Revive (A Redemption Novel)

by Marley Valentine

  It would be a lie to say I wasn’t nervous about Sasha and Taylah being in the same room together. It would be a lie to say I don’t love Sasha anymore. Truth is, I don’t know. I chose to keep my distance and live my life. Does that make everything else go away?

  “You know what?” I get up off the couch, and walk our empty beer bottles to the kitchen. “I’m lying here on your furniture like I’m in a fucking therapist’s office when I just need to go to her place and talk to her.”

  I’ve been pussyfooting around her and our issues all week, not wanting to make it worse, but if I don’t clean out the wound, it won’t heal. Opening his front door, I look back at Jagger who is watching me with mild amusement.“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay, bro.”

  “Tell Emerson I’m waiting for her,” he calls out.

  He means his dick is. Gross.

  “Just fucking sext her like a normal person.”

  Standing on her porch, I knock on the fly screen waiting for her to answer. I don’t think I’ve ever stood here this long, her hands usually dragging me in before my foot has even touched the first step.

  Opening the door, she doesn’t look too shocked to see me.

  Fucking Jagger.

  A little fragile, and a little defeated, she stares at me with the same questions she’s had all week.

  “Can I come in?”

  Emerson’s head pops into view. “Of course you can,” she answers for Taylah. “I was just leaving.”

  They say a quick goodbye, before the screen door opens, and Em gives me a quick peck on the cheek and heads off home.

  I step in, and Taylah steps back. “What are you doing here?”

  Hesitant and unsure, she wraps her body with her cardigan. Crossing her arms across her chest, she adds another barrier between us.

  “I came to see you.”

  Again, I move forward, and she moves back. “Why do you keep doing that?”

  “If you touch me, I can’t think. I won’t be able to remember why I’m mad, why I’m scared and why I’m confused.” Her shoulders are stiff, and her right leg bounces on the spot. She’s in knots and it’s all my fault. “If you touch me, I’ll crumble.”

  “You haven’t let me touch you or see you in a week.” My body shrugs. “I miss you.”

  The distance felt significant when we spoke on the phone during the week, but in person it feels irreparable.

  “I know.” She nods. “I miss you too.”

  Pushing my fingers through my hair, I pull at the tips. “Tell me what to do. I want to fix this.”

  “You’re going to go home, and give me tonight.” Her voice is cool and calm, a complete one eighty from her body language. “Tomorrow, come and pick me up, and everything will be okay.”

  “No,” I say strongly. “No. Things don’t get better if you ignore them. Everything you’ve been feeling won’t just magically disappear in the morning.” I school my breathing. Tapering the frustration coursing through me. “I came here to speak about it.”

  “I don’t want to speak about it,” she argues.

  “I’m going to speak,” I say, pointing at my chest. “I just need you to listen.”

  She hugs herself tighter, and the fact that she won’t let me comfort her makes my skin unbearable to be in. “Last week when you told me you were falling in love with me, I should—”

  “Don’t,” she shouts. “I am not mad because you didn’t say it back.”

  Choosing my words carefully, I tell her my heart has every intention of falling with hers. “What I was going to say is if there’s anyone in the world made to put the pieces of my heart back together and cherish it, it’s you.” I swallow the lump in my throat and continue. “I’m sorry I didn’t clarify that you are important to me. I should’ve told you that you’re not a practice girlfriend. That you’re not a stand in. I should’ve told you you’re not replaceable. And above all else, you. Are. Mine.”

  If I was unsure about how I felt, seeing her in flight or fight mode, kicked me into gear. I have a past. I have scars, but if I’m not careful, I’m going to lose my future.

  “Tomorrow, it’s your turn to tell me about it, okay?” She acknowledges my request, but something has me still uneasy that she’s trying to say goodbye. “Promise me I’ll see you tomorrow,” I demand.

  Silence.

  “Say it.”

  A lone tear rolls down her face. “I promise.”

