Back to Life

by Danielle Allen

  “What?” Ty said, returning my smile. His chest and abs were just as well defined as his back. The firm muscles of his chest expanded with each breath. His 8-pack abs were toned and delicious. I licked my lips inadvertently and I tried not to stare. Ripping my eyes away from his body, I looked into his beautiful eyes.

  “Nothing, just glad you’re here,” I said sweetly. He looked as if he wanted to get in the bed, but looked unsure. So I folded the covers back, “Get in.” And he did.

  I cut off the light as he cut off the TV. Turning to him, I said, “Do you mind if I play music? It helps me sleep.”

  I could feel Ty’s breath tickling my skin so I knew he was extremely close. “No, I don’t mind. Do you mind if I put my arm around you?”

  I laughed lightly, “I would be a little upset if you didn’t.”

  Rolling to my side, I grabbed my phone and put on the “Goodnight” playlist. Since I was on my side, Ty wasted no time wrapping his arm around me and spooning me. His body was warm and hard and smooth. I could feel every ridge and muscle in his chest and arms. His naked upper body was pressed firmly against my back. His lips found the back of my neck and after pressing the sweetest, most sensual kiss just below my hairline, he whispered, “Goodnight baby girl.”

  “Goodnight Ty,” I whispered back. The chill that ran up my spine did not go unnoticed.

  As “Secret” played in the darkened loft, I truly felt the meaning of the song. I took time to stroke the powerful arms that held me tightly. I hooked my legs around his and I nuzzled my back up against his front. I felt safer in his arms than I’ve felt in the last ten years. The realization both startled and settled me. I was startled and settled for the same reason: I hadn’t felt a peace like this since the accident. Pulling him even closer, I drifted to sleep.

  Awakened Monday morning to the sound of my alarm, I groggily rubbed my eyes and then stopped abruptly. I slept through the night? I thought instantly as the realization hit me. In an attempt to be as discreet and motionless as possible, I rolled slightly and looked over my shoulder. Ty was wide awake.

  “Good morning baby girl,” Ty said with a smile.

  “Good morning,” I yawned, snuggling in even closer to him.

  “Did you sleep okay?” Ty inquired, squeezing his arm around me even tighter.

  “Better than okay…I slept perfectly,” I disclosed truthfully. “Thank you.”

  Chapter 8

  I walked back into my office suite on Friday afternoon with copies of policies and procedures. My assistant, Whitney, sat at her desk on a call. She held up a note as I was walking past so I took it and walked through my office door. Sitting on my desk was a red rose and white calla lily bouquet of flowers in a twisted glass vase. I looked at the note in my hand: Mrs. Jones wants you to stop by her office. And flowers were delivered for you and I put them on your desk.

  Because I could look at the magnificent flower display forever, I decided that it would be in my best interest to check to see what the Vice President of Human Resources wanted. Taking the elevator to the executive floor, I knocked on the door of Deborah Jones. The woman who I had grown quite fond of over the years called out for me to enter.

  “Hi Deborah, how are you?” I said as I entered her spacious office. Deborah took me under her wing from the moment I arrived at Miller Security and I would forever be grateful to her for that. As a private, nonsocial person herself, Deborah was exactly what I needed in a supervisor. The barriers we created to seclude ourselves ended up bringing us closer—but not in the typical way. We didn’t hang out or confide in one another, but we never pressed each other to disclose anything other than what needed to be disclosed. Our relationship was exactly what I needed.

  “Sahara, good, come in,” Deborah said quickly. Turning toward the window, she concluded her call. I took a seat at the chair in front of her desk as she spun back around toward me.

  “Sahara, how are things going?” Deborah asked.

  “Things are going well. I’m working on a new policy. It should be done by close of business Monday so we can go over it before the board meeting next week.”

  “Good. Ahead of schedule as always,” Deborah pulled a folder out of her drawer and handed it to me.

  “What’s this?” I took the folder and opened it. Crap! I thought as soon as I saw the sheet.

