The Lady's Choice

by Bernadette Rowley

  Benae closed her eyes, his touch on her skin making her weak. Perhaps loneliness was preferable to this aching need she felt when he touched her. She opened her eyes, focussed on his words. ‘Jiseve pursues his husbandly privileges assiduously. It is nothing for us to couple three or four times a night.’

  Pain flashed across Ramón’s face. ‘Does he hurt you?’

  ‘Sometimes. It seems he is impatient for his heir.’

  Ramón shut his eyes as if the picture she painted were impossible to bear. When he opened them, he seemed determined. ‘I will take you away from this.’

  Hope flared in her heart. She imagined Ramón whisking her from Jiseve’s bed and them galloping across the countryside. No doubt pursued by dark elves. The hope quickly died. ‘You know it is pointless to fight this. I made a promise and we did the wrong thing. I love you and I always will but I cannot be with you.’ She gathered herself for the words that would set him free. ‘You must make a life for yourself.’

  Ramón drew her into his arms, gazing down at her as if she were some precious figurine that might crumble if he gripped her too firmly. ‘There will be no one else for me. It is you. It will always be you.’ His mouth lowered to hers and he kissed her as if for the last time, tenderly and then more demanding as she responded, her mouth opening, his tongue exploring. When he broke off, his breathing was ragged. He pushed past her and continued through the stable. Benae gave Flaire one last pat and left.

  Ramón shoved two changes of clothes into his saddlebags. Seeing Benae in the stable this morning had confirmed one thing. He could not go on watching her married life. He could still feel her lips on his and his manhood stirred at the memory. She was an addiction he could not fight and so he must cut her from his life. She might not like her existence but she had accepted it. He must accept it too. But he was not yet prepared to leave for Wildecoast. It was too soon. Better to resume the search for Alecia and Anton. If he could return Alecia to her father, perhaps some good would come of it. The kingdom needed her and Anton must pay the price. Ramón’s insides turned queasy at the thought that he had allowed this sorry state of affairs, first with Alecia’s escape, and then with Benae. When it came to the women in his life, his judgement left a lot to be desired.

  He exited his chambers and headed for the central staircase. In the hallway opposite, he spied a light under Benae’s door. Wanting to bid her farewell, he walked quietly up the corridor, knocked and the door swung inward. Benae stood there. He caught a glimpse of her curves through the sheer fabric of the nightgown before she drew a heavier robe across her chest.

  ‘Come in.’ She looked tired, dark smudges lay beneath her eyes and her face had a gauntness that had not been there this morning. ‘You are leaving,’ she said, looking at the saddlebags slung over his shoulder. ‘I wish you would not.’

  The pain of her words made him stagger. ‘You told me to make a life for myself. That is what I am trying to do.’

  ‘That was before I . . . Things have changed.’ She looked even more tired, sicker than she had in the stable.

  ‘What has changed?’ Surely she could not expect him to stick around like some kind of extra leg.

  ‘I am pregnant.’

  Ramón’s stomach felt as if it fell to his feet. His gaze flicked to her belly. ‘How do you know?’

  Benae rolled her eyes. ‘I am late for my monthly bleed and ill in the mornings. Today the sickness lasted all day. I have been suspicious for days but now I must face the truth.’

  Ramón didn’t want to think of his love with another man’s seed inside her. ‘You could just be late.’

  She stepped closer to him and Ramón fought the urge to fold her into his arms as her jasmine fragrance swirled around him. ‘It is too soon to be Jiseve’s. I think this is your babe.’

  The breath caught in Ramón’s chest. He shook his head. This could not be happening. One night of loving could not result in a child, could not alter their lives forever. ‘I am to be a father?’

  Benae nodded, tears in her eyes.

  ‘It could not be your husband’s?’

  ‘It is unlikely.’ She placed her hands on her stomach, rubbed it gently up and down then reached for his hand and placed it beneath her own. ‘This is our child, Ramón.’

  He swallowed several times before he found his voice. ‘Our child.’ Wonder uncurled the tight fingers of dread that had wrapped around his heart since Benae’s wedding. He was to be a father and he suddenly could not wait to cradle his new son or daughter in his arms.

