Missing You, Missing Me

by Paige, Tylor

  “Ethan! Long time no see! How’ve you been?” The music from the next room was blaring, and there were cheers just as loud. It was exciting and made me stand at attention. Suddenly I wasn’t tired anymore. The energy was contagious.

  “Great. It’s been too long. Look, Marshall, I’d love to stay and chat, but my girlfriend has never seen the show,” he told him. Marshall nodded and smiled kindly at me. I blushed a little behind Ethan. He called me his girlfriend. My stomach flipped. “Well, you are in for a treat then, Miss…”

  “Cleo!” I shouted at him, trying to be heard above the music.

  “Cleo. For you two, no cover. Enjoy the show.” He winked at me and opened the door for us. Ethan pushed me in front of him and I gasped.

  The DJ was blaring some cheesy 80’s song about sex. It reeked of cigarettes and cheap perfume. Lights were all over the stage where two performers were dressed in extravagant dresses singing to each other. The rest of the club was dark. I had to squint to look around. There were small, intimate round tables covered in maroon tablecloths. The rest of the large room matched the tables. Dark and sexy.

  Screaming, whistling, and laughter filled the room as the people performed. Some people close to the stage had their arms outstretched with dollar bills in their hands. I looked closer at the stage, at the performers, and that’s when it hit me. We were at a drag show. I was in shock and awe at the same time.

  I turned back to Ethan who was grinning ear to ear. He held up his hands. “Hear me out. We need a night free of all the stress. Come in with me and have fun. I promise you won’t be disappointed. We can talk after this.”

  His innocent big blue eyes made him hard to turn down. I didn’t have time to decide because the song ended and the MC took the performers place.

  “You two, at the door, are you in or out? Don’t be shy now. Come and join us at a table before we make you join us on the stage,” she, or well he, said. Embarrassed, I took his hand as he led me down to a table in the front. The MC wasn’t done with us.

  “Well, well. Who do we have here? What’s your name honey?” She asked me. Ethan left me at the table to go to the bar, so I was the main focus. Why did he just leave me like that? I was suddenly terribly nervous.

  “Cleo.” I told her shyly. Suddenly, and for the first time ever, I didn’t want the spotlight on me.

  “Cleo, Cleopatra? It looks like we have another Queen in the house tonight!” She purred. I sat with my mouth open in awe. She was fascinating.

  “Well, for those who are just arriving, my name is Chelsea Sometimes, and I am your Mistress of Ceremonies tonight. Now can we give another round of applause for our last Queens, Amber Mist and her lovely partner in crime Porsa Lynn, and their rendition of ‘Opposites Attract’.”

  The crowd and I cheered and clapped. Chelsea Sometimes talked some more and gave a little introduction for the next performer. I didn’t hear her words. I was too entranced in everything. Her, the music, the atmosphere was electric.

  Chelsea looked amazing. She wore a purple sequin thigh-high dress. It had to be from the eighties from the look of the neckline and the various giant bows all over. She had shoes to match that looked to be at least six-inch stilettos. Her face was gorgeous. She had Tina Turner blond hair, her dark skin making her look the part perfectly; that and the over exaggerated makeup looked awesome. I was a little jealous; I didn’t have that kind of skill. I usually just slapped some eyeliner and lipstick on and called it good. Just watching her walking around the stage proudly, and confident was inspiring. I wanted that.

  Ethan returned with two long islands, and just as he was about to sit down, Chelsea saw him. “Ethan Andrews, is that you honey?” He grinned, stood up and waved to the crowd. I had to laugh; we looked so out of place here. Everyone was in bright club clothing, and we looked like two goth kids leaving the mall.

  “Ethan and Cleo, well, well, well. She has no idea, does she?” She asked him. He just laughed and lifted his shoulders apologetically. “Well sweet cheeks, there’s no hiding here. Cleopatra, dear Cleopatra, what your date hasn’t told you is that we here at ‘What’s the Password’ helped make this boy famous.” She began to walk around the stage lazily, eyeing the crowd. She was sizing us all up. That’s when I realized where I had seen those moves before. Ethan used them every night. Holy crap. I turned to stare at him open-mouthed, and he cracked a sheepish smile.