  “You submitted a vacation request for June 10th to June 24th. We had a meeting this morning and we are having the management retreat on June 13th and June 14th. As the newest member of the management team, your attendance would be encouraged. However, I informed them that you had important business to handle so you would be unavailable. I just need to confirm, is this vacation important?” Deborah looked over her stylish glasses at me.

  As much as it scared me to confront the past, I knew I had to be there, I thought before I answered my supervisor. “Yes,” I said simply.

  Deborah nodded. “Okay well it is settled. I’ll make arrangement to ensure you get all the notes and updates from the retreat. Thanks for coming in.”

  “Thank you,” I said as I stood. Reaching out to her, we shook hands.

  “You’re welcome,” Deborah replied as she picked up the phone. Before I walked out the door, she called to me. “And Sahara, you look rested,” she observed, not looking for a response as she picked up her phone and punched in a number. I left her office with a smile. I look rested because I am rested... Thanks to Tyree Barker.

  Since the first time Ty spent the night provided the best sleep I’d had in almost ten years, Ty spent the night with me every night since then. The sexual temptation was always there for us, but we agreed to wait. Instead, we fell into an intimate routine of having dinner, watching a movie, and then having conversations in bed. The inner turmoil I felt between pursuing this thing with Ty and ending it before it even started only flared up when we were apart. I knew I was happy with him, but I didn’t think I deserved to be. But the one fact remained: My evenings with Ty had quickly become my favorite part of the day.

  Walking back into my office suite, I smiled politely at Whitney before closing my office door behind me. The flowers stood in all their glory in the center of my desk. With wide eyes taking in the entire bouquet, I involuntarily sighed at the sheer beauty of the floral display. I saw a white envelope peeking out of the red and white petals. I plucked the note out and sat at my desk chair. The envelope had my name and office address typed across the front. Pulling at the folds, I carefully opened it and pulled out the handwritten note.

  Sahara

  With you, I understand why my grandfather wanted me to “live a little.” Thank you for an incredible couple of weeks.

  Ty

  I clutched the note to my chest and exhaled. The last couple of weeks have been incredible because he’s incredible, I thought with a sigh. I scooted closer to the bouquet and smelled the sweet scent. I reached in my top desk drawer and pulled out my cell phone. I thought about texting, but decided to see if I was available to talk for a minute.

  “Sahara… I was just thinking about you,” Ty said as he picked up the phone.

  “Ty, I just got the flowers. Thank you so much! They are beautiful! Absolutely perfect,” I gushed.

  “You’re welcome! I’m glad you like them, baby girl,” he sounded relieved.

  “Like them? I love them! Thank you again Ty! And your note…so sweet. I love it all,” I exclaimed happily, with a laugh.

  “If it makes you sound like that, that’s all the thanks I need. You don’t even understand what you do to me, Sahara,” he admitted. His velvety voice sliding over my name caused a tightening deep in my belly.

  “If it is anything like what you do to me, I believe I understand quite well,” I murmured into the receiver, feeling my skin heat up.

  Hearing the smile in his voice, he said, “That’s good to know.”

  My smile hurt my face and my heart pounded in my chest. I need to change the subject. NOW! I thought. “So how’s your day going?” I asked, cha
nging the course of the conversation.

  “My day is better now that I’ve heard your voice,” Ty said smoothly.

  Not distracted by the sweet talk, I pressed with a laugh, “Ty, how’s your day going?”

  Laughing, he playfully retorted, “You think you know me so well, don’t you?”

  “Yes, now spill it!”

  “Well, it started out great. I woke up with you next to me. Got a call from Bennett on the way in. But once I got to work, it was one thing after another. I had to let Marie go. My head bartender wanted to discuss it. I had an unexpected meeting with my lawyer. I had two separate issues involving arguments between staff. It’s just nonstop headaches today. But when you called, you put me in a better mood. You do that to me. You do that for me. And that’s why I got you those flowers…as a token of my appreciation.”

  Before I had a chance to respond, my work line startled me with a loud ring. “Hold on,” I whispered before answering my line.

  “Yes Whitney?” I asked, hoping she would make it quick.

