Finding Her Way

by Jefferson, Riley

  She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, as she swung her legs over the edge of the bed. Turning her head to glance at Sarah, who was now walking around the side, Madison noticed the closed bedroom door. She recognized, all too well, the irritated expression on Sarah’s face.

  I was only sleeping. Now what did I do to piss her off? she wondered.

  “Who’s Jerrica?” Sarah said as she came to a stop right in front of Madison, “I asked you a question, Madison. Who’s Jerrica? Answer me, damn it!”

  Madison knew if she tried to stand, she would push Sarah backwards, or Sarah would shove her back on the bed. Folding her arms across her chest Madison looked up into her big sisters face. “Jeez, Sarah, give me time to wake up. Besides, that’s really none of you damn business. Now, let me up.”

  Sarah stepped a little closer, emphasizing she had the upper hand. “It is my damn business when I’m sent up here to get you and you’re calling out this person’s name and… and….”

  “And what, Sarah, what exactly are you accusing me of?” Madison’s voice was elevating.

  Sarah was not backing down, no matter how uncomfortable she felt about this situation. She wasn’t going to let her little sister win. “Fine, you want to know what I’m accusing you of, you were calling out her name and inappropriately touching yourself in your sleep.”

  She could see her sister’s cheeks flush as she finished her sentence. Madison found the situation amusing. “I can’t be held responsible for what I do in my sleep, Sarah. You should have knocked first. Now, step back Sarah or I’ll make you step back,” Madison said as she placed her palms on the bed.

  Sarah flinched, stepping back as Madison stood.

  Madison summed up her older sister. Sarah looked like she had put on a little weight around the hips, but other than that, she still had the same build. Her golden hair flowed long and today she was wearing designer glasses and not her usual contacts. The sisters stared at one another. Madison hadn’t noticed before that Sarah was shorter than her by at least three inches. The major thing that hadn’t changed in Sarah was the arrogance.

  Maybe today will be the day I knock that chip off your shoulder dear sister.

  Sarah had to look up as Madison stood in front of her. “What if Robbie had been sent up here to get you? Can you image what damage you would have caused him if he had seen that?”

  “I would hope with your parenting skills drummed into him, Robbie would have knocked first,” Madison countered.

  Sarah’s face turned deep red with anger. Without another word, Sarah turned to leave.

  Madison’s ego needed to get in the last word so she yelled as Sarah was closing the door, “Please tell Mom and Dad I’ll be right down. I need to finish up.”

  The door slammed shut without a reply. Madison smiled to herself.

  The Jeffery sisters had never gotten along, not even as children. In their parent’s eyes, Sarah could do no wrong. Sarah was the picture perfect daughter, student, wife, and mother. Madison couldn’t compete with Sarah’s flawless life. She was the pretty princess to Madison’s tomboy. Sarah went to ballet and then as she grew older started the local pageant circuit. In high school, she was part of the popular crowd and on the cheerleading squad. What she lacked in intelligence, she made up for in popularity. Sarah had made no plans for further academic paths after high school. Within a year of graduation, she had a part time job, which lasted four weeks, became pregnant, and got married. Even though their parents’ didn’t approve of the pregnancy before marriage, their perception of their princess never wavered. The first-born grandchild could do no wrong in everyone’s eyes. Robbie was born two months after their wedding. He would be ten this year. Robbie was the apple of his aunt’s eye and the bright spot in all their lives.

  “Madison, are you coming down?” Her mother called her from the bottom of the stairway.

  Madison walked to the door opening it. “I’m coming.”

  Taking the stairs two at a time, the aroma of men’s cologne wafted in the air. The smell shocked her nostrils the moment she entered the living room, making her nose wrinkle. Her brother-in-law, Martin, rose off the couch, moving to give her a hug.

  “What you smell is not coming from me,” he commented releasing her. “Your nephew has decided he needs to wear cologne. Girls like men who wear cologne, he says.”

  “Most women do, but they don’t want to smell them states away,” Madison said waving a hand in front of her nose.

  Martin chuckled, returning to the couch to continue reading the paper.