  20

  Taylah

  I stare at myself for the last time making sure my puffy eyes are covered and I’ve practiced my fake smile enough times even I believe it.

  Its morbid, and one hundred percent inappropriate, but I’ve spent the week mourning my relationship with Drix, but last night, through all the hurt, his words sparked hope.

  Today will be my fresh start. For Drix, I will put my big girl panties on and face the woman that holds my future in her hands, and I will take it back.

  Because she can’t have him. And if she tries. I’m not going down without a fight.

  My phone dings with a text, and sure that it’s Drix telling me he’s close, I give myself a quick once over in the full length mirror. Perfect

  Grabbing my clutch, I slip my shoes on, and walk down my front steps. Leaning on the passenger side door is the man I’ve fallen in love with. His feet are crossed and arms are folded, he looks light and casual.

  Standing in front of him, I wear my shyest smile. “Hi.”

  “Fuck saying hi.” Grabbing me by the waist, he lifts me up high enough to wrap my legs around him. Turning, he pushes me into the door, and obliterates every kiss before this one. “Don’t ever keep these from me again,” he murmurs in my mouth. “Got it?” He grips my arse through my dress and presses me into his solid length. A loud moan is my answer.

  “I promise to finish this later.”

  Flushed and turned on, I nod, as my body slides down his. Opening the door, he helps me get into the car; groping me any chance he gets.

  Waiting for him to jump in, I pull my phone out and find a song. As if the last seven days didn’t happen we fall into sync. “You going to sing for me, Crazy?”

  I hit play on Your Mess is Mine by Vance Joy, and wink at him. “Always.”

  He finds my hand and weaves his fingers through mine, as the words of the song settle between us. The song ends only to start up again, and he glances over at me with a raised brow.

  “I know how much you love them on repeat.” He lifts my hand to his lips.

  I love you too.

  Remembering to tell Drix something, I lower the volume and pull a slim length envelope out of my bag. “I forgot to tell you I bought Dakota a gift from us.”

  “Yeah? What did you get her?”

  “Well the Museum of Contemporary Art is holding a photography exhibition, in a month. They’re all up and coming photographers, and I figured the three of us could go.”

  My heart beats frantically, wondering if I’ve overstepped, but the heart-stopping smile on his face is the reassurance I need. “She’s going to love that.”

  “I think so.”

  He pulls into the driveway, and a wave of nausea hits me. I countdown from twenty and pray an overactive imagination has me exaggerating the whole thing. “We’re going to be okay,” he says, noticing my mood change.

  “I know.” Releasing a loud breath, I open the door and wait for Drix to help me from the car.

  And who said chivalry is dead

  With the usual arm around my shoulder, and my hand in his back pocket we walk in the front door. Top forty music plays on the stereo as Dakota and a hand full of boys and girls are scattered throughout different areas of the house. The kitchen bench is lined with different types of party food. It’s probably my favourite thing about kid parties. Bite sized goodness.

  With no other adults in sight, Drix leads us to a dressed up Dakota. Swapping out her everyday jeans and tank for a beautiful spring dress, she looks every bit the sixteen year old girl she is.

&
nbsp; Her friends notice us first, a few of them blatantly crushing on the cool uncle. One by one they stop talking, waiting for their friend to realise she’s got company.

  Eventually picking up on the clues, she turns around, her eyes shining with happiness as they land on Drix.

  “Uncle Drix,” she squeals. “You’re here.”

  We let go of one another and he lowers half his body to kiss her on the head. “Where else would I be?”

  She looks from between him and I. “Tttttttttt. I didn’t know you were coming.”

  Knowing she doesn’t mean it any which way, I shrug it off and stick my hand up for our traditional high five greeting. “It’s not every day someone turns sixteen.”

  Drix clears his throat, all our attention back to him. “Kid. I actually invited Taylah here, as my girlfriend.”

  He drops the bomb, and I wait for her response, except she isn’t the one who speaks.

  “Did you just say your girlfriend?” The voice is familiar, and the shock is evident.

