Spin Out

by James Buchanan

  I almost folded him in two so I could get at his mouth with mine. Moved his knees up onto my shoulders…that boy was flexible as a cat. My left arm, shaky but strong, kept me up off of him and not crushing his chest. His prick felt like molten steel when I wrapped my right fist around it and started jacking him off. I knew I gripped him probably too tight, but Kabe liked the pain. Said it did things to him in his head. I knew giving it to him did things all in my head, jumbled up my thoughts and made my senses spin like a pinwheel caught in hurricane.

  Lord, he was hot and tight and everything I’d ever dreamed of. I mean, no matter what, it’s good, my dick up some guy’s ass. But first, this is Kabe, my Kabe. Yeah, they all say guys ain’t emotional about it…that’s just stupid. I mean, the worst sex with Kabe was ten times better than the best sex with some guy whose name I never knew. Then this feeling him, there’s that whole layer stripped off. So insanely soft and hot. I was ready to blow the moment my head slipped in past that ring of muscle. It burned my nerves it was so good. Just ripped me to shreds all inside.

  As I kissed him, hard, I shoved my tongue between his teeth. I never thought it could feel so different, so intense, all uncovered. It was like ten thousand little kisses all along my shaft. Nothing damped down the sensation of my head forcing its way deeper with each thrust of my hips.

  And then, when Kabe started sucking on my tongue, I lost it. It was like someone had lit off firecrackers at both ends of my body. It frayed every nerve I had. Just drowning in that feeling, I pounded him like a jackrabbit. I didn’t want it to end, but I could feel it building. I slammed him harder and harder. If somehow I could have gone deeper than where my cock joined my pelvis, I would have.

  “Joe!” Kabe could barely get my name out past his lips. “Slow down, I’m going to come.”

  No way I’d slow down. I squeezed his dick hard in my fist. Could feel the drag of his skin as through my fingers as I pulled my hand down along that hot piece of meat. The veins bulged like fire hoses with all the pressure I put on it.

  Kabe started this chant of, “shit, hurts, shit, more,” that set fire to my blood. He shook, his muscles not acting with any sense. This wild thing pinned on my dick and thrashing about underneath me. Felt like I could tear his prick off with how hard I pulled it. And he’s yelling out these sounds that clawed my mind. Then it happened. White spunk shot out over his skin. My own sense of self folded in and over itself almost a thousand times until I swear I touched my own soul as I came.

  I kinda just collapsed down on him at that point, my brain this gooey mess that couldn’t have added two and two if my life depended on it. My bones were jelly. Figured I might actually sleep that night. In fact, thought I might just drift off right then.

  “Joe.” Kabe’s voice barely penetrated the warm blanket of relaxation that wrapped up my senses. “Joe!” This time Kabe bit my shoulder.

  “Hey.” I rolled onto my back and glared at him. “What the heck was that for?”

  Kabe eased over onto his side, back towards me, and rattled the short chain of the cuffs. “I’m starting to not feel my fingers.” Turning his head so I could see his face, he added a half-assed glare. “Can we get these off?”

  I sat up. “I’m sorry.” Kinda had to struggle off the bed, pulling my jeans up from my ankles as I went. I reached over to grab my Sam-Brown belt off the nightstand and fished the keys out of the cuff-case as Kabe rolled onto his stomach. Got the cuffs off quick enough. As I put them and the keys back in the holster and set the belt back on the night stand, Kabe flopped onto his back.

  Kinda taking turns with each one, he rubbed his wrists. A contented hum made me think he enjoyed the ghosts of the cuffs as much as having them on. “Going to take a moment,” his voice sounded as relaxed as my body, “and then I got to go hit the can.”

  Standing over him, looking down on him, I realized, really, what we’d gone and done. “Lord Almighty.”

  “What, I’m so good you gotta thank God after?” Kabe teased me without looking up.

  Couldn’t think of how to put in words any of what I needed to say, so instead I just said, “I’m sorry.”

  Now he looked up. “For what?”

