Missing You, Missing Me

by Paige, Tylor

  Dallas’ class had six other children. I didn’t want to brag but although he was the youngest, he could already play just as well as the others. They shared my love for music. I was so proud of both of them.

  The only thing I hated was that I couldn’t watch them both. I would have to wait for the monthly recital for the parents. Until now, I realized. Chris said to buy them instruments for home. That will be fun. I’ll take Adrian with me, he’ll know exactly what to get. My husband wasn’t all bad, I thought. Without his successful career, the twins wouldn’t be able to have music lessons, let alone instruments.

  I waved goodbye to Jimmy as she ran to her friends and I followed Dallas into his classroom. I would spend today with him. I took turns, one day at hers, the next at his. That way I wasn’t interrupting either class by coming and going.

  As I sat watching my son attempting to play a new song for the recital, I thought about their future. I hoped they would keep on with music. I prayed that no matter what happened with Christopher and I, they knew how much I loved them.

  I listened attentively, clapping at the appropriate times. When he finished I took his hand and we hurried to grab his sister. Jimmy was waiting at her door impatiently.

  “Are we going to see Uncle Adrian now?” Dallas asked excitedly. I nodded, pulling them towards the door. Glancing at the clock I saw that we would have to hurry to not be late.

  I called ahead, letting Adrian know we were on our way. As we drove I listened to my twins argue with each other in the back. Dallas told his sister red was better than blue.

  “No one likes red Dallas. It looks like blood!” Jimmy screamed. He swatted his hand at her, trying to grab her hair.

  “No one likes blue Jimmy! You got blue eyes and you look stupid!”

  “Daddy said my eyes are gray. I don’t look stupid, you look stupid!” They stopped forming sentences and just started trying to hit each other. I stifled back a laugh. Soon we pulled into Adrian’s apartment complex. He was waiting for us outside.

  “Look guys, its Uncle Adrian!” I called back. They stopped hitting each other to look out the window. They spotted him instantly and began calling his name, although the windows were closed. I hurried to get them out of their carseats. Adrian came to get Dallas out on his side, while I let Jimmy out of her straps.

  “Hey twins! I missed you!” He told them, extending his arms out for a hug. They ran to him and snuggled close to the one man I could really count on. Over the past five years Adrian hadn’t changed much. He was still muscular and tan. He kept his blond hair, only now he cut it shorter. The only real difference was like me, he had mellowed out. He wasn’t drinking and smoking as much as we all once had.

  He didn’t party hard anymore. He stopped sleeping with everybody he could. Actually, last time I heard he was casually dating a woman named Cristina. Even though he was a gentler, calmer version of Adrian; he was still the Adrian I knew and loved.

  “Uncle Adrian can we get ice cream?” Jimmy asked, recalling our last visit. He told them no and they started to whine.

  “I have something better. I have four tickets to go see Murphy’s Friends today! Who’s coming with me?” He asked and for a moment the two toddlers didn’t understand. A second later they erupted in screams and leapt into his arms.

  I smiled warmly. Murphy’s Friends was the twin’s favorite TV show. The show was about Murphy, this guy in an obnoxiously big red and purple sweater who had a giant magical library. Every book you opened would take you to a far off land to interact with the characters.

  For example, yesterday he opened Peter Pan. He was immediately transported to Neverland to play with pirates and the lost boys. The only part watchable was that every episode they had a celebrity of some kind as a book character and at the end of the episode they would do a musical number. I had met quite a few of the guests. It was amusing seeing these bad asses dressed like princesses or cowboys. Murphy’s was the “IT” show right now. You weren’t truly big until Murphy’s friends asked you to come on the show.

  As much as I hated to see this show any more than I had to, I couldn’t say no to those matching pair of big eyes and pouty lips. So we piled into my car and drove to the stadium it was being held in.

  The place was packed full of parents with toddlers waiting to see Murphy. It was so loud inside I could barely hear myself think. Kids were screaming and parents were loudly chatting. Music from the show was being blasted through speakers as we found our seats. I was ready for it to be over already. I asked Adrian if he knew any specifics about the show. He said they didn’t have celebrity guests for the live shows. Adrian had gotten seats in the very front. He really went all out on this one.

