The Biggest Part of Me

by Malinda Martin

  “Because you started going on and on about Oxford and New York. You made it abundantly clear to me that you were not interested in a marriage relationship. Your mind was made up. You wanted a career that wouldn’t leave you time for . . . anything else.”

  The tears continued to flow. “I only said those things because I thought you didn’t care. I thought you just wanted to get on with your life. I wanted to ease the way . . for both of us.”

  Jason laughed without humor. “I guess we were just too young.” He closed the ring box and dropped it into the large box that contained his past. “What’s done is done.” He looked up into Jane’s eyes and saw her trying to push away the tears. “Hey, come here.” Jason gently pulled Jane close to him and put his arms around her. She rested her head against his chest and sobbed. They sat like that for a long time while Jane clung to Jason. Occasionally, he would drop a kiss on her head or rub her shoulder.

  Jane’s emotions were off the chart. He had really loved her. He had planned to marry her. How could she have been so stupid? What should she do now? Jason was tenderly holding her, stoking her, reassuring her. Hot, passionate desire began to swirl inside of her for this man. She could smell his cologne. She could feel his breath against her hair. The soft touch of him was churning up a fire inside Jane that had been gone for too long. With a feeling of relief she realized, she wanted him.

  Finally Jane said, “I’m sorry for doubting your feelings.” Her hands that were fisted on his chest began to softly caress. She could not know what a turn on that was to him. So, he tried to treat it lightly.

  “It was so long ago, Janie. Let’s just remember the good times.” However, he was having a little trouble remembering his own name as Jane began softly kissing his neck. She slid out of her shoes, folding her legs underneath her and lifting herself to where she could get a better angle to kiss his face. Jason’s pulse raced. She began nibbling at his ear. Jason’s breathing hitched. She ran her fingers through his wavy hair. Jason’s body throbbed.

  Jane whispered seductively into Jason’s ear, “Maybe there’s something I could do to help make it up to you,” and then holding his face in her hands she kissed him hard and deeply.

  Jason was stunned but not dead. His arms crushed her to him as he joined in the passion that was this kiss. Through sighs and moans, the two tried to get even closer. They kissed again and again feeling the unrestrained passion of want. They each gave and they each took, feeling like this moment of time was for them alone.

  Nothing could have pleased Jason more than when he felt Jane’s fingers removing his tie and unbuttoning his shirt. He reached around and found the zipper on Jane’s dress and slowly drew it down. As Jason slipped the dress down over her shoulders, he lay Jane down on the couch, covering her with his body. They lay on the large sofa conforming to one another’s body, melting, molding, twining. Jason rolled to his side, trapping Jane between him and the back of the sofa. His hands roamed up and down her soft body. His mouth eagerly kissed her neck as he nuzzled his face there. Jane felt her body come alive under his hands. She felt the hardness of his chest against hers, the greedy kiss of his lips, the hot sensation of his breath. Nothing had ever felt so good.

  Neither heard the sound of the phone for the first few rings. Then as the answering machine clicked on, Jason heard his business contact in Japan trying to reach him. Muttering an oath, he whispered against Jane’s lips, “I’ll be right back,” and jumped up to answer the phone.

  Jane lay astonished at her feelings. She looked around at Jason. What an incredible man he was. She drew her hand to her head, just to make sure she wasn’t hallucinating from a fever. Just then the light from the living room lamp caught the diamond on her ring finger. She stared at it for a full minute. I am such a terrible person, she thought. She got up, zipped up her dress, and put her shoes back on. Grabbing her purse and heading for the door, she looked at Jason and smiled.

  Jason immediately put a hold on his call. “Where are you going?” he impatiently said as he approached her.

  “There are a few things I need to take care of before this goes any further.” Reaching on tiptoes she kissed him. She whispered in his ear, “ And I’d like it to go further. I’ll see you soon.” Seeing his confused expression, she kissed him again, reminding him of what he had to look forward to. The kiss was passionate as she let one finger trace its way down his chest. “Good night,” she said and then left.