  Madison followed the assaulting odor into the kitchen.

  Her mother was the first one to see her. “Did you enjoy your nap sweetheart?”

  Madison glanced at her sister who was scowling down at the table as she folded napkins.

  “Actually, it was very pleasurable. Thanks for asking, Mom.”

  Sarah flinched, getting up in haste. “I’m going to find out what Robbie and Grandpa are up to.”

  Heading for the backyard, Sarah slammed the door behind her.

  Her mother looked from the door to Madison who was raising her shoulders in mock confusion.

  I win, Madison beamed inwardly. Turning her attention back to her mom, she asked,. “Why is dad outside with Robbie?”

  “Well, I image Martin has told you this overpowering aroma is from my grandson,” she answered, nodding her head. “Your father thought it might be a good idea if they spent some time outside in hopes the scent would diminish.”

  “I think a hot shower and a good scrubbing would do a better job.”

  Strolling to the sink to look out the window at the yard, she saw that little Robbie was running around with the football and her dad was hot on his trail. Madison looked down into the sink, feeling a little sadness as she realized her dad finally had a boy in the family. “I guess I should go out there and save George,” Martin said standing next to her.

  “Martin!” Madison punched him the arm. “Don’t sneak up on me, you ass.”

  Martin rubbed his arm were she had hit him. “Mother Jeffery, are you going to let her treat me like that?”

  “I probably would have hit you, too if you had sneaked up on me like that,” her mother said not looking up from the bowl she was wiping dry.

  “Tough crowd,” Martin smiled at them. “I’d better go outside were I’m appreciated.”

  Madison watched Martin act like a wounded animal as he joined the others. She stood at the window for a few minutes longer, watching everyone share Robbie’s attention.

  “So, Madison,” she cringed when she heard her mother speak in a questioning tone. “How are you doing?”

  Madison exhaled and turned around to face the inquisition. “I’m doing fine, Mom. The new job is good, very busy.” Madison moved closer to the table.

  “So, you’re still working for, um…what was her name?”

  “Olivia, Mom.”

  “Yes, Olivia. I thought that job was only temporary.”

  “I’ve only worked for her six years now. The experience and connections I am making now, I’ll be able to take anywhere in my career,” Madison answered, a little confused. Her father usually asked these types of questions. “Mom, is this really what you want to talk to me about?”

  Audrey knew her tactic was transparent to her daughter and decided to be honest. “No dear, it’s not. How are you really doing?”

  Madison sat at the table across from where her mother was standing. “Honestly Mom, I’m doing fine. I’m not dating anyone and haven’t been for almost a year now. I don’t have any children I don’t know about and since there’s been no dating, there is no significant other. Olivia has signed a contract with this company for at least two years. Therefore, if I continue to work for her, I’ll be in New England for the next two years. Did I cover everything?”

  Audrey was making imaginary figure eights on the tabletop with her index finger, thinking. “You know I love you.”

  Here it comes, Madison thought as
she sat back in her chair.

  “I just worry that you’re living alone in that big city. I want you to find someone, settle down, and be happy. That’s not too much to ask, is it?”

  “Why can’t you understand that I am happy with my life? I’m only in my mid-twenties. I’m not ready to settle in my work or my love life. I’m not Sarah and will never be.”

  Audrey heard the anger in her daughter’s voice. “Don’t take that tone with me.”

  Madison looked down at the table.

  “I never asked you to be Sarah. I just worry about the paths you are taking in life.”

  Closing her eyes, Madison counted, trying to control the anger that was building inside. Reaching the number ten, she opened her eyes, speaking just above a whisper, “You’re talking about my career, right, Mom? Because, we will be headed for an argument real quick if you’re talking about my personal life…again and the fact that you don’t approve of my lifestyle.”

  Audrey paused as if debating her next sentence.

  “Hey! That smells good. Is supper ready?” George asked as he entered the house with the tribe following close behind.

  Audrey greeted her husband with a hug, whispering in his ear.