  He emerged from his reverie to find Benae frowning up at him. ‘You are right, beloved,’ he said, gently clasping her shoulders. ‘This does change everything.’

  ‘What will you do?’

  The question from Benae puzzled him. What did she mean? And then he remembered he had been on the verge of leaving. Well, not now. Not when he had Benae and her child to care for. ‘I will stay, of course. We will face this together.’ The prince would be furious that a child had resulted from their affair. Suddenly Ramón was troubled. How would Zialni react?

  ‘Does the prince know?’

  ‘No, I will not tell him for several weeks. He will not believe it is his if I tell him now.’

  ‘He will not believe . . .’ Ramón swallowed hard, his hands dropping from her shoulders. Benae could not mean to allow the prince to believe the child was his! ‘You cannot mean to lie about this babe!’ The fingers were about his heart again but now they squeezed so tightly a red mist clouded his vision.

  Benae clutched his elbows. ‘Think, Ramón; the only way I can safeguard my life and that of the babe is to allow my husband to believe it is his. This way our safety is assured. I have thought long and hard on this.’

  ‘And yet you have not discussed it with me.’ Ramón pulled from her grasp. ‘Goddess, Benae, I am the father.’

  ‘Keep your voice down,’ she snapped.

  He stared at her, not able to believe she could leave him out of this. ‘It seems you have thought of everything.’

  ‘You will support my deception? I cannot do this if you don’t agree.’

  Ramón had never felt more trapped in his life. The urge to flee returned. Perhaps with distance and another purpose would come clarity? ‘I will hold your secret in my heart but I will not stay to watch you grow large with my seed.’

  ‘My love, I would not have you suffer, but I do not think I can bear this if you leave. You give me strength just knowing you are near. Please, please stay.’

  Ramón gazed down into her eyes, shining with tears, and the ache in his throat intensified. Goddess, this is so unfair!

  ‘I do not think I can stay. You know I cannot bear to think of him on you at night.’ A sudden thought struck him, making him cold. ‘You said he sometimes hurts you. Will he harm the babe in his frantic efforts to produce an heir?’

  ‘I do not believe the child will be hurt, and I can bear it for another two weeks, more if I have to.’

  Ramón’s stomach was sick to think of it. Perhaps when she told the prince about the baby he would leave her alone and then Ramón could depart. He could tolerate another two weeks. Couldn’t he?

  ‘I will stay for now.’

  ‘For now, Ramón? This is your child.’

  ‘And he will have a father’s love.’ Ramón gazed deep into Benae’s eyes. ‘Just not mine.’ He would never be able to acknowledge his child or have a future with Benae. Their wild dreams of a life together were just that: dreams.

  Her eyes dropped from his. ‘That is how it must be. Only you and I will ever know.’

  ‘Better to walk away now then to watch another man raise my son. You ask too much, lady.’ He bowed to her and withdrew, his saddlebags slapping against his back as he returned to his room.

  Despair engulfed Benae as Ramón departed. All she wished was to throw herself into his arms and forget about her farce of a marriage. Oh Goddess, why did you send me this man to love? Her life would have been easier if she had never met Ram
ón, never felt his arms around her, his lips on hers. But there was no point wishing. The babe inside her simplified yet complicated matters further. At least she would be able to give Jiseve a child. He would be overjoyed when she told him. She prayed it would be a boy.

  She had hurt Ramón and it was a hurt that she could not mend. She needed him so much and yet she could not bear to think of him tormented by watching her body bloom, knowing he could not be a father to his child. Selfishly, she hoped he would not be able to leave but what would come of that? More moments stolen in the stable? Sooner or later someone would discover them together and then lives would be at risk.

  Jiseve was still coldly angry with both of them. Benae had no choice but to comply with every one of her husband’s demands. He threatened Ramón’s life almost every night and rejoiced in describing the horrible death he would inflict upon the squire should she deny him. She truly did not know how much more rough treatment she could take. Two weeks – that was all that was needed before she could announce her pregnancy. Ramón must remain ignorant of the full extent of Jiseve’s attentions; must not discover the small tortures he inflicted on her almost every night; must not suspect the wounds she sustained on his behalf. Oh Goddess, I could never have imagined a man could be so cruel. The babe must live. She could not truly believe Jiseve would hurt that most precious part of her where he deposited his seed each and every night.