  Jason returned to his call, not processing a single word his contact said. His mind and body were with a certain blonde that held both captive. Always had.

  Jane had decided to take Sally and a few other associates out for lunch to thank them for all the work they’d done on CARL, and to encourage them in all the work still to come. Not a bribe, just an incentive, an ethical bribe you might call it, to keep focus sharp and communication open.

  “How about that new Japanese place on 59?” Sally asked as they headed back into Jane’s office so she could retrieve her purse.

  “Sounds good to me. Oh, you know what? I have a coupon for that place, a two for one deal. They were handing them out about a month ago just as they were opening.” Jane got out her purse, a satchel really and began digging into it. “It’s here somewhere.”

  “You know, Jane. Carrying a heavy bag like yours can be dangerous. It can lead to muscle spasms, pain in the back and neck joints, sprains, strains, even headaches.”

  Jane looked at Sally. “Med student, Atlanta?”

  “Receptionist for a chiropractor, Poughkeepsie.”

  “Hm. Interesting.” Jane stuck her head in her bag to look for the missing coupon. Her eyes fell on it and then saw the forgotten document she had “borrowed” from Jason’s apartment. Being in a hurry that morning, she had just dumped everything from her evening bag of the previous night into her daytime satchel.

  She lifted both papers out, handing the coupon to Sally and told her to go get her coat. Alone, Jane looked at the paper and studied it. The bold title of the document caused Jane to freeze. She could not move. She could not breathe.

  There in plain letters was the title “Marriage Record.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  Jane was numb all over. This must be some kind of joke. Unable to deal with anyone at the moment, she sent Sally and the others off with the coupon, along with money for lunch. Her treat. After they were gone, she closed the door to her office and slowly walked to her chair.

  She sat staring at the marriage certificate. There it was in black and white. The groom was Jason Robert Collins, and the bride was Jane Elizabeth Kendall. The marriage was officiated seven years ago in a small town in Georgia, the day after Jane’s twenty-first birthday. Every time she read the document, her stomach tightened. Her mind flew with a hundred different thoughts. Is this real? How did this happen? Why didn’t she remember it? Were they still married or was there a secret divorce document that she also didn’t know about?

  Unable to stand her ignorance any longer, Jane walked down the two flights of stairs to the legal practice that employed Ed. She walked to his office and timidly knocked on the open door. When Ed saw her, he smiled sweetly and said, “Jane, honey. I’m so glad to see you. Would you like to go out for lunch?”

  In a small voice Jane said, “No. I, ah . . . I’m not hungry.” She looked as white as a sheet and very near the point of fainting.

  Ed hurried to the door and taking her elbow led her to a high backed leather chair across from his desk. He sat on the arm of the chair and began massaging her shoulders. “My poor darling. You’ve been working too hard. What you really need is a night out on the town. What do you say? A quiet dinner, maybe a carriage ride, and then—“

  “Ed. I need to ask a professional favor of you.”

  Ed’s face turned to concern. “Sure, what do you need?”

  Jane determined that she was going to be strong, but the words would not come. She handed the document to Ed.

  “What’s this?” He looked the document ove
r. The concern in his face turned to intense concentration as he moved to sit behind his desk.

  “I, I found this. Please tell me this is a fake or some crazy kind of a joke.”

  “I don’t know, Jane. At first glance it looks pretty legit to me,” Ed said without looking up. Silence filled the office as Ed continued reading. Finally, he put the document down and grabbed his pen and pad. “You don’t remember this date?”

  “Of course I remember that date. It was the day after my twenty-first birthday.”

  “And you don’t remember . . . getting married?”

  “Of course I don’t remember getting married!” Jane said as she left her chair and began pacing. “Look, here’s what I do remember. Jason and I went out to celebrate my birthday. We met some friends and had dinner. Then, just because I could, we went bar hopping.” She hesitated. “I drank entirely too much and don’t really remember anything else about that night.” She lifted her eyes to look sheepishly at Ed. “The next morning I woke up in a little motel room in Georgia.”

  “Were you alone when you woke up?”

