If I Can't Have You

by Dawn Jiles

  “I’m texting the guy that I met on the dance floor. I know this may be wrong, but I’m fucking him tonight. My body needs this,” I told Bria.

  “You’re not wrong. You are single, so why not mingle?” she said.

  Corey’s ass was getting on my nerves. I mean, I missed the hell out of him, but he didn’t own me, and besides, he needed a taste of his own medicine. I wouldn’t go as far as fucking one of his best friends, but I damn sure planned to fuck Mr. Sexy, aka Tremaine.

  After the club let out, I decided that I would go out to eat with Tremaine. I spotted him standing at his car across the street from the club. I waved and smiled at him while I tried to cross the street. Before I could make it across, Corey stopped me.

  “Baby, please don’t do this. Come home with me,” he said.

  “Corey, I need my space. Please just leave me alone,” I said as I walked away.

  “Monique!” he yelled, but I kept walking.

  I got in the car with Tremaine, and I saw Corey standing there, looking pissed as hell.

  “I see you’ve got a lovesick puppy on your hands,” Tremaine said while laughing.

  “He’s just my ex,” I said, wanting to change the subject.

  I guess he sensed that, because he turned on some music and headed to this restaurant named Michaels. A half an hour later, we were eating and talking about some of everything. But before long I grew tired of talking. I was ready to do some fucking.

  “So, do you want to go back to my place?” I asked, staring him directly in the eye.

  “Nah, Ma. I don’t want you to think that’s all I want from you—although a nigga really wants to.”

  I instantly felt disappointed. After we finished our meals and paid the check, we walked to his car and got in. We didn’t say anything during the entire drive to Bria’s. Once we got there, he pulled up, and I got out of the car before he could even park. I was mad as hell and embarrassed because I had put myself out there and had gotten rejected. He parked his car and ran after me.

  “Wait up!” he yelled.

  I slowed down, and he caught up with me.

  “I’ll come in, Ma, as long as you know what you’re getting yourself into,” he said.

  I opened the front door and grabbed his hand. As soon as we entered the house, we both attacked each other. I kissed his lips hungrily, and he returned the favor. All of a sudden, a light turned on, and we heard someone clearing their throat. Tremaine damn near dropped me on the floor, and I got myself together enough to see who was standing there. I looked at David, and I was confused as hell. What in the hell was he doing here, and why was he half naked at that?

  “Oh, um, hi, David,” I said, feeling uncomfortable. “This is Tremaine. Tremaine, this is David. He’s my best friend’s guy.”

  They nodded their heads at each other, and then we walked past David and went to my bedroom. I knew he was going to tell Corey’s ass, but so what? Let his ass find out, I thought. He needed to know how it felt, anyway. And Bria definitely had some explaining to do in the morning.

  Tremaine and I continued where we had left off as soon as we entered my bedroom. He ripped my clothes off my body, and I did the same to him. He picked me up and tossed me on the bed. He spread my legs wide, then dug in tongue first. He flicked his tongue across my clit with expert precision. He stuck his finger inside my hole while sucking on my pussy.

  “Damn, Ma. You taste so good,” he moaned against my pussy.

  Those words alone had a bitch coming all in his mouth. He climbed between my legs, and I stared at his massive dick. I hadn’t gone down on Corey, so I, for damn sure, wasn’t going down on him. His dick was fat, long, and juicy. My mouth was watering just looking at it, but it just didn’t feel right to go down on him and not the man whom I actually loved. He put a condom on and slowly entered me. He rocked my pussy in slow motion while twisting his hips so that his pubic area was rubbing against my clit. This man was making me feel so good, and I didn’t know what to do with myself. He started long stroking me, and then he picked up his speed.

  “Damn, Ma. Fuck,” he said as he entered me from the back. “This shit is so good. What are you trying to do to a nigga?”

