Regretfully
Page 2
“No one expects you to recover from this anytime soon, but promise me you won’t stop living while you deal with Cami’s death. Don’t take a single day for granted, Tristen. Nice talking to you, by the way. I work at the Brynlyn Daycare down the street if you ever need someone to vent to.”
Walking away, I was left flabbergasted by our chance encounter. After six days of running on hardly any sleep, I finally got a good night’s rest and woke up remembering Aria’s words, vowing to live each day for Cami. I had hoped that, eventually, I’d get to where I could have someone to lean on or just someone to talk to about her.
That boy. I could see the love and pain in his eyes. He might not be one for words, but he was different.
Cami was his world. We all knew it, but played along with their wishes for it not to be publicized. I’d only seen him twice before, but I recognized him immediately on the beach. His mussed-up shaggy blond hair and toned, tanned body were unmistakable, but seeing the ache in his eyes was torture.
As I pulled into my driveway, I noticed Sutter was already home. I should’ve felt butterflies when I looked at him, but I didn’t. I was comfortable with him, I’d admit. Instead of a spark, we had a flameless candle. Easy to manage and no risk.
We’d lived together for the past four months, and he was who you’re supposed to take home to Mom. He was a speech pathologist and worked primarily with children. He had come by my daycare one day to let me know of his work with kids and how well therapy worked with pre-school aged children. He gave a lame excuse, saying I should go out to dinner with him to discuss it in further detail, and I reluctantly agreed. He was a great guy with a remarkable personality and a huge heart. Our love was slow growing, and I knew I needed to give it more time to develop.
Sutter was sweet and had his future all planned out. He wanted to eventually start his own practice, but not before starting a family and having a few kiddos. It seemed nice, on paper.
I haven’t told Sutter everything; there were some things about me he probably should know by now in our relationship. At first, I wanted to wait until we were more serious, but lately I felt like I needed to protect my secret. It was mine, and I feared he wouldn’t understand. I didn’t talk about it with anyone, except for the few who were there. They knew what happened but didn’t speak of it.
My thoughts circled back to Tristen and to him suffering through his loss alone. I was no one to him, but I couldn’t help but brainstorm ways to see him again. I wanted to comfort him just as he could me. Both being broken in our own way, we had that connection of loss and not knowing how to handle it. His was fresh while mine was a while back, but it felt similar.
Sutter knew about Cami passing away but tossed my feelings aside since we hadn’t seen each other in a while. He said it shouldn’t hurt as bad since Cami and I weren’t having lunch dates and hanging out all the time. He saw things as black and white, and I needed some gray in my life.
That was one of the big things that bothered me about my boyfriend. He worked with kids, yet had minimal compassion. Who could tell another person how they should feel after someone they know died? They didn’t know how deep their connection was and everyone mourned differently. It wasn’t science, it was humanity.
Walking into the house, I found Sutter on the couch watching some reality TV show.
“Hey sweetie, how was work?” he called out without moving or taking his eyes off the screen.
“The usual. One of the little girls in the Pre-K4 class has effectively given the stomach bug to most of her class, though. That room needs to be quarantined so the rest of the children don’t get it, too. Poor kids, though. They don’t understand why their tummies hurt and most of the parents can’t afford to take a day off from work to be at home with their child.”
I tossed my purse on the front table and kicked off my sandals. I was so ready for some wine and a bath. Food, at this point, was secondary.
“Sucks. Kids are always touching and sharing everything. I hope you don’t get sick, sweetie. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself, too. Hungry? I made a steak with some sweet potato fries earlier for me. If you want me to fire up the grill, I can make you one.” He still hadn’t turned his attention to me.
“Maybe after I take a bath. I feel slimy and want a little time to unwind. Give me forty-five?”
“Sure thing, Aria. Missed you.”
“Missed you, too, Sutter.” I made my way over behind the couch and reached over to kiss him on the cheek. That got his attention.
“I think you need a little help getting clean, babe. Maybe we should hop in the shower first so I can lather you up and get you all nice and clean. Then you can relax in the bath while I cook your dinner. Sound good?”
“Sounds perfect.”
Even after making love to Sutter, my mind still drifted back to Tristen while I soaked in the bath. Seeing him at the beach yesterday was by pure chance, and now he was stuck in my head. I felt so conflicted, thinking about Tristen when he just lost the love of his life. I was her friend— having thoughts about him was off-limits. I tried rationalizing with myself that I hadn’t done anything wrong, but I went to bed that night feeling like a terrible person and sad for the loss of a potential friend.
Tristen’s pain was evident in his eyes, and I knew he needed time. Time to heal, time to figure out who he was without Cami in his life. But I was still intrigued by him.
Who was the man behind those luminescent green eyes?
I couldn’t go back to work. I tried but seeing little kids wanting to surf out in the same water that took Cami from me was terrifying. I had given all my classes to Peter within the first few days of being back.
Surfing was all I knew. I’d helped out my friend, Carter, at his surf shop every now and then over the past four years, and he let me slide into a management position when I confided in him about my predicament. He’d rather be spending more time out in the water anyway, so it was a win-win.