  Boy, this was hard. She hated airing out her past in front of anyone, let alone the man she had planned to marry. She twisted her hands together trying to figure out a good answer. When a good answer didn’t come she went with a short answer. “No.”

  “Jason Collins?”

  “Yes,” she whispered.

  There was silence again.

  Ed began tapping his pen on the desk in a nervous staccato rhythm. When she could not longer stand it, Jane said, “Say something. What should I do?”

  Ed leaned back in his chair. After gathering his thoughts, he said, “Here’s what we’ll do. Let me investigate this, see if it’s legal. I’ll come to your office when I have any news. Then we’ll proceed.”

  “Proceed?”

  “Divorce, Jane. There shouldn’t be any trouble dissolving this so-called marriage.” A little concerned he added, “You do want me to start divorce proceedings, don’t you?”

  Aggravated beyond her ability to think, she rose to leave the office. “You’d better hold off on the divorce and get ready to defend me.”

  Surprised, Ed said, “For what charge?”

  “Murder!”

  The rest of the day dragged by as Jane waited for word from Ed. Thankfully, she hadn’t had to talk to Jason all day. Meetings regarding CARL’s development were keeping him busy. Thank God.

  Just before six, Jane sat at her desk doing paperwork when she looked up to see Ed standing in the doorway of her office. Her heart raced as she asked, “Well?”

  Ed walked in, closed the door, and sat without saying a word. This was bad. He dropped a manila folder casually on her desk. She opened the folder to see the marriage certificate along with notes and verification of the justice of the peace, place, state seals, etc. “It’s legal and binding, Jane. There’s no record of an annulment or a divorce. I’m sorry.”

  “Why, that lousy son of a . .” Her voice grew heavy with a mixture of anger and confusion. The ring of Jane’s finger felt incredibly heavy. She worriedly began to move it up and down.

  “Are you okay?” Ed asked gently.

  “No.” If it hadn’t been happening to her, Jane might have thought the situation humorous. After the previous evening with Jason, she had been thinking of some way to call things off with Ed but this certainly wasn’t the way she’d intended. Looking down at her hand, Jane took the ring off. “Ed, I need to give you back your ring. I wouldn’t feel right wearing it.”

  Surprised, Ed said, “Jane, we’ll get all this straightened out. You don’t need to do anything drastic.”

  Knowing in her heart that she was doing the right thing, she handed the ring to Ed. She shook her head saying, “No, I can’t be engaged to you and married to him.”

  Ed looked at the ring. Then he leaned forward with a devious smile on his face. “Listen, if you really want to get even, why not go the distance. Sue for divorce and half of his company.”

  Jane was shocked. “Ed Simpson, I can’t believe you’d suggest such a thing. I don’t want his money.”

  “No? You have a right to it.” Ed was practically salivating at the thought. “Technically you were married while he made his fortune. It’s half yours.”

  “No, it’s not.” Jane grabbed the folder, her coat, and her purse. “I don’t want it. In fact, I don’t want anything that has to do with him,” she stated as she stormed out of the office.

  “Well, thank God for that,” Ed murmured.

  Arriving home after a long day of meetings, Jason set his briefcase on his dining room table and walked back into the kitchen to make a ham sandwich. What he really needed to invent, he decided, was a toy to make him dinner. Cooking was not his forte. His jacket and tie came off before he opened the refrigerator to inspect the contents. As he stood there looking for ingredients he unbuttoned his top button and ran his hands through his expensively styled hair. He grabbed a chilled apple and went back to his living room couch. I’ll just lie down and watch the news for a few minutes, he thought taking a big bite of his apple.

  An hour later, the ringing of the building intercom shattered the deep sleep that Jason had fallen into. Bleary eyed, he stumbled over to the unit by his front door to answer.

  “Mr. Collins, there’s a ‘Jane Kendall’ here to see you.”

  Trying to wake up by rubbing his eyes and stretching, Jason directed the doorman to allow her up to his penthouse.

  Interesting. What was Jane doing here? Was there a problem with the ad campaign? Did she want to take up where they left off the night before?