  The more he talked, the closer he brought me to my orgasm. I came so hard on his dick, and he filled the condom with his seed. Afterward, he lay next to me and cuddled up close to me. Minutes later, I heard him snoring. I thought about Corey and instantly started crying. I loved that man with all of me. How could he hurt me in such a way? Why hadn’t he just been honest from the start? I had given Corey every inch of me. I had given him my virginity, and he had hurt me bad as hell. Tremaine cuddled closer to me and held me. I knew that he didn’t know that I was crying, but it felt good being in his arms. I can’t lie. I was feeling him, and even though my heart belonged to Corey, it wouldn’t hurt to get to know Tremaine. I wiped my tears away and stuck my ass against his dick. I loved sleeping like that.

  He woke up and whispered in my ear, “You’re trying to start round two, putting that big ole ass on a nigga’s dick while I’m trying to sleep.” He started kissing my neck.

  I laughed at him as he lifted my leg and entered me from the side. Round two was even better, and I went to sleep with a big-ass smile on my face.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Bria

  As we were leaving the club tonight, I asked David to come over. We drove in separate cars, and he beat me to my house. I guessed he was just excited that I was even talking to him. I had one thing on my mind, and that was getting my back beat out. I’d been missing sex, and David was the only person I felt comfortable having sex with, seeing as that I was pregnant and all. I almost told him to leave once we got in my bedroom. I still had feelings for David, and I didn’t need those feelings clouding my judgment. I was not sure if I could have sex with him without getting back together with him. My heart was telling me one thing, but my body was screaming another. I took off everything and walked over to him.

  “You look so beautiful, pregnant with my baby,” he whispered in my ear as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

  I didn’t say anything; I just gently kissed him on the lips. He took off his clothes, and then we went to work. We went at it three times in a row, and if I wasn’t already pregnant, I damn sure would be now. After the last session, we lay there in the bed, catching our breath. He got out of the bed and put on his boxer shorts and left the room. He came back moments later, with a confused look on his face.

  “Mo is in there with that dude from the club. Corey is going to be pissed,” he said.

  “It’s time for you to go, David,” I told him seriously.

  “What did you say?” he asked, looking confused.

  “I said it’s time for you to go. You can’t stay here overnight,” I told him.

  He looked like he wanted to choke my ass. “I thought this meant that we were getting back together and working on being a family,” he said.

  “I tried being a family with you, David, but you ruined the chance of that ever happening the moment you cheated on me,” I said, on the verge of tears.

  I tried to hold them back, but I couldn’t. I just let the tears flow. “David, I gave you everything you could possibly want, and when things got a little tough for us, because I got pregnant, you left me high and dry,” I cried. “I can’t trust you to be there for me when we hit rough patches. How do I know that if I take you back, you won’t just walk out on me and cheat with these ratchet-ass hoes? You left me when I needed you the most, and for that reason, you have to go.”

  “I’m sorry, Bria. I would never do any of those things to you again. My mind wasn’t in the right place. Baby, please forgive me. I want to come home to you and my son every night. I want to hold you in my arms and never let you go. I know you were the best thing that ever happened to me. Baby, please. I need you. You can’t just have sex with me and then put me out.” He dropped to his knees to plead his case.

  I really wanted to believe him, and I
felt myself on the verge of taking him back, but deep in my heart, I felt as though it just wasn’t the right time. “The only reason you’re here is that I’m pregnant, and I didn’t feel comfortable having sex with someone else,” I told him.

  “Are you serious, Bria? You can’t be that heartless,” he told me.

  He started crying. I looked into his eyes, and I could see that he was really sorry for what he had done. Unfortunately, the damage was already done, and there was no changing that for now. I couldn’t get back with David and pretend like I was happy and not still hurt.

  “David, please get your things and go,” I told him as I walked out my bedroom door.

  I locked myself in my bathroom and cried for what seemed like hours. I heard the front door open and then shut, so I knew he was gone. I went to lock the front door and then returned to my bedroom and got in my bed. I closed my eyes to get some rest. My son was kicking me, so I knew he was tired of Mommy stressing.

  I woke up to a pair of eyes staring down at me.

  “What the hell you looking at, Mo? Can a sista get some sleep?” I said, already knowing what she wanted to talk about.

