If I Can't Have You

by Dawn Jiles

  Before I went to the hospital, we had been in my bedroom, and I had been on top of him, riding the hell out of his pole. I had been bouncing up and down on him as if I wasn’t eight months pregnant when I felt a sharp pain rip through my stomach.

  “Damn, baby. You ain’t never came that hard. You’re wet as hell,” Tim had said.

  “I didn’t cum. I think . . . I think my water just broke,” I’d said.

  His eyes shot open. We both looked down, and that was when we noticed some fluid and blood mixed together. He damn near pushed me on the floor, then got up and started gathering everything we needed for our son. Although it was too early for me to be in labor, I was somewhat glad that I might be having my baby, because I was tired of being pregnant. He helped me get cleaned up as best as I could, and then we made a call to Sam to let her know what was going on.

  After they got me situated at the hospital, they checked me out, and it was then that I found out that my baby’s cord was wrapped around his neck and that I had to have a C-section. My baby wasn’t breathing when he came out, but the doctors were able to save him, and now he was healthier than ever. I wondered how that bitch must feel, knowing that I had given Tim the one thing that she wasn’t able to give him. I knew for certain that real soon, I would be marrying Tim, and we would finally be a family. When I became Mrs. Peterson, I was going to make sure that I flaunted that shit all in that whore’s face.

  Monique

  Two years later . . .

  Bria, Zoe, a bunch of girls I was cool with in high school, and I were all out celebrating. In a few days, I would officially be Mrs. Corey Anderson. At twenty-two years old, I would become a married woman, and I almost couldn’t believe it. Zoe had ended up pulling through after her accident. They never found out who did it, but I had my own suspicions about who did it. Of course, I hadn’t spoken to that bitch Sam since the day we left the hospital. My dad was in my ear every time he saw me about us making up, but he didn’t know all the messed-up shit that she had done to me.

  “Girl, what you over here thinking about? You are supposed to be getting drunk and having a good time,” Bria yelled over the music.

  “I am having a good time,” I said.

  Just as those words left my mouth, two sexy-ass male strippers came into our VIP section. My friend placed a sash around my body that said BRIDE TO BE, and then one of the male dancers picked me up and placed me on a chair. He began dancing between my legs and doing all types of crazy stuff as my girls cheered him on. About an hour later, the strippers left, and my girls and I headed to the dance floor. We were dancing our asses off and having a good time, until I heard a familiar voice.

  “These bitches have no class about themselves. Hoes out here, looking a hot-ass mess,” Sam said.

  Lord knows I ain’t trying to get into it with these messy bitches on the night of my bachelorette party, but I could already see that ho Sam was on one. She had come into the club with a group of bitches I didn’t know—except for one girl. She had all of a sudden became best friends with David’s so-called baby mama.

  “Look at them hoes,” Bria whispered in my ear.

  “Forget them. Don’t nobody got time for them ratchet hoes. Let them do what they do best,” I said and then started dancing again. That group of bitches came onto the dance floor right next to us. Sam bumped into me once, but I let that shit slide. If it happened again, it was going down.

  “I don’t know what Corey sees in that black bitch. He didn’t want her until her fat ass lost weight,” Sam said, and that was all I needed to hear to go and speak my mind to this bitch.

  “You got something to say? I hear your messy ass talking shit about me, but you ain’t woman enough to say the shit to my face,” I said after I walked up on her.

  “Bitch, get out of my face before I whip that ass,” Sam said and then muffed the shit out of me. Just when I was about to punch that bitch in her face, security grabbed me. Sam had grown some balls over the past two years, because she had always been a known shit talker, but she had never before thrown the first punch.

  “Bitch, I’m going to see your scary ass, you better believe that. And when I do, it’s going down,” I said heatedly.

  “Bitch, shut up. That’s why I fucked your so-called man first, and I bet if I see his ass, I can fuck him again,” she yelled.

  “Whatever, ho. That’s all your tired ass is good for. All you do is lay on your back for whatever nigga that wants to fuck,” I said. I grabbed my shit and stormed out of the club. This bitch always found some type of way to ruin shit for me.

  “Let’s go somewhere else. This bitch ain’t about to stop nothing,” Zoe said as she followed me outside.

  I was down for that because I definitely needed a drink after dealing with that silly ho.

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  Sam

  I really could not stand Monique’s simple ass. She really made me sick. I wished I had done more than muffed her, but security had interfered. I had to take a break from all the drama that was going on, because I had become a mommy. Yes, I, Sam, was a mother now to a little boy named Tremaine Mitchell, Jr. I had never known I was capable of loving anyone more than I loved my dad—and myself, of course—until I had my son.

  A few months after my mom gave birth to my little brother, I had found out I was pregnant. I hadn’t been opposed to having my son, because I had known for a fact that Tremaine was the father of my baby, and he had just happened to be at the doctor’s office when I found out. I must admit, I had had thoughts of aborting my baby, but Tremaine had been on me like white on rice, refusing to leave my side, so I had decided against it. I had also been pissed off because I’d been on birth control and still got pregnant. My baby looked like my father and Tremaine. He was so handsome. He had a caramel complexion, curly hair, and the deepest dimples I had ever seen. He had light brown eyes, and he was bowlegged as ever.