  “Your 3:30 is here,” Whitney said apologetically.

  “Okay, thank you. Let them know that I’ll be with them shortly,” I said as I glanced at the time on my computer, noting that he was 15 minutes early for the meeting. Hanging up the office phone, I looked for the file for my meeting and I picked up my cell phone.

  “Still there, baby?” I asked distractedly as I pulled the file from underneath the heavy flowers in the middle of my desk, careful not to get anything on my pressed khakis or orange sleeveless ruffle collar shirt. Wait, did I just call him baby?! I thought with alarm. I’ve never used pet names with anyone, ever. It’s not that I am opposed to them. I just never felt close enough to any man to call him anything other than his given name. Even when things got hot and heavy, I never used a pet name. But just then, the word just rolled off my tongue naturally.

  Silence met my ears for at least 15 agonizing seconds. “Did you just call me baby?” Ty whispered sexily.

  “Uh, yeah…sorry, I was distracted and I have a meeting that’s about to start and it just slipped out,” I hurriedly explained.

  Speaking slowly and deliberately, Ty said, “No. No, don’t apologize, Sahara. I like the sound of you calling me baby. I like it a lot. Say it again…” His voice lit a fire in me.

  “Baby…” I breathed into the phone, feeling a wave of desire sweep through my body.

  “Say it again,” He dragged the words out so slowly it almost felt like he was stroking his fingers down my back, tickling my skin

  Closing my eyes, I sat all the way back in my chair, squeezing my thighs together. “Baby…” I practically purred. Hearing the sound of his voice, thinking about the way he looks, remembering the way his body felt pressed against mine for the last 2 weeks, I was on the edge.

  “Sahara, you just don’t know,” he tempted with a low groan. I let out a labored breath. Unable to say a word, I just held the phone to my face as I tried to get control over my body. The silence that settled over the phone held so much promise. I think I’m done waiting. Waiting is not all it is cracked up to be. Especially if he’s able to get me wet with only a few words, I thought desirously.

  After a minute, I calmed myself down and wailed, “Tyree Barker, what are you doing to me?”

  “What do you mean baby girl?” he chuckled.

  “Oh you know exactly what I mean! And I will get you back. Believe that!” I laughed. “But I have a meeting so I have to go. But again, thank you for the beautiful flowers. Best part of my day. Until I get back home to you,” I admitted. Oh God, did I really just make it seem like we shared a home?! What is wrong with me today? I thought as I prayed he didn’t catch my slip up.

  “Anything for you, baby girl,” he said with genuine affection. Phew he didn’t catch it! I thought with relief.

  “Do you have to stay at Jimmy’s late tonight?” I asked, glancing at the clock—five more minutes until the meeting.

  “I’ll be off by 6pm at the latest. I want to take you out tonight. I have a surprise for you,” Ty smiled.

  “Oh really? I can’t wait to see what you have planned for us,” I said excitedly.

  “I’ll let you get to your meeting. Text me afterwards and I’ll let you know what you need to wear tonight,” he commanded.

  “Ooooh, I think I like this already,” I quipped with a huge smile on my face, to which Ty laughed.

  “Sahara, thanks for calling. It was one of those days, but hearing your voice and your laugh, put me back at ease. I needed this. I need…” he trailed off hesitantly.

  “What do you need baby?” I asked with baited breath.

  “You,” Ty asserted simply.

  Without thinking, just feeling, I responded, “You have me.”

  Hanging up the phone, I put my head in my hands and peeked up at the large floral arrangement. I’m all in, I thought as the realization hit me. My stomach dropped and fluttered at the same time. Crap! Tonight, I’ll have to tell him the truth. I can’t let things go any further without telling him. I care about him too much to let him walk into this thing blindly. If he’s as sincere about his feelings for me as I think he is; he needs to know that I ruin lives. And with things moving so fast, it’s only a matter of time before we both get hurt. I don’t want to ruin his life like I ruined the lives of every single person that I’ve ever loved. And as a reminder of my life ruining abilities, Whitney rang my line to alert me that it was 3:30pm.