  “This boy would come in with his brother and watch the show every Friday night. They would stay after and talk to us, wanting to know how we do what we do. He had a voice like no other but was shyer than shit. At first, we thought we had a future Queen on our hands, but sadly this ridiculously sexy boy only likes chicks without dicks.” She made an exaggerated frown and encouraged the crowd to say “Aww”. Someone pointed a light at our table so people could see who she was talking about. I cringed at the harsh light.

  “We told this boy that if he wanted our help, he would have to get up on stage himself. He was a hit. Do we have a picture anybody?” She asked the DJ and some of the other workers around. Someone shouted for her to wait a moment.

  Soon enough she pointed to the wall and the spotlight shown on a white curtain. A moment later a picture of Ethan in thick makeup, wrapped in a red feather boa was projected onto it. His hair was longer, but he was still in his ripped shirt and skinny jeans.

  The crowd cheered like crazy. Ethan stood up and bowed, a grin on his face. He looked at me and winked. I was in awe; my mouth was open. I don’t know why but this made him way sexier than before. Confidence is everything.

  The projector cut out and was replaced with soft pink lighting from before. Chelsea and the spotlight returned to her position front and center. “So dear Ethan, you have been missed while you have been traveling the world. However, you made a mistake slipping back into the lion's den tonight. I am going to have to push back some acts, and you are going to show us what you have learned. C’mon now, let’s get you backstage.”

  A drag queen came up behind us and tapped him on the shoulder. She was gorgeous as well, dressed in a sexy sailor costume. “Come along now.” The deep voice threw me off a little bit, but Ethan’s perma-smile encouraged me to sip my drink and relax a bit.

  I turned to Ethan and couldn’t stop smiling. “Is this for real?” I asked him, and he shrugged, he wasn’t ashamed. “Where else could I have gotten my moves?” He stood up to follow the sailor through a door to the side, not before kissing my cheek and squeezing my hand.

  I watched a few acts in anticipation, waiting for them to announce Ethan’s turn. This guy was unbelievable. No one, not even Adrian, would be caught dead doing this. After a solid half hour, Chelsea Sometimes came back and announced him.

  He stepped out, and I cupped my hands to my mouth. I couldn’t stop laughing. They gave him raccoon eyes and put him in even tighter jeans and took his shirt. I didn’t think tighter jeans existed, but there he was, slathered in oil, his hair wet and holding the boa from the picture.

  He took one long look at me and blew me a kiss. The crowd squealed and cheered. He took the microphone from Chelsea and looked out into the audience. “Before I do my thing, I’d like to dedicate tonight to my brother, Evan. Or as some of you more seasoned groupies might remember Penelope Felony.” He smiled wide, even though I saw his eyes were shining with tears trying not to fall. He bowed his head, and the room fell quiet for a moment of silence.

  Suddenly Ethan whipped his head up and pointed to the DJ. The crowd laughed and cheered. I didn’t have time to dwell on the fact that his brother was a drag queen before I was entranced with his performance. He jutted his hip out and tapped his boot to a very familiar song. I gasped and then burst into laughter again. Ethan had made me a playlist to listen to on the bus, and this song had been on it. It was Sin with Sebastian’s ‘Shut up.’ I knew all the words. Ethan kept it on his iPod in his warm-up playlist. It had become sort of a thing for us on tour.

  I sat back down at my table, making sure I was at a g
ood angle. I didn’t want to miss a moment of his act. He lifted up his microphone and sauntered a few steps further onto the stage. The spotlight hit Ethan at the exact right time. He started dancing and singing his song. Actually singing. Some of the Queens' lip-synced while others chose to use their own voices. Ethan made the right choice.

  Soon he was getting cheered on. He loved this; I saw it in his eyes. He was so comfortable here, it was amazing. I couldn’t stop grinning. He moved to the head of the stage as he danced. My eyes followed his every movement in wonder. I was impressed. Never in a million years would I have guessed that this was his secret to success.

