If I Can't Have You

by Dawn Jiles

  As I drove, my thoughts drifted to my dad. I wished I could remember exactly what he looked like. Mo’s dad was the closest person to a dad that I had ever had, but it wasn’t the same. “Why didn’t he want me?” I asked aloud as I began to rock back and forth in my seat. All my mom would ever tell me was that he loved me, but he had another family that he had to take care of. I was his family too. How could he just exclude me like that? Once I found out who my dad was, I was going to kill the woman and the kids who had stolen him away from me. I refused to continue to let them live happily ever after, when my mom and I had to suffer. Then, once I killed them, I would be happy with my daddy.

  Samariah

  I had been fighting this sickness for a very long time. I was not nearly as ruthless as Sam was. I was actually a nice girl. I didn’t like having sex with all these different guys, but Sam made me do it. I had been trying to fight her back, but she was too strong now. I had first realized that someone else was living with me the last time I saw my daddy. I was five years old at the time, but she lay dormant until I turned twelve. That was when she attacked those people. I didn’t even like Brent like that, but Sam just had to have him. They put me on these pills, but they weren’t strong enough and she started to take over everything. Now she had taken over fully, and I didn’t know how to get myself out of this mess. She was killing and hurting all my friends. I had to find a way to get back in charge before she killed someone else.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Monique

  I heard someone screaming, so I threw some pants on and then went to my front window to see what was going on. That was when I noticed Bria on the ground and a figure running away. When I made it outside, a car was turning the corner, and Bria was lying on the ground, unconscious. I pulled out my phone and dialed the police. They made it in, like, two minutes, and they rushed her to the hospital. I called her parents, David, and Corey, and they met us at the hospital. I was so distraught that I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I couldn’t afford to lose my best friend. They rushed Bria to the emergency room.

  “What happened to my baby?” her mom asked me when she and Bria’s dad found me in the waiting room.

  “Someone attacked her. There was blood everywhere, so I couldn’t tell where it was coming from,” I told them.

  “My baby has got to pull through. I never got a chance to apologize for treating her so badly when she got pregnant,” her mom cried.

  “She’s strong, honey. She’s going to pull through,” Bria’s dad said.

  We sat in the waiting room for hours before the doctor finally came out to talk to us. “Jacobs family,” the doctor called out. He was a thin white man with gray hair.

  “We are here,” her dad said. “What’s going on with my baby?”

  “We finally have her stabilized. She has a few bruises on her face and throughout her body. It looks like whoever attacked her hit her in the back with some type of object, causing her to go into early labor. We are about to perform an emergency C-section, because the baby is in distress. I came out to see if the father of the baby and one other person would like to be with her.”

  David quickly stood up. “I want to be in the room when you bring my baby into this world,” he said.

  “I’ll let my wife go back with him,” her dad said.

  “Okay. You two can follow me,” the doctor instructed.

  I couldn’t believe that someone would hurt my friend. She didn’t have any enemies except for Sam, but she wouldn’t hurt Bria, would she? Maybe it was just a robbery gone wrong. Bria did have a smart mouth, and I couldn’t see her just handing someone her stuff.

  “You okay, baby? You are shaking,” Corey said, putting his arms around me.

  Corey and I had been spending a lot of time together. I had never told him that we were back together, but we had been acting like it. I was still fucking Tremaine too. He wasn’t better in bed than Corey. I just wasn’t quite ready to commit to either one of them yet. It was hard trying to juggle two men, but I didn’t plan on stopping anytime soon.

  Bria’s mom interrupted my thoughts.

  “He’s here. Everybody come back!” she yelled with excitement.

  We walked back to the room, and I immediately went to Bria’s bedside. She was sleeping right now. She didn’t look as bad as I thought she would look. Her lips were super swollen, and she had a few scratches on her body. It looked like there was a footprint on her arm. I rubbed her hair and gave her a kiss on her forehead.

  “I knew you would pull through this. You are strong,” I told her.

  As soon as I said that, her body began to shake violently.

  “Help! Somebody help her! Something is wrong!” I yelled.

  Two doctors ran into the room and pushed us all out. I cried my eyes out until one of the doctors came back out with an update.

  “We got Ms. Jacobs stabilized, and she’s doing well. Her blood pressure dropped, and she had a seizure. Her body has gone through more than she could handle. We have to ask everyone to leave and come back in the morning. She needs her rest.”

  We all did as we were told, except David. He refused to leave, so the doctor said that it was okay for him to stay.

  Once I made it home, I took a shower and cuddled up with Corey. I was so scared for my friend that I couldn’t sleep. Corey held me close and told me that she would be fine. Hearing those words allowed me to sleep for a few hours. But the police had to find out who did this. I wouldn’t feel safe until they did.

  David

  I had never been more scared in my life than I was now. Seeing Bria like this had roused my anger, and I had a fear of losing her. I needed her to pull through this, because I loved her. I changed my son’s first diaper, and it was the greatest feeling I had ever experienced. I knew that this little boy was mine, because he looked just like me. He didn’t look anything at all like Bria.

  “David Jr.” I said out loud.

