The Lady's Choice

by Bernadette Rowley

  ‘Then let us tell him this night and be done with it. Once my engagement is cancelled, we can be wed in all haste. Jiseve will step aside, I know he will.’

  Ramón frowned. ‘I hope that is the case.’

  Benae could see he did not share her optimism but no matter. If Jiseve did not give his blessing, they would find some other way to be together. She would never give up on her squire. ‘Let us wake him and tell him now.’

  Ramón shook his head. ‘We are both tired. Let us sleep on the decision and act in the morn. Meet me in the breakfast room an hour before the meal and we will talk. We can tell the prince then if we so decide.’

  Benae nodded. ‘It shall be as you say.’

  Ramón walked back to the tapestry and pulled it aside. He turned back to her and she pressed a kiss to his mouth. She longed to make him stay but she did not know if she could. He was a stubborn man. Best to follow his wishes and he had said he wished to wait. She stepped back and he disappeared into the passage, the stone wall closing with a low grinding. A secret passage! Her mind buzzed with the possibilities, but she would not need to sneak around to see Ramón after tomorrow. Somehow, they would be together. Somehow, she would have him and save her people.

  Chapter 16

  Ramón paced the floor of the breakfast room, stomach in knots that no amount of tea would settle. Benae stood near the window, outwardly calm, but he knew she also noted the passage of every second that brought the confrontation with the prince nearer.

  He kept repeating the same mantra his father had always told him. All will be well, have faith. Last night, with Benae, he had finally admitted to himself that he loved her. Perhaps he had loved Alecia as well, but what he felt for Benae was fire and tempest and he was unable to ignore it. He had never thought of himself as a passionate man; more careful, deliberate, but Benae had unleashed a side of him that surprised him, gave him courage, made him want to risk everything to secure her love, her happiness. And she wanted him, not some aging prince who could give her prestige and possessions.

  They both jumped as Prince Zialni strode into the room. He came to an abrupt halt as he saw them waiting for him.

  ‘Good morning, Benae, squire.’ He frowned, seeming to note the tension in the room. ‘What is amiss? You both look as if someone has died.’ He looked first at Benae and then Ramón. ‘Well?’

  Benae stepped forward. ‘Your Highness, I do have something to tell you. I do not quite know how to start.’

  The prince’s eyes narrowed. ‘Something that involves the squire, no doubt?’

  Benae inclined her head. ‘I am ashamed to say I have broken my promise to you.’

  Prince Zialni froze. ‘What promise do you speak of?’

  ‘My betrothal.’

  Ramón would have spoken up if he thought it would help but he knew it would not. He would only speak if asked.

  ‘How?’ Jiseve’s query came out strangled, his jaw clenched and eyes riveted to Benae’s face.

  Oh Goddess, Ramón was right. He will destroy us!

  The silence stretched.

  Benae finally broke it. ‘I have lain with the squire.’

  Ramón took a deep breath and then met the furious eyes of the prince.

  ‘I placed my lady in your hands to protect and you betrayed me?’ the prince asked. He turned back to Benae. ‘And you, lady, you agreed to be my wife and bear my children and you slept with the first man who happened by?’

  ‘Jiseve, it was not like that,’ Benae said, wringing her hands. ‘When I agreed to wed you, I did not know that I would fall in love with Ramón.’

  ‘In love! Spare me.’ He stalked to the fireplace and spun back to face them. ‘Lady, you do not have the luxury of marrying for love. I have just returned from caring for your people. They welcomed the bridegroom of their lady, were overjoyed when I left more soldiers to reinforce their military.’ His gaze cut through the air to Ramón. ‘And you, squire, I thought to wed to Alecia when she returned. I hoped you would find her for me. You could have been my son-in-law!’

  Crushing pain hit Ramón’s chest as each of the prince’s words fired home. What Ramón had long hoped for had been about to come true – a union with Alecia. Finally he had won the respect of Prince Zialni, only to lose it. The old Ramón within wilted beneath the contemptuous gaze of the prince but the Ramón who loved Benae squared his shoulders. ‘I love Lady Benae and she loves me. I am sorry I betrayed you. My feelings were too powerful to resist.’

