Missing You, Missing Me

by Paige, Tylor

  “Yeah. We actually weren’t going to tour until Renee offered to take them while we were gone,” I explained.

  “Well I can help too. I want to.” I smiled and took his hand in mine as we watched our children play.

  “I want that too.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  It Had To Be You

  Ethan kept true to his word. He saw the twins about three times during the week and at least once on the weekends. Every night he called to tell them goodnight. He hadn’t missed a night yet.

  After that day at the park, things became less awkward and it actually worked for us. Somewhere down the line our relationship shifted from one of lovers to good friends.

  Sometimes after the kids went to bed he would stay and hang out with Adrian and I, or whoever else was at the house. He was another unofficial member of the group. It seemed like it was always expanding these days.

  The weeks leading up to the tour was filled with tons of promotions, interviews, practices, and anything else Sam or the record label could come up with us to do. They even had us shoot two music videos. One would premier before the tour to hype it up. The second was going to be released about a month into it. Keeping it up.

  I was always busy. I barely had time to eat or sleep. Thanksgiving came and went. It was just about our only day off. I was exhausted trying to plan Christmas and work. Having Ethan around was a life saver.

  About two weeks before the tour was set to start I was making a quick coffee run before heading to the studio to knock out some more b sides. I placed my long order and moved to the side to wait. I was nibbling on a cookie when someone tapped my shoulder. I turned around and smiled with pleasant surprise. “Patty!” I exclaimed. We hugged quickly.

  “What’s up? How’ve you been?” I asked. Patrick was looking handsome as ever, this time in relaxed jeans and a tight shirt that outlined all his muscles in all the right places. I couldn’t help but check him out. He was looking good.

  “Great. Same old, same old. I forgot to get your number at the party,” he said. The barista called my name and I hurried to grab the cup holder full of coffee. Patrick scurried to help me. His order was called. He grabbed his single cup and offered to walk with me.

  On the walk to the studio we had a pleasant conversation. He was fun to be around. He made me laugh. It was over way too soon. We stepped into the studio. I set the coffee down and thanked him.

  “I’d stay and chat, but I really have to get to work. Everybody’s waiting for me.”

  He flashed a perfect movie star smile. “All good. I know how that goes. You should let me take you out to dinner.”

  I laughed at his bluntness. It was refreshing. “I barely have time for coffee.” He wiggled his eyebrows and I relented. I really wanted to have dinner with him. After all, it was time to start moving on.

  “Sure. Okay. Here, take my number. How about late dinner. Maybe nine? Tonight?” I suggested.

  “Awesome. I can’t wait. I’ll see you at nine,” he said, taking my number. I hurried back to my waiting bandmates.

  When I told the guys about Patrick they all frowned. “What? It’s just a date. You know Patrick. He’s nice,” I defended. They shrugged and didn’t say much. It was really annoying. As soon as we were done with work Adrian and I went home to find Renee and Ethan hanging out at the apartment with the twins. We had ran so late I barely had time to shower and change; and even that would be rushed.

  I hugged the twins who were getting ready for bed. I felt so guilty that I wasn’t the one getting them to sleep. I would miss them while I was on tour.

  After my shower, I practically ran into my bedroom and started flinging clothes around trying to find something to wear. There was a knock on the open door. I looked up to see Ethan. I paused to look at him. God he was so damn hot. He was wearing a leather jacket, tight, worn jeans and black boots. Even when he was just doing everyday stuff he was sexy. I turned away. I couldn’t think like that anymore. Things were different, I reminded myself.

  “You going somewhere? Maybe want some company?” He asked me. I shook my head. Ethan was the last one I wanted to talk to about my date with Patrick.

  “Just grabbing some dinner. You don’t have to stay Ethan. Adrian can watch the twins,” I told him. Trying politely to hint for him to leave.

  “Dinner? I could go for some food. I know a burger joint I think you’d like,” he pushed, coming further into the room. I was still in just a towel, my hair soaking wet.