  “I should have kept my head.” I rubbed the back of my neck with one hand. “Not gone and done it without nothing.”

  “Joe.” Kabe snorted out a laugh with my name. “How many guys you been with, in say the last six months?”

  Didn’t even have to think on that. “You.” And it’d probably been six months before I’d even set eyes on him that I’d been with anyone.

  “That’s what I thought.” Sitting up, swinging his legs off the bed, Kabe grabbed at my belt loops and pulled me over close. “Come on. Stop beating yourself up.” He kissed my belly in between his words. “I trust you. I wanted you to.”

  “Sure about that?” I hoped he was, because it was a hair on the wrong side of oops if he didn’t.

  “With you, yeah.” Now I got a lick. “Because, I don’t know. You don’t lie about shit like that. If there was an issue with your status, you’d have told me when we first met.”

  I twisted up my finger in a wild strand of his hair. “You gonna promise it’s just us?” I needed to hear that this, where we’d got to, wasn’t gonna happen with someone else.

  “Just us?” He looked along the line of my body with those big forest colored eyes of his.

  “Look, I don’t need to have a ton o’ guys out there to keep me happy.” Kinda hemmed and hawed to get it all out. “If you do, I don’t know, cain’t say I’d like it, but you and me, we come from different places. I’d accept it, you know? But I wouldn’t like it.” Then I swallowed before I rushed out the last bit. “But, I don’t want you, out there, not being safe with nobody else.”

  “Joe, okay, maybe a mutual stroke-off somewhere…but that’s kid shit.” Wrapping his hands around my middle, Kabe nuzzled against my stomach. “Stuff I’ve done since I was old enough to get a hard on.” He squeezed. “Seriously, dude, it’s you and me and nobody else.”

  I wrapped one big paw around the back of his head and ran my other hand down his arm. “So long as you’re sure.”

  “I am.” He took one of those deep, deep soul settling breaths. “Completely sure.”

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  Chapter 13

  The last time I’d been to the State Police Academy was for a set of classes to certify me to be an evidence collection specialist—I’d gotten all my original courses, except the driving one, at Dixie State College. Not sure what it was with all the training buildings in Utah. The same guy must’ve gotten the contract to design them all. Every interior boasted identical cinderblock walls painted white, light wood and not enough windows. Cold, sterile and mighty unforgiving; I hoped that attitude didn’t carry over into my hearing.

  I walked past the tribute wall with all the American flags and pictures of the men and women in Utah Law Enforcement who currently served in the military. Normally a sight like that would make me proud that I was part of it, but not today. Every step seemed heavier than the last. Sheriff Simple walked behind me, his thoughts likely as grave as mine. Lord only knew what ran through Kabe’s head with all this…’least right then he was pretty quiet.

  Wasn’t at all sure what I was in for. No matter how I brushed it off to Kabe, I was so nervous that my balls felt like they were trying to crawl up into my body and hide. If the Peace Officer Standards and Training Council had just agreed with my boss’ account, I’d have gotten a Letter of Caution. Instead of sending over one of their investigators to take some statements, they’d called me in. Since I was here, now that I was here, it really hit how they wanted us with our knees under the table.

  That just never equaled good.

  Still, I’d do like I done when the Sheriff called me out on my messing with Kabe—claimed I’d dumped a “a load of manure as deep as Red Rock Canyon” on him when it happened—I’d take my lumps like a man.

  I made my bed.


  I’d lie in it.

  And I figured all this hoopla with witnesses and all weren’t all that necessary. When they asked me, I didn’t plan on denying nothing. Lying would just dig a deeper hole than I was already in. If I just went in, told them, yeah, this is what I did and I know it, then they’d likely just get on with their official reprimands and I could go on home. Lord knows they had plenty of matters to handle, since they only met but four times per year.

  I came up into the hall where the POST Council room was located. A bunch of other men and women held up sections of wall—not all of ‘em in uniform like I was. Some were there, like me, to see the Council for the first time and learn their fate. Others already had received suspensions or revocations of their POST Certifications from last quarter and wanted to appeal the decisions. Either way, not a one of us could meet the other’s eyes.