  Chapter 18

  A week later, Ramón was finishing weapons practice as Benae returned from a ride. As he replaced his practice sword and shrugged into his shirt and tunic in the late autumn breeze, he watched her dismount under Briette’s watchful eye. She staggered and would have collapsed had Briette not steadied her. Floretta led Flaire away and Briette helped Benae into the castle. A spike of fear sliced through Ramón. What had happened? Had Benae hurt herself on the ride? Fallen maybe? Had she hurt the babe? His heart leaped into a frantic drumming rhythm and he rushed from the practice yard, across the gravelled drive and into the castle. Benae was just starting up the staircase with her guard.

  Ramón gripped her arm and Benae turned to him. The smudges beneath her eyes were even darker than they had been last week. His jaw clenched with the effort of controlling his anger at seeing her in this state.

  ‘Leave us,’ he said to Briette, his voice harsh. ‘I will attend the princess.’

  Briette hesitated but then nodded and departed.

  ‘What has happened, Benae? Did you fall from your horse?’

  She staggered and as he threw his arm about her waist, she winced.

  ‘Speak to me, Benae!’

  ‘Take me to my room. I’m unwell.’

  Slowly they ascended the stairs and limped to Benae’s chamber. Once he had opened the door, Ramón swept Benae into his arms, crossed the sitting room and entered her bedchamber.

  ‘Leave now. He must not see you here.’

  She seemed afraid. As Ramón deposited her gently upon the big four-poster bed, her riding costume hitched up and he spied a dark bruise on her ankle. His fingers caressed the damaged skin and Benae gasped.

  ‘What is this?’ he asked. ‘Is it the cause of the limp?

  ‘Flaire bumped me against a tree,’ she said. ‘He can be clumsy.’

  Ramón glared at her. ‘Flaire would not allow you to scrape your leg against anything, let alone a tree.’

  ‘It is the truth, Ramón.’ She did not meet his eyes.

  He examined the other ankle and found similar though lesser bruising there. ‘I suppose he bumped this leg as well?’

  ‘It is nothing. Thank you for bringing me up. You must leave.’

  ‘I cannot leave you injured. I am calling the physician and he will tend you.’

  ‘If Jiseve finds out the physician has been called—’

  ‘Why would the prince object to you receiving medical help?’ Grabbing her arm, he pushed the sleeve of her dress to the elbow and gasped, fear for her almost stopping his heart. There was ugly bruising on her arm above the elbow. ‘He did this to you.’

  ‘I am well, Ramón. Do not interfere.’

  ‘You are not well. Tell me how these marks came to be here or I swear I will find the prince and ask him myself.’

  Benae swallowed hard, glancing around the room as if seeking inspiration.

  ‘Tell me the truth,’ he said, his voice barely a whisper.

  Her eyes filled with tears as she gazed up at him. Ramón sat on the edge of the bed and gripped both her hands.

  ‘He ties me up to his bed most nights and I struggle. That is where the marks come from. He ties me by the elbows so that the bruises don’t show.’

  ‘Why would he need to tie you up? You would lie with him willingly, no?’

  She nodded. ‘He hurts me. He ties me up to keep me still.’

  ‘What does he do, Benae?’

  Benae closed her eyes as if gathering strength. ‘He bites me, especially on my breasts. He pushes a cloth in my mouth so I can’t scream. The cruelty seems to arouse him, make him hard and then he pounds into me. I’ve never felt so helpless.’

  Ramón stared at her in shock, imagining his lovely Benae being tortured like that, imagining the damage this could be doing to his child. Zialni could kill her! ‘You cannot allow this to continue, Benae. He will hurt you or the child.’

  ‘He is angry with me. Once I tell him I am with child, I am sure he will be gentler.’

