If I Can't Have You

by Dawn Jiles

  “I’m just making sure. I don’t want you to make the same mistakes that I did,” she said.

  I knew that she and my dad had been going through some things, but I didn’t know she felt like their marriage was a mistake. When I looked deeper into her eyes, I could see all the hurt and anger she was holding in.

  “I’m sure Corey is the man for me. Mom, why do you feel like marrying my dad was a mistake?” I said.

  “Monique, I am going to be honest with you, because you are my daughter, my only child. The day your father and I got married, I felt deep in my heart that something wasn’t right and that maybe I shouldn’t be marrying him, but I was so blinded by the love I had for him that I ignored the signs and married him, anyway. Your father is a cheater, and he has always been a cheater. Kendra is not the only woman your father has cheated on me with. There have been several women. I just overlooked things because I felt like we were young and he would change. I’m not saying that all men are the same, because there are some good men out there. Your father is a good dad, but he is a horrible excuse for a husband,” she said.

  “Wow, Mom. You seem so unhappy. Why do you stay if you feel this way?” I said, fighting back my tears.

  “Don’t worry about me, baby. I’ve got this. I just want to make sure that you are happy and you really want to do this,” she said.

  “I really do. I love him, and I feel in my heart that he is for me. I know we had a rocky start, but things have never been better between us. He’s my first and only love,” I said, meaning every word. I loved the hell out of my future husband, and he had my heart completely.

  “Well, good. Just remember not to lose yourself. You are so young, and there is still so much life to live. Just because you are getting married doesn’t mean you have to stop living. You can still pursue your dreams,” she said and then hugged me tightly.

  Our moment was interrupted by no other than Sam’s silly ass. I was pissed because I damn sure hadn’t invited Sam. Our ceremony was small, and we hadn’t invited anyone but our parents and close friends. We had come all the way to Puerto Rico to get away from everybody, and this bitch had still found a way to be here.

  “Mom, excuse my language, but, Sam, what the hell are you doing here?” I said, balling up my fists.

  She laughed at me and stared at me like I was some type of joke. This bitch just had to ruin my day; she couldn’t just ever let me be happy. “I’m just here to support my sister. My dad said I needed to be here, so he flew Tremaine and me out here so that we can support you. You know Dad wants us to get over our differences and support one another,” she said sarcastically.

  Just then, Zoe and Bria walked in the room. They gave Sam the look of death.

  “Look, bitch. The problem is you don’t know how to be real. You are not capable of loving anybody but yourself,” I snapped. “I don’t believe for one minute that you came here to support me. You came here so that you could start some more shit, but let me tell you something. You pull that shit today, and today you will take the last breath your pathetic ass ever takes. Now get out!”

  “Yes, get out, bitch, before that ass gets beat. I refuse to let you mess up my best friend’s big day, like you have everything else. You pull that shit today, and your ass will be flying back to the States on a stretcher,” Bria said, and I knew she meant every word.

  “Try me, and I will hurt you, like I did before,” Sam said, getting in Bria’s face and then blowing her a kiss and smiling.

  This bitch was crazy, but she knew Bria was crazier. And what the hell did she mean, like she hurt Bria before? As far as I knew, Bria had done all the hurting when they had that little altercation. Something in my heart didn’t feel right about what she had said. Bria reached back and was about to smack the hell out of Sam, but my mom grabbed her arm.

  “Calm down, babies. Don’t let this upset you,” my mom said, looking at Bria and me. “Sam, let’s go,” she said as she grabbed Sam’s hand. She led Sam out of the room. The entire time Sam was leaving, she was staring me down with this big-ass smile on her face.

  “That bitch is very lucky it’s your wedding day, or else I would have beat the tramp’s ass,” Zoe said.

  “Right,” Bria said, obviously pissed off. “This ho really knows how to push all my buttons.”

  “I’m good. Her ass is just jealous, but I am about to marry my man and enjoy my wedding. I’m going to act like her ass doesn’t exist,” I said.

  “Well, come on. It’s time,” Bria said.

  Chapter Thirty-two

  Sam

  I watched as the girl I hated the most, my so-called sister, walked down the aisle with her arm intertwined with my father’s. Seeing her smile so brightly and my father look at her like he was the proudest man on earth at this moment made me sick to my stomach. I began to cry because I didn’t want my father to love her like he did. I felt like he should love only my family and me. Doesn’t he realize that Sharon and Monique don’t matter? Doesn’t he understand how crazy it makes me when I see how happy they make him? They don’t deserve his love. I should blow her brains out right now, I thought.

  I had to compose myself before I went off and did something crazy. I should have sent her that video of Corey and me fucking. Yes, I had recorded him and me fucking the last time he came over and called himself giving me what I wanted. I had held on to the video for all this time, and I still hadn’t used it. Thinking back on that day made me horny....

  “Why the fuck did you pull that stupid-ass stunt? Why did you have to fuck up everything with my girl? What has she ever done to you besides be a good-ass friend to your ho ass?” he asked.