  As he sang, the crowd began to react. People stood up and cheered. Some were even thrusting dollar bills in his direction. It was crazy. I felt so exhilarated. I mouthed the words as he sang them. Standing up to clap as the song ended Ethan held out his hand for me. I moved away from the table and walked to the edge of the stage. I let him pull me up. He spun me around and kissed me. He held it way longer than I expected, making me blush. When he finally let go, his eyes were sparkling with laughter.

  “Don’t worry; I’ll be good. It’s just for show,” he whispered in my ear. Every time he touched me it felt like a jolt of lightning. I felt him lift my hair away from my neck to show the crowd his name on it. They cheered. The way we were facing you could see our tattoos. It was becoming our signature pose. He kissed my neck again, and the crowd went wild. He pulled away, and we both turned towards Chelsea who was crying. Full on bawling; her mascara was running down her face. She pulled a handkerchief out of her ample bosom to wipe her face. She rushed over and embraced us both.

  “You are the cutest things I’ve ever seen! We are so lucky to have had you with us tonight. The best part of my night. Now go get cleaned up to watch the rest of us Queens stumble around this stage.” She pushed us towards the curtain, which we gladly went through. The people in the back rushed us and squeezed us just as tight. I had never been more excited and confused. After a slew of compliments and kisses, he was left to wash up and return to our table to watch the other acts.

  I held Ethan's hand the rest of the night. There weren’t any electric sparks this time, but instead it was a comfortable closeness. I would never forget this night. We listened to renditions of Cher, Madonna, Paula Abdul, even a David Bowie song. It was a great night. I was able to forget about everything for a few hours. I can’t remember the last time that had ever happened.

  Finally, Chelsea came on and announced the finale where the whole crew came up and performed their last song. It was glorious. I asked Ethan if he wanted to stay and chat but he shook his head. “I would have never known,” I told him as we stepped outside. He smiled softly. He kept hold of my hand as we began walking.

  “My brother showed me this place when I was in high school. He was a hit,” he said quietly, looking a bit sad.

  “I had no idea you had a brother,” I said.

  “Yeah, just the one.” His face grew hard.

  “Sorry, you’ve never really talked about him before. Was he sick?” I asked, wanting him to talk to me. He shook his head and sighed.

  “Nah. Maybe sick of our mother maybe. Or more specifically, her big shot husband,” He smirked. I frowned, feeling sorry for him. Even though I wasn’t close to my siblings even a little, I couldn’t imagine losing one.

  “It must be hard visiting home,” I said, not knowing what else to say.

  “Well, when your brother kills himself because of them, it’s hard to want to come to Thanksgiving,” he said in a harsh voice that told me the conversation was over.

  “Oh,” I said lamely. I felt instantly guilty. I shouldn't have pried so much. The look on his face was of deep pain. I tried to apologize, but he put his empty hand up while keeping his other hand laced through mine. Poor Ethan. Suicide. I couldn't even imagine what going through a loss like that must have done to him.

  “It’s fine. Come on. We should probably get back,” he said with a forced smile. I had almost forgotten we were still in a very public place. Talking about something so personal felt weird now. I was a little sad that we had to go back to the bus.

  “What are you thinking?” Ethan asked me. I didn’t say anything as we continued to walk.

  “I don’t want to go back. This was nice. I felt free in there. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. I understand the feeling.” We walked in pleasant silence for a while. “Could we talk about today now?” He asked. I sighed and stopped.

  “If you let me on your back,” I told him, and he instantly dropped to his knees allowing me to hop on his back. He picked me up with ease and we continued on.

  “I am sorry about Dixie, or er… Duchess. It’s weird with her. She used to mess with my head. It was all a game. We broke up, and I moved out. Apparently she didn’t take the hint. I took off after the show to break it off for good,” he insisted. It was easier to talk to each other when we weren’t able to look at the other’s face.

  “Do you love her?” I asked him, fearing the answer.

  “No. I thought I was in love. I proposed, but we didn’t announce it or anything. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. It was good for a while, but I’m glad I broke it off. We are so bad for each other.” I didn’t respond, unsure of how to feel about it all.

  “Did I come up?” I asked tiredly. I didn’t realize how exhausted I was from our concert and then the drag show.

  “I told her I didn’t want to deal with her drama anymore. It was too much,” he told me instead of answering my question. There was a long pause before he spoke again.