  Fury was evident in every line of the prince’s body. He snorted. ‘Lust! You both have been swayed by lust. It is not love you feel for one another. Look at my betrothed, squire. What man would not want to bed her? Most would be deterred by her betrothal. I thought I could trust you!’

  ‘Jiseve, I wish to be released from our betrothal,’ Benae said quietly.

  There was absolute silence in the room. Ramón held his breath. Prince Zialni glared at Ramón and then at Benae. ‘Out of the question,’ he snapped.

  Benae grabbed his arms. ‘I love him, Jiseve. You do not wish to marry a woman who loves another. You are too proud a man for that.’

  ‘And what do you think it will do to my pride when the populace discovers my bride has rejected me for the squire?’ he sneered. ‘I will not hear of you breaking our engagement. The wedding goes ahead as planned. In one week’s time you will be my wife and you will produce an heir for the kingdom. That is all that matters. My daughter betrayed me and now you, lady, have done the same, but no one will know of your betrayal. You will wed me in one week, before the king.’

  Ramón’s heart broke, not for himself, but because of the stricken look on Benae’s face. He cleared his throat. ‘You will not wish me to continue in my role, Your Highness. I will prepare to vacate the castle.’

  Prince Zialni’s face tightened as fury swept over it. ‘Vacate the castle,’ he shouted. ‘I should kill you!’ His hand moved to his sword.

  Ramón prepared to fight for his life though he was weaponless. It would be a poor contest.

  Zialni drew a deep breath and his hand dropped from his sword. ‘You will stay and continue your duties as before. Perhaps I will still send you in search of Princess Alecia. But be in no doubt, you will suffer for what you have done.’ His glance took in Benae as well. ‘You will both suffer.’

  Benae looked sick, one hand over her mouth, the other on her stomach. ‘I will not do this, Jiseve. I cannot be without him.’

  ‘Oh, you will see your squire, lady. He will be under your nose night and day and you will not touch each other. He will watch as I make a proper wife of you, as you bear my children and he will never have you.’ He looked at Ramón. ‘You may go now, squire.’

  Ramón looked to Benae but she stood as before, only her eyes were now closed. How had it ever come to this?

  ‘Leave!’ The prince’s barked command brought Ramón back to the moment. He bowed and left the breakfast room. He could check on Benae later. All will be well, have faith.

  A tear slid down Benae’s cheek as Joletta fastened the buttons down the back of her wedding gown. This should have been the happiest day of her life and instead she felt ill. She had not slept properly in a week and when she did sleep, she was haunted by nightmares. She longed to talk with Ramón, to assuage the loneliness she felt. Even time with Flaire did not banish the despair inside her.

  ‘You look beautiful, my lady,’ Joletta said as she fastened the last button.

  Benae knew she looked far from her best. The lustre had gone from her hair and skin and, despite Joletta’s skill with paints and powders, the dark smudges beneath her eyes were obvious. She sighed. It would have to do. She didn’t care to be beautiful for Jiseve.

  Her bridegroom had been cold with her all week. Would he punish her for the rest of their married life? She had not thought he had it in him to be cruel but he had threatened to kill Ramón if she did not hold to her word. She dared not tell Ramón of the threat. She knew that he would respond by challenging Jis
eve to a duel and she feared what would happen then. No matter the outcome, Ramón would be doomed. She could not bear to lose the centre of her universe.

  So she let Ramón think that she had agreed not to break the engagement in order to keep her word and to keep her people safe. Ramón understood sentiments such as these. He was a man of honour; he knew people mattered. Jiseve had her just where he needed her and he had her keeping secrets from her lover. What a muddle! For his part, Ramón seemed to have returned to his old life, though he did spend even more time at weapons practice than he had in the past. He had entered Brightcastle town on several occasions this past week. Perhaps he was planning to leave in search of Princess Alecia or just leave altogether.

  Benae couldn’t bear to think of Ramón in the arms of another woman. Small chance it would be Alecia’s arms. Jiseve would never allow it now. Yes, they had certainly burned all of their bridges.