  “No, chick, so wake up, because I’m not going nowhere. I’m going to sit here in this comfortable-ass La-Z-Boy recliner until you get up,” she said, smiling. I knew her ass was serious too.

  I turned over to face her and stuck my middle finger up at her. Then I ran down every detail of last night to Mo.

  “You don’t think you were a little harsh?” Mo asked me when I was done.

  “No, I don’t. He did this to us—not the other way around,” I told her.

  “You know you love him, Bria. You talk a good game, but I know you want him back. You tell me all the time how you want to be a family with him. Why won’t you just forgive him?” she said.

  “Why won’t you forgive Corey?” I asked her.

  “I will someday, but right now, I choose to have a little fun. Mr. Sexy, aka Tremaine, is just the right person for the job,” she laughed.

  “Whatever,” I said, rolling my eyes at her.

  “How would you feel if David gave up on trying to work things out with you?” Mo asked me.

  I thought long and hard about the question. I would honestly be hurt, but could I really expect him to wait on me forever?

  “You know, at some point they will get tired of chasing after us and will move on with their lives,” Mo said.

  “I would be hurt, but I would get over it, just like I had to get over the fact that he cheated on me,” I said.

  “I honestly don’t want to see Corey happy with someone else. It would probably kill me,” Mo admitted.

  I would feel the same way if I knew that David was happy with someone else. Even though he had cheated, I knew that he wasn’t happy with ole girl. It was just something to do so he wouldn’t have to face his reality, and it was ultimately that decision that had us split up. Maybe one day I’d forgive him and take him back, but right now just wasn’t that time.

  Corey

  I was pissed as hell the night that Mo left the club with that weak-ass nigga. I didn’t think that she would actually have sex with him, until David confirmed otherwise. He said he caught them in the living room, practically sexing each other down by the front damn door. I was so heated that I wanted to kill this nigga and Mo’s ass too. How could she give my pussy to another nigga? She knew that she belonged to me. Her ass could keep playing hard to get if she wanted to, but she was bringing her ass home sooner than later. She was really giving this nigga time too; I had seen her and this nigga together more than a few times since Zoe’s party. That was why when I saw this nigga at the gas station, I had to stop and holla at him.

  I jogged over to him as he was coming out of the station. “Yo, my man, let me holla at you for a second,” I called.

  “What do you need to talk to me about, my dude?” he asked cockily.

  I started to knock his ass out right then and there, but I had something I needed to say to his ass.

  “Look, man, Mo is my woman. Now you’ve had your fun with her, and now it’s time for you to move on,” I said, looking him right in his eyes so he would know that I meant business.

  “What’s your name?” he asked me.

  “Corey,” I told him.

  “I’m Tremaine. Look, Corey, man, Mo chose me. It is obvious that you didn’t know how to treat her, or else she wouldn’t be spreading her legs for me every night,” he said with a smirk on his face.

  I was two seconds from deading this nigga, but I kept my cool.

  “Like I said nigga, you’ve had your fun. Now walk away, before we have some problems,” I told him as I walked closer to him.

  My father had started training me at an early age to be a killer. I could kill a nigga with my bare hands, but I wouldn’t waste all that energy on this nigga. I’d just push a few hot ones in him.

  “We will let Mo choose, and we all know how that’s going to end up for you. She chose me a few weeks ago at the club, and she is still choosing a nigga. I lay up in that tight, wet, tasty-ass pussy every night, my nigga. She doesn’t want you. That’s my bitch now, and if you knew what was best, you would back the fuck off,” he said, then walked away, like he was putting fear in my heart.

  Now, I was fucked up after hearing him describe how good and wet my bitch’s pussy was. I almost shot that nigga right then and there, but there was a time and a place for everything.

  “I’ll be seeing you, nigga,” I told him.

  “Yeah whatever, nigga,” he said, then sped off.

  I’d definitely be seeing that nigga later. Didn’t nobody talk to me like that and get away with it. I could already see that this nigga was going to be a big pain in the ass.