  “How did you manage this?” I called over the squeals of all the excited kids. He smiled wide.

  “That chick Cristina I was seeing. Remember, I told you about her. Well turns out Murphy is her ex. She called in some favors when I mentioned the twins loved the show.” I thanked him again as we placed the wiggly children in between us.

  The lights dimmed, and the music lowered. Murphy ran out with his friends and the show started. I watched my little boy and girl light up like they were seeing the real Santa Claus. I bobbed my head to a few songs and tried my hardest to forget about my argument this morning with Chris. It was easy in situations like this. With Adrian, I felt normal again. Like we were back on the road, and this was just a pit stop. I made a mental note to call Mark and Derek. I missed them so much.

  Halfway through the show I saw Adrian check his phone. He frowned. I nudged him with my hand, giving him a questioning look. He smiled weakly and shook his head. Hm, I wondered if he was having trouble with Cristina. He pushed a few buttons, typing out a text. Shoving it back in his pocket quickly, he turned back to watch this guy in the ugly sweater sing about dinosaurs.

  The show ended with Murphy singing the crowd goodbye. My two were long asleep. The show had run through their regular nap time. We gathered the sleeping four-year olds and headed home to get them into their beds.

  “Thanks Adrian,” I told him as I drove back to town.

  “I really needed this. Chris was… being Chris.” Adrian was checking his phone again. It was annoying. Finally, he put it away and looked up at me.

  “Cleo, what is keeping you from leaving exactly? The kids are still little. They won’t even remember.” I sighed. Of course I had thought about this a million times. What was keeping me from leaving? I found myself making excuses for him again.

  “His mom just died. That and he’s running for senate. He doesn’t want a scandal. I’m waiting for her will to be read. He’ll get the money to pay for the campaign and he won’t have to worry about sponsors,” I explained. “After that, I’m divorcing him. I don’t think he’d dare contest it. He will want to keep it all hush hush. So, hopefully we can leave without a fight.”

  “You think it’ll be that easy?” Adrian smirked, he had heard my excuses a million times.

  “I’m hoping. Maybe we’ll head out to California with you guys. I’ve got some money saved.”

  “Did she leave him a lot?” I shrugged, not really knowing the answer.

  “I’m assuming she did. Well Chris is sure that she left him almost everything.”

  “Maybe his mom left the twins some money. Did she like them?”

  “Oh, she adored them,” I told him. “They were her only grandchildren. She spoiled them. I did consider that. His brother did hint at the possibility, but no one has actually seen her will so we won’t know for sure for a few more months.”

  “I didn’t know he had a brother. I can’t imagine two of them,” he grimaced.

  “They are nothing alike. Eric is way nicer. They don’t get along. It’s gotten even worse between them since she died. Rumors are flying over what she put in it.”

  “That’s probably why he wanted kids so bad. To give him leverage when it came time to divvy out the money,” he smirked. These were all theories I had already thought about. He
pulled out his phone again.

  “Hey, I have something I need to do tonight, can you drop me off as soon as we get into town?” He asked. Something was up.

  “Are you ditching me to go get laid?” He laughed nervously.

  “No, nothing like that. Cristina and I ended things.” My mouth dropped. I really thought they were good together.

  “You broke up with her and she still gave you tickets to that show?”

  “She dumped me. This was her parting gift.” I didn’t say much after that. He kept his eyes glued to his phone. I was tempted to throw it out the window. I noted that he never said what he was doing tonight. When I dropped him off, he stood at the closed car door looking at me with guilty eyes.

  “What?” I snapped. I never wanted him to think I couldn’t handle things. I didn’t want anybody’s pity.

  “You know I love you, right?” He said.

  “Of course, Adrian. I love you too. What is this? Are you breaking up with me again?” I joked but he didn’t smile.

  “Just remember that okay. Don’t hate me.”