  I sighed, grabbing some underwear and a bra and slipping them on. I didn’t really have time for modesty. Looking at the clock I saw Patrick would be here in twenty minutes.

  “I saw a flyer for this outdoor concert, about fifteen minutes away if you were interested,” he offered. I thanked him but moved past him as I pulled on my nicest jeans. They flattered my curves well. I found a nice black top and grabbed my olive jacket.

  “I can’t tonight. Maybe tomorrow.” I gave him a quick smile but turned to my vanity to fix my hair and throw on some eyeliner.

  “Oh, I gotcha. Girls night?” He asked, he stuffed his hands in his pocket. I looked up at him from the mirror. His reflection showed nervousness. He was digging. Was I really going to have this conversation with him? Right now?

  I turned around to face him. I didn’t really know how to approach the situation.

  “Ethan, I’m going on a date,” I said, deciding being honest and upfront was probably best. He straightened and pulled his hands out of his pockets.

  “Oh. I didn’t realize you were… sorry. I’ll get out of your hair. I… sorry,” he mumbled and quickly left the room.

  Before I could react, I heard a knock on the front door. I swore as I heard Adrian greet Patrick. I didn’t expect him to be right on time.

  I hurried over to my mirror and tossed my hair into a messy bun and put on some lipstick real quick. There was another knock and I turned to see Ethan again. His face was flustered. He looked uncomfortable. “Uh, your date’s here.”

  I thanked him and he practically fled my room. I stepped out and went to the living room to see Adrian, Ethan, and Patrick all standing around chatting. Well, Adrian and Patrick anyways. Glancing at Ethan I realized that he was just staring at Patrick, his eyes narrowed.

  With the two of them standing next to each other it was hard not to compare them. They were total opposites. Patrick was tall and very muscular. Ethan was more lanky. His muscles weren’t as bulging, but I liked that. The memory of laying my head on his chest returned but I quickly shoved it away.

  Ethan was dressed like he was going to a rock concert, while Patrick was more casual. He had on a white button shirt with clean jeans and nice shoes. Ethan, even on his off days still had makeup on and styled his hair. Patrick looked like he probably just brushed his naturally blond mess. They were polar opposites, but I was still attracted to both.

  All three men turned when I came into the room. “Hey you. You look great.” Patrick spoke first. Ethan shot a dirty look at him. I don’t think he realized I saw. Adrian noticed it too. I thanked him, and a very large silence fell over the room.

  “Alright. I had a long day. You two go so I can get down to my boxers and watch porn on the big screen,” Adrian said suddenly, practically pushing us out the door. Ethan didn’t say anything.

  Patrick laughed and grabbed my hand, leading me out. His hand was huge and warm. Once we were in the privacy of his car he spoke.

  “That was Ethan Andrews, right? From Cruel Distraction,” he asked. I sighed. Okay, I kind of figured eventually he would come up. I just didn’t want to talk about it right now.

  “Yep. That’s the one,” I said flatly and tried to change the subject. He wasn’t ready to. My excitement over the date was already fading. This was a bad idea.

  “I don’t mean to push, but I remember the song and then your tattoos. I’m sorry. I know this is weird. I just didn’t expect to see him at your place.”

  “No, it’s okay. I didn’t expect h
im to be there either. He was watching the twins while I was at work.”

  “Oh,” was all he said. There was uncomfortable silence.

  “He’s their father.” It was very weird saying it aloud. He visibly relaxed.

  “Oh, okay. That makes sense I guess. And you guys are just cool now? Me and my ex are on pretty good terms now too. You kind of have to be at some point. I don’t know what I’d do without Beverly.” I sighed with relief when he dropped the subject and we returned to the happy banter from this morning.

  Patrick took me for Chinese. He offered a few different places but I really wanted some beef and broccoli. After dinner we decided to take a walk to ease the pressure on our bulging bellies. I swore I ate my weight in rice.

  “There's this mini festival going on not too far away if you’re interested. We could sit on the roof of my car and listen to some shitty bands play their shitty music.” He flashed a gorgeous smile. I frowned. That was probably the one Ethan wanted to go to. It would feel weird going with someone else now.

