Back to Life

by Danielle Allen

  I looked at Emily and tried to formulate my words but I couldn’t. My hands were shaking and I whispered “NO!” with undeniable anguish.

  “What’s—” Emily started to repeat and stopped suddenly as we both whipped our eyes to the witness stand. The man in the impeccably tailored suit cleared his throat twice before his deep, sexy voice rang out throughout the courtroom.

  “My name is Tyree Barker and I’m here as a witness.”

  Chapter 27

  While Ty gathered his thoughts, he looked directly at the parole board. I looked at him as confusion washed over me. What is he doing here? What is going on? How is he involved in this? Whatever the reason, nothing could explain this away, I cried inwardly. Tormented, I put my head in my hands and waited with baited breath for him to continue. I didn’t want him to see me.

  “Sahara…please tell me that’s not your boyfriend?” Emily gasped loudly. I couldn’t bring myself to answer so I didn’t. My non-answer must have been enough of an answer for her as I felt her hand on my back and she rubbed comfortingly.

  “Judge Webber subpoenaed me to be here as a member of Beta Tau Beta Fraternity Incorporated. In 2003, I was President of BTB completing my senior year at Delta Southern University. I got accepted to Harvard University so we planned a celebratory event—the Spring Social. My grandfather gifted me with a well-established supply of disposable income. Irresponsibly and regrettably, I purchased large quantities of alcohol for the Spring Social with that money,” Ty spoke eloquently, sounding like the successful businessman that he is.

  “Chris Cole was in the pledge class that year. As an underage freshman, he was part of the pick-up crew. The pick-up crew duties included all eight of the pledges cleaning up as the party went on. I only saw Chris a couple of times during the night since the Vice President of BTB, Andre Winters, was in charge of assigning the pick-up crew’s duties. Chris was a good guy; we never had any behavioral or conduct issues with him. He also maintained high marks in school while going through our pledging process.” He’s defending him? I thought as my stomach dropped as if I were on a rollercoaster. My head sunk deeper into my hands as I silently cried. Tears slid down my cheeks and dropped in a small puddle between my pointed shoes. I heard the soft cries of Mrs. Mills and suddenly, I wanted a motherly hug.

  “BTB had a strict policy against pledges drinking. But somehow, Chris got some alcohol over the course of the night and drank heavily. He drove his car home and caused a severe accident that has had a ripple effect on the people involved. Vehicular manslaughter of two on-duty officers of the law and the physical and emotional damage done to the victims and their families is inexcusable and shouldn’t be rewarded by an early release. Thank you.” The venom in his voice pulled my head up and my eyes toward him.

  He’s not defending him? I thought as I wiped the tears from my eyes and attempted to wrap my mind around what was happening. It was Ty’s party?! Ty knew about this the whole time? I agonized over telling him, over opening my wounds for a deeper connection with him and he already knew? He knew and he didn’t say anything to me about it? I thought in disbelief. How could he do that to me?

  Ty must have felt my intense, questioning gaze because his body language shifted and he quickly looked to the back of the gallery where I was sitting. Through bleary eyes, I saw his face visibly deflate and a mixture of pain and panic flash across it. My battered heart betrayed me as it ached to remove the pain from his face, from him. But my hurt was too deep and too immediate. I stood and prepared to hide out in one of the conference rooms until Emily and Emanuel were ready to leave since they were my ride home.

  One of the parole board members indicated that he had a question, halting me in my tracks. “Mr. Barker, you were the main supplier of alcohol on the night in question. Did you have a system in place to keep underage partygoers from drinking?”

  Ty’s lawyer stood up quickly, “Tyree you don’t have to respond to that.” He turned toward the parole board members in the jury box and continued, “My client is not on trial. What he did or did not do does not have any bearing on whether or not this individual,” he gestured to Chris Cole, “should be released early.”

  Joel Renzo lifted his hands as if to say settle down before he said, “Yes, that line of questioning is inappropriate, Graham. If any of you have any questions that will help you fully understand Mr. Barker’s testimonial as a judge sanctioned witness, you may proceed at this point.” Mr. Renzo gave a pointed look at Graham, the parole board member who asked the question. Graham gave a firm shake of the head before quickly glancing at Grant Collins.