  Ramón pushed off the bed and paced across to the window and back. He was more than ready to rip the head off her husband. That he could do this to a woman . . .

  ‘I will find a way to get you out of this, Benae. You will not put up with him for another night.’ Ramón fled the room, ignoring Benae’s pleas for him to return.

  Ramón found the house easily once he had asked directions of the locals. Alecia had trusted him enough to tell him some small details of her friend Hetty, which allowed him to trace her to this district and then the rest was easy. The princess had spoken of Hetty as a wise woman but Ramón was a country boy and he knew the term ‘wise woman’ was synonymous with witch. Yes, Hetty’s help was just what he needed this night, just what Benae needed.

  He had run long and hard after leaving Benae and the anger had settled to a stomach-churning acid burn instead of the raging bonfire it had been. He would not act in anger as he once had. He could challenge the prince to his face but the outcome of that could not be assured. One of them would be the loser and if it were he, then Benae would be left exposed. Better to get help from another quarter and leave himself free to observe and rescue Benae if needed. That was where Hetty came in.

  He found the door and knocked. The hollow sound echoed in the quiet street and a dog barked nearby. The door opened a crack and an old woman peered through it. He could not see her face, merely her outline against the flickering light in the room behind.

  ‘Hello, Hetty, I am Squire Ramón Zorba and I need your help.’

  ‘I know who you are.’ She peered at him a few moments longer and he felt a prickle of something across his scalp. ‘Come in.’

  She stepped aside and Ramón squeezed through the gap she left in the doorway. She closed the door and bolted it behind him. ‘Follow me.’

  He followed her to the kitchen where a pot bubbled over the fire. The stench was almost unbearable but when Ramón tried to take his mind off the smell by studying the old woman, he became even more disconcerted. Her eyes were almost black and seemed to look straight through him, to see all his secrets. He remembered the itch over his scalp at the front door and shivered. She seemed unafraid and Ramón wondered how powerful she really was. Her craggy old face was wreathed in wrinkles and her silver-grey hair spiked from her scalp in crazy, zigzag patterns that defied restraint.

  ‘What help do you think an old woman such as I can give you, squire?’

  ‘You were a friend to Princess Alecia.’

  ‘Do not speak of her in the past tense. She will return one day to claim her birthright.’

&nb
sp; ‘Do you know of her whereabouts?’ Ramón did not mean to snap out the question.

  ‘Is that why you have come? To find the princess?’

  Ramón frowned. ‘No. I come on another matter. I need help for Princess Benae.’

  ‘Ah, the prince’s new wife? Is there trouble in paradise?’

  ‘More trouble than you know.’

  ‘Why should I help you, or him?’

  ‘You would not be helping the prince, Hetty.’ Ramón paused, not sure how much to reveal.

  ‘You are in love with Princess Benae?’

  ‘This has nothing to do with how I feel about her. She is in danger. He ties her up and bites her and then once he is aroused he . . . She is defenceless against him.’

  ‘She is not defenceless. She could say no. Why does she not refuse him?’

  Ramón paused to consider Hetty’s words. The old woman was right. Benae could refuse the prince. She was strong enough. Did he drug her or was he holding something over her, threatening her with worse if she did not comply?

  ‘It does not matter why. I must stop him. Will you help or not?’

  Hetty’s eyes narrowed. If she did not have some miracle to offer, he would be forced to take action on his own.

  ‘Princess Alecia would want me to offer what I could to a woman in trouble, even that perpetuated by her own father.’ Hetty considered for a moment longer. ‘You must buy an object for the prince. I believe his birthday is in two days. I will enchant the object and you will give it to him as his birthday present.’

  ‘I will buy him a signet ring. He was ever a fan of jewellery,’ Ramón said. ‘What will you do to the ring?’

  ‘The spell I cast will make Prince Zialni impotent. His rod will not perform as long as he wears the ring.’

  ‘Are you sure that will not anger him more? Benae could be more at risk.’

  ‘I know the prince. He will be mortified. He may be angered at first but he will soon run and hide. You may lurk outside the room in case the princess needs you, but I do not think it will be necessary, unless to untie your lady.’