  I called Mo, and she sent me to voice mail, like her ass had been doing for the past two weeks. I hopped in my car and headed to Bria’s. When I arrived, I rang the doorbell and waited for one of them to answer. Bria came to the door, looking like her stomach was about to burst.

  “Can I help you, sir?” she asked.

  “Where’s Mo’s ass at?” I said, walking in without an invitation.

  “Um, how rude of you, but she’s in her room,” she said, rolling her eyes at me. She closed the door and then went in her bedroom.

  I burst into Mo’s room, ready to tear some shit up.

  “Why in the hell aren’t you answering your fucking phone, and why in the fuck do you keep sending me to voice mail?” I snapped.

  “First of all, don’t come up in here acting like your ass is running shit. Secondly, I don’t want to talk to your ass, and that’s why I don’t answer when you call!” she yelled at me.

  “Naw, fuck that shit. Pack all your shit. It’s time to come home. I tried letting you have your space. I tried being Mr. Nice Guy, but you’re playing too many fucking games. One minute you’re telling me that you love me and you miss me, and the next minute you hate a nigga. On top of that, you’re fucking this nigga Tremaine. You’re giving my pussy away to this lame-ass nigga. You know what? Fuck you, Monique. I don’t want your ass, anyway,” I said, then headed for the front door.

  “Naw, fuck you, nigga! Did you forget that you were fucking my best friend and didn’t fucking tell me about it? I do love you, but you hurt me, Corey,” she cried.

  She had me about to say fuck her ass for real. Just the thought of this nigga fucking her pissed me the hell off. When I saw her tears, my heart softened for her. I walked over to her and hugged her.

  “I love you too, Mo. I will never stop loving you,” I told her.

  She grabbed my hand and led me to her bedroom. We made love, and we spent the rest of the day together. We didn’t officially say that we were back together, but since she had given a nigga some, I figured we were making progress. She was definitely bringing her ass back home, whether she liked it or not.

  Sam

  Ever since things went down with Kevin, I’d been lying low, trying to figure out how to make him mine again. I ha
d decided that Kevin was the one I really wanted. He reminded me of my daddy the most. Well, what I could remember of him. I had decided that I’d leave Corey and Mo alone for now because I needed to put all my energy into getting my man back. Kevin and I had so much history together, and I was not willing to let it go, even if I had to kill Zoe’s ass. If that didn’t work . . . Well, you know the saying. “If I can’t have him, no one else will.”

  I was out and about, doing some shopping late one night, when I spotted Bria wobbling to her car. I really hated that bitch with a passion, and I thought it was time for me to get some payback. I ran to my car and waited for her to get in hers. She drove off, and I decided to follow her. I had my handy-dandy bat with me, and I was about to fuck her ass up.

  She had gotten away with hitting me a few times, and it was time for me to get her ass back. I watched as she parked her car at her place and got out. She walked around to her trunk and then started gathering her bags. I got out of my car, snuck up behind her, and hit her once in the back with my bat. She screamed out in pain. I punched her super hard in her mouth, and it immediately started bleeding. I punched her again, and she instantly hit the ground. That was when I noticed how big her stomach was, but that didn’t stop me. I kicked her a few times all over her body and then took off running to my car. That ought to teach that bitch not to fuck with me anymore, I thought.

  I drove to Zoe’s house, because I was in the mood to fuck some shit up. When I pulled up to her house, I saw her and Kevin walking into the house, holding hands. I wanted to get out of the car and kill both of their asses right then and there, but I decided I would wait.

  I grabbed my pocketknife from the glove compartment, climbed out of my car, and crept across the street. I slashed the tires on both of their cars and threw a brick threw a window of Zoe’s car. I ran back to my car and grabbed my lipstick, and then I dashed back to Zoe’s car. I wrote, “He’s mine, bitch,” on the hood of her car. I ran back to my car once more, climbed in, and headed back home. I couldn’t believe she had taken him back; I was sure that she was done with his ass. I started crying. Why can’t I just have the man I really want? Why do I have to fight all these bitches over my man? I wondered.