Missing You, Missing Me

by Paige, Tylor

  “Cleo, it was an accident. A one-time accident. I was going to tell you after the party. Holls, Get in the car NOW!” He yelled at her. She shrunk a bit and did as she was told, but she smiled back at me one more time before leaving.

  “Ignore her, she’s just hormonal.” He came to me, attempting to put his arms around me. I shrugged him away. I never wanted him to touch me again.

  “Cleo, come on. It will work out. Even if you were cheating on me. We can go to a counselor and talk through it all. I forgive you already. It’s just me and you baby,” he said, trying to soothe me. My crying stopped. I looked up at him, and the look I gave him must have been a good one because his smile fell of his face.

  “What are you upset about? Holly? Don’t worry about it. So I’ll pay some child support. No big deal. I make more than enough money. We won’t even miss it,” he said. Wow. He. Forgives. Me. I struggled, but I stood up from where I had fallen before. I rose up from everything I had been put through for so long. I was seeing red. I started to laugh. Chris looked at me with raised eyebrows.

  “You forgive me? Christopher Thomas forgives me? Oh, thank God. I was worried. But you’re right. I’m not going to worry about Holly. Or you, because we’re done.” He snorted and glanced over at Ethan who was staring at me, his mouth agape.

  “For this guy? Come on, Cleo. He’s a coward. He didn’t even have the balls to come around when I was here. You guys snuck around behind my back. Even you can do better than that,” he told me. I ignored him.

  “I’m not leaving because of Ethan. I’m leaving because you are the worst person I have ever met in my entire life.” I turned my back to him.

  “So what? Have you been screwing around this whole time on me? Cleo don’t you turn away from me!” He shouted as he grabbed the back of my shirt and spun me around. I screamed out and Ethan lurched forward.

  “Get your hands off her,” he told Chris and shoved him away from me. Chris stumbled and then spit at our feet.

  “You think you can just run off together? I’ll take everything from you. The house, the cars. I’ll make sure the judge gives me the twins. You won’t ever see them again! You’re trash. I’ll make your life a living hell,” Chris threatened me. Ethan started laughing. The sound stopped us all cold. We looked towards his crazy, maniacal laughter. He was holding his gut and hunching over.

  “What’s so Goddamn funny?” Chris snarled. Ethan stood up and wiped tears from his eyes.

  “Take the house, take everything you want. But you can’t take kids that aren’t yours.”

  I let out a small shriek and my hands flew to my mouth to stop myself. Chris took a moment to let that sink in. He blinked a few times and swiveled back to me. Before anyone could react, he lifted his hand and swung his fist at my face. His knuckles collided with my cheek and then nose. I fell to the ground. He kicked me in the gut. One, two, three times! The entire time screaming.

  “You bitch. You fucking bitch! I’ll kill you!” I heard a piercing scream from Holly and then everything went black.

  * * *

  I awoke in the hospital surrounded by my bandmates. Once I was coherent enough they explained everything.

  Holly called the police on Ethan. By the time they showed up, Ethan was trying to pull Christopher off of me. I was already unconscious. My face was swollen and almost completely purple and bruised.

  He had managed to crack some ribs. Nothing too serious, but it was still extremely painful. Chris was immediately arrested. Ethan rode with me in the ambulance and stayed with me until the guys came. They all were taking turns watching me and the twins.

  However, I hadn’t seen him since I had woken up; and no one was answering me when I asked about it. Finally, Derek confessed that he hadn’t shown up for his turn in a few days and they couldn’t get ahold of him.

  After a four-day hospital stay, I was allowed to leave. I told Adrian I didn’t want to go home alone, even if Chris wouldn’t be there. He promised me I wouldn’t have to.

  I stayed with him the first night. The next day the guys came with me and we packed up all of mine and the twin’s things and put them in a storage unit. I left the key in the mailbox. I wouldn’t be needing it.

  That second evening at Adrian’s seemed more depressing, even though I was surrounded by friends. I had just laid down on the couch for sleep when there was a knock on the door. Groaning I struggled to get up. I was still moving slowly, so Mark ended up coming out of his room to answer the door.

