In the Midst of It All

by Tiffany L. Warren

  Zenovia’s eyes widened. “What was wrong with her?”

  “Well, she had that gift too, you know.”

  “You know about the gift?” Zenovia asked, thinking it had been a secret between herself and Audrey.

  “Of course I know about it. That’s why Grandfather was so angry with Audrey for getting pregnant. He wanted her to preach right alongside him, but she wasn’t even thinking about that.”

  “So your mother had the gift too?”

  Corrine nodded. “Yes. Her name was Persephone, and she went crazy behind those visions. She started cutting and scratching herself when she was a little girl.”

  “What happened to her?”

  “She hung herself when she was nineteen. I was only seven.”

  Zenovia’s mouth dropped open. “She was twelve when she had you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Who was your daddy?”

  Corrine cleared her throat. “No one knows. She took that one to her grave.”

  Zenovia shook her head sadly. Was she destined for insanity because she also shared the gift? Was going mad a part of the package?

  “Do you have the gift too, Corrine?”

  “I thank God every day that I don’t. I can’t imagine what it must be like.”

  “You don’t have to do this alone.”

  Zenovia took Justin’s face in her hands and kissed him lightly on the lips. Then she placed another folded pair of jeans into her suitcase. She had no idea how to make him understand that she needed to see Audrey alone. That she needed to make peace with the decision to move her life forward.

  “I know that, but I need to do this alone. I need to see what my mother is going through, and having you there will only be a distraction.”

  “What if Phillip tries something?” Justin asked. His face was scrunched into a maze of concerned lines.

  “Like what?”

  “I don’t know. Anything! Who knows what he’s capable of doing?”

  Zenovia replied, “I’m not afraid of him. Phillip is the least of my worries.”

  “What is your biggest worry, then, Zenovia? You’ve got to stop shutting me out.”

  Zenovia sighed with frustration. “I’m not shutting you out. I just need to see about my mother. That’s not really your concern.”

  “How is the welfare of my future mother-in-law not my concern?”

  Zenovia zipped her suitcase shut. “Justin, I know that you love me. You don’t have anything to prove.”

  “Did you ever think of the fact that you might not be able to handle how Audrey is living right now? I saw your face at Tristan’s wedding, before Audrey walked up to the car. Something wasn’t right.”

  He was right. Zenovia had seen a vision of Audrey that day, and it had been disturbing.

  “All right, then, Justin. Come. I didn’t want to burden you with this, but since you insist on being burdened, you might as well know what you’re marrying into.”

  Justin stood from his seat on Zenovia’s bed and encircled her with his arms. “I don’t care what I’m marrying into. I’m marrying you, the woman that I love. Please stop trying to talk me out of it.”

  “What?” Zenovia asked while pushing Justin away gently. “I’ve never tried to talk you out of marrying me.”

  “Every time you do one of your big revelations, it’s like you expect me to run away. You told me that Audrey is schizophrenic… I’m still here. You told me about the visions, and guess what? Still here.”

  Zenovia gazed into Justin’s eyes, knowing in her heart that he was sincere, but finding herself looking for dishonesty in his expression.

  “What do you see?” Justin asked. “Are you waiting to have a vision about me?”

  Zenovia smiled at Justin’s discernment and her own transparency. She was somewhat irritated that she had still not seen Justin in any of her visions.

  The previous Sunday, she’d waited on God to show up and finally give her a sign of the direction that she should take in her own life. God did show up, but He’d given her a word of encouragement to a woman who’d been searching for a job for six months. Zenovia had been instructed to whisper to her a familiar scripture, “I have not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.”

  The woman had gone running down the center aisle of the church, leaving Zenovia standing in amazement. Sometimes, what God gave her to give to people was something they would know themselves if they studied the Bible. Zenovia was sure that woman had heard that verse before, but it was what she’d needed to hear at that moment.

  Zenovia had talked to Bishop Wilcox about her uncertainty about Justin and her lack of direction from God on the matter. Bishop had repeated Justin’s sentiments, and told her that her decision to marry Justin would involve her stepping out on faith. But Bishop had also told her to seek God in prayer, and that perhaps the Lord would give her a sign.