  “No, my apologies Mr. Barker. Underage drinking is such a big problem, the thought just occurred to me. And since you weren’t present during the trial, I just wanted to clarify so that when we deliberate, we have all the necessary information,” Graham mock apologized.

  Joel Renzo nodded and wrote something down on his paper. My mouth dropped open and I looked at Mr. McMannus. His lips were drawn into a tight line. I looked at Ty and I saw the way his jaw set and his fist clenched. Wait…is Graham working with Grant Collins? If he is, are they trying to say this whole thing was Ty’s fault because he purchased the alcohol? They can’t do this, I thought as my knees became weak. I needed to get out of there immediately.

  As calmly and as quietly as I could, I strapped on my Lanvin shoulder bag and scooted by Mr. McMannus. As I passed him, my gaze rested on the witness stand and I saw Ty return my glassy eyed stare. Even the anguish that blanketed his face couldn’t contain his model good looks. I turned my back to Ty to walk through the courtroom doors and glanced to my left. The Mills family was looking at me—Mr. and Mrs. Mills looked confused, Emily still looked shocked, and Emanuel looked hurt and angry. He chewed on his bottom lip and then turned his head away from me. I have to get out of here, I thought as I walked out the door.

  Once I got to the museum, I instantly felt more at ease. I smiled at the curator as I walked through the heavy wooden doors. While the outside of the museum was in need of a makeover, the inside of the museum was considerably more modern and chic. The large white walls were full of paintings, photographs, and sculptures of local artists. The museum also highlighted the history of Thomasville. The silence of the museum was deafening and besides me and the curator, there was no one in sight.

  Looking in my bag, I located my phone and my headphones. I placed them in my ear and before going to my musical selection, I scrolled to Emily’s name. I didn’t want her to think I was running away again so I sent her a text. With everything else that’s going on, I don’t want to risk losing Emily too, I thought sadly.

  Sahara Lee: I’m stressed and just needed a moment. I’ll meet you back at your house later. I’ll take a taxi. I love you.

  Closing my text messages, I opened my playlist and selected random. “Uninvited” started playing and I dropped my head back and closed my eyes. Shaking my head, I thought, my playlist always speaks the truth. I let the lyrics overtake me and I released all of my confusion, all of my pain, all of my anger in the melody. A quick prayer and the power in her voice renewed my strength before I started looking through the museum. Standing in front of a large painting of Thomasville, I hummed the words to the song.

  With my playlist as my soundtrack, I got lost in the work around the museum. There were some really talented artists in Thomasville. As soon as I rounded a corner on the second floor, I stopped in my tracks. I was immediately taken with the cornerstone picture in the room. It was a blown up photo of a crowd of kids. All of them were laughing and playing except one. She was looking directly at the camera with defiant look on her face—her chin jutted out and her lip curled. The photo was titled Lone Wolf.

  I don’t know how long I had been staring at the photograph, but for the first time, I didn’t feel alone. Letting the lyrics and meaning of the song resonate, heat flushed my body as I became increasingly aware of the steady gaze on me. My skin prickled and it only did that around two men. Both of whom happened
to be in Thomasville right at this moment. I turned around and met the gaze of the most beautiful pair of chestnut brown eyes.

  Ty was leaning against the doorjamb of the second floor exhibition room, watching me. He didn’t say anything when our eyes met. My senses were overwhelmed and my mind went blank. Inadvertently, everything from the waist down clenched tightly at the sight of him watching me. He was breathtaking in his tailored suit and expensive looking black shirt and tie. I took the earbuds out slowly, never breaking eye contact.

  “How did you find me?” I asked coldly. I tucked my phone into my bag and switched shoulders. I bit the tip of my tongue, refusing to cry in front of him. My tone was only disputed by the tears in my eyes.

  “I know you,” Ty said simply. His deep voice came across with so much confidence and warmth. It was both soothing and pacifying.

  I bristled at his tone. “Obviously not well enough if you think I want to see you right now…or ever again.”

  “If you give me a chance, I can explain everything,” Ty argued, his voice breaking slightly.