  Tremaine didn’t go anywhere without my baby. Things between Tremaine and me were very serious. For starters, we had stayed together, and he had asked me to marry him several times. At first, I had kept telling him that I wasn’t ready, but after the third time he asked me, I’d said yes. He’d been an absolute gentleman about it too. He’d gone to my father and asked for my hand in marriage before he even proposed to me. At first, I had messed with Tremaine to get back at Mo, and it had been the same for him, but somewhere down the line, we had both fallen in love with each other. Now he didn’t give a damn about Mo or Corey; his main focus was his son and me. He had told me that I should let go of whatever ill feelings I had toward Mo and just move forward with my life, and as far as he knew, I had, but I couldn’t let go of how much I hated her and how I felt like she had stolen my life from me.

  I still loved Kevin and always would, but my love for Tremaine was starting to grow stronger. My feelings for Kevin were what had been holding me back from marrying Tremaine, because I had been feeling like there was hope for me if that bitch Zoe was out of the picture. Imagine my surprise when I had found out that her family was crying tears of joy instead of tears of sorrow at the hospital. I had got word that she had actually died but then had somehow woken back up. I had been sure that the ho was dead, but I guessed I didn’t hit her ass hard enough.

  Even though I had agreed to marry Tremaine, right now, I had mixed feelings. Whenever I saw Kevin, I questioned my love for Tremaine, but whenever I was with Tremaine, which was every damn day, I hardly thought of Kevin. I loved Tremaine, and I really didn’t want to lose him, but I knew in my heart that I still loved Kevin. Or maybe I just didn’t want him to be with Zoe’s ass. It could be both. I didn’t know. Either way, I felt stuck right now.

  “Damn, babe. What are you in there doing? You’ve been in there forever,” Tremaine said as he poked his head inside our bathroom door. After I had left the club, I’d come home and run a hot bath so that I could gather my thoughts.

  “I’m getting out now. What? You waiting on me?” I asked while smiling seductive
ly.

  “Hell yeah. I’ve been waiting on your sexy ass to get home all night. I knew that once you walked out that door with them heels and that sexy dress, I would be waiting up for you so I can taste that,” he said, licking his lips.

  Miss Kitty began to moisten, and she was ready for Daddy’s tongue to make her purr.

  “Okay, baby. Let me finish up, and I’ll be right out to take care of you,” I said.

  I finished my bath, and I didn’t worry about putting on any clothes. My man wanted me badly, so I had to oblige him. I dried my body off and walked into our bedroom. When I made it to the bed, I found Tremaine lying down, buck naked, his pole standing at attention. I straddled him, grabbed his pole, and slid down on it. I rode him long enough for my wetness to coat him. I hopped off him, then took him in my mouth and made sure I licked and sucked everything off. I played with his balls as I continued to suck up and down his shaft. His balls began to tighten up, so I knew he was about to cum. I stopped what I was doing and then straddled him again. I rode him until we both exploded. Minutes later, he was sleeping like a baby.

  I was extremely happy that my brother had pulled through. My mom had had complications during his birth, but my brother had come out healthy and my mom had recovered. I was so happy because without my little brother, I didn’t see any chance of getting back my family, which Mo and her black-ass mother had stolen.

  I know you’re probably wondering how I ended up being friends with David’s baby mama. I was at the mall a few months after I had my son, picking up some clothes for my fat man, when I overheard some girl talking about how she had to check that bitch Bria for making David question whether he was the father of her son or not. Now, Milwaukee was small, so I knew for sure that she was talking about the same Bria and David that I knew. The most shocking part of all of that was that I had no idea that David had had a baby with Bria, and I was shocked as hell that Bria was still with him, as I knew that Bria didn’t play that shit at all. Now, I had been around her baby many times, because our sons played together all the time, and I thought the baby looked just like Meka, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t the father. Bria had told me she was positive that he was, and I believed her. So, anyway, being the bold bitch that I was, I walked up to her and introduced myself, and the rest was history. So, not only were my mom and I looking to make these bitches’ lives miserable, but Meka was too, and we were going to do everything in our power to make sure it happened.

  Sharon

  I had taken my husband back once again after his ass did some dumb shit and got that bitch Kendra pregnant. My main reason for taking him back was that I didn’t want her to have him, and of course, I still loved my husband, but I regretted the decision every time I look into that little boy’s face. He looked nothing like my husband, but he looked every bit like that whore of a mother he had. Even though he didn’t look like my husband, I was positive Tim was the father, because Kendra’s dumb ass had been faithful to a married man all this time.

  Tim did everything for that little boy. He was about to be three years old, and he had everything a teenage boy would have. Tim had him all the time, and when the boy was not here, Kendra was calling Tim every five minutes. She was always claiming that the baby wanted to see him, was sick, or wanted to talk to him. She’d say that the baby needed more clothes or needed to go to the doctor, which was a bunch of bullshit, and every time she called, he would run to do something for her. Between work and being with his son, he didn’t have a spare moment, and we barely spend time together. I was honestly fed up with this shit.