  Before he had time to think through the possible answers, she was banging on the door. “Open up, Collins. I want to talk to you!” Upon the door opening, Jane stormed into the room like a whirlwind.

  “I cannot believe what you’ve done. How could you not tell me? Do you know how I feel?” Jane shouted.

  “Good to see you, too.” Jason was puzzled as he closed the door.

  Jane looked up at him, trying not to notice the “just woke up” look on top of his gorgeous looks. His eyes were still a little droopy, his hair sticking up, and his shirt rumbled. He was delicious. Blinking hard and rediscovering her anger Jane lashed out, “Jason Collins, I thought we had meant something to each other. Now I find that you have deceived me all these years. Why couldn’t you tell me? Why did you hide this from me?” Jane quivered with anger. Her voice shook as she dropped the manila file folder on his coffee table.

  Jason was completely confused. However, he did notice the absence of an engagement ring on her finger as Jane stood there with hands on hips. He would have cheered and pumped his fist in the air if he hadn’t seen the fury in Jane’s face. “Janie, sit down and tell me what’s wrong,” he said glancing at the folder and placing his hands on her shoulders to comfort her.

  Jane pushed his arms away. “Don’t you try to calm me! I am so angry I could . . . I could . . .” Jane started banging her fists into Jason’s chest as she screamed. Jason grabbed her wrists hard and held them.

  “All right. You’re upset at me. I get that. Could we please sit like rational adults and discuss whatever has you so mad?”

  “Why, by all that’s right in this world, didn’t you tell me we were married?”

  Jason was more confused. “What are you talking about?”

  Jane pulled her hands away and motioned to the folder. “I’m talking about that!”

  Jason sat on the couch and opened the folder. How did she get a hold of the marriage certificate? He slowly looked up into her furious eyes. “Honey, let me explain. Let’s talk about this.”

  “Don’t you ‘honey’ me. There’s nothing for us to talk about. I’d rather let our lawyers do the talking.” She turned to leave but Jason was quicker, jumping up and grabbing her arm.

  “If you’ll just wait and listen to me, I can clear this up.”

  “You’re seven years too late!” Then she kneed him in the groin hard. Ja
son doubled over, releasing her arm and falling on his knees as stars appeared before his eyes.

  Jane stomped towards the door. She stopped when she heard his pitiful moaning. Feeling repentant for bringing him to his knees, she turned. “Did I hurt you badly?” she asked trying not to feel too sorry for him.

  “That’s all right. I didn’t want to have children anyway.” Jane grimaced. “Janie, you don’t understand. We’re not married anymore. Please, sit down and let me explain,” Jason said hissing the words through his teeth.

  Jane thought for a moment and then took her coat off and laid it and her purse in a nearby chair. “All right. I’m ready to listen, Jay. But I can’t see how anything you say will change the past.”

  “I don’t mean to imply that it will change the past. I just want you to hear my side,” Jason said as he hobbled to the couch.

  Jane followed him and defiantly crossed her arms. “All right. I’ll listen. Then I think we should plan the divorce.”

  The music was loud and the smells were heavenly. People at the Jacksonville Landing knew how to celebrate. Jason wanted the best for Jane’s twenty-first birthday party. He had reserved a table at one of the fine restaurants for fifteen of Jane’s closest friends. The look on her face as they entered the restaurant and she saw those special people made all the planning worth it for Jason. Jane was so moved. She gave a long, lingering kiss to Jason as everyone cheered.

  During dinner, Jane’s eyes sparkled as she talked. Jason thought her eyes were like sapphire stones, glittering with life and love. He was completely mesmerized. Until talk at the table went to Jane’s plans.

  Jane played with the wine glass as she spoke, delighted that she was now allowed alcohol in restaurants. “I can’t believe I’m leaving for Europe in a few weeks. A whole week to explore the continent and then Oxford. Please, somebody pinch me!”

  Jane’s best friend Julie said, “Well, you be careful of those European men. I hear they tend to love ‘em and leave ‘em.”