  ‘I hear the music, Lady Benae. It’s time we headed to the audience chamber.’ Joletta’s voice intruded on Benae and she suppressed a stab of anger. The woman was a far cry from Merel. Dear, sweet Merel . . .

  ‘Yes,’ Benae said, gathering her skirts, ‘Let us go.’ She swept from the room and down the hall, the maid trailing in her wake. Descending the stairs, Benae crossed the entry hall to the open doors of the audience chamber. The music altered to the bridal march as she stood at the threshold of the room and her new life. All eyes turned towards her, full of happiness, as they should be at this joy-filled occasion. She swallowed, hard, and squared her shoulders. Her attendant, Sofia, one of the queen’s ladies-in-waiting, stepped behind Benae to manage the five yards of lace that trailed.

  Benae looked to the front of the chamber. Jiseve waited at the end of the carpet, before the priestess. A balding blond man stood beside him: his nephew Piotr. The younger man had been asked to stand up for the prince, though as next in line after Jiseve for the throne there was no love lost between the two. King Beniel and Queen Adriana were seated on thrones on the dais and Benae felt the full weight of their stares as she stepped upon the carpet between the last row of guests. And yes, Ramón was there, at the back of the room, his blue eyes shining at her. She daren’t take but the briefest of glances in his direction for fear her resolve would fail and she would run into his arms.

  But she could not. There was too much at stake and the secrets she held isolated her as thoroughly as if Jiseve had imprisoned her. She plastered a smile on her lips and slowly walked the twenty paces until she reached Jiseve’s side. He was the epitome of the mature bridegroom: handsome, greying at the temples, a broad smile on his face and the jaunty air of a man who had never expected to be so blessed. Only his eyes gave him away. They were like chips of ice. Benae hid the shudder that wriggled up her spine at the thought of being intimate with him. But she had made her choice many weeks ago when she had embarked upon this mission. She could give Jiseve what he desired and if she couldn’t have what she most craved, well, she would have children to love and a nation to protect. The fear in her stomach settled and she smiled up at her prince.

  Ramón punched the wood of the stable door, ignoring the sharp pain that flooded through his hand and fingers. He had lost her! Benae now belonged to the prince. Who was he deceiving? She had always belonged to Jiseve Zialni. And he would have to stand by and watch while Benae gave herself to the kingdom, to Brightcastle. Soon there would be children and each child would bond her more firmly to the prince. How could she have gone through with it? Each of her steps upon that carpet had been agony for him and with each step he had expected her to falter, to halt, to turn, look at him and dash into his arms. But she had walked steadily down the long runner and straight up to Jiseve Zialni, giving him such a beautiful smile on her arrival that all would believe she was just where she wanted to be. Perhaps she was. Perhaps Benae had come to terms with her choices, her promises. Honour dictated that she keep her vow to the prince and Ramón knew Benae was brave enough to make that sacrifice. She cared enough for her people to put her happiness aside.

  But where did that leave him? He cared too much to watch her with another man. Ramon couldn’t stand by if the prince treated Benae with contempt but equally he couldn’t bear to watch if their marriage succeeded. Today she had looked like a bride in love.

  In that moment, he had his answer. He would stay until he knew Benae was safe and happy and then he would leave Brightcastle forever and return to Wildecoast. It was where he should have stayed. Even if he must work on his family farm forever, at least he would not have to watch Benae with a clutch of Zialni children.

  The wedding feast was over and Joletta prepared Benae for her first night with her husband. Benae had drunk too much but it was the only way she could forget the pain she had seen in Ramón’s eyes. They had danced briefly and he had wished her well. It had sounded like goodbye. Her squire had left the feast soon after and Benae had turned to the wine. Numb, she might actually make it through this night.

  Once Joletta had dressed her in her flimsy, floaty night attire, Benae donned her dressing gown and left her rooms, heading for Jiseve’s suite. Horrible, great, hairy moths battered her stomach. She wanted no arms around her but Ramón’s, but she must tolerate Jiseve’s attentions or risk the life of her lover. She sighed and shook her head, imagining the weeks and months ahead.

