If I Can't Have You

by Dawn Jiles

  “I know for sure that my son is his, and I don’t have to take a test to prove that, because my son looks just like his father—unlike Caiden. David, I can’t believe you are letting this go on,” I said, hurt as hell.

  Before he could reply, his mom said the most shocking shit to me. “Well, from what I hear, you weren’t all that faithful to my son, anyway, so he might not be David’s,” Mrs. Harris said, and Meka burst out laughing.

  I took a deep breath, because I was ready to show my ass in this bitch.

  “Wanda, now you are out of line,” David’s dad told his wife. At least somebody had stuck up for me.

  “Right, Mom. You have totally overstepped your boundaries,” David finally said.

  “I’m just telling the truth, and, son, don’t you talk to me like that,” his mom said and shrugged her shoulders.

  “I have only been with one man in my entire life, and that’s David—not that I owe you or anybody else an explanation about who I allow myself to be intimate with. You’re over here letting this ratchet ho tell you lies, so y’all can have your little family time without my son and me, especially since you doubt he’s your grandson. I don’t have time for this shit at all. Little David, come on. We are leaving,” I said. My son stopped what he was doing and ran over to me.

  “Mommy, do we have to go?” my son asked.

  I didn’t respond. I just picked him up and headed toward the car. After taking ten steps, I stopped and turned around. “Oh, and don’t you ever ask to see my child again,” I said to his mother. I turned back around and continue my hike to the car.

  “Baby, wait,” I heard David say as he ran after me. “Don’t leave. My mom doesn’t mean any of that,” he declared when he caught up with me and grabbed my arm. He had this dumb look on his face.

  “I don’t have anything to say to you. Don’t try to run behind me now. You weren’t thinking about me when your mother was bashing me and blaming me for everything,” I said as I snatched my arm away from him. I stomped away from him.

  “Baby, wait,” he said, but I kept on walking. When I reached the car, I strapped my baby in his seat. When I tried to get in, David stopped me.

  “Move, David. There is nothing left to say. It’s obvious that your mom thinks you should be with Meka instead of me. I think it’s obvious that we don’t need to be with each other. I am not comfortable at all with this situation, which was forced on me, and I feel like you don’t care about my feelings. I am tired of arguing and fighting with you and your baby mama all the time. I feel like I have no peace, and I can’t take it anymore,” I said as tears slid out of my eyes. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Meka walking toward us. I wiped my eyes and quickly regained my composure.

  “Baby, you don’t mean all this shit. I love you! You are the only woman I have ever loved, and I can’t lose you to this shit. I do care about your feelings. If I could take all this shit back, I would. Just please don’t leave me,” he said, trying to hug me and plead with me.

  “David, why are you out here begging her when your family is back there?” Meka said and smirked.

  “Right, David. That bitch is your family, so go and be with her,” I said, and then I pushed him off me so hard that he almost fell to the ground.

  “I’ve got your bitch,” Meka said, but she wouldn’t move any closer. I got in my car and shut and locked my doors so that David couldn’t stop me.

  “He’s all yours,” I said, loud enough for both of them to hear me, and then I sped off.

  When I looked in my rearview mirror, I saw him pulling his dreads back in frustration and that bitch Meka walking toward him. I started to turn around, intending to run both of their asses over, but they weren’t even worth it. The truth was, I was tired of this situation, and I knew I would never be fully happy as long as she was in the picture. So it was best that David and I went our separate ways.

  David

  When Bria drove off, my heart sank because I knew she was going to be pissed and would not want to deal with me. I knew it was going to be a while before my parents saw Junior again, based on the way my mom had treated her. Bria could be very stubborn sometimes. She didn’t take no shit, and that was what I loved most about her—unless her venom was aimed at me.

  “David, forget about her. I don’t know why you don’t see that things with her will never work. I want you to be a family with me and your son,” Meka said and then wrapped her arms around me.

  I pushed her off me ASAP; I already had enough problems. “I don’t know why you don’t understand that I am not trying to be with you like that. All I want to do is be there for my son,” I said as I headed back to my parents’ backyard.

  “But, David, I love you, and I know you feel something for me,” Meka said.

  I didn’t feel anything for her ass but resentment. If she had never gotten pregnant and started all this shit, things between Bria and me would be good right now. I knew Bria wanted me to get a paternity test done, but the more time I spent with Caiden, the more I loved that little boy, and it would break my heart if he wasn’t mine.

  “David, did you hear me?” Meka asked.

  “Yeah, I heard you, but I’m not trying to hear your messy ass,” I said. I turned and addressed my mother. “Mom, you were wrong for butting in my and Bria’s business. It’s not your place,” I said heatedly. My mom had really overstepped her boundaries.

  “Son, I was only telling the truth, and sometimes it hurts. That’s why she stormed out of here like that,” she said.

  “No, it’s because you ganged up on her with all those accusations that aren’t true. You’re letting Meka fill your head with bull,” I said.

  “You and Bria have hurt this poor girl enough. It’s enough that she has to see you prancing some girl around who is forcing you to have a blood test done on your son, especially given that she is still in love with you,” my mom said, pissing me off.