  I walked over to Bria’s bed with my son and kissed her on her swollen lips. The doctors were keeping her heavily sedated until the morning came. I laid my baby back in his bassinet and cuddled up next to Bria. I loved this girl so much, and I hoped that she finally forgave me for what I had done to her. I planned to fight for my family by any means necessary, and when I found out who did this to her, they were going to be six feet under.

  Bria

  I woke up in so much pain, and I was confused about where the hell I was. I looked around the room, and that was when I noticed that I was in the hospital. I tried talking, but my throat was so dry that it felt like it was about to crack. I moved a little bit, and that was when David jumped up and scared the shit out of me. I didn’t even realize that he had been lying next to me all this time.

  “I’m going to get the nurse,” he said, then ran out of the room.

  I rubbed my stomach, like I did every morning out of habit, and that was when I noticed it was soft. I instantly went into panic mode. What happened to my baby? I remembered getting attacked last night, but I didn’t see who it was. I did know that it was a girl. I could tell by her legs once I hit the ground. The nurse came into the room and began to check my vitals. She gave me some water to drink so that it would feel better when I tried to talk. She also gave me some painkillers to help with the pain.

  “Where is my baby?” I asked the nurse.

  Before she could get the words out, David came over to me. He was holding the most beautiful baby that I had ever seen. I reached for my son, and he gave him to me.

  “Hello, Mama’s baby,” I cooed at him.

  This little boy looked just like his daddy, and that was a damn shame because I was still pissed at him.

  “So what are we going to name him? David Jr., I hope,” David said.

  “I guess we can name him David Smith Jr.,” I said, looking up at David and smiling.

  “Friend, I’m so glad you are okay,” Mo said as she rushed through the door like she hadn’t seen me in ages. Corey was right behind
her. She ran over to me and then kissed me all over my face.

  “Get off me. Dang!” I laughed at her.

  “Sorry. I just thought that I was going to lose my best friend.” She laughed and cried at the same time.

  “I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got this handsome little man to live for. Say hi to your auntie Monique, DJ,” I said to my handsome son.

  Mo picked him up and cooed at him.

  “He looks just like David,” Corey said as he and Mo played with the baby.

  My mom and dad made it out to the hospital. My mom finally apologized for how she had treated me throughout my pregnancy. She wanted me to move back home so that she could help me with my baby, but that wasn’t happening.

  The police came and took my statement. They told me that they had collected some evidence from where I was attacked, and that they would keep me updated on the case. I didn’t care what they did. I was moving somewhere else before I left this hospital. David and I needed to talk about a few things, but right now, I was just going to enjoy being alive and being with all the people I loved and cared about. I wasn’t going to worry about anything else for now.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Sam

  I jumped up out of my sleep because I thought I heard someone moving around in my house. I knew that it wasn’t my mom, because she had gone to visit my grandmother in St. Louis. I thought that maybe I was being paranoid, so I went back to sleep. All of a sudden, the covers were snatched off my body, and I was smacked in my face with the butt of a gun. I couldn’t see who it was, because it was dark in my room and blood was now dripping in my eyes.

  “Please, don’t hurt me,” I begged the intruder.

  “Shut the fuck up before I kill your ass right now,” the man said. The voice sounded so familiar, but I just couldn’t place it right now. He grabbed me by my hair and pulled me out of my bed. “Take off everything,” the intruder ordered.

  “Sir, please don’t make me do this. I’ll give you anything you want. Just please don’t hurt me,” I cried. I tried to run past him, but he caught me by my hair and slapped the shit out of me.

  “Now listen here, bitch. The next time, I’m not going to slap your ass. I’m going to kill you. Now do what the fuck I told you and strip!” he yelled.

  I slowly took off my pajamas and stood there in my bra and panties.

  “Take every fucking thing off,” he warned.

  I did as I was told as tears streamed down my face.

  “Now, sit down on the bed and put both of your hands together in front of you,” he told me.

  I did as I was told. He wrapped tape around my wrists, and I began to cry even harder. The intruder dropped to his knees, and just as he was about to tape my legs together, I kicked him as hard as I could in the face. He fell backward, and I took off running. I ran down the stairs, but I lost my balance and fell down hard. I hit my head on the last step. I felt really dizzy, and I tried to get up, but I couldn’t. I crawled to the front door to make my escape. I reached up to open the door, and that was when I felt him pulling me by my legs. He picked me up and carried me back up the stairs. He threw me on the bed and hit me in my face again with the gun.

  I jumped, thinking that I had just had the worst dream. My head was spinning, and I had trouble adjusting my eyes to the darkness. I tried moving my legs, but I couldn’t. That was when I realized that it wasn’t a dream, after all. Someone really had me taped up in my own home.

  “I’m glad your ass finally decided to wake up. I couldn’t have you knocked the fuck out. I need you to feel all the pain that I’m about to bring your way,” he told me.

  He cut the tape on my legs and spread them wide. It was still dark in the room, but I could tell that he was ass naked except for the ski mask that he had over his face. “I’m going to make you feel real good before I kill your ho ass,” he said to me.