  She’d prayed and even fasted. The latter was difficult; fasting was not her strong suit. She lacked the self-discipline needed to deny herself pasta and sweet tea. But she’d struggled through it, waiting on a prophetic manifestation.

  She was still waiting.

  Zenovia kissed Justin’s cheek. “I don’t need a vision to know that I love you.”

  “It’s good to hear that, Zee. You don’t say it enough.”

  Saying “I love you” didn’t come naturally to Zenovia. She had to force the words from her mouth. The feelings of love were alive and well, but she never felt the need to say them. She’d grown up with Audrey and her nonverbal ways of communicating love. Saying the words was a totally new thing.

  “I love you, I love you, I love you. That ought to last for a while, right?” Zenovia teased.

  “Right, Zee,” Justin chuckled. “It will last for a while.”

  Chapter Thirty-nine

  A sense of dread filled Zenovia as she and Justin pulled into Audrey and Phillip’s driveway. There was nothing supernatural about the feeling; anyone would’ve felt the same on viewing the scene.

  The front yard was a complete mess. The grass was so long that it had to have been months since its last trim; there were weeds where Audrey used to have chrysanthemums, and there was a couch sitting in the middle of the lawn. The upholstery on the couch was discolored with bleach splotches.

  “This place looks like a disaster area,” Justin said, giving voice to Zenovia’s thoughts.

  “Phillip’s car isn’t here.”

  Justin took a deep breath. “Well, let’s go see if your mother is home.”

  “Wait. I need to say a prayer.”

  Justin took her hand and prayed, “Dear heavenly Father, please give us the strength to deal with whatever we’re about to face in this home. Give us the wisdom to deal with the situation according to your will, and then we ask that you give us peace after we’ve made the decision. In the name of Jesus we pray, Amen.”

  Zenovia was grateful to Justin for praying for her. It amused her to hear him pray out loud, because he sounded like one of the Brethren. They always started their prayers “dear heavenly Father.” He would probably never get that out of his system.

  “You ready?” Justin asked.

  “No, but let’s go in before I lose my nerve.”

  The fact that Audrey might not open the door occurred to Zenovia as they stood on the porch preparing to knock. That fact made her pause. Justin, she supposed, misread her pause as nervousness and took it upon himself to knock.

  “We should’ve had a plan,” Zenovia whispered.

  “This is your mother, you don’t need a plan.”

  But before their discussion went any further, Audrey flung the door open. “Well, why didn’t y’all call and say you was coming? I would’ve made y’all a peach cobbler. You know that’s Zenovia’s favorite, right, Justin?”

  Justin tried to smile. “No ma’am, I didn’t know that.”

  “Well, how in the world are you marrying my daughter and you don’t even know her favorite dessert?”

 
Zenovia could do nothing but gasp as she took in her mother’s appearance. She was emaciated, pale, and wearing a ratty-looking wig. Even in her insanity, Audrey had always taken extra care in her appearance, mostly due to the fact that she was trying to catch a man.

  “Y’all gone have to sit at the table, because I had to throw that couch out. Come on in.”

  The familiar scent of bleach burned the hairs in Zenovia’s nostrils. She was used to the smell, but Justin looked like he was about to be overcome by the fumes.

  “Baby, why don’t you see if there’s a lawn mower in the garage,” Zenovia suggested. “Maybe you can do something to the yard.”

  Justin looked relieved and immediately fled the house. Audrey laughed. “He can’t take a little bleach? Well, I don’t know how he gone live with you, cause that’s what we clean with. Right?”

  “Right,” Zenovia agreed. “Ma, why are you wearing that wig?”

  “Girl, you ain’t gone believe this.”

  She snatched the wig from her head, and Zenovia had to look away. Audrey’s hair had been butchered, partially cut, partially shaven. The beautiful red hair that had been Audrey’s pride and joy was gone.

  “What happened to your hair?” Zenovia asked, trying to keep the quiver out of her tone.