  Ethan fell into the apartment, face first. I gasped, wincing at the pain of it. Mark nudged him with his foot and he rolled over. I could tell right away that Ethan was drunk. Oh no. He had fallen off the wagon. That’s why he’d been missing, I realized.

  Mark got him up and pulled him onto the other couch. He was mumbling an apology to me over and over in his drunken stupor. Mark shut the door and asked me if he was okay sleeping it off there. Looking back at Ethan I saw he was already passed out. I nodded and instead took my blanket and snuck into Adrian’s bed. He grumbled but moved over to give me room. I fell asleep worried and disappointed.

  “What are you going to do?” Adrian asked me in the morning.

  “Ugh, I don’t know,” I mumbled lamely.

  “You know when he wakes up he’s going to come looking for you,” he told me. I sighed, of course he was.

  “Tell him to go away. I can’t deal with this,” I moaned.

  Sure enough around noon he was knocking furiously at the door. Adrian gave me one last look and after sighing went to the door.

  “Where is she? Adrian, I need to talk to her. I need to explain,” he said quickly. His voice was frantic.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Dude, go back to rehab. You can’t be doing this. The twins don’t need to see you like this.”

  “But the rehab center is in California, I can’t go that far away. Please just let me talk to Cleo. Just one time and I’ll leave.” I gulped and stepped into view.

  Ethan was a mess. His hair greasy, his face still shiny with sweat. Adrian looked at me, waiting to see what I wanted to do. I gave him a half smile and followed Ethan out the door.

  “I’m going to take a walk. I’ll be back,” I told him. Adrian rubbed his cheeks but said nothing.

  We didn’t speak until we were outside and a distance away from the apartment building. “Cleo, I know I fucked up. I don’t know what I was thinking. I was pissed and stressed and so upset. It’s hard to say no when it’s all in front of you,” he said quickly. I whirled around to look him in the eyes.

  “Please don’t make me leave. I won’t do this again. I’ll be there. Every step of the way. I don’t care if I’m just Uncle Ethan, but please don’t do this. I want to be here, with you. With them,” he begged me. Stepping in front of me, he fell to the ground. I stopped and stared down at him. I didn’t know what to do anymore.

  “Ethan, you need to go back to rehab,” I sighed. He shook his head.

  “It’s in California, I can’t go without you,” he protested. He grabbed my hands and squeezed them softly. He looked up at me with his big beautiful blue eyes and my cold heart started to melt.

  “How about I make you a deal? If you leave today and get enrolled back into the rehab center full time, I will tell Dallas and Jimmy the truth.”

  Ethan’s eyes hardened. He got on his phone without answering me. Standing up, he put the phone to his ear and held my gaze as he talked to what I could only assume was an assistant, or maybe his manager.

  “Kyle, I need to go back to Three Rivers. Oh and a plane ticket back. Tonight,” he told him and then quickly hung up.

  “Done. I’ll do anything. Whatever I need to do.” He took my hands again. “Cleo I am so sorry I put you through this. I am trying.” His eyes shone. I pulled away but stayed close. I needed to stay clear headed and being this close to him made it hard. We walked back to the apartment in silence. As the building came back into view he stopped me with a gentle tug on my arm.

&
nbsp; “You’re going to tell them, right?” He asked, his voice desperate. I thought for a moment.

  “Wait here,” I ordered. He stood there as I walked slowly back to the apartment. Adrian was at the door ready and waiting. He must have been watching us. Soon I was walking out the door with a twin on each side. We stepped outside and began walking towards Ethan. His face lit up in surprise and both of the twins dropped my hands and ran to him.

  He got down and let them run into his arms. I wanted to cry. He really did love them, and they loved him.

  “Ethan, I had a birthday!” Jimmy told him. He smiled wide.

  “Is that right? What about you Dallas?”

  “I got a new truck, and a Murphy book! Will you read it?” He asked him. Ethan pursed his lips and I saw his eyes go glassy with tears. He forced a smile and shook his head.