  He started eating my pussy. I tried not to enjoy it, because this bastard was raping me, but I was Sam, and this shit was hard not to feel. He ate the shit out of my pussy, and there was something very familiar about the way that he did it. He climbed between my legs and fucked the shit out of me. It was pain and pleasure at the same time. He finally came, and he stood up and got dressed. He turned on the lights and then stood at the foot of my bed. He took his ski mask off, and I couldn’t believe my eyes.

  “Surprise, bitch!” he said. I almost pissed my pants when I saw the man who stood before me. “Did you really think I would let you get away with what you did to me?” Eric said.

  “I killed you! You are supposed to be dead,” I cried.

  “Well, when you stabbed me in my chest, you almost killed me, but the doctors were able to save me. They reported to the news that I was dead so that my killer would think so. I spent months in the hospital because of what you did to me!” he shouted. He jumped on top of me and grabbed hair. “You know the cops questioned me day and night about what happened to me and if I knew who did it,” he said, with this creepy look on his face. “You know what I told them?” he asked.

  I didn’t say anything. I just listened to him rant.

  “I told them I didn’t know who did this to me, because ever since the day I woke up, I have been plotting my revenge,” Eric said while laughing.

  I really got scared when he began to laugh.

  “Look at what you did to me. You see this scar? I have to live with this for the rest of my life because of your dirty ass,” he yelled and slapped me with the butt of the gun.

  “Eric, please, don’t hurt me, I am sorry for what I did to you. We can move forward from this,” I lied. If I get out of this, I’m going to make sure I kill his ass this time, I thought.

  “You know what? I thought about keeping you around so that I could fuck you, because you do have some of the best pussy I have ever had,” he said, licking his lips at me. “But I won’t fall for your lies this time, and unlike you, I’m going to make sure your ass is dead. You are nothing but an evil, deceitful bitch, and you deserve what I’m about to give to your ass,” he told me as he raised the gun and pointed it directly at me. “Bye, bitch.” He shot me three times in my chest.

  Bria

  It had been a week since my attack, and I had my baby boy. After holding my baby in my arms and after almost losing my life, I decided to give David a second chance since God had given me one. I wanted to be a family with David and our son. I had not told him yet, but when he picked me up from the hospital in a few, we would sit and talk about it. My mother wanted me to move back home with them so that she could help me with the baby, but I refused to. Corey’s dad had hooked us up with another place that was on the same block as Corey and Mo’s place.

  David finally arrived at the hospital to pick me and Junior up. We rode home in silence, and I had a lot on my mind. We arrived at our new place, and he parked in the underground parking. He grabbed the baby, I grabbed the bags, and he led me to our place. He handed me my keys so that I could unlock the door. I walked inside and flicked on the light.

  “Surprise!” my family and friends shouted. I was so happy to see everyone, and I was even happier to see that our place was already furnished, and that the baby room was already set up with the things David and I had bought him when we were at our old place.

  “Friend, I’m so happy you’re home,” Zoe and Mo said in unison as they walked up to me and hugged me tight.

  “I’m happy to be home. It’s time to party. I am not pregnant anymore, so no excuses,” I told them.

  I entertained my guests for a few hours. My mom, Zoe, and Mo stayed a little longer to help me clean the house up. When they finally departed, I was left alone with David and the baby.

  “Okay, Bria. I’ll be back in the morning to check on you and my son,” David said as he headed to the door.

  “David, don’t go. Can we talk please?” I urged.

  “Sure,” he said, with this unsure look on his face. We sat down on the couch and just looked at each other for a moment.

 
“Listen, you hurt me really bad, but I really want us to have a family,” I said.

  “I want that too, but not just because I want a family. I love you, Bria, and I want to be with you because I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. It’s not just because I want a family for my son, though it seems like that’s what you are trying to say,” he said.

  “David, just listen, because this is really hard for me to say. When you cheated on me, you hurt me like I have never been hurt before, and a big part of me is scared to take you back because I don’t know what you are capable of anymore. Once upon a time, throughout our relationship together, I thought you would never cheat on me or hurt me like you did,” I said, fighting back my tears.

  “I admit that I was really wrong for hurting you, but I can honestly say that I have learned my lesson and I will never cheat on you again. And that is a promise,” he said.

  “I love you too, David, and I really want to be with you and have a family with our son, but if you mess up again, I will leave your ass without a second thought,” I told him, and I meant every word I said. I was not forgiving him if he cheated on me or if he even looked like he wanted to mess around on me. It would be over, and I would absolutely be moving on with my life.

  “Well, let’s go check on the baby and have makeup sex,” he said, smiling at me.

  I laughed at him. “We have to wait six weeks, baby, and I will be getting on birth control before you stick that thing in me again,” I said truthfully.

  “You know you want to have more of my babies,” he said, slapping my ass.

  “Not going to happen,” I laughed.

  “I see my son did you some good. You got a little ass and hips now,” he said, hitting me on my ass again.

  It was true. My baby did give me some ass and hips. I didn’t have them before the pregnancy. I was so glad I had chosen to forgive David and to work on our relationship. I felt ten times lighter now.