  “For what? What’s going on?” I was growing worried. He shook his head, not answering. Adrian smacked the car door and pushed off to go into his building. I wanted to call after him, but something held me back.

  I went to my empty home feeling more alone than ever. I couldn’t shake the feeling that something awful was going to happen. I went to bed dreading the morning.

  Sunday afternoons were reserved for visiting Christopher’s brother. He had moved into their mother’s house after her passing. Christopher liked to go to make sure his brother wasn’t trying to do something sneaky with his inheritance. I thought it was ridiculous paranoia but went anyways just to shut him up.

  I dressed Dallas in a blue dress shirt and Jimmy in a dress of the same color. His mother had loved that color on them. She had always been sweet and kind to me and the twins. Chris must have gotten his personality from a different relative.

  As a family, we drove in Chris’s suburban to her mansion. Her family came from what she called old money. The daughter of a wealthy oil man, she brought her money with her when she married. She was frugal, but never had a problem spending it on the twins. The caretaker, Grant, greeted us at the door.

  “Mr. Thomas is in the tea room,” he told us, taking our coats. I was dressed outside of my personal style. I traded my ripped jeans and t-shirts for a white blouse and dress pants. I also curled my hair into soft waves and my makeup was softer, with very little eye liner. Like a politician’s wife.

  Eric Thomas stood at the window, facing away from the door. He turned when Grant announced us. The twins ran to offer him hugs and kisses. He smiled kindly and motioned for us to sit.

  I liked Eric, he took after his mother; unlike his brother. He was tall and handsome, like Christopher. With the same curly blond hair and stunning gray eyes. A lawyer who, again like his brother, had an air about him. When he spoke, everyone listened. He was strong and confident. That’s where the similarities ended. His comments weren’t backhanded, and he didn’t have a passive aggressive way of speaking to people. The only exception was when he spoke to Christopher. He was blunt, but never rude. Exactly as his mother had been.

  The brothers hated each other. They were only born a year apart, but it was as if it had been ten. This was the only good part about Sundays. Eric enjoyed taunting Chris. He didn’t suck up to him like everyone else. He called him on his crap every week.

  “Cleo, Christopher! You look lovely. Your black eye has healed I see,” he commented. I smiled, glancing over at my husband, who was already irritated.

  “It was an accident. Maribel is fine. She’s a klutz.” He tried to toss the blame off of himself but Eric stared him down until he looked away guiltily. We all sat down. The twins found the toy box in the corner and were quickly pulling everything out. His maid, Michelle, came by to ask if we were ready for coffee. Once she left the room, Eric smiled at us again.

  “Your new haircut suits you,” I told him, being honest. It was shorter than usual and made him look more dashing. He thanked me and asked Christopher how the campaign was going.

  “The campaign takes up most of my time these days, but I always find time for my family. It will be worth it when I win,” he said, taking my hand. I flinched. Eric looked bored. We were all tired of hearing about the campaign. He did, however, glance at our hands when I flinched. He stayed silent but took note of it.

  Michelle brought in the coffee while we talked. For the twins, she brought milk and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

  When there was a lull in conversation Christopher brought up the twin’s music lessons. “The twins have been learning to play instruments. They have recitals every month and they are some of the best in their classes,” he told him matter of factly. I almost laughed. He had never been to a recital, how did he know?

  “Oh? I would rather enjoy watching them play. I’m sure they received their musical talent from you, Cleo. Mother tried for years to get Christopher to learn the piano, but he never figured it out.” I smiled kindly. Of course they got that from me. I prayed they never picked up a single mannerism or trait from Chris.

  “I play the drums, Uncle Eric!” Jimmy told him from across the room.

  “I have a guitar!” Dallas added. He chuckled.

  “Just like your mother,” he murmured, tilting his head. “Do they inherit anything from you at all Chris?” He smiled; a twinkle in his eye. It was said as a fun jab, but it didn’t feel that way. Did he know? A shiver ran through me. Chris laughed and said something smart I didn’t hear.