  “This is so great,” Dakota cries. “Mum, can you believe Uncle Drix has a girlfriend? I was sure he was going to be single forever.”

  The temperature in the room drops significantly, as we all come face to face with one another. I realise Dakota doesn’t know about her mum and Drix, and this just got one hundred times more awkward. She’s so happy for him. Sasha is about to lose her mind, and everybody else is a spectator.

  “We’ve moved the party under the marquee, to please Jagger,” Emerson shouts out. “How about you all come outside and leave the adults inside.”

  Without a second glance the kids file in a line outside and Emerson closes the thick glass sliding door.

  Expecting more drama, I’m shocked to see Sasha walk straight outside with the kids.

  I turn to Drix, but he’s watching Sasha, and my heart breaks.

  I try not to take it too personally, or to expect too much from him. I have an empathetic heart, and for him I can understand the difficulty of seeing someone you care about in any capacity hurt.

  But I’m here, and he hasn’t once asked if I’m okay.

  Emerson’s eyes lock with mine, the sympathy written on her face has me wanting to run into her arms and cry.

  “Do you need help with anything?” I ask, begging her to take to the bait.

  “Uh, yes. Actually, can you just man the oven for a while.” She points at random boxes behind her, “Just take the food out and put the new stuff in.”

  “Got it.” Unable to bring myself to look anywhere else but Emerson, I bolt straight to the kitchen.”

  Losing track of time, I don’t know how long I’ve been in front of this oven. All I know is Drix hasn’t come to find me once. Last night I felt every single one of his words in the marrow of my bones. Today, he’s a stranger.

  I see him outside with the kids, keeping a close eye on them, pretending they need him more than I do. Sasha continues to be the perfect host for her daughter’s party, acting like she wasn’t the one who lit the fuse on my relationship.

  “Are you okay?” Emerson asks, interrupting my seething. “I’m so sorry I keep leaving you alone in the kitchen.”

  “Don’t be silly. Do your thing, I’m fine here.” Truth is I couldn’t muster a conversation, without falling apart anyway. I’ll wait till Dakota blows the candles out on her cake and then I’m out.

  Setting up another few trays full of frozen party food, I slide on the oven mitts, and make the swap. From the corner of my eye I see Sasha corner Drix. It takes everything I have not to walk out of this kitchen and find out what she has to say. Her hands are flailing and his mouth is moving.

  They’re mad, and if they’re not careful, the rest of the guests are going to notice, and they’re going to ruin Dakota’s birthday. She looks over to them. Once. Twice. Three times. My feet move like they have a mind of their own, and I’m heading straight towards them like an arrow to it’s mark.

  “Be with me.” Those are the only words I hear her say, and like a ticking time bomb I’m ready to explode.

  Coming into their vision, their guilty faces are like stab wounds to my already broken heart.

  “Taylah.” He says my name with shock, like he may have just remembered he came with someone.

  Sasha looks at me square in the eyes, and I give her my very best smile. “While, I’m not a fan of either of you right now, Dakota is about three seconds from coming here and making your problems hers. It’s her birthday. So get the fuck inside like the adults you’re supposed to be and sort your shit out, out of her sight.”

  Their heads immediately turn to her, and just like I said Dakota’s worried eyes stare right back at them.

  Leaving them behind, I walk up to Dakota and her friends in hope of lightening up the mood. She glances past me one more time, but they’ve already disappeared inside.

  “Are they okay?” she whispers.

  “Yep. They were just arguing because we accidentally bought you the same gift as your mum, and they both really want to take you.”

  “Really?” She’s skeptical but I keep going.

  “Tickets to that amateur photo exhibition at MCA. Have you heard of it?”

  “Oh my god,” she gasps. “Are you serious? Please tell me you’re not joking.”

  “I am definitely not joking.”

  She looks back around the backyard, her untainted heart worrying till the last second.

  Standing up I give her shoulder a soft squeeze. “They’re okay, D. I promise.”