  “Girl, my head got to itching one day. Itching like crazy. I think I had some of them head lice, got them from that demon-infested couch.”

  “There is shampoo for lice, Mom, you could’ve gotten rid of it.”

  Audrey cackled. “Who was gone give me some money for that shampoo, huh?”

  “Phillip? Your husband?”

  “That sapsucker didn’t even believe me when I said I had it. He said he didn’t see nothing. I told him them bugs is pretty much invisible, but I felt ’em. They was crawling all over my head.”

  “Mom, lice are not invisible, and if they were crawling all over your head then Phillip would’ve at least seen one.”

  Audrey rolled her eyes. “Anyway! I got that sucker good. He wouldn’t give me the money for that shampoo, so I just cut my hair off. That got rid of the bugs, thank the Lord.”

  Zenovia looked around the kitchen. There were piles of potato peels on the counter.

  “Were you making mashed potatoes?” Zenovia asked, trying to get Audrey’s mind off of the imaginary lice, because she’d started scratching her head.

  “Naw. I was trying to make some potato salad to go with some chicken that Phillip says he’s bringing home.”

  “Well, do you need my help?” Zenovia asked.

  “Since when do I need your help cooking anything? You can’t cook no way.”

  Zenovia laughed. “I can cook, Ma. You’ve never eaten my cooking.”

  “Well, I sure hope you can do something other than comb that nappy hair of yours! Your man gone have to eat something when y’all get married.”

  Zenovia covered her mouth with her hand. She knew that Audrey was not intending to be funny, but she was anyway.

  “Mom, I need to use the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

  Zenovia did not miss the look of alarm on Audrey’s face. She started toward the hallway, and she could hear Audrey whispering a prayer.

  As she walked down the hallway, Zenovia could see that there were little crosses painted on the walls. Some of them were done with what looked like nail polish, and then some were done with marker and others done with ink pen. But the entire wall from ceiling to floor was covered with crosses.

  Zenovia cringed when she opened the bathroom door. She could barely see the floor, because it was covered with wet rags and towels. There was also dirty underwear strewn through the mess, and there was a sour, mildewed smell coming from the entire pile.

  Suddenly, Zenovia no longer felt the urge to urinate.

  When she rejoined Audrey in the kitchen, Audrey was singing a Gospel hymn and peeling the skins from boiled eggs. The sulphur smell of the eggs mixed with the intense bleach fumes was especially unappealing. Zenovia wished that she’d escaped outside with Justin.

  The entire scene was bad, but not as bad as Zenovia had expected. Audrey was still partially functioning, although it was clear that her delusions were slowly taking over. The imaginary lice and the crosses on the wall were both signs that she felt demons were in the house.

  Zenovia asked, “How are your friends at the Devotion Center? Have you seen Charlotte lately?”

  “Charlotte ain’t none of my friend! How she gone be my friend and she don’t even like you? You my daughter. She can go pound salt.”

  Zenovia had hoped that Charlotte had gotten over her disdain for her and Justin’s relationship and reconciled with Audrey. Although she was sure that Charlotte wasn’t a bit understanding of Audrey’s mental state, she was Audrey’s only real friend. She was the one who’d introduced Audrey to the Brethren; the least she could do was care about the well-being of her convert.

  “How is Phillip?”

  “Humph. He betta be glad I had a vision about being married to his black behind. One of these mornings, he gone be wearing a hot grits facial. Let him keep putting his hands on me.”

  Zenovia’s anger flared. “He hits you?”

  “Naw. He keeps trying to have sex with me. I told him he ain’t gone touch me till he let me check him for them lice. I think I got them from him.”

  “I thought you said it was the couch.”

  “Coulda been the couch, coulda been his nasty black behind. You know he don’t even wash his behind?”

  Zenovia sighed wearily. She walked over to the living room window and glanced outside to see Justin’s progress. He had managed to get the lawn mower on, but he was only about a third of the way through the tangled mess. He’d used a weed whacker to shorten the length, but it was still a mess.