  “Not today guys. I have to go on a trip. But when I come back I would love to read that book with you,” he told Dallas.

  “Where are you going?” Dallas asked.

  “I want to go!” Jimmy demanded. Watching this play out was breaking my heart. I wanted to look away. I wanted to tell him he could stay forever. But he needed help. Otherwise he wouldn’t really be here for them the way they needed him to be.

  “Not this time. But I’ll be back,” he promised. “Oh, I almost forgot. I have presents for you.” They began to get jittery and excited. He pulled out a little blue box and told Jimmy this was for her. She peered closer and tried to take it but instead Ethan opened it for her. Inside, laying softly on top of tissue paper, was a thin gold chain. My heart stopped. He didn’t even glance at me. He unfolded it to reveal a necklace. There was a tiny letter E that hung from it. I recognized it immediately. He had given it to me the night we got drunk and got our tattoos. I left it behind when I ran. He had kept it. All these years.

  “I gave this to your mommy once, but I think it would look good on you Jimmy Paige,” he told her. She looked entranced.

  “It’s so pretty!” She said, and Ethan put it around her neck and adjusted it to fit her. The little E hung right under her tiny neck. It looked lovely.

  “And for you, Dallas, I have something I think you’ll find pretty cool.” With a swift movement he pulled a ring from his pocket and gave it to him.

  “This is for you. It’s my favorite ring, very important stuff okay? My daddy gave it to my mommy. She gave it to me, and now I’m giving it to you.” Dallas took it in his palm and closed it shut. He looked at Ethan like he fully understood. Dallas always seemed so much older than he was. The twins thanked him again and he pulled them in for another hug. When they pulled away he sighed and put his head in his hands. This was hard for him. He didn’t want to leave, but he knew I was right.

  He looked up at me and gulped. He shook his head and raised his shoulders. I realized he was trying to tell me he had no idea how to explain what he wanted them to know. I didn’t know either. I couldn’t help him. He had to do this his own way.

  “Do you know who that is?” He asked them and pointed to me, standing a few feet away.

  “That’s my mommy silly!” Jimmy said.

  “Her real name is Cleo if we get lost,” Dallas explained. Ethan smiled and nodded. He was so close to cracking I felt my own tears forming. I looked away towards the apartments. I couldn’t watch this. A tear slid down my cheek and I wiped it away quickly. I couldn’t break.

  “That’s right. Her real name is Cleo, but you call her mommy.”

  “What’s your real name?” Jimmy asked him. Ethan hugged her tightly.

  “My real name is Ethan. But you know what you can call me?” his voice cracked completely. Tears rolled down his cheeks as his son and daughter stood there transfixed on his every word.

  “What?” Dallas asked.

  “You can call me Daddy,” he said slowly.

  “Daddy?” Jimmy whispered. Ethan nodded and she moved to hug him.

  “Don’t cry Daddy. Why are you sad?” She asked.

  “Where is my other daddy?” Dallas asked me. I froze, unsure of what to say.

  “His real name is Christopher. We call him Chris. He is going away.” I stepped forward, unable to bend down without pain I reached for their hands.

  “Dallas, Jimmy, this is your daddy. Daddy is going away for a while. But we will call him on the phone and write him letters okay?”

  “Are you coming to my birthday?” Jimmy asked. Ethan was letting the tears fall off his chin onto his shirt. He smiled through them and nodded.

  “Of course. But I have to go now. So I will see you soon, okay. I love you,” he told them as he stood up.

  “Okay guys, tell Daddy goodbye.” They paused at the word. Still confused but hugged him anyways. I stepped forward and hugged him one last time.

  “Get better,” I said. I also added that I would work on trying to get them to understand. He thanked me again and hugged me.