  The door opened silently, she slipped through, closed it behind her and crossed the sitting room to the door of Jiseve’s bedroom. He stood by the window and turned as he heard her.

  ‘I never thought this day would come,’ he said. ‘When I lost my first wife, it felt as if my world was ending. I vowed never to replace her.’

  Benae crossed to him and stood gazing up into the shadows of his face. ‘Why did you change your mind?’

  ‘I saw that the kingdom was more important than my feelings of love for Iona. And you are a beautiful woman. I thought we could forge a strong relationship together.’

  ‘I am sorry, Jiseve. I never meant to betray you.’

  ‘You thought you could use me to save your people.’

  A deep chill swept Benae. Would he renege on his promise? ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Oh, do not fear, princess. I would not go back on my word. You have wed me and so I am bound to care for your estates and their inhabitants. They belong to me now. You need never fear for them as long as this marriage holds true. You will produce heirs for the kingdom and not a word of the scandal of your affair with Ramón Zorba will ever reach the ears of the populace.’

  Benae frowned. Was it not a little too late for that? But perhaps Jiseve did not know of the court gossip at Wildecoast. It would die down soon enough and the memory of the lady and the squire would fade in time. Brightcastle might never hear much of it.

  ‘I married you and here I am,’ she said.

  His eyes flicked over her and Benae experienced the chilling certainty that she was now another of Jiseve Zialni’s prized possessions. He reached for her and drew her into his arms, his lips claiming hers. Benae imagined the mouth and arms of another as Jiseve took her.

  Ramón awoke in a sweat, the sheets tangled around his legs, his heart pounding. The last vestiges of the nightmare clung to him. He had been watching the prince couple with Benae. Except it wasn’t just a nightmare. Over in the west wing, Prince Zialni slept with his bride, with the woman Ramón loved. Already they were man and wife in the true sense of the word. Ramón gained only fleeting satisfaction from knowing he had loved Benae first. How was he to live under the same roof while the prince made free with Benae’s body night after night? His body burned with the need to take her in his arms and join with her. They had danced tonight, briefly, and it had almost been beyond Ramón’s ability to let her go. He had been swept by a mad impulse to run with her from the ballroom and carry her into the night, but she had been so distant. Perhaps she truly did want this marriage.

  Chapter 17

  Two weeks had elapsed since the wedding and Benae’s life had settled into a d
ull routine, broken only by her rides on Flaire. Jiseve never accompanied her, preferring to send two female soldiers he had specially trained as her bodyguards. Briette and Florenna were stiffly polite on their rides but they could not have been called friends or confidants. She had the feeling they disapproved of her in some way.

  Flaire had just been rubbed down by the groom, who had now stalked off to tend to another task. Benae’s presence in the stables made the workers uncomfortable. They were not used to royalty under their feet. She placed her forehead on Flaire’s and inhaled his horsey scent, filling her mind with his simple, joyful thoughts. Flaire was always content after a run in the meadow. It took so little to make the horse happy. She wished she were just like him.

  Footsteps sounded behind her and she turned to find Ramón. He wore tan breeches and deep-blue vest over a snowy shirt, and a cobalt-blue cape swirled around his calves. The cape accentuated the breadth of his shoulders and she suppressed a wild impulse to run her hands over them. His glorious eyes dulled a little when he saw her.

  ‘Princess,’ he said, the formality of his words piercing her heart.

  ‘Must you be so correct?’ she replied quietly.

  ‘I think it wise to keep a distance. You are a married woman.’ The muscles of his throat jerked. ‘How are you?’

  ‘I am well. Why have you not visited?’

  ‘You don’t know how many nights I have lain awake thinking of you in his arms. I stay away because it is the only way I can endure this . . . marriage.’

  Benae’s heart ached at the pain in his voice and she did not desire to increase it, yet . . . ‘I miss you.’ The words burst from her, aching loneliness carrying them forth.

  ‘I am here now.’ He stepped closer and brushed her cheek with the backs of his fingers. ‘You are not sleeping.’ His eyes darted around the stable, checking they were still alone.