  As she stood at the window, she had the urge to use the bathroom again, but knew that she wouldn’t be able to use it in her mother’s house.

  “Ma, I’m gonna have Justin take me to get us something to eat. What do you want? Boston Chicken?”

  “Ooh, yeah! Bring me some of those cinnamon apples. You know I love those.”

  Zenovia smiled. Some things never changed. “Okay. I’ll be right back.”

  Zenovia dashed out of the house and into the driveway. “Come on!” she called to Justin. “I’ve got to pee!”

  Justin jumped into the car next to Zenovia, who had already started the ignition. “Why didn’t you use it in there?”

  “It’s not usable, Justin. She and Phillip have made a mess of that house.”

  “Seriously? I wonder why the missionaries haven’t checked on them, especially since Audrey hasn’t been to the Devotion Center.”

  Zenovia had her suspicions. She and Audrey had been members of many churches, and the missionaries at none of those churches had ever thought to check on her and Audrey. Zenovia thought it was because black folk were unnerved by mental illness, like it was contagious. She suspected the Brethren of the Sacrifice weren’t any different.

  “Well, if anyone had tried to check on Audrey, she probably wouldn’t let them,” Zenovia replied truthfully.

  “What’s up with that wig your mom is wearing? Her own hair is so pretty.”

  Zenovia told Justin about the almost-invisible lice. He seemed uncertain of how to respond. Zenovia was glad that he hadn’t yet said anything careless and stupid. He also hadn’t laughed at any of Audrey’s actions.

  “We’ve got to get her some Boston Chicken. She loves that place,” Zenovia announced.

  “First, let’s make another stop.”

  Before she could ask where, Justin made a right turn into the Cleveland Heights police station. At that moment, Zenovia couldn’t think of fussing at him, because she just needed to find a bathroom.

  After about a half an hour, they were finally able to speak with an officer. Although Zenovia didn’t think it was necessary, Justin insisted on going into the small office with her.

  “What seems to be your concern?” the officer aske
d.

  “It’s my mother,” Zenovia said, “She’s schizophrenic, and she hasn’t taken her medication in about six years. She’s deteriorating, and her house is a shambles.”

  “Does she live alone?”

  “No, she is married. She lives with her husband.”

  The officer asked, “Is he your father?”

  “No. Just her husband. He’s the reason she stopped taking her medication. It was his decision.”

  “Has she done harm to anyone? To herself?”

  “She hasn’t done any outward harm to anyone, but she’s destroying her mind by not taking her medicine,” Zenovia’s tone became frantic. “Her delusions are getting worse.”

  “Calm down, ma’am. I’m just trying to get the facts here. So she hasn’t tried to assault anyone or tried to take her own life?”

  Zenovia shook her head. “No, I don’t think so. But if she did, I’m sure Phillip wouldn’t tell me.”

  “Ma’am, unfortunately there’s not really much we can do here.”

  “What do you mean there’s nothing you can do?” Justin asked.

  The officer explained. “Until your mother is a physical threat to another person or to herself, we can’t do anything.”

  “You can’t pick her up and take her to the mental hospital?” Justin asked. He seemed desperate to find a solution.

  “No. Even if she is ill, she has rights. And if she’s done nothing to harm anyone, we can’t pick her up. Even if we could take her into the hospital, they wouldn’t be able to administer any drugs against her will.”

  Zenovia sighed. “So that’s it. My mother has to deteriorate to the point of violence before anyone will do anything.”

  “You could try to talk her into giving you power of attorney. Then you could have her committed,” the officer said with a tone of finality.

  Taking the hint, Zenovia and Justin stood to their feet. Zenovia knew it was pointless to try to get power of attorney for Audrey. She was way too cautious of everyone to put Zenovia in charge of her affairs. Plus she knew that Zenovia wanted to medicate her.

  Audrey had schizophrenia, but she was nowhere near stupid.

  Zenovia and Justin made good on their word and brought Audrey her chicken dinner, but when they approached the house, Phillip’s car was in the driveway.