  “Send him in,” I responded grimly.

  Sitting up straight, I braced myself for the brief meeting with Robert McMannus, the family lawyer. He had been calling regularly for almost a month, but I never answered his calls. Just like everyone else who wanted to contact me, he should’ve emailed me since that was my preferred mode of communication. Except with Ty, I couldn’t help the thought as it slipped in my mind.

  When he called back to back on Monday, I picked up fearing the worst, and he insisted on meeting me by the end of the week. I’ve seen him in person a dozen times over the years, but he emails me every 6 months—always with the same information. Although his presence always put me on edge, he’s never pressed me to open up or to talk about it. Since the accident ten years ago, Mr. McMannus always referred to my refusal to talk about the accident and its aftermath as my ‘limitations.’

  “Good afternoon, Sahara. I will keep this brief because I know your limitations,” Mr. McMannus drawled in his Southern accent after taking a seat. “Next month, the day after your 29th birthday, the rest of the money in your trust will be completely handled by you unless you elect to have me retained as your attorney. Regardless of your decision, the paperwork has to be filed next week so I can have everything ready for the transfer and so I can tie up any loose ends before the hearing.” Mr. McMannus looked up from the stack of papers he was shuffling through to gauge my reaction. I looked blankly at him and hoped he’d continue so I wouldn’t have to speak yet. He didn’t. The silence was deafening.

  I cleared my throat before I recounted back to him, “So instead of getting the stipend every 6 months, I’d get the full lump sum at my disposal. Got it.” I opened the folder and pulled out a document I needed to give to him. Fearfully, I looked Mr. McMannus in his eyes and asked, “And as far as the hearing goes, I don’t have to do anything do I?” Under my desk, my leg bounced with nervous energy.

  “Well, Sahara, that’s the other thing. I know your limitations, but it would help immensely to have you speak this time. The Mills family will be speaking. I know you’ve been in contact with Emily regarding the hearing. I understand why you were unable to during the trial, but I must encourage you to do it this time. If not for you, for—”

  I cut him off with a look and warned, “Do not go there with me. Ever. In fact, I think it’s time for you to go.”

  Making no moves to leave my office, he continued, “Sahara, I apologize if I over stepped my bounds. I meant no harm. What I just want to get across is that in order to make their case, Col
e and his team of attorney’s are going to paint a sob story to get him released early. My insider tells me they are going to try to redistribute blame. I also am told they are going to play on the sympathies of the Hearing Examiner. Cole’s a young, good looking kid from an upper middle class family. He’s only technically been incarcerated for 7 of his 15 years. His new legal team is good, but nothing they can say can outmatch what you say in opposition to his parole.”

  “Who will be there?” I asked quietly, after listening intently to what he said.

  “Not many people at all. Generally, hearings will be conducted by a Hearing Examiner, who is a member of the staff of the Parole Commission. Chris Cole’s Case Manager will be in attendance. Observers may ask to come into the hearing room occasionally. But that’s usually if they are involved in some way—people speaking in opposition, victims, family, people involved with the case, members of the institution staff or personnel of the Parole Commission, etcetera etcetera.”

  I let the information sink in. Mr. McMannus hit a cord and he knew it. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t do everything I could to right the wrongs that I did that night. And with the information Mr. McMannus provided, it looked as though speaking at the hearing would be a step forward. But could my statement really be the difference between Chris Cole being held accountable for his actions and his money getting him out of trouble? I thought nervously.

  Running the thought through my mind again, the answer came to me and I spoke it out loud, “Yes, I’ll do it.”

  Chapter 9

  Leaving soon after Mr. McMannus left my office, I headed home. I needed to clear my head and staying in the office wouldn’t provide me with the clarity I needed. I walked slowly toward Libby Lofts concentrating on my breathing the entire time. I let fresh air fill my lungs as I walked and I tried not to think about anything. Between my overwhelming feelings for a man I just met and the information regarding the hearing, I didn’t want to think about anything. I put my earbuds in and allowed myself to get caught up in the music.