  “Can I confess something?” He asked. My heart began to pound furiously. I was sure he could feel it on his back.

  “Sure, I guess,” I told him.

  “When I found out we were touring with you guys, I broke it off,” he revealed. I didn’t say anything. What was there to say? It was confusing. Ethan was so hot and cold.

  “She went on a little bender. It was bad. She was pissed when she saw us together backstage. I wanted to make sure she wasn’t going to do something stupid,” he added, and I lifted my head. Was this girl crazy? I had dealt with a few crazy exes from the guys. I mean, one stole our dog for Pete's sakes.

  “Like what?” I asked him, trying not to sound eager to hear about her.

  “Well, when she tried to get me to take her back and I refused, she confessed to cheating on me when I was gone. She said it was a big joke between her and her friends. She kept asking me if your husband knew about us.” I felt my blood run cold. Duchess was going to tell. I don’t know what Christopher would do if he found out what I had been doing these last few weeks. In my defense though, tonight was the first night we kissed, but it was strictly professional. Just on stage. Well, twice now; at our concert and then the drag show, but still, it was all an act. But was it? It didn’t feel like it either time.

  “Is she going to tell him? He wouldn’t understand. I haven’t told him yet,” I squeaked out. I don’t know why I even cared. He apparently didn’t care about my feelings. When I caught them together, he didn’t run after me. He stayed with Holly. The tears came quickly again. He was such a bastard. I was here with this crazy awesome guy who was carrying me at least a half a mile back to the bus, and all I could think about was the husband who betrayed me.

  “I don’t know. I explained the situation. Told her we weren't together or planning on it. When we parted, she seemed rational, but who knows. I’m sorry Cleo. I don’t want to drag you into my mess,” his voice apologetic. I decided to change the topic. I was tired of being sad. I needed to soak up as much happiness as I could before the summer was over.

  “So, I was the first girl you ever took there, huh?” I teased him. He snorted.

  “Most people wouldn’t understand. I didn’t at first either, but my brother was fascinated by it all, so I started to get into it too.”

  “Well, I can honestly say that was one of the best experiences of my life,” I told him. We w
ere silent again. “I thought you were from Michigan,” I asked, realizing that we were in Ohio. That was hours away from Lansing.

  He nodded, his head bobbing against mine. “I lived in Michigan, yeah. This was the only club that would let us in underage. We would leave right from school on Fridays and drive for hours to get here,” he told me.

  “Wow. That’s crazy.”

  “We moved from Ohio when she married Bob. That’s how Evan knew about the club,” he added.

  “Oh, so you have family here?” I asked. He never talked much about his family.

  “I don’t know, probably. My grandparents were never really close to us. My mom got pregnant when she was seventeen. I guess she had a promising future and they thought she threw it down the drain when she had us,” he told me.

  “What about your dad?” I asked him. I felt like if there was ever a time he was going to open up to me, it was now. I was going to ask everything I wanted to know until we were back on the bus, where I knew the conversation would end.

  “He died. My mom didn’t even know she was pregnant when it happened, so he never knew.” I was speechless. This man’s past was one filled with one tragedy after another. Poor, poor Ethan.

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” I told him.

  “Eh, she never really made a huge deal of it. It is what it is. What about you? I think I’ve sufficiently poured my heart out enough tonight,” he said with a dark, humorless laugh.

  “Hm, well my parents were old as dirt when I was born. They never really seemed to care what I did. My siblings all treat me like I’m a child still. I feel like a pariah most times. They are all close in age, so they grew up together. I always feel like the odd one out. No one bothers to talk to me long, except for my nieces and nephews. Some are only a few years younger than me.”

  “My brother never had any kids thank God. I don’t think my mother could have handled grandchildren,” he laughed dryly.

  “Well, what about when you have kids?” I asked with a yawn. This was something me and Adrian played. We talked about a make-believe future with the 2.5 kids, rich husband, or in his case super hot wife whose life was totally dedicated to making him sandwiches and giving blow jobs. That was it though, make-believe. I don’t think either of us could live ticky tacky lives. We were dedicated to the road.