suitcases. They’d brought her favorite donuts from the town’s one and only bakery. And they’d brought framed family photos, the last quilt her grandmother had made, and one of her mother’s most prized teapots from her collection. Her mother was determined to make sure she knew how much they loved her. Her Dad hadn’t said much the entire short time they’d visited. But she’d seen the worry in his eyes.

  She glanced at the photos sitting on top of a small bookcase her brother had brought over in the afternoon. He, too, hadn’t said much. He’d simply wanted to let her know he cared, that he would be there if and when she might need him. Again, she wondered why some woman looking for a good husband hadn’t latched onto Ted. What had happened to Sarah? Or was it Suzanne? As soon as she got a better grip on her own life, she would sit down with him and have a real talk, about their lives as adults.

  Her eyes stung with tears she’d been fighting all day. She’d been strong during her family’s visits, determined to prove to them that she was fine. She was…and she wasn’t. Her heart pinched in ache. What she need
ed was a hug. When was the last time anyone had hugged her? Her parents were too worried about doing or saying something wrong. Stanley certainly hadn’t hugged her. The closest she’d come to it had been when Chad had given her a comforting embrace…and kissed her.

  She sank down onto the sofa and sniffled. Then a tear slid down one cheek, and then another one down the other cheek. This was stupid, but what harm was there in having a good cry? Giving in, she began quietly sobbing. She needed to get these sad feelings out of her system.

  Chad stood on the bottom step leading to Toni’s apartment. The breeze around him was cold, a scent in the air hinted at rain coming, possibly snow. He shivered inside his leather coat, hesitating. He had debated for the last hour about coming here. Finally he’d known that he wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight if he didn’t check on her. No amount of telling himself that she was a grown woman who was perfectly capable of taking care of herself countered his need to see her in person.

  He frowned. Should he have stopped to get her some flowers for her new home? She’d only made one small comment of thanks for the roses he’d gotten her, as if she was uncomfortable with the situation. But more than once he’d caught her bending over the vase and smelling the roses. And she’d set the bigger vase filled with probably too many flowers on Ellen’s desk where she’d been working last. They meant something special to her, which made him pleased he’d gone to the trouble of buying them every day he could. He hadn’t even really minded the teasing look the florist had given him each time.

  Yes, he definitely should go get Toni more flowers. Before he could turn around, though, an odd sound caught his attention. Something from her apartment? He listened again and his gut tightened. Sobbing. Damn.