  “I am so sorry, Cleo. I’ll get clean,” he swore before I pulled away, urging the kids back towards the apartment. Once again, leaving Ethan alone with his heart broken. This time it wasn’t me breaking it.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Revenge Is Sweeter

  I filed for divorce the same day Eric stopped by with a copy of his mother’s will. Given the circumstances, Eric thought it was best there wasn’t a formal reading. He held a large, tan envelope in his hands as I invited him in. He sat it next to him as he took the cup of coffee I offered him.

  “We’re having a meeting with the lawyer this afternoon for my brother and I,” he told me.

  “You haven’t read it yet?” I asked and he smirked.

  “Oh, I have. I’ll let you see for yourself, but I will say that instant karma is the best. How are you doing, by the way?” I shrugged, trying to seem stronger than I felt. The last two weeks since the party had been physically and emotionally draining.

  “I’ll be okay. Chris was served with divorce papers about an hour ago,” I said, and he grinned ear to ear and leaned forward. Putting his drink down he grabbed the envelope and passed it to me.

  “That’s why I’m here. I wanted to congratulate you.”

  “Why?”

  “You’re free.”

  * * *

  Eric wanted me to read the will with him present, just to see the shock on my face when I discovered that Clara Sue’s money was split between Eric, the twins, and me.

  Eric was given half of her money, her house, cars, and other small things. The twins were given forty percent of her wealth, divided into two trust funds. The money would be available upon their 18th birthdays. Even though they were not her biological grandchildren, she loved them just the same.

  I paused in reading the will to ask Eric how she knew. He looked at me with incredulous eyes. “Cleo, Chris was the only one who didn’t see it. My mother noticed your tattoo one day and did some digging. When she saw a photo of Ethan, she knew. There’s no denying it. She just didn’t care. She understood. Chris is…” he smirked and tossed my last words to Christopher back at me.

  “The worst person I have ever met.”

  I blushed, not knowing how he knew what I had said, but I didn’t argue. It was true.

  Continuing with the will I realized why Eric had waited to let me see what the will said. I inherited ten percent of her wealth, under the condition that I was either divorced or in the process of being divorced from Christopher by the time the will was read. If he had brought me this before, I would have gotten nothing. I had just inherited 1 million dollars.

  * * *

  Everything went so quickly after that day. Because of the DNA tests we had done and Chris being in jail for domestic assault, the judge didn’t hesitate to revoke all rights he had to the twins.

  Christopher didn’t argue anything, although there really wasn’t much he could say at this point. He tried to apologize, but I was finally done. I didn’t even go to his trial for the assault. Although I did hear that Holly went and sobbed loudly the entire time. I stuck ar
ound just long enough to say goodbye to Eric and leave him an address so we could keep in contact.

  As soon as the money was deposited into my bank account, we left. The money Clara Sue gave me was enough to get me started out in California. I could find a house, a car, and while the band worked on new music, we would have our bills paid. It was the greatest gift anyone would ever give me.

  Adrian and I moved into an apartment we had found for rent. I wasn’t going to blow through the money. I had a plan, and I was sticking to it. The apartment was small but fine for now. I finally felt like I was making the right choices in my life. All members of the band were in the same state. We were talking about music again. I felt safe and happy for the first time in years.

  The first thing I did when I arrived in California was legally change my name to Cleo De La Rosa. I would never be called Maribel again. I also changed the twins from Thomas to Andrews. We were finally free.

  We soon developed a routine. The twins had their music lessons, then preschool. During that time, I worked with the band on new material. I got to show off my guitar skills, which compared to them, wasn’t great. In the evenings Adrian and I would hang out with the twins. Life was good again.

  I tried to contact Ethan, but the rehab center refused to release any patient information. However, about three months after he checked in I received a phone call.

  He was finally able to talk to people. His program had very strict rules and he was determined to stay sober this time. He planned on staying for a few more months and once he was out he’d come visit. I told him we couldn’t wait.

  I never broke my promise to him. Every night before we went to bed I would tell the twins goodnight and we would look at the framed photo of Ethan holding the twins. I don’t remember when it was taken, but it was a great photo. They were all smiling and facing the camera. Every night we made sure to look at the picture and say goodnight to Daddy.