  “Corey, I’m sorry. I love you, and I want to be with you. She doesn’t deserve you,” I told him.

  He let me go and just stared at me.

  “She doesn’t fuck you like I do, baby. I know she’s not sucking your dick. Do you want Mama to make you feel good? You know I know exactly what you like,” I said as I dropped to my knees and pulled down his jogging pants.

  His dick was already hard, and all I had done was talk to him. I took him in my mouth and swallowed him whole. I went down his shaft and took his balls and dick in my mouth at the same time. I stood up to take off my clothes, and he watched me with this dazed look in his eyes. Then he slapped me on my face and told me to bend over. I did what I was told, and he entered me from behind.

  “This is all you wanted, huh? You wanted this dick. That’s why you’re acting all crazy and shit?” he asked while beating the hell out of my pussy.

  “Yes, baby, that’s what I wanted,” I moaned.

  “Throw that ass back!” he yelled, slapping my ass.

  I threw it back at him, and I felt myself about to cum, but before I could, he pulled out and told me to turn around. He jerked off to finish off his nut and shot his seed all over my face.

  “You got what the fuck you wanted. Now stay away from Mo and me.” He pulled his pants up and left me sitting by the door, dumbfounded.

  I still remembered that day clear as hell, and yes, he left me on some bogus shit, but in reality, I had the last laugh.

  Even though I really couldn’t stand Mo, I had to admit she looked beautiful walking down the aisle in her summer wedding dress. Their ceremony was small and very cute. There were white flowers everywhere. The place where the ceremony was held was decorated in peach and white, which was the same color scheme as the bridesmaid dresses. I wanted so badly to act a fool and interrupt her wedding, but I didn’t want to piss my dad off. He was the only person saving that ass.

  They said their “I do’s,” and we headed to the reception area, which wasn’t far from where the ceremony took place. Corey gave Tremaine a few evil stares, but he didn’t say anything to us, period. Bria and Kevin both stood up and gave a toast, and then we were all able to eat. I would be lying if I said that Kevin wasn’t looking good. He still had some type of effect on me. I started to feel that jealousy arise, and I wanted to snap Zoe’s neck for taking h
im away from me, but this wasn’t the time or the place, so I held my composure.

  “What the hell is Kendra doing here?” I heard Sharon say. She was trying to whisper to my dad, but she wasn’t silent enough.

  My mom’s head shot up, and I could tell she wanted to say something, but instead, she just looked at Sharon and smirked. You didn’t think I was going to fly down here and leave my mom at home, right? That would never happen. We had a mission to accomplish, and we were going to succeed by any means.

  Once everyone was done eating, Corey and Mo had their first dance, and that was when the party began. I looked over at my father and Sharon, and I guessed she had decided not to let my mom’s presence ruin her night, because they were practically dry fucking on the dance floor. I could tell my dad really loved Sharon by the way he held her and the way he stared into her eyes. I guessed my mom felt the same way about my dad, because, although she was dancing with Kevin’s dad, she was staring at them, looking like she was about to cry. I walked over to her and pulled her to the side.

  “You need to pull yourself together and toughen up. Don’t ever let her see you sweat,” I told her while keeping a smile on my face so they wouldn’t know what we were talking about.

  “You are right. I got this,” she said and then walked off in their direction. I didn’t know what she had up her sleeve, but I knew some shit was about to go down. She strutted up to my dad and Sharon and grabbed my father by his arm.

  “So, you can fuck me every damn day, eat my pussy, sleep and eat at my house, pay all the bills, and take me and your son on business trips with you, but you’re here with her,” I heard my mom yell. It seemed like everything stopped as soon as my mom opened her mouth. All eyes were on them, and if I had some popcorn, you would have thought I was at the movies. This shit was getting too good. The look on Sharon’s face was priceless.

  “Kendra, don’t start no shit. It’s my daughter’s wedding day,” my father said, looking like he wanted to kill my mom.

  “Naw, let the bitch cut up and spill the beans, like she always does. I don’t know why you and this ho continue to play with me like I’m some type of punk. This bitch can’t do shit right. She doesn’t even know how to play her part as the side bitch the right way,” Sharon said.

  “I’m just tired of him hiding the truth. He ain’t never going to stop fucking with me, and I’m not going to ever leave him. I just thought you should know the truth. And I am tired of pretending like we are just coparenting when, in fact, he tells me that he loves me every day. I’m letting you know right here and now that I don’t ever plan to leave Tim alone. We come as a package deal. You can either accept it or leave him. The choice is yours. Either way, I’m going to still be in the picture,” my mom said, making me proud.

  “Baby, she’s just trying to ruin what we have. You know I wouldn’t go there with her like that again, knowing that she would tell everything,” my dad lied.

  I had been over my mom’s house when they were fucking, so I knew my mother was telling the truth, and although he was acting like he was pissed right now, he would eventually come back to my mom. That seemed to be his pattern.

  All of a sudden, all hell broke loose. Sharon ran up on my dad and stabbed him in the arm. Moments later, she was headed right for my mom, who had taