In the Midst of It All

by Tiffany L. Warren

  “Phillip is home,” Zenovia said, stating the obvious.

  “He shouldn’t have a problem with you visiting your mother, right?”

  Zenovia shrugged. “I don’t know. He has a problem with me calling her, because he never gives her the phone.”

  “Well, let’s take your mom her food anyway and see what happens. It may be different with you here in the flesh.”

  Phillip stepped out on the rickety porch before Justin and Zenovia had a chance to approach the house.

  “Y’all can go on back to Washington, D.C. We don’t need any help from ex-Brethren,” Phillip called from his post.

  Zenovia replied, “I’m here to see my mother, not you.”

  “You were here earlier. You saw her. Now get going before I call the police.”

  Justin said, “We brought food for Audrey. It doesn’t look like she’s been eating.”

  “We’re eating just fine, thank you very much.”

  “You don’t look so good, Phillip. Maybe you could use some medication,” Zenovia said.

  She wasn’t being facetious in her appraisal of Phillip’s appearance. He looked as if he hadn’t shaved or had a haircut in weeks and his clothes had stains on them. She wondered how he kept a job.

  Audrey stepped out on the porch. “Thanks anyway for the food, Zee. You and Justin can go on home now and let us be. Nobody in this house will be taking no pills.”

  “But, Mom…”

  Audrey placed one hand in the air. “Just go ahead and get married. Why don’t y’all have me some grandbabies, too. I’d like to have a grandbaby before I die.”

  “Before you die? Mom, you are too young to be talking about dying.”

  Audrey frowned. “I don’t feel young. I feel tired.”

  “That’s because you’re not taking your meds. They make you feel better,” Zenovia offered.

  “No. Those pills keep me from knowing anything. Like, I wouldn’t have even known about those demons that live between the ceiling tiles in the hallway if I was taking pills.”

  Zenovia’s frustration was evident on her face. “Ma, why don’t you come stay with me for a while?”

  “Naw. I’ve got to stay right here with my stuff. I can’t expect him to watch my stuff,” Audrey pointed at Phillip.

  “When we go back to D.C. we’re going to be checking on you often, Audrey. If Phillip doesn’t let Zee speak with you, we’re going to assume that something has happened and we will send the police over.”

  “Why wouldn’t Phillip let you speak to me?” Audrey asked.

  “Ask him!” Zenovia replied.

  “Zee’s been calling me?” Audrey asked Phillip.

  “Yes, but she is an apostate, and I don’t have to take calls from her in my home. It’s against the Brethren rules. If you want to talk to her you can call her yourself.”

  “I don’t care about them rules. They stupid anyway.”

  Phillip shook his head angrily. “Well, you’re gonna be sorry at the end times. You all will be.”

  Phillip stormed inside the house and Audrey stomped behind him, childishly making a pffft sound at the back of his head.

  “Now what?” Justin asked.

  “Now we go home. She’s good for now, but I’m still worried.”

  “Do you think she’ll come to the wedding?”

  Zenovia shook her head. “No. I don’t think Phillip will let her. But she really didn’t seem concerned with attending at all.”

  Justin had prayed before they’d seen Audrey, but Zenovia felt no peace in her spirit. Even though not taking medication had been Audrey’s choice, Zenovia wondered if she could’ve done anything to counteract Phillip’s influence.

  “We can move back here if you want,” Justin said.

  Zenovia quickly shook her head. “No. Our life is in D.C. Our careers, our church… they’ve made their choices, now I’ve got to make mine.”

  “Okay, but if you ever change your mind on that, just say the word.”

  Zenovia couldn’t keep from getting misty-eyed at Justin’s unwavering support. “See, look what you made me do. Why didn’t I know you when I was a teenager?”

  “You did know me.”

  “No, I didn’t know you. I thought you were some panty-raiding freak who just liked having girlfriends for the sake of having girlfriends.”

  Justin laughed. “Wow! But yeah, that was pretty much it back then. I always knew you were different, though. I hated that my brother saw you first.”

  “Tristan never saw me, Justin.”

  “Too bad for him! You’re it for me, Zee. Sometimes I get so mad about all of the years I spent being a slave for the Brethren. But then, I think about how I would never have known you if it wasn’t for the Brethren.”

  Zenovia smiled. “So you should be thanking them, right?”

  Justin didn’t reply, but he scooped Zenovia up in his arms. She couldn’t breathe, but thought that if she’d never take another breath it would be okay with her. Even with Audrey’s issues, she’d never been happier than in that very moment.

  Justin was it for her too.

  Chapter Forty

  Zenovia placed the framed photograph on her and Justin’s brand-new mantelpiece. It was from their wedding day. In spite of all Corrine’s very loud protests, they had exchanged their vows in Bishop Wilcox’s office. It was simple and glorious, and now they were official.

  “Baby, that looks good,” Justin remarked as he walked into the room.

  “You think so? I think it looks lonely.”

  Justin slipped his arms around Zenovia’s waist. “Well, soon we can fill it up with pictures of all our children.”

  “How many children are we talking?”

  “Five or six sounds about right,” Justin teased.

  “You’ve got me messed up.”

  “All right, Zee. I can live with two.”

  “That’s more like it! What are you cooking in there? It smells really good.”

  “Oh, that is Charlotte Batiste’s secret family gumbo recipe. Her grandmother in New Orleans perfected it and passed it on down to the women in the family.”

  Zenovia giggled. “Then why do you have the recipe? Shouldn’t Alyssa be the one whipping up batches of gumbo?”

  “Yes, you would be correct, but since Alyssa can’t even boil hot dogs, Charlotte entrusted the recipe to me.”

  Zenovia could hear the hint of melancholy in her husband’s voice as he talked about his mother. She knew that they hadn’t spoken since Tristan’s wedding, but Justin was mostly silent about his hurt feelings.

  “I wonder how Charlotte is doing. Have you talked to Alyssa lately?”

  Justin nodded. “I talked to Alyssa earlier today. She wants you to know that she’s not speaking to either of us, because she wasn’t invited to the wedding.”

  “We should’ve thought to ask her.”

  “I think it was perfect the way it was.”

  Zenovia agreed. “Still, it would’ve been nice to have some representation from the Batiste family.”

  “Maybe in ten years we’ll have a huge anniversary party, and they’ll all be there.”

  “That would be wonderful.”

  Zenovia moved the photograph a little to the right and smiled. Even though she teased Justin, she was excited about the prospect of having little Batiste children with him. But before she settled into the mommy role, she felt God had something else planned for her.

  She said, “Bishop asked me to do a five-minute sermon on Sunday morning.”

  “Wow, baby! That’s awesome. What are you going to speak about?”

  “I don’t know. I’m used to God giving me a message during service. Do you think I should plan something?”

  Justin shrugged. “Maybe, but that’s up to you, I guess.”

  Zenovia took a seat on the couch. “I don’t think I will. I haven’t done that before and God’s shown up every time. I’m just going to trust Him on this.”

  Making the decision to marry Jus
tin was the biggest leap of faith Zenovia had ever taken. But it felt right, and she was at peace with her choice. She knew that he felt the same way.

  “I was thinking we’d drive to the coast next weekend. Stay in a cheap hotel, walk on the beach at night, and have some fresh crab cakes. What do you think?” Justin asked.

  “It sounds good—especially good—since we didn’t have a honeymoon!”

  “Cool. I’ll book the hotel, then.”

  Zenovia walks down the center aisle of a small room where a plain pine casket awaits. She’s in a funeral parlor, and Justin is holding her hand. There is no one else in the room, but Zenovia feels as if she’s being watched. She approaches the casket slowly, but when she looks down, she cannot see the face.

  “Zee, you’re white, like you’ve just seen a ghost. Did you just have a vision?”

  She nodded slowly. “How long was I like that?”

  “A few seconds. You just kind of zoned out a little. Did it scare you? You’re shaking.”

  “Somebody’s going die, I think. Or somebody died. But I think it’s in the future, because I was in the vision and I don’t remember that happening. You were there too. You were holding my hand.”

  “You don’t know who?”

  “No, but I feel in my spirit that it’s Audrey.” Zenovia choked. “I think it’s my mother. Who else would it be?”

  “Well, it could be far in the future, Zee. Everybody dies at some point.”

  Zenovia took a deep breath and slowly released it. Justin was right. The visions never came with an expiration date. Audrey had found her husband seventeen years after she’d had a vision of him. The only thing that concerned her was that she and Justin hadn’t aged in the vision. They had looked exactly the same.

  Zenovia felt that the Lord was preparing her for something that was sooner rather than later.

  She spent the entire day waiting for the phone to ring. When it didn’t ring, she called her mother’s number, only to be greeted by Phillip.

  “What do you want?” Phillip had asked.

  “I want to know how my mother is doing.”

  “She’s doing the same way she was when you saw her. Fine,” he’d said sarcastically. “Why do you keep bothering us with your apostasy?”

  Zenovia had slammed the phone down, no longer being able to stomach hearing Phillip’s voice.

  On Saturday night, the night before her sermon, Zenovia paced back and forth in their bedroom. For a while, Justin watched her silently.

  “Do you want to fly to Cleveland? You can go tonight if you want,” Justin said.

  “No. I prayed about it, Justin. And if God can’t help my mother, then how can I?”

  “God can do anything, sweetie. But if you prayed about it, then why are you pacing the floor?”

  “I don’t know. I can’t stay put. I don’t feel any peace.”

  “Come here,” Justin said with outstretched arms.

  Zenovia joined Justin in their queen-size bed and nestled into his arms. He stroked her hair as he whispered a prayer in her ear. It had a calming effect, even if it didn’t take away all of her dread.

  “Thank you, Justin. I sure appreciate you.”

  After a little while had passed, Zenovia fell into a deep and fitful sleep. She dreamed sporadically, about nothing in particular. She didn’t realize it, but she tossed and turned in her sleep and spoke out loud.

  One scene played over and over in her dream:

  A man dressed as in Bible times is on a dirt floor with his face to the ground. He’s crying out and throwing dirt into the air. Another man walks in, and says, “The child has died.”

  The man then rises from the floor and wipes his tears. He changes his clothing, eats a meal, and goes into the sanctuary to worship.

  The second man asks, “I do not understand. You wept for the child while it was alive, and now that it’s dead, you eat and worship the Lord.”

  The first man replies, “I wept while the child was alive, because I prayed for God’s mercy. What good will weeping do now that the child is dead? Can I bring him back again? I can go to him, but he cannot come back to me.”

  And the first man continues to worship with singing.

  Zenovia’s eyes flew open, but she didn’t move. She knew immediately what the scene in her dream was. It was King David after his illegitimate child with Bathsheba had died.

  The dream left an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach, but she thought she knew the meaning.

  Then the telephone rang.

  Chapter Forty-one

  Zenovia stood in the pulpit before the congregation at Reaching the Masses. Her heart felt heavy, like a giant boulder nestled in the center of her chest. Only Justin knew about the news she’d received in the wee hours of the morning. She had convinced him not to tell Bishop or Corrine until after service.

  Her mother was dead.

  Audrey had committed suicide, but Phillip said differently. Phillip claimed it was a horrible accident and that she’d fallen down the basement stairs while trying to clean. The vision that Zenovia had seen right before his call told a different story.

  But Zenovia had also spent the night dreaming of King David and how he worshipped God in the midst of his grief. His son died and he went into the sanctuary to worship God, even though he’d prayed fervently for the child’s life to be saved.

  Zenovia had prayed about Audrey. She’d prayed for Audrey to be healed since she was a little girl. She’d prayed for her once she moved on with her adult life.

  But God had not healed her.

  He had, however, given Audrey peace, which was something she probably never had. Zenovia almost smiled when she thought of her mother—changed. In heaven with her heavenly body that was not plagued with schizophrenia.

  She finally spoke into the microphone. “Good morning, everybody. I believe the Lord has given me a message for the congregation. He came to me in my dreams last night to minister about King David. At this time, David was at his lowest. He had sinned against God by carrying on an adulterous relationship with Bathsheba and then killing her husband to cover it up.”

  Corrine jumped up from her seat and said, “You betta preach it like you know it!”

  “Then, the child of their sin came into the world,” Zenovia continued. “And the child died. Could you imagine yourself worshipping God in the midst of all that? In the midst of the guilt, shame, and sorrow that David felt, he worshipped God?”

  “But he did! And I believe that is what God’s message is today for the body. He wants our worship and dedication, even in the midst of our storms. When we trust Him in trials, He’ll reward us with peace.”

  Zenovia opened her Bible. “I’m going to leave you with one of my favorite Gospel passages. It’s in Mark Chapter Four starting at Verse Thirty-seven. This is how it reads:

  ‘And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full. And he was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake him, and say unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish? And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.’ ”

  As the scripture verse drove home Zenovia’s message, the congregation began to stand on their feet. Zenovia knew that her message was simple and that everyone in the church had probably heard something like it before, but she was grateful that they had listened to her.

  Zenovia said her closing and left the pulpit. When she got down to the sanctuary, the reality of the early morning events enveloped her. She could barely feel her feet touch the floor as she quietly walked back to the pew where Justin was waiting for her. Nearly in a trance, the grief rolled over her in waves.

  Justin stood to his feet and rushed to Zenovia; caught her just before she fell to her knees. He held her tightly and guided her back to the pew.

  She whispered to him as they sat, “She’s gone, Justin. I can’t believe she’s gone.”

  �
�But you’re still here, and you’re going to be all right.”

  Zenovia gazed up at Justin. “I need to go to Cleveland.”

  “Of course we do. I already bought the tickets.”

  Corrine rushed over to Justin and Zenovia. “What’s wrong, Zee?”

  “It’s Audrey….”

  “She’s dead, isn’t she?”

  “She is.”

  Corrine dropped her head as the tears started to flow. Zenovia felt her heart go out to her cousin but didn’t shed any tears of her own.

  Zenovia surveyed the entire congregation with awe. Bishop Wilcox had not preached a word, but encouraged the congregation to come up for prayer off of the power of her message. She watched as people streamed down the aisle and brought their prayer requests to the altar.

  For the first time in her life, she felt like she belonged. She belonged with Justin at Reaching the Masses and she belonged in ministry. It felt like it was meant to be; something fated.

  Actually, it felt like her destiny.

  Discussion Questions

  1. What did you think of Audrey and Zenovia’s first encounter with the Brethren of the Sacrifice?

  2. Do you know anyone who is a member of a church like the Brethren? Would you try to get them out or do you think it’s just another form of Christianity?

  3. Do you think Zenovia’s care of Audrey affected her view of the world? The Brethren? How so?

  4. Zenovia’s visions were haphazard, but they always seemed accurate. Do you believe they were a gift from God or a trick of the enemy?

  5. Tristan and Zenovia have an interesting conversation about fate and destiny. Do you believe there’s a difference? Do you agree with Tristan’s view?

  6. Was Emil a logical choice of boyfriend for Zenovia?

  7. The Brethren have an unconventional view of mental illness. Is there any merit to their point of view?

  8. Were the Brethren’s views on grace, mercy and chastening in line with Biblical views? Why or why not?

  9. Was Zenovia’s meeting with the Brethren council the same as mental rape?

  10. When did it become obvious whom Zenovia would choose? Did it take you by surprise?