  “What about a movie?” I asked instead. He shrugged and hand in hand we headed back to his car to go find a theatre. I let him choose the movie. He picked some thriller about a detective and an underground vampire clan. It had the typical guy stuff. Lots of action, blood, and swearing. He held my hand during it, but as much as I tried to stay interested in the movie and in Patrick I found my thoughts returning to Ethan.

  Why was he so bothered by me going out? Was it because I should be home with the twins? Once again that mommy guilt came back. I really should be spending as much time as I could with them. If Ethan could make time in between making music and starting a whole charity, I could find time too. I understood why he’d be so upset at me.

  When the movie was over, Patrick asked if I wanted ice cream. I thanked him but told him I was tired and should probably head home. I had another busy day ahead of me. I thanked him for a wonderful night and gave him a long hug. I felt his muscles under his shirt and almost groaned. He was so hot.

  He even walked me to my door. He was such a gentleman. I couldn’t help but lean in for a small, light kiss before I unlocked the door and stepped inside, telling him goodnight. I shut the door and leaned against it, disappointed and exhausted. As charming and handsome as that man was, it wasn’t a love connection.

  A moment later Adrian walked into the room from the hallway. He was in his boxers, like he said he would be. He ground sleep from his eyes, even though it was barely after midnight. Usually he was up until early morning.

  “Hey, you’re back,” he yawned. I tossed my purse on the couch and kicked off my shoes.

  “Yeah. We went to dinner and saw a movie.” He smirked. “Real romantic that one.” I rolled my eyes. I wasn’t in the mood to be judged on my choices in men tonight.

  “He’s really nice. I had a good time,” I lied. Well, half lied. Patrick was wonderful. If I had been able to stop thinking about Ethan for even a second then I’m sure I would have had a great night.

  “So, is there a second date when we get back?” He asked me, heading into the kitchen. I followed him in as he got a glass of water. Scratching his head he yawned again and looked my way.

  “You’re tired. You okay?” I asked him, trying to change subjects. He shrugged, taking a drink.

  “Yeah, just Dita. If I'm not doing band stuff she wants all my extra time. I mean, I get it. Since she isn’t going to follow us. I really like her, but I am kind of excited to get on the bus and have some time away,” he chuckled. Poor him, someone loved him. I told him that and he gave me an exaggerated eye roll and sigh.

  “I know, it’s awful!” He said and we both got a good laugh.

  “When did Ethan end up taking off?” I asked as I slipped off my jacket. He moved to the couch with me and pulled down the small blanket he kept on the back of the couch and wrapped himself in it. He then flipped on the TV and we started mindlessly watching a rerun of some comedy he liked.

  “I don’t know. Dita stopped over for a bit before work. He left when she got here.”

  “Did he say anything when I left?” I pushed. He darted his eyes over to me for just a second.

  “I don’t know. Don’t think he liked Pat. Stop asking me questions. My show is on,” he complained, and ended my line of questioning. He had just lied to me. I knew that look anywhere. I stood up, telling him goodnight. He offered a mumbling of something similar. He was already falling back to sleep.

  After the date with Patrick, I decided it was best to just work on the band and my relationship with the twins. I had such limited time right now, and those were my priorities.

  He did text me a few days later. I thanked him again for the night out, but when he asked about a possible second date I told him I wasn’t ready to start dating again. Which was true. I was still finding myself. Even though the reason I gave him was an honest one, I still felt guilty. It was an excuse and a lame one at that.

  With only a few days left, Adrian and I were busy moving the twins things and cleaning everything. Ethan came and helped when he could. However, since my date with Patrick I noticed he was spending less time with us. He didn’t ask about it, but seemed bothered whenever we were alone. I could tell he was holding something back, but I didn’t have the energy these days to get into an argument so I let it be. He claimed that he was working a lot more with the charity, but I sensed that it was just an excuse. As long as he was still here for the kids I was happy.