  “What are your plans for the holidays? Thanksgiving is coming up,” Eric mentioned. Christopher perked up, a smug smile on his face.

  “Well actually, I was invited to the senators annual Christmas Eve ball. So we will be attending that,” he boasted. Eric nodded approvingly.

  “And Thanksgiving?” He repeated. Chris frowned, glancing my way.

  “I have business that weekend. I will be gone most of that week.” I pressed my lips together. Of course, he did. Smirking, Eric turned to me.

  “Well, since Christopher will be so busy with his mistress… the campaign,” Eric paused for his comment to sink in. Christopher began huffing. I looked over, his face was red. He was fuming.

  “Why don’t you come here for dinner? Invite Adrian if you’d like. Or anyone else for that matter, just let me know sometime this week how many will be attending with you and the twins. I would be honored to host this year,” he said. His smile was genuine, but his eyes were sparkling with excitement that only came from getting to his brother.

  We spent another hour chatting while the twins played. When we finally got up to go, Eric saw us to the door.

  “I saw your commercial, Chris. Looks like you’re going to be the next senator,” he said. Chris looked at his brother proudly.

  “That’s right. Polls are looking good. Soon I’ll be Senator Thomas.”

  “You can’t let things go, can you?” Eric said cryptically before we left. What did he mean by that? Was I missing something? Christopher glared daggers at him but said nothing else. What was that about? His comment made no sense to me. We left quickly, each holding a twin’s hand.

  Only when we were all settled in for the ride home did Chris speak again. We were stopped at a red light when he reached out and slapped me hard! I screamed and tried to shield my face. “What was that for?” I cried. He snarled.

  “I saw you eying his new butler. Am I that repulsive you want the help now?” I covered my cheek in shock.

  “Grant? Chris he’s a kid! Why would I…” He slapped me again, harder this time. My face stung as tears began to fall down my cheeks. I couldn’t control it.

  I stopped talking and let the tears pour out. Why did I even bother? He mumbled about how I flirted with him when we were leaving. I was just thankful the twins were asleep.

  I carried them together to their room, placing them in bed as softly as
I could. Without acknowledging him, I went straight to my studio and turned everything on. I avoided the mirror on the far wall. I could already feel a bruise forming, I didn’t need to see it.

  I plugged in my guitar and began playing an old song. I just wanted to run away. Leave and never come back to this house. I dreamt of the day I could take the twins and get on a plane to California. Mark and Derek would be waiting for us at the airport. Then we’d go back to making music and touring and all would be great again.

  I pretended I was on stage, playing for sold out shows again. I played for hours until I fell down in exhaustion. Eventually I went to the kitchen for something to drink. I stopped heavy liquor when I discovered I was pregnant. Now, I mostly drank wine.

  Chris was sitting at the table, a single light was on. I could smell the alcohol right away. His tie was undone, his blond hair disheveled. I ignored him when he called my name. I grabbed a glass and a bottle of red out of the fridge. I poured it, leaning against the counter.

  He wanted me to go to him, to apologize for flirting with the barely 18 butler his brother employed. I thought back to Eric's comment before we left. It had pissed Chris off. He was just using me to let out his frustrations. I was his punching bag.

  “I’m sorry. Maribel, I am so sorry!” He choked. This was what he always did. He would lash out, then cry and apologize. I said nothing. I listened to him cry. He dropped his head to the table with a thump.

  “You can have anything you want. The money, the house, the kids. Just wait. I’ve been stressed at work. I’ll get better,” he promised. I finished my drink, washed the glass calmly and went to my room. Leaving him to wallow in his self-pity.

  Bringing my fingers to my sore cheek, I wondered if I could make it to the will reading. It was months away. I didn’t want to be here anymore.

  Eric’s little remark about getting any traits from Chris this afternoon returned to me. He was always kind to me. Would he tell me if he knew? I stood up and locked my door. Changing into my pajamas quickly, I laid in bed trying to figure my next move. I had no one. I was just a statistic now. An uneducated, battered wife.