  The three of us found a section back off in a corner where we could see the door to the Council room. I knew it was middle of winter, but I wished somebody would put on the air. The atmosphere just felt too heavy to breathe in right.

  “Joe.” Kabe kept his voice low like you might at a funeral. Kinda what it felt like to me. “What’s with all the people?”

  I didn’t really want to talk about the situation. “Others that got hearings.” I’d managed to keep my nerves in check, but being here smelling everyone else’s guilt and fear made me sweat.

  “You said this is no big deal.”

  “It ain’t.” If I didn’t make it a big deal, it wouldn’t be. I just kept telling myself that, ‘cause I needed to just get through it. “Look…” I swallowed, trying to down the ball of bile that kept rising in my throat. “…like I said, Sheriff Simple and I are gonna go in and talk with them.” The smile I tried to play off for him felt like it might rip the muscles out of my face. “I suspect they just wanted you here in case I tried to deny what went on. These hearings don’t last all that long and they’re pretty informal from all I’ve heard.”

  He prodded me, “You sure?” His worry fed my own nervous belly.

  I didn’t like it, since the longer I waited the less certain I was of anything. “Trust me.” Trying to back up my bravado, I stroked down his forearm with my knuckles. “There ain’t gonna be nothing they need you for.” I said that almost more for myself than to reassure him. I might have said more, but a man wearing the black uniform of Salt Lake City Police and the insignia of a Deputy Chief came out from the council room with a clipboard in hand.

  “Alright folks…” He sounded gruff, efficient and deep down soul weary. “We’re about to get started here. New matters will be taken first, so those of you who have appeals, you might want to go grab something and be back in about two hours.” He glanced down at the papers in his hand. “Johnson is continued to next quarter, Halifax is running late, that brings us to Peterson.”

  I pushed away from the wall. “That’d be me.” Every eye in the place burrowed into my back, like a bunch of cattle watching the first one head up the ramp to the slaughterhouse and knowing what comes next for them too.

  “Got a union rep or attorney?”

  “No.” Fidgeting, I twisted my Stetson through my fingers. “My boss is with me, though.”

  “Okay.” After another glance at the forms, he asked. “There’s a subpoenaed party ‘round here somewhere?”

  Kabe stepped up. “Here.” I could tell by the tone in his voice that he’d caught the vibe off the other officers in the hall; jumpy, unsure and ashamed as all hell. “We came down together.”

  “Okay.” The officer nodded and then pointed to me. “Council wants you first. Your superior can accompany you.”

  I popped Kabe’s shoulder with my fist, trying to use a little horseplay to ease his worry. “Won’t take long.”

  As Kabe whispered, “Good luck,” I eased past the officer holding the door and into a stuffy little room. The click of the wood shutting behind me drove all the acid from my stomach up into my chest. Managed to swallow it back some as I found my place by the pair of chairs set out for us.

  For as much fear we all had of them, the POST Council chambers weren’t much to talk about. Maybe the size of my bedroom back home. Several prison-built conference tables formed a T arrangement right then; the council members sat along the longer end with a mess of folders and binders spread across the table in front of them. Some wore uniforms, but not all. The council counted senior law enforcement officers, attorneys and citizen representatives among its members. A white cinderblock wall and a pair of listless flags, US and Utah, backed the scene.

  “Deputy Peterson,” the Salt Lake City officer talked as he walked up to the head of the room, “I’m going to advise you of your Garrity rights.” He settled into his chair and indicated we should sit too. After taking a deep breath, he launched into the admonition. “You are being questioned as part of an investigation by the Police Officer Standards and Training Council as to possible violations of POST regulations and your fitness for duty as relates to alleged custodial sexual misconduct.” He talked so fast, I could barely catch my breath. “Since this is a potential felony offense, any answers you may give might incriminate you in any criminal proceedings that could be brought. As such, you are hereby granted conditional immunity in that no answer you give or any evidence derived from those answers may be used against you in any criminal proceeding save for an action for perjury should you be found to be intentionally giving false testimony before this council.” He paused and looked at me. “Do you understand this?”