  Dreading the walk back inside, I decide it’s time for me to leave. I’m Emerson’s friend. Nothing more, nothing less. I don’t need to be here.

  Stepping back inside, Jagger’s wide eyes greet me. “What?”

  He looks at Dakota’s bedroom door and I take it as my cue. “Thanks for having my back, J.”

  Holding the door handle, I give myself five seconds to back out. Five seconds to save myself from seeing something I’m never going to forget. Five seconds to walk out of this house with enough pieces of my heart to maybe, one day be able to put it back together.

  21

  Sasha

  I saw red the minute I noticed her in the house. For a fleeting second I thought how if it was my house I would have been able to ask her to leave.

  He did it. He went and did the exact thing I’ve been begging him to do for years. The exact thing that I wanted, but prayed it never happened. He moved on.

  It’s my daughters birthday. I have kept it together for all these years, today is not the day I break.

  Floating around through the kids, I offer them food and drinks and watch them dance.

  When I was sixteen, I had a baby. My friends were getting drunk at their own or someone else sixteenth, and there was even the few time appearances from the kids we called the stoners.

  This is nothing like that, and I couldn’t be happier.

  “Mum,” Dakota’s voice travels through the people and straight to my ears.

  “Yes, baby girl.”

  “Can you please take a photo of me with everyone, with my new camera.”

  “Of course. Let me just free up my hands.” I head on inside with an empty tray of cheese and dips. Sliding it on the kitchen bench, I come face to face with Taylah.

  Surprisingly, she doesn’t glance my way.

  Hiding in the kitchen, she hasn’t said a single word to anyone. Including Hendrix.

  Pleasantries are not even an option at this stage, the long and firm line drawn between us, cannot be erased. One woman on each side. One woman claiming her own part of him. One woman who’ll have him. One woman who won't.

  Washing my hands, I make sure any excess food residue has one hundred percent been cleaned before I touch Dakota’s pride and joy. Not only is she meticulous about who touches it and how, when you’ve spent as much as I have on camera paraphernalia you want to make sure their condition stays pristine for a very. Long. Time.

  I make my way through the guests. Each photo
I take Dakota’s smile gets bigger, and my heart wants to break out from my chest in pride.

  She takes a photo with Emerson and Jagger, Jagger and Drix and then the two of them by themselves. When Dakota finally decides on a pose and orders me around with requests about the angle of natural lighting, I capture their sixteen years of unconditional love. From the beginning I wondered what their relationship would be like. Whether he would hold my mistakes against her, or if she would be the reason he gave me a second chance.

  I see the way he looks at Dakota, and I excitedly anticipate the idea of having children of our own. We’re older now, but we’re not too old to start a whole new life together. Guilt and pain free.

  I pretend that the photo isn’t coming out right and take a few more. My thoughts run into the future, thinking maybe this is when the stars finally align. I’m ready, and I know deep down inside he will forgive me one more time. For the last time.

  Putting the camera down, Dakota bounces to her friends and he’s left alone, cornered by me, and with nowhere to go. Determined to get to our happy ever after, I make it my mission to wade through all the bullshit first.

  “So, you and Taylah, huh?” I try to be unaffected by the acidic taste left in my mouth after saying their names together. “I'd like to say it was a surprise, but we both know I saw it coming.”

  “What do you want, Sasha? Once and for all just spit it out.” Exasperated his words come out through clenched teeth. “Please.”

  “Be with me.” More important than the other three words he's said to me a million times. These are the key to our future.

  “I'm sorry, what did you just say? I could've sworn you said be with me, but that can't be right.” Laced with sarcasm and hurt, I feel the years of rejection take its toll on him. “Sasha, you need to stop playing games. This isn't fun anymore.”

  “I'm not playing at anything,” I shout defensively. “Be with me.”

  As the demand leaves my mouth, Taylah comes into view. Her jaw clenched, a fake smile plastered on her face, as she warns us we’re about two seconds from ruining Dakota’s birthday.