  Taken aback by the emotion in his plea, I paused and took a deep breath before I said, “What the hell Ty?”

  Ty rubbed the back of his neck and demanded hoarsely, “Come here. Let me explain.” He pushed himself away from the doorjamb and made his way across the room in a few powerful, determined strides. He gestured for me to have a seat on the wooden bench in the center of the room.

  “No! No! Why wouldn’t you tell me about this?!” I exclaimed. “The hardest thing I’ve ever done was to open up to you. I opened up to you… and you knew!” I hissed furiously.

  The empty museum magnified my voice and echoed it through the open spaces. I remained standing and so did he. We had 5 feet between us but I walked around the bench so that it separated us too. Although anger coursed through me at Ty’s betrayal, I recognized that my anger hadn’t quelled my physical response and reaction to him.

  “Sahara I’m sorry. I was going to—” Ty apologized. His hands were behind his back and he slowly stalked around bench toward me.

  I held up my hand and backed around the bench to keep my distance from him. “No Ty… this isn’t something you should’ve kept from me. I can’t be with someone who would keep something like that from me. You knew. And you lied,” I interrupted. My eyes welled with tears again.

  He stopped in his tracks. “I never lied to you. I would never lie to you, baby girl.” His voice was hoarse with emotion and his eyes were downcast.

  “Don’t call me that!” I angrily wiped a tear away. “It was a lie of omission. The worst thing that has ever happened to me, you were a part of! Apparently you supplied Chris Cole with the alcohol that ruined my life and killed my father!”

  “I’m sorry Sahara. Please just listen. Please,” Ty pleaded, his hand reaching out toward me. I had to physically restrain myself from wanting to be in his arms. How can I want him to comfort me when he’s the reason why I’m in pain? I contemplated with distress.

  I resisted the urge to go to him and took another step away. Giving him a fierce look, I said, “I stressed over telling you and you were a part of it. I cried myself to sleep and just wanted you to talk to me, hold me, console me, anything. And you left! Even though you were a part of it and you knew what happened to me, you left me. You left and I woke up alone. That hurt but to learn that you were a part of this whole thing…that is killing me,” I finished softly as a sob escaped my lips. The tears that were being held back by sheer willpower cascaded down my face.

  Stepping over the bench, Ty reached me instantly. He didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around me and I let him. I cried into his chest loudly as he murmured consoling words into my hair. Getting myself together, I weakly tried to push away from him, bringing my hands to his chest. Underneath the tight pectoral muscles, I could feel his heart racing against the palm of my hand. The more I pushed, the more tightly he held me so I gave up the struggle. I dropped my arms and allowed them to hang loosely beside me. Even though I wasn’t returning his embrace, I relished in the feel of him against me.

  Whispering against my temple, Ty repeated, “I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you. I tried to tell you.”

  He pulled back, grabbing my shoulders and searching my eyes. The raw attraction between us held me hostage as he quietly looked me over. The love I felt for him overshadowed the anger and my eyes watered. Reaching out, he touched my face. The gentleness of his touched was so sweet and tender it hurt. My heart felt heavy and his touch rocked me back as if I’d been punched in the gut. Hurt flashed in his eyes as I shrank away from his touch. He betrayed me. I can’t get sucked in, I reminded myself as I took a wobbly step back.

  “Sahara, please—” Ty begged, his face revealing how wounded he was.

  “Sahara, I’ve been looking for you,” Emanuel snapped from the doorjamb that Ty had not too long ago vacated. Startling me, I jumped. The sharpness of his tone caused Ty to stiffen. I saw the change in his face and in his demeanor. He turned in the direction of Emanuel’s voice.

  “And you are?” Ty asked coolly.

  “I’m the one she is leaving with,” Emanuel retorted with an edge in his voice.

  “Do you know him baby girl?” Ty asked, bringing his focus back to me. It wasn’t lost on me that he called me baby girl to send a message to Emanuel. Or maybe a reminder to me, I considered guiltily.

  “Yes... Ty this is Emanuel. Emanuel this is Ty,” I introduced the two men warily. This is not going to end well for me, I thought as I watched the way Emanuel and Ty eyed each other.