  “Yes I do.”

  “You must answer any questions specifically and directly related to the performance of your duties and your fitness for office.” This equaled the equivalent of me reading some offender his Miranda Rights and being sworn into court all rolled up into one long set of words. “Refusal to answer can, itself, subject you to disciplinary action including revocation of your POST certification. And while your answers cannot be used in a criminal action they can be used for subsequent disciplinary proceedings relating to your fitness for office.” Another pause let my mind catch up. “Do you understand?”

  My voice hardly seemed loud enough to get picked up the by the microphone in front of me. “I understand.”

  “You also understand that you have the right to have either a union representative or legal counsel present at this inquiry.” Each time the officer from Salt Lake spoke it was like his words wormed into my chest and started feeding on my lungs. “Do you have a representative?”

  “No, I do not.” My sheriff might have had my back, but he wasn’t there for more than that.

  “Do you waive the right to have a representative present?”

  I swallowed and stuttered out, “I do.”

  “Alright.” His grim smile flashed like death across his face. “Let’s get started. We have about forty cases to get through today. Is this case from the third or fourth quarter of the year?”

  A woman in the uniform of the Utah State Troopers answered him. “Fourth.” I couldn’t tell her rank from where I was seated. It’d likely be Colonel or Lt. Colonel. Only top officers had seats on the Council.

  “Deputy Peterson.” A third person, this time an elderly man in a navy suit, spoke. I guessed him to be the administrative law judge assigned to preside over the council. “You are here before us today regarding your interactions with Kabe Varghese.” Hollow thumps echoed in the room as he tapped his middle finger on the top of the table. “Let’s get right to the meat. Did you have sexual contact with him?”

  I almost couldn’t answer. I knew I had to, but the effort made me darn near have to puke. “Yes I did.” Somehow I dredged up the balls to jump in and add, “And so we don’t have to go through the whole dance,” even though I couldn’t raise my eyes from the table I managed to spit it all out, “it’s full bore sex, not just touching and such.” Figured if I just got it all out at the beginning my hell would end that much sooner.

  Another man asked. “On how many occasions?�
� I didn’t catch who since I was too busy studying the printed on wood-grain in front of me.

  They were just gonna flay me open with a gutting knife with their questions. “I don’t rightly know.”

  “How can you not know?” That time I caught the question coming from the Sheriff of Iron County. Should have recognized his voice since our departments butted up against each other and I’d been involved in investigations with his men. For the life of me though, I could not remember his name.

  “We’ve been together since mid August, at least once a week since then.”

  The head Trooper chimed in again. “You’re describing an ongoing relationship.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” I nodded so hard I thought my head might just come off.

  “Do you consider yourself to be in a relationship with Mr. Varghese?” Her questions prodded hotter than a fire poker.

  “Yeah,” I caught myself, “yes, I do.”

  Another little wound seared into my chest when she asked, “Romantic relationship?”

  “That’d be apt.” Why that mattered, I didn’t know. Still, I had to answer what they asked. “I’m pretty sure I feel that way for him.”

  The Deputy Chief coughed before asking, “Did you know he was on Probation when you began this relationship in mid August?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why did you do it then?” That came from the trooper again and the question didn’t ring as sour as the ones from the other Council members. “You knew the consequences.”

  “I know.” I realized I’d been sitting there popping the joints in my fingers by pulling on each one in turn. “I guess it’s just, well the right person at the wrong time.” It took effort, but I managed to still my hands by placing them flat down on the table in front of me. Time seemed to slow like molasses as I tried to sort it all in my mind.

  The whole room got quiet…not even nobody shifting in their seats or nothing. “I’ve never felt the way about anybody like I do him.” I hardly admitted that to myself before this, much less told anyone else about what was going on inside my head. “And maybe the first time I just figured I wouldn’t get caught.”