“He?”
“Uh-oh.”
“I assume we’re talking about your brother.”
“You weren’t supposed to know.”
“He put you up to this?”
“He might have hinted that a woman with a baby might need some things. He wasn’t sure what those things were and—well, you know Holt—he isn’t remotely comfortable around topics like this, so he just pushed the button and then acted like he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I completely agree with him, though, on you needing some stuff. You’ve done great, but if a few of us women put our heads together, we can make things even better.”
“I don’t want you being pushed into anything, or for anyone to feel obligated. I would hate that.”
Jess held up one hand. “You’re on the wrong track. Because while Holt may have been the impetus, he was right. And while Holt and I may be different, as Calhouns we share one trait. Once we get something in our heads, we follow through on it. We don’t let go. I want to help. I intend to help. Let me?”
“I—Jess, what if I leave next week? I don’t know when a job might show up.”
“Then we pack up all of your stuff and you move on to your new life. With your new baby things. Come on, Kathryn. It’ll be fun. Not just for you, but for me, too. I love shopping for baby things. Okay?”
Kathryn frowned. “I’m really not sure about this.”
“You’re getting a clinic and a new doctor for us.”
“I haven’t done it yet.”
“You will. I don’t really know you, but I know that you’ve got Holt.”
That was a major overstatement. She didn’t have—nor would she ever have—Holt.
“Please. Let us give back a little.”
“Maybe just a little. For Izzy.”
Jess smiled.
“Jess?”
“Yes?”
“I’m not sure when I’ll see Holt again soon, but tell him thank you. It was nice of him to do this when he’s so uncomfortable around babies.”
Jess looked at her. “I’ll tell him, but I’ll leave out the part about the baby.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—it wasn’t criticism. Lots of people feel awkward around babies.”
“It might be more than that with Holt.”
Kathryn raised an eyebrow. And waited. Jess was shaking her head. “I probably shouldn’t have said that. My hunch is pure speculation because Holt never discusses his personal life. I know women who have wanted him, but haven’t been able to get him. I know women who may have dated him, but don’t really have anything to show for it and nothing to tell. I don’t know much more. My brother is a complete clam where his emotions are concerned. He’s not a talker, not a sharer, and he’s been like that all my life. So, all I’m basing my guess on is the fact that he was engaged to Lilith Kingston and then he wasn’t engaged anymore. There was a big argument, and some people say that she was cheating on him, that she might even have been pregnant, but I don’t know the details. She moved away, and he’ll never volunteer that information. He’ll probably take it to his grave. But just so you know, I’m sure Holt wouldn’t harm a baby.”
Kathryn blinked. “I would never think that. It doesn’t matter that he’s not into babies.”
“It does. When a woman has a child, she wants the world to love her baby. It hurts when someone doesn’t. But Holt is...Holt. He’ll never change.”
“I wasn’t going to try. We’re not that tight.”
Jess studied her for a few seconds. Then she sighed. “It’s just as well. I was thinking—a whole bunch of us were thinking—that you might be falling in love with him, but I guess it’s good that you’re not. You’re going to leave, and Holt will never go. I’m afraid that he’s tied to that ranch more than he ever will be to any woman. Maybe he tells his secrets to the cattle, but he sure doesn’t share them with anyone else.”
“He’s a good man, though.”
Jess laughed. “Of course. Holt’s the best. He takes care of everyone.”
Including me, Kathryn thought after Jess had gone. People had needs. Holt tended to them. He made light of it, but what a burden that must be. She was going to have to make it clear that she was not going to need coddling.
It was time to jump back in with both feet and make it clear that she was in charge of getting a clinic built. And I’m not even going to think about Holt as a man. At least, not anymore.
She picked up the phone and dialed. Nancy patched her through. Holt’s low, deep, sexy voice came on the line. Immediately Kathryn understood why all those women were always trying to get his attention.
“Something’s wrong,” he said.
“No. Yes. I just want you to know that I don’t want you making me into a pet project.”
“Don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.”
She stalled. Felt embarrassed. Then remembered Jess’s words.
“Good, then. Just keep thinking that way. I’m an independent woman. I know how to get things and get things done.”
“Something get your back up, Kathryn?”
Other than the fact that his voice was making her think of rumpled sheets and things she shouldn’t be thinking about?
“No. I’m good. I’m fine. I’m surviving. Not a thing wrong here. I don’t need a thing. Nothing. At all.”
“Right. Got that. Is that what you called to tell me? That you didn’t need anything?” He sounded kind of angry.
“Well. Yes, I did. And one thing more. I’m ready to start up again.”
Oh, Lord, that had sounded a bit sexual, hadn’t it?
“On the clinic project,” she amended. “I want to meet with you. Talk about it. Plan.”
Was that a groan?
“Holt?”
“Still here. Kathryn, you just had a baby.”
“I’m aware of that. It was two weeks ago. I need to move forward.” So that she could move away from Holt and all the disturbing sensations he called up in her.
Silence. Then, “Okay. Let’s get this done and over with.”
Good. He wanted to end it, too. Why did that not feel good?