  George forced a smile as he looked from his wife to his daughter. He could tell by the expression on Madison’s face that the rest of the family had interrupted something important between the two of them and neither one of them seemed happy.

  “Robbie, go give your auntie a hug,” Martin said as he stepped aside.

  Madison’s face softened the instant she saw Robbie running toward her. Standing quickly, she picked him up in her arms, swinging him around in a tight bear hug.

  “Auntie Roo,” Robbie yelled as she carefully settled him back on the ground.

  “You’ve gotten so tall since the last time I saw you. How’s my handsome young man doing?”

  “I’m doing great. I’ve missed you, Auntie Roo. Did you bring me something?”

  The innocence of a child, Madison thought.

  “Robbie, that’s not polite. You don’t ask people for presents,” Sarah corrected her son harshly.

  Madison could see the sadness in Robbie’s eyes, knowing he would have to apologize. She interrupted him before he could speak, “As a matter of fact, yes, I did bring something for you, little one, but I think we are just about to have supper. I’ll give it to you later, okay? Now I need you to do me a favor. Please take these folded napkins to the table, placing one at each dish setting for me. Can you do that?”

  A big smile spread across Robbie’s face as he carefully took the napkins from her hand raced into the dining room. Robbie looked back at his dad, who gave him thumbs up as he exited the room.

  “You shouldn’t encourage him,” Sarah commented dryly.

  “Robbie just loves his Auntie that’s all. He knows I’ll always bring him something when I return home. It’s no big deal,” she said, returning to her seat.

  Everyone started mulling around the kitchen as Sarah went to the sink to wash her hands. Sarah turned to face Madison. With an evil smirk on her face, she mumbled just loud enough for Madison to hear. “Well, since you don’t have any children, I guess you wouldn’t know any better.”

  Madison was on her feet in seconds rushing toward Sarah with anger in her eyes.

  Sarah’s grin broadened as she stepped behind an unaware Martin for protection.

  Martin, who had been talking to his father-in-law, turned just in time to grab Madison’s right arm as it reached for his wife.

  “Hey,” Martin cried out. “What’s going on here?”

  “Let go of my wrist, Martin, and step out of the way. This is between Sarah and me.”

  Martin realized Madison wasn’t looking at him, but through him at Sarah.

  “I don’t think so,” Martin tightened his grip. “Why don’t you and I go out on the porch for some fresh air.”

  Still holding her wrist, Martin put his other hand on her shoulder, backing Madison toward the door.

  “All right,” Madison yelled ripping her wrist from his grasp. “I’ll go outside.”

  Audrey turned to her eldest daughter. “Wipe that smug look off your face, young lady, and tell me what the hell just happened.”

  Grabbing a spare sweatshirt off the back of a kitchen chair, Martin followed Madison outside, leaving her parents confused as to what had just transpired.

  Madison followed the wraparound porch to the front of the house. The view from the front of the house was spectacular. Across the street from her parent’s house, was a panoramic view of Collins Cove. The sun glistening off the water always relaxed her. She never appreciated the serenity that the porch offered until now. Madison tilted her head toward the sky, listening closely to the small waves lapping the rocky shore.

  “Would you like to talk about what just happened in there,” Martin inquired as he leaned against the railing.

  “Yeah, your wife is a bitch,” Madison said confidently, without looking at him.

  She heard Martin chuckle. Madison turned to face him, resting her left arm on the railing. “Sarah just knows how to get under my skin.”

  Martin reached over, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Madison, you let her, so it’s partially your fault. Yes, Sarah can be hard to handle sometimes, but it’s like fireworks whenever you two are together. Again, I don’t know what happened in there, but can we at least get along long enough to make it through dinner?”

  “Tell your barracuda wife to stay off my back for the rest of the night and everything will go smoothly.”

  With a large smile, Martin patted Madison’s shoulder and headed for the door to go back into the house. “Are you coming, Madison?” he asked, reaching for the door handle.

  “I’ll be right in. I need a little time by myself. Tell Mom and Dad I’ll be right there,” Madison said over her shoulder.