  They silently gritted on one another. Emanuel stood with his legs wide and his arms crossed. Ty’s face was tense and his jaw tightened. I saw his hand slowly clench into a fist. I would trust them both with my life, but in that moment, I was intimidated by the hostility they each displayed. Emanuel exuded an unbridled aggressiveness while Ty exuded power and dominance. It made me uncomfortable to see them together. I looked between them and felt overwhelmed by my feelings. For both of them, I thought in haste.

  “Emanuel huh?” Ty questioned. His voice was ominously quiet in the silent exhibition space.

  Taking a step forward, Emanuel said, “Yeah.” His voice was rough, agitated.

  “And you think she’s leaving with you?” Ty asked, maintaining that cool, collected tone. He moved slowly, taking a couple of calculated steps in his direction.

  “I know she is. Do you have a problem with that?” Emanuel threatened roughly. Emanuel uncrossed his arms and set his feet as if he were looking for a fight.

  “Yes. I do. Because she’s leaving with me.” Ty growled with so much contempt, making me fear what was coming next.

  The silence that followed swallowed us and I struggled to find my voice. Both of their verbal and nonverbal cues let me know they were ready to take their frustration with me out on each other. And I can’t let that happen. The only men I’ve ever dreamed of a future with are mentally eviscerating each other… because of me, over me. This is my fault, I wailed silently. I won’t hurt them. And I for damn sure won’t allow myself to be hurt by them, I concluded determinedly. The familiar mix of guilt and self-preservation leveled me. I felt numb and unsettled as my defenses started to come back up. I needed to get out of there.

  “I’m leaving in a taxi. Alone,” I spoke out, walking past both of them, avoiding eye contact.

  “Sahara!” Ty called out, breaking the stony stare down. I heard his feet moving across the floor behind me.

  “Let her go. She needs her space,” Emanuel responded, his voice didn’t have the same bite as it did earlier.

  “Get out of my way! And what makes you think you know what she needs?” Ty sounded indignant, but I didn’t hear him follow me.

  “I know her,” Emanuel replied.

  I couldn’t make out the rest of the back and forth because I ran into the curator on the steps. Informing her that she should check on the two men in the exhibition room, I ran out of the museum. I’m go
od at running, I thought sadly as I took off in the direction of the park.

  Chapter 28

  When I had officially drained all of my energy, I called a taxi to take me back to Emily’s house. My stomach growled as I walked up the driveway. I heard the music before I even got to the door. I sat on the top step of the porch and listened. I spent all afternoon walking around the park, listening to music and thinking about my predicament. I’m in love with two men. One is engaged to be married to someone he doesn’t love…and he didn’t tell me about it. The other is somehow twisted up in the most horrific moment of my life… and he didn’t tell me about it. I spent the majority of the afternoon blaming them and then I spent the latter part of the afternoon blaming myself. I didn’t tell either of them about the other so I was just as guilty of lying by omission as they were. One thing I didn’t do while in the park was pit the two against each other. I didn’t allow my mind to consider choosing between them. Even if I wanted to put myself in a position to choose, how could I? I thought miserably. After going through all of my emotions at least five times, I was still as confused as I was when I headed into the park.

  Hearing Emily’s music change to “Landslide,” I took it as a sign. Saying a quick prayer, I prepared myself for the long conversation I was going to have with Emily once I got inside. I know she was going to have a million questions. But what am I going to say? I don’t know which way is up at this point, I thought as I pulled my phone out of my handbag. I noticed several missed calls and some missed text messages. Before I could check any of them, I heard the roar of the black and chrome motorcycle. Dropping my phone back into my bag, I stood up.

  Wearing weathered jeans and a plain white T-shirt under his black motorcycle jacket, Emanuel parked his bike behind Emily’s car. He pulled his helmet off and secured it on the handlebar before hopping off and making his way toward me. His boots fell heavily against the pavement as he grew closer. Guilt, frustration and a bit of longing swept over me as I eyed him. Standing on the top step, I couldn’t decide if I wanted to walk in the house or give him a piece of my mind. My indecision left me immobilized on the porch.