  If he weren’t so far up Kendra’s ass, Tim would have noticed the distance that had grown farther between us. When we initially got back together, things had been strained, but now they were even worse. I thought my little secret had a lot to do with why things were strained. I would be a damn fool to go back to Tim and not have some candy on the side. Since his time was all taken up, I had been occupying myself elsewhere. I had met a few guys during the year that Tim and I were separated, and when we got back together, I had placed my friends on standby.

  Things were really serious with one of my friends in particular. He really wanted to be with me, and to be honest, I kind of wanted to be with him too, but my husband somehow still had a hold on me. No matter how much he did me wrong, I couldn’t seem to shake him. I still loved him, and there was hope that he would change, but I had made a commitment to myself that I would never be faithful to him again unless I felt for sure that he was serious about us. I knew that was not the best way to go about things, but I felt like this was the best way to protect my heart.

  My friend had been trying to see me, so I decided that I’d go to his place and hang out with him. His name was Cameron, and he was so sexy. He owned several businesses, and he carried himself in such a professional manner. He was not what I usually went for, because, for starters, he was white. I had never dated a white man, nor had I thought I would ever be this attracted to one, but when I met him, he stole my heart. He had a dark tan, dark hair, and ice-blue eyes, and he was tall, with a muscular build. He looked like Eddie Cibrian, the guy who played Nia Long’s boyfriend in The Best Man Holiday.

  He greeted me at his door with twelve long-stemmed roses and a kiss. I walked in, and he led me to the dining room. He had me take a seat at the table, and then he served dinner. We ate steak and potatoes and talked for hours while sipping on wine. Everything was fine until the conversation shifted to us being together.

  “So, when are you going to walk away from this marriage that you are obviously not happy in?” he asked. I had been up front and honest with Cameron when my husband and I got back together. He respected my wishes, but we couldn’t stay away from each other.

  “Cam, it’s not that easy, and you know it,” I said.

  “But it is that easy. You are not happy, and he has no idea how to treat you. Sharon, I have been in your shoes. You know my ex-wife cheated on me, and I took her back, thinking she would change. I got slapped in the face when I caught her bouncing up and down on my best friend’s face,” he said. Cameron was a good man, and I knew he would be perfect for me. It was just hard for me to let my husband go.

  “I really hate when you put all this pressure on me. You have to let me make this decision when I’m ready,” I said.

  “Listen, I want to be able to show you how a man is really supposed to treat a woman. I shouldn’t be here with you. When he let you go, because of his foolish mistake, he allowed a real man to creep in and steal you. I promise, if given the opportunity, I will introduce you to a world that you never thought was possible,” he said, smiling that sexy smile.

  “I hear you,” I said, smiling back.

  “That’s what your mouth says, but your actions are saying something else. I have already given you my heart, and I am risking it because I’m hoping that you will see that with me is where you belong. I won’t press the issue any longer. I’ll let it go for now,” he said.

  I was glad. The conversation was making me uncomfortable because I wasn’t ready to make a decision just yet. Not to mention my husband didn’t even know that he could possibly lose me. I was tired of thinking about my problems, and I just wanted to unwind and enjoy the time I was spending with Cameron. I stood, walked over to him, straddled him, and covered his lips with mine, and you know what happened next.

  Bria

  Things between David and me were just okay. Our love was still strong, but this bitch Meka was still on her bullshit, which was making things harder between us two. We still didn’t know if David had fathered her son, Caiden, or not, because she never let Caiden come over, and she let David see him only if I was not around and if she was with them. I knew David was helping her financially, because the bitch had moved out of the hood, and she was living in a really nice area. David really believed the baby was his, and that was fine, but I wouldn’t believe that shit until the DNA results said so, and since it was on my mind, I decided to speak about it.

  �
��I am really tired of having this conversation with you, but you really need to find out if that baby is yours,” I said after we had finished having sex. I was lying with him, wrapped in his arms.

  “Bria, I really wish you would just drop this mess. I really feel like Caiden is mine. We just made love. Why do you have to ruin the moment with this bull?” he said.

  “Really? Our son looks just like you, but Caiden doesn’t look anything like you. I feel like you’re being soft when it comes to her,” I said, pulling away from him.

  “Bria, I am just tired of all the drama between you and Meka. Caiden is mine, and I’m not going to tell you that shit again. You and Meka better start getting along, for our kids’ sake, and I mean that shit,” he said, looking at me crazily.

  “You have really lost your mind if you think for one second that I would ever get along with her. I don’t ever pop off until that bitch says something to me. I think your ass is being naive at this point, because you believe anything her messy ass tells you,” I said.

  “Whatever, Bria. You’re looking for an argument, and I am not about to give you one. I am tired. I just wanted to come home to a hot meal and some warm pussy, but you just had to be extra tonight,” he said.

  “I’m just saying I don’t think it’s cool that you’re taking care of a child that you don’t know is yours,” I said.