“When?”
“I’ll be out of town tomorrow. The next day?”
“I’ll be there.”
“Not in that car.”
“Yes.”
“Kathryn.”
“Holt. It’s my life, my car, my world. Soon I’ll be gone. I’ll be driving all over creation in that car and you won’t even think about it because I won’t be in your life anymore. Get used to it. I’m driving my own car. It’s safe.” Well, reasonably safe, but she knew that it didn’t look it. “And I have my cell phone. I just have to put some minutes on it.”
“What the hell does that mean? Does it mean you don’t really have a phone?”
Kathryn bristled. For a second there, Holt had sounded the way James used to when he decided that she wasn’t the sort of woman he wanted her to be. The truth was that she couldn’t afford a real phone with an expensive plan, but for emergencies, she kept one of those pay-as-you-go phones. Lately, however, she hadn’t needed it. She was in yelling distance of the main part of town and she’d barely gone anywhere since Izzy was born. Yesterday the last of her minutes had run out.
“I am a responsible adult and I have things under control,” she said. “All right?”
He didn’t answer.
“Holt, I know what you do. People come to you with their problems and you fix them. I am not one of those people. I don’t need you to fix my life. I just need you to help me with the clinic, but that’s mostly for Larkville. I am off-limits,” she said. “Is that clear?”
“Crystal,” he said, his voice coming out clipped, but still as sexy as ever. “You’re off-limits. That’s a fine idea. I like it.”
She had no idea what he meant by that, and since Holt hung up immediately afterward, she didn’t have a chance to ask.
Not that he would have answered had she asked. Totally frustrating man.
She was so glad that the two of them were only going to have to be together for a short time. It couldn’t end fast enough for her. She wanted to be contented.
Not in a perpetual state of wondering what it would be like to kiss Holt again.
* * *
Holt woke up feeling edgy the morning that Kathryn was supposed to show up at the ranch. The doctor candidate from Chicago hadn’t panned out and Holt had sent Kathryn an email to tell her so. He sent out more feelers, made more calls, asked for favors even though he hated doing that.
I can’t wait for this to be over, he thought. All his life he had been the guy people turned to. And most of the time he was fine with that. There was a symbiotic relationship between the ranch and the locals, and he was a part of that.
People needed someone they could rely on, and for some reason a rancher seemed to fit their romantic vision of who that person should be. He’d learned to take all the requests in stride. He knew the rules, what to expect, how to play it.
But from the first, Kathryn had thrown him off his game. It was clear she had needs, that she could use some help. It was just as clear that, on a personal level, she didn’t want to accept his help. What was a guy to do?
“Forget her,” he told the nearest barnyard cat.
The cat seemed to give him the evil eye. Cats were good at that. Okay, he couldn’t forget her yet. He had made promises. They had a job to do together. But what he needed to do was to stop thinking of her as a woman.
“Holt.” A soft voice sounded behind him, and he pivoted. There she was, dressed in soft blue, a little bundle of baby strapped to her stomach in a cloth carrier. All he could see of the baby was Izzy’s pale, fuzzy hair and her little arms and legs dangling from the carrier. Something stabbed at his heart. A mere leftover vestige of his time with Lilith. A reminder that this was not for him, not his path—that he couldn’t handle it right, if at all. He looked into Kathryn’s worried eyes.
“Ready?” he asked.
She gave a quick nod. “I was a little concerned when Nancy told me that you were away from the house.”
He gave her a stern look. “You didn’t trust me to stand by my word?”
“No,” she said quickly. “It wasn’t so much you. I just...I’ve grown used to being disappointed now and then.”
He stared at her, knowing she was thinking about her parents and ex-husband. “I’m not those people.” He didn’t bother explaining himself.
Kathryn stared straight into his eyes. “I’m sorry. Yes, I know.”
“Whatever your parents and husband did to you—”
She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. I’m beyond it and it’s no longer important. You’re here. I’m here. We have work to do. If you’re in, we’re good to go.”
Clearly, she was not “beyond it” if she’d worried that he might disappoint her, and trust was an issue, but she had finished up her sentence by flashing a big smile, and his breath had whooshed out of him. Already, her eyes were lighting up.
“And just where are we going?”
“I was thinking...I have an idea. Would you mind walking me around a bit of the ranch while we talk? I need to think—no, to see—if what I’m envisioning will work.”
“It’s just a ranch.” He didn’t want to think why he was so reluctant to show her the Double Bar C, even though he knew. Lilith had always had two complaints about him. One was that a ranch wasn’t her style and that parts of it were dirty.
But Kathryn was giving him an odd, probing look.
“What?”
“This is your home, your livelihood, your everything, and all you can say is ‘It’s just a ranch.’ You really are a man of few words.”
And that had been Lilith’s other complaint. He didn’t have any intention of sharing his thoughts or his soul with her.
“Do you need a lot of words?”
She tilted her head, keeping one palm on the back of the baby’s head, cuddling Izzy to her. Holt wished he hadn’t noticed that.