  We celebrated Christmas at Mark and Renee’s. Our place was all packed up and Derek had somehow turned into their rent-free tenant. The twins were overloaded with gifts. I noticed that even Eric had sent some things. The holidays were fun, but they came and went. It was weird celebrating them with no snow.

  After that the time just flew. We were all ready to move out in two days. Everything was packed and all of our ducks were neatly in rows. We could just relax and enjoy the rest of our time with our loved ones.

  Mark and Renee never stopped holding hands wherever they went. It was adorable. I knew she was going to miss him terribly, but she understood this was our life. What we were meant to do.

  Dita, was less accepting. I noticed her and Adrian's relationship was very love and hate. The more I got to know her, the more I realized that she was the female version of Adrian. Which meant that she also was used to always having her way; and just like Adrian, if something wasn’t going the way she liked, there was hell to pay. It was actually quite funny to watch Adrian have to deal with someone who was exactly like him.

  “I don’t want you to go,” she pouted. He smirked as she tried her best to keep a straight face. “I demand you stay here. We can skype you playing when the rest of the band is on stage. It will be like you’re really there,” she insisted. He pretended to think about it for a minute, then kissed her nose quickly. She giggled and he kissed her lips.

  “Anything for you babe,” he said. They were absolutely smitten with each other. This was the first time he was going on the road and he had someone waiting for him at home.

  “It’s nice, I’m not going to lie,” he confessed while she was in the bathroom. I was so happy he found someone.

  “Do you see a future with her?” I asked.

  “I’d like to think so. I don’t know about the 2.5 kids and picket fence, but something sure,” he said. I smiled, thinking only for a moment about my predicament. The craziness that was my life. That kind of future wasn’t in the cards for me either. Maybe I was never meant to have that.

  Seeing both couples made my heart warm. I was so happy that the most important men in my life were finding people to love. Derek on the other hand, was still finding himself. I asked him about it and he just shrugged.

  “Haven’t met anyone worth looking twice at. Haven’t really been looking either. I’m still having fun,” he said, innuendo heavy in his voice.

  “And man, am I going to have fun on this tour,” he joked. I smirked but let him be. One day he’d find someone, I was s
ure of it.

  “What about you? What is going on with you and Andrews?” Derek asked me. I frowned.

  “What do you mean? Nothing. We’re just friends,” I said. He raised an eyebrow in doubt.

  “Really? Then why aren’t you going back out with Patty?” I looked away quickly, taking a long gulp of my drink.

  “It just wasn’t right. I don’t want to commit to something right before I leave,” I argued. “Plus I need to be focusing on the kids right now, not my love life.”

  “So, it had nothing to do with Ethan pouting about it?” He accused. I shook my head.

  “He was the one who wanted to be friends. Not me. I wanted to be with him and he shot me down.”

  “Yeah, but he was just out of rehab, still figuring stuff out. He’s changed. You’re telling me that there’s nothing there?” I nodded.

  “Positive. We’re in a good place right now and it’s best we stay this way. He was done a while ago, and I’m done now,” I swore. Derek kept his small smile and shook his head.

  “I wouldn’t rule him out yet,” he murmured and left me alone watching Renee’s crackling fireplace.

  The next morning was our final full day before we left for the tour. The gang had plans to spend it all together. To have a true family day. I woke up to the smell of bacon.

  Heading downstairs, I saw Renee at the stove while the twins sat with Dita and Adrian eating pancakes. My stomach churned for food, but I needed something to drink first. I think my nerves were kicking in.

  “What’s the plan for today beautiful?” Mark came into the room, moving to kiss his wife. I poured myself a tall glass of water and then turned towards the table. Derek had shuffled in behind Mark. He had sat down and almost immediately started shoveling bacon into his mouth. I had to look away, it grossed me out.

  “Well, after breakfast I figured we could all get ready. Maybe take some pictures. Relax a little, lunch at the park, and then after dinner could all go see…. Murphy’s!” She exclaimed, pulling a stack of tickets out of the back pocket of her jeans.