  “I can’t even do this with you, Mom. Stay the hell out of my business,” I snapped.

  “Son, don’t talk to your mom like that. But he’s right, honey. You need to mind your own business, and I’m not going to tell you again,” my dad said.

  I texted Kevin to pick me up so I could go home. My dad pulled me to the side.

  “Son, I’ll have a nice long talk with your mom about interfering in your business, but Bria is right. I have grown fond of that little boy, but I’m not sure if he’s yours. I think you should get a test done too,” my father said, but I was sick of everyone’s input.

  “Now here you go, Dad. I wish everyone would just leave this alone,” I said.

  “Look, I’m your father, and I want what’s best for you. I’m not saying you have to do it, but it doesn’t seem like a bad idea if you do. Look, either way, I support you,” my pops said.

  I chatted with my dad until Kevin picked me up. I had him drop me off at home. I had been calling and texting Bria since she pulled away from my parents’ house, but of course, she had been ignoring me. I was happy to see she was at home, but I knew it wasn’t about to be pretty. I walked in, and she was sitting on the couch, with a glass of wine in her hand, listening to Tamar’s CD Love and War, so I knew she was in one of her moods.

  “Where is my son?” I asked her.

  “Oh, he’s your son? I think we should wait on those test results so there will be no doubt,” she said and then sipped on her drink.

  “Quit playing with me. Where’s my fucking baby at, man?” I growled, getting pissed at her dramatic ass.

  “He’s at his grandparents’ house—the ones who have no doubt who my son belongs to,” she said with a smirk.

  “Baby, are we going to do this all night? I don’t want to argue with you. I just want to go to bed next to you,” I said, trying to switch the mood.

  “David, I need some space. I can’t do this with you anymore,” she blurted out, and the tears came soon after.

  “Baby, I’m sorry about today. I spoke to my mother, and I fixed things. Now, can we mo
ve past this please?” I said, sitting next to her on the couch.

  “There is nothing left to fix. I can’t deal with your baby mama and everything that comes with it. I’m done with this relationship, David, and you should go and be with her,” she said.

  “Bria, you are tripping. I don’t want that girl. The only woman I want is you. Why can’t you see that?” I said.

  “Look at how you allowed your mom to treat me today. Every time I see Meka, she disrespects me, and you let both of them do it. I am tired of the bullshit, and I am tired of this relationship. I want you to leave, and don’t bring you ass back. I can do bad by myself, and I don’t need nobody else’s help getting there,” she said. The more she spoke, the more hurt I felt.

  “You don’t mean that shit. I treat your ass really good, and I’m faithful to you,” I said.

  “But you weren’t always faithful, and that’s why we are in this situation now. You need to leave, before I go in there and pack your shit myself,” she said.

  “Look, I’ll sleep in the guest room, but you and I are not breaking up. I’m not trying to hear that bullshit,” I said as I got up. I headed to the guest room. I was dead tired and confused as hell by this point. I shut the door and went to sleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. When I got up the next morning, Bria was gone. She had left a note on the fridge.

  David,

  I love you, but I really need some time away from you and this relationship. It’s hard for me to accept that you had a baby on me. I have to deal with baby mama drama every damn day, and I am tired. I don’t know if this is the end for us, but right now, I’m going to focus on being happy and taking care of my son without all the drama. I honestly don’t feel like you are ready to be with someone like me. Maybe we are not made for each other, like I always thought we were. Maybe this relationship has run its course.

  I’ll see you around . . . I guess.

  Bria

  I called her phone and discovered she had blocked my number. Fuck my life!

  Chapter Thirty-three

  Zoe

  Kevin and I were walking through the mall, talking and shopping for little things we needed to decorate our house, which we had just moved into. Since the mall that Corey’s dad had given them to run had been making lots of money, Kevin had decided to upgrade our town house to a four-bedroom house in River Hills. It was a lot for me to handle, but I wasn’t complaining, because I loved our place. We were about to go into this store when we were stopped by someone calling Kevin’s name. This woman approached us.

  “Hey, Kevin. Long time no see. I missed you,” Imani said and then hugged him like I wasn’t even standing next to him.

  “Um, hey, Imani. What are you doing here?” Kevin said nervously, automatically making me feel like he was hiding something.

  “Hey, silly. I told you I was coming. I officially moved here about a week ago,” she said.

  I took a deep breath and exhaled loudly because I wanted both of them to know that I was pissed, and I made sure my facial expression said it all.

  “This my girl, Zaria, but we call her Zoe. Zoe, this is Imani, my friend,” Kevin said. It didn’t go unnoticed that he emphasized the word friend.

  “Oh, um, hey,” she said nonchalantly.

  I didn’t bother to respond to her, because she knew who I was, and she knew I had been standing here the entire time. She had just chosen to ignore me like I wasn’t shit. Bitches these days had no respect for you or your relationship, but I refused to let this ho have mine.

  “Well, I guess I’ll let you two be,” she yelled to our backs, because I had pulled Kevin away, and we were now heading to our car.

  “Baby, I’m sorry. I had no idea that she was here,” Kevin said.