“I like words,” Kathryn finally said. “I like openness. But you and I don’t have to be open. We’re just business partners, so as long as you’re still willing to help with the clinic, I can put up with your fear of communication.”
He glowered at her; he might have even growled.
She raised one brow. And then she gave him an impish smile. “I still want to see the ranch.”
“A ranch tour? You’re on,” he said. As he turned to lead her away, their paths crossed and she bumped up against his side. His whole body began to hum, and he realized how much he’d been wanting to touch her. For days.
That was not good.
CHAPTER NINE
SIZZLE, pop, ignore that touch. It was just an accident, a nothing touch. Belay all sensation, Kathryn ordered herself, but it wasn’t an easy thing to do. With Holt, she was always a bit unbalanced. Half the time she struggled with her desire to kiss the man. The rest of the time she wanted to run as far from him as she could. He made her feel things she had no business feeling.
That was a concern. When she left here, she had to know she could be a world unto herself, not in need of another person’s praise, affection, validation or financial support. Because needing people had always been her downfall.
That was why it was so difficult to accept the baby bounty that had come her way lately. Holt’s half sister, Ellie Jackson, had dropped off a pretty outfit for Izzy, and she and Kathryn had bonded a bit. Kathryn was suddenly getting to know women she hadn’t known her last time here.
Other anonymous gifts had simply appeared on her porch. The thought that Holt might be at the heart of all this wouldn’t subside. The fact that he might be practicing his “ruler of the ranch” methods on her made her wary.
Still, even the most independent of people sometimes had to work with people to reach their goals.
“Why the sudden interest in ranching?” Holt asked in that sexy, grumpy way of his. She wished he didn’t sound so...virile. Especially since she was still trying to forget what it had felt like when her body had come up against his in that accidental touch a moment ago.
Get your mind back on target, she ordered herself.
“Do you have places here where people could stay?” she asked, ignoring his grumpy question.
Those dark eyes were wary. “People? You?”
She felt the blush coming on and quickly turned away and tried to pretend that the horizon held some mystery for her. “Not me. Other people. City people. People who might want to visit a ranch.”
“This isn’t a dude ranch.”
“I know. I’m not suggesting you make it one.”
“Good. Because this ranch doesn’t just belong to me. There are a number of us Calhouns...and some other siblings, too, as you may have heard.”
“How do you feel about your father’s other children? You didn’t even know they existed a few months ago.”
He raised one brow.
There was that embarrassing blush again. “I don’t mean to pry, or certainly to imply anything by that. I just— It has to be a shock to find out that you have half brothers and sisters.”
“He wasn’t married to my mother then, so it’s none of my affair. I’m the keeper of the Calhoun ranch. If there are others, none of that changes my role.”
Kathryn had a sudden urge to kiss Holt to see if she could get a reaction, to discover if there were real feelings lurking under that cool facade, but the heat that quickly rose in her at that thought told her that it would be a bad idea to kiss Holt. Disastrous. He might be made of steel, but she was—unfortunately—human. And steel man or not, she was attracted to him.
She took a deep breath. “I promise not to hurt your ranch.”
To her surprise, his lips tilted up in a hint of a smile. “I wasn’t exactly worried about that.”
“But you said—”
“I was just warning you about what I would and wouldn’t allow. Hurting the ranch was never an option.”
But
she had heard that he might have hurt women before, broken their hearts, refused to give them what they wanted from him. That she could believe. Easily.
“Why are you asking me about housing people on the ranch?”
“I want to hold our fundraiser here. Just for a day, or a little more than a day.”
“A fundraiser. Here? What kind of a fundraiser?”
“Not a big deal. Just a day at the Double Bar C. Let people see what really goes on at a ranch. Maybe let them get involved a bit. Not a real dude ranch experience, because this would just be for one day and possibly a night. And also because there would be other things going on, too.”
He never dropped his gaze from her. She felt as if her clothes were too tight when she had already been doing her best to get back in shape.
“Kind of county fair-ish things,” she volunteered without him asking. “Bake sales, animal competitions, maybe a rodeo.”
“You want to turn the Double Bar C into a sideshow?”
“Maybe just a very little rodeo,” she amended. “Because that’s the kind of thing that people from the city, people with money, would pay to see. They get to play dress up and pretend they’re cowboys for a day. City people like that. And if you show them some info on the clinic and what we’re trying to do with their money, they’ll like it even better. They might make donations. It always makes people feel good if they can do something good while tending to their own pleasures and fantasies.”
That sexy eyebrow of his rose higher.
“Stop that,” she said.
“Stop what?”
“Don’t play innocent with me, Holt Calhoun. You may not be one for demonstrative displays, but you have a way of making a person feel as if she said something...wanton, when all she—I—was talking about was something perfectly innocent.”
“If you keep using words like pleasures and fantasies and wanton, we’re going to have trouble here.” He wasn’t smiling now.
And Kathryn was feeling rather wanton. Thank goodness she wasn’t capable of doing anything wanton a little more than two weeks after having a baby. Otherwise, she might be embarrassing herself with Holt even more than she already was.
The Rancher's Unexpected Family Page 9