  She heard the door click shut behind her and exhaled a deep breath. Sarah was right, she didn’t have children, but that didn’t give her the right to throw it in her face every chance she could. Sarah had the life she had dreamed about since being a child, a great husband, and beautiful son. She had a two-story dream home in the suburbs and their parents wrapped around her finger. Her parents were so proud of their first-born. Out of nowhere, Jerrica’s face flashed across her mind, causing a sharp pain in her chest. Madison clung to the railing tightly. She struggled to clear her mind. She had to stop torturing herself.

  By the time Madison reappeared in the dining room, the meal was on the table. She sat in the seat left vacant for her. Robbie was on her right, her mother on her left and positioned across, on the other side, was Sarah. They were sitting across from one another, with their mother as referee.

  Martin was the first one to break the silence. “Well now that everyone is here, let’s devour this delicious meal prepared by my wonderful mother-in-law.”

  “Thank you, Martin. You are my favorite son-in-law,” Audrey said with a smile.

  Sarah rolled her eyes as she passed Martin the bowl of cabbage.

  Dinner moved along at a comfortable pace. Conversation at the Jeffery supper table was light and fluffy. Madison added to the banter when requested, but most of the time she kept to herself. When dinner was wrapping up and the table was being cleared, Madison stood behind her chair, as Sarah approached.

  Standing directly in front of her sister, Sarah whispered into Madison’s ear.

  “I promised Martin I would be good and not start any trouble, but I’ve been holding this inside for years now.” Glancing around Madison to make sure they weren’t being watched, she continued, “I want you to get back on your high horse and go back to the city. Everything was fine while you were gone. Therefore, you need to disappear and stay disappeared. Stay out of my life, my family’s life and stay away from Mom and Dad.”

  Sarah looked into Madison’s face. The hurt in Madison’s eye must have made Sarah feel guilty for what she had said, but she would never apol
ogize to her sister.

  Their mother returned just in time to see Sarah walk away from Madison, leaving the room.

  Madison tried to tuck her emotions deep inside as her mother put her hand on her shoulder.

  “Are you girls playing nice?”

  Madison spun around to look at her. Before she could speak, she glanced over her mother’s head to see Sarah standing in the doorway. Without breaking eye contact with Sarah she replied to her mother. “We are just fine, Mom.”

  Sarah backed out of the doorway, disappearing into the kitchen.

  Audrey knew something was wrong with her youngest daughter, but didn’t want to pry, so she patted her on the shoulder, bringing dirty dishes back to the kitchen.

  Madison stood alone in the dining room with her troubling thoughts. Was she that bad of a person that even her sister didn’t want her visiting? First Jerrica stops coming to work to avoid her, and now her family didn’t want her here either. Madison felt so lost not knowing where she belonged anymore. For the second time today, Madison felt like she was going to vomit.

  “Mom, I’m suddenly not feeling well. I’m going upstairs to lie down,” she called out, walking toward the stairway.

  Madison was halfway up the staircase when her mother came to the bottom. “Baby, do you need anything? Are you going to be all right? I can come up there if you need me.”

  “I’m going to be fine, Mom. I just need some more rest. That’s all,” Madison said as she reached the second floor.

  With a massive ache in her heart, she closed the bedroom door, finally allowing herself to weep silently.

  Chapter Eleven

  When Jerrica had awakened that morning, she had no real plans to leave the house. She would go for a run, shower, and finish up some work from the office. That was her original plan for a beautiful Saturday. Once her music player was on her arm, Jerrica was out the door into the cool air. She found she had more time with working at home to enjoy things she had long forgotten. Jerrica used to run every morning when she first moved to Newburyport. She loved the peaceful streets, taking in the exquisite architecture of the old homes that lined up in rows behind the brick laid sidewalks. It always amazed her at how extensive in size these historic dwellings were for single households. Many of these buildings were now modernized for multi-family apartments. Jerrica still thought this city was beautiful, that’s why she had moved here. Odd things one thinks about while running. With her favorite music in her ear and the rhythmic sound her shoes made, Jerrica was able to clear her mind.