  “It doesn’t seem that way. Her exact words were, ‘Hey, silly. I told you I was coming. I officially moved here,’” I said, wanting to smack the dumb look he was giving me off his face.

  “I know what she said, but I have not talked to that girl. I promise. I’ve been ignoring her calls and text messages for a while now,” he said.

  “Why does she talk like y’all have more going on than a friendship? I don’t have time to play these games with you. I thought we were past all the drama and cheating,” I said, fighting back my tears.

  “Look, I am not cheating on you. That ain’t even my style, and you know that. Ever since you fucked up with that bitch-ass nigga Dontae and we got back together, you’ve been on some insecure shit. I love your ass, but you better start trusting me,” he said as he got in the driver’s seat and I got in the front passenger’s seat. I had no idea how this situation had ended with me being the bad guy, but I was not having it.

  “I tell you what. You better tell that bitch to lose your number and to never contact you again, or you and her are going to meet a side of me that neither one of you is going to like,” I said, staring him directly in the eyes.

  He started laughing at me like I was some type of joke.

  “I’m dead-ass serious, Kevin,” I said.

  “Okay, baby, I hear you, and that girl means absolutely nothing to me. I like when you talk that shit to me,” he said.

  I didn’t respond; I just nodded my head. I meant every word I had said. I was going to fuck both of them up if I found out anything had happened between them two.

  Kevin

  It seemed like all I attracted was crazy women. I could not believe Imani had moved her ass down here. What I liked most about her was that she was able to have that sex partner relationship with no strings attached . . . or so I thought. Now, all of a sudden, this girl had done turned crazy on me. After Zoe and I saw her at the mall, she began to text me nonstop about how it was good seeing me and how we should meet up for dinner and things like that. When I wouldn’t respond, she started calling my phone. Zoe was getting irritated and was ready to go find the girl and fight her. So I decided to meet up with her in hopes that we could fix this situation and I could move on with my life. I knew I had some good dick, but these bitches had lost their minds. The good thing about all of this was I hadn’t heard a peep out of Sam, so I guessed she was really happy with ole dude. I wished her all the best, but I was praying for Tremaine because Sam was definitely not dealing with a full deck.

  I had told Imani that I would meet her at her place because I didn’t want to have this conversation in public. I walked up to her house and rang the doorbell. My plans were to make this shit as quick as possible; I didn’t need any extra problems. When she opened the door with nothing but a red bra and a thong on, I knew I had a fucking problem on my hands.

  “Hey, Daddy. I’m happy you finally showed up,” she said with a smile on her face. Imani was sexy as hell, and she had the perfect shape, so it was hard for me to stay focused. My dick had got hard as soon as she opened the door. I cleared my throat before I finally spoke.

  “Imani, put some clothes on. I didn’t come here for all of that,” I said.

  “Come in,” she said.

  I walked into her place and stood by the door.

  “Make yourself comfortable,” she said as she walked toward the back of the house. Moments later, she came back with her body wrapped in this silk robe that matched her underclothes. She sat on the couch, and when she did, I could see her honeypot, and it was clean shaven. I stood there and tried to look elsewhere to avoid looking at her.

  “Look, Imani, Zoe is my woman, and she is the only person I want to be with. I need you to stop calling me and texting me, because I’m not trying to go there with you,” I said.

  She sat on the couch quietly for a while, and then she stood up and walked over to me.

  “Your mouth is saying one thing, but your pole is saying something totally different,” she said as she grabbed my dick and began to caress it. I was already hard as hell, but just the slightest touch from her made me even harder.

  I slowly moved her hand away, and I turned to leave, because I saw this getting bad real fast. I loved Zoe, and I knew it would kill her
if I slept with Imani.

  “Baby, don’t leave. Please give me the chance to show you that I really love you and want to be with you. I can treat you good. You cannot tell me that the time we spent together wasn’t good,” she said.

  I turned back around and faced Imani. “What we had was good, but we both moved on. That was years ago, Imani, and last time we talked, we both agreed that we would just be friends and that was it. If you felt something different, you should have spoken up then. You waited until Zoe and I were back together and years later to express how you feel. That shit ain’t cool. I told you what it was before you moved up here, and ain’t shit changed, so don’t hit me up no more,” I said.

  “I feel like I deserve to have a chance to prove to you that we can have something good. You just automatically put me into the ‘friends with benefits’ category, without even seeing if we could actually have a relationship,” she said.

  It was true, but I hadn’t been looking for a woman when we were messing around, and she had known that and had told me that she wasn’t looking for a man, either, so it had all worked out.

  “Imani, you knew what it was walking into things with me, so don’t try to act brand new now. Just let it go, because my feelings for Zoe won’t change. So just move on with your life please, and leave me alone,” I said. I then walked out the door and ran right into Zoe. I didn’t know what to say, because I didn’t even know what she was doing here, and I knew this shit looked suspect as hell.

  “Baby, let me explain, because it isn’t what you think it is,” I said.

  “Please explain this shit, because from where I’m standing, it looks like you two just got done fucking,” she snapped.

  When I looked back, Imani was standing in the doorway with her robe open, exposing her bra and panty set. Imani had this dumb-ass smirk on her face, which I wanted to slap clean off.