My days became routine. I woke up, grabbed some coffee, made my way down to the beach and spent an hour or so talking to Cami about the previous day and how much I missed her, headed to the surf shop, came home to an empty house, attempted to have some dinner, watched TV ‘til my eyes couldn’t stay open any longer, and finally passed out. Sleep came in few-hour spurts, and I often woke up from nightmares of Cami suffering alone or happier dreams of us together. Either way, she was always on my mind.
Everyone else was back to their normal routine. Ryder had been distant and was back in LA. My friends were scared to talk about her around me. I felt like I was the only one who still cared and thought about her daily.
I felt empty. Alone.
The most random things sent me back in time, to when we were still together, and she was still with me. The smell of coconut reminded me of her shampoo. Seeing food trucks on the side of the road reminded me of her love of shrimp tacos. Just the other day, I went to put on underwear after a shower, and her favorite red boxer briefs brought me to tears. She loved when I wore those. My shower reminded me of our countless times of making love under the steady stream of water.
She would have been a good five months pregnant now with our child. She would have been my fiancée. I had already bought the ring but wanted to wait until everyone knew about us and the baby before asking her to be my wife.
I’d never meet our child. The stinging in the back of my eyes surged, and I needed to get to the back room before the customers saw me tearing up. I never used to cry, but now I came to accept it. I just didn’t let others see it.
After pulling myself together, I came back out to the main area of the store and immediately noticed Aria’s wavy auburn hair walking toward the dressing room. I hadn’t seen her since that day on the beach, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t happily surprised to see her again.
Her laughter filled the room, and I couldn’t help but anticipate her reappearance from behind the curtain. Why was she here? More importantly, why had I noticed?
“Shut the fuck up. I know her, kinda.” I scratched the back of my head and contemplated my answer. I didn’t really know her. I just wanted to. She knew Cami and had that connection with her. She knew her in a completely different way, and I wanted someone to share memories of Cami with.
My thoughts went back to Cami and the solid relationship we had built. This would be betrayal. I couldn’t be friends with Aria. All I wanted was to feel close to Cami again, and in some fucked-up way, I felt that Aria could be that connection.
When the curtain slid open, my jaw dropped, and I was cursing myself over my blatant staring.
Son of a bitch.
Aria stepped out in a deep green bikini that pulled her breasts together perfectly. She flipped her head back and let out a hearty laugh as her friend whistled in approval and slapped her ass. Her skin wasn’t a deep tan, but it had a sun-kissed creaminess to it that was complimented by the bikini.
Before I could come to my senses, Aria looked my direction and caught me staring. She ducked her head, as if embarrassed, but slowly brought her eyes back up to meet mine. Those cute dimples made their appearance, and I couldn’t help but smirk.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had genuinely smiled. Thoughts of Cami made me smile, but they were only memories. I tried to hold on tight to them in fear of forgetting the smallest thing about her.
“Ryder! Tell Tristen he needs to man up and help a girl out.” Cami was trying to zip up her dress for the party we were headed to but was failing miserably. I couldn’t help but snicker at the pout she gave when her head popped out of her bedroom door.
“I’m not putting him through that. You shouldn’t have bought a dress you couldn’t get into yourself,” Ryder called out while grabbing two beers and a Mike’s Hard Lemonade from the fridge for us. Ryder had no idea about our relationship and Cami thought it was fun to test the boundaries.
“Tristen!” Cami whispered to me so Ryder wouldn’t be able to hear. “Get your tanned ass in here before I make a bigger scene! I’m not the one who is scared to tell him, you are. Now, please, come help me.” Her voice started out with anger and ended with sincerity and need.
“Hmm, what kind of scene are we talking about?” I stayed perfectly still on the couch waiting for her to play out what she started.
“Well-” She took a quick glance to make sure Ryder wasn’t close by and proceeded to let the dress fall at a teasing pace, making me shift to adjust my stiffening cock. Damn her.
“Not fair.” I contemplated my situation, but my other head quickly won the battle, and I leaped up off the couch and strode toward her with purpose. Two could play at this game.
“How do you expect me to play the loyal friend when you’re over here showing your perky tits that are aching to be sucked, licked, and nipped? Hmm?” I grabbed her ass and pulled her toward me, earning a squeal from Cami.
Her dress slid to the ground and gathered around her cream-colored heels. I grazed my thumb along her bottom lip, and her eyes focused on mine. She crashed her lips against mine, and our tongues mingled like a dance. When our lips parted, I took in the sight before me. Heels and lacy black panties were all that covered her flawless body. A growl erupted from my throat as I fought myself.
All my defenses were quickly being torn to shreds. Ryder would be coming to look for us any second now, and we had no excuse for why we were in here alone.
“Mmm, you want me baby?” Cami purred as her hands explored my chest, making their way lower to the top of my shorts.
“I want inside you, Cami.” I pressed my erection against her bare skin, and the grin on her face should have told me I was in trouble.
“Hey, Ryder? Tristen broke my damn zipper and offered to wait while I find a new outfit. We’ll just meet you there. See you in thirty?” Cami yelled through the closed door to her brother.
Cami made her way to the dresser and hopped up on top of it, waiting for his response.
“Uhh, sure. Tristen, you sure you’re good with that? You know you don’t have to babysit her, she’s a grown woman.”
Cami couldn’t hold her laughter in, and I was right there with her. “I’m good, Ryder. It was my fault anyways. We’ll catch up to you.”
I started unbuckling my belt as I made my way over to Cami. Once my shoes were kicked off and my button was undone, I took a moment to take in her flawless body.
“I love you so much, my sweet angel. You’re mine, always.” I leaned in and pressed my forehead against hers.
“We’re each other’s. You’re my forever, Tristen. It was always you. I’m the luckiest girl alive, but I want to claim you. No one knows about us, baby. We need to let some of our friends know, at least Ryder.” She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and wrapped her lower legs around my hips to bring me even closer.
“I know. I like keeping you to myself. My parents were together to the world, but in reality, they couldn’t be further apart. We’re perfect right now; I don’t want to mess it up.”
“I promise, they’ll understand and warm up to us being together. Ryder needs to know, though.” Her eyes showed how much she loved me. She bit her lip, and I was done.
“Soon. For now, though, I have something else on my mind.” I pulled her closer to the edge and ripped both sides of her panties so that nothing stood in the way of my tongue and her wet core. Bending down, I moved her legs over my shoulders and swiped my tongue against her clit, eliciting a moan from her.
“Shh, baby. I haven’t heard him leave yet. No screaming until I say.” I began sucking and licking her clit while inserting one finger inside her already wet entrance. I could hear her whimper, but it just drove me even crazier. The need to feel her around me grew stronger.
“I-I can’t hold back. I’m so close.” I lifted myself up and continued moving my fingers quickly inside her. Bringing my lips to hers, I swallowed her moans as I brought her to climax around me.
Just then, I heard the distinctive beep from the alarm system, letting us know that we were finally alone.
Cami pulled my cock out of my shorts and boxers and stroked me for a moment. Tilting my head back, I focused on her soft hands against my hardness.
“Fuck, babe. Come here.” She slid her arms around my neck and drew me tight against her flesh. I aligned the head of my cock up to her clit and began moving in slow circles and up and down her slick entrance. Her arousal coated me immediately, and I had to fight the urge not to plunge into her right now.
After being romantically together for a little over a year and best friends before that, we knew each other’s bodies as if they were our own. Knowing that what I was doing was making her drip with want right now, made me even hotter for her.
Cami moved her hips, inching her way closer to me sliding into her.
So eager.
I slipped just the tip inside of her, and her moan pushed me over the edge. I needed to feel her and didn’t give a fuck about foreplay anymore. I slid back once and pushed back and didn’t hold back this time.
The scream that erupted from her mouth caused me to smirk, knowing that she was feeling completely full. I kept my pace slow and deep so that she could adjust.
“Oh, Tristen.” Her eyes stay focused on mine, and when I saw her biting her lip, I knew she was trying to hold back vocally.
“You should know by now that I hate when you hold back when we’re alone. Don’t fight it, sweetness. God, you feel incredible, Cami.”
Her moans grew louder and her movements became more frantic so I picked up my pace, using my thumb to rub her sensitive clit. Her hands clawed against my back, pulling me tight.
“Come for me, baby. Come all over my dick.” I was close, but would always wait for her to fall apart before I let go. She’d better hurry up.
“I’m there, Tristen. Oh shit! Fuck, baby, keep go
ing, it feels so good.”
My little sex addict. All mine.
I continued my assault, filling her to the hilt while trying desperately to hold off for a few more seconds, ensuring she was in her own state of bliss before I poured myself into her.
Rocking into her a few more times, I felt her tremble as I slowly came down from my high… Sex with Cami was exhilarating and never the same. Ever since she got on the pill, we had stopped using condoms, and it felt ten times better than before.
“Think we can blame the humidity and wind on our just-fucked look? Your hair still looks hot but mine not so much.”
Laughing at her mussed-up hair, I tried patting it down with no success. “Go fix yourself back up, and I’ll scavenge up all of our clothes. A few dirty looks doesn’t make what just happened any less worth it, baby. Plus, if anyone gives you shit, you know I’ll show them their place. You’re mine, and I take care of what’s mine.”
“What would I do without you?” With that, she started walking naked toward her bathroom, and I could hear her laughter, probably once looking in the mirror.
“Just-fucked looks good on you, Cami! Oh, and don’t put any panties on. I like knowing you’re ready for me whenever the mood strikes,” I hollered as I slid my boxers and shorts back into place.
“Just one more reason I love you, Tristen. Always thinking ahead.”
“Tristen? Tristen-n-n? You there?” Aria’s voice brought me back to the present. She was now back in her street clothes and standing a foot away.
“Huh? Oh, hey. Aria, right?”
I couldn’t be around this girl. I wasn’t ready to let Cami go and being around Aria made me feel vulnerable and exposed. She caught on to the slightest details.
“Yeah. How have you been? It’s good that you’re busying yourself with work. I didn’t realize you worked here.” She briefly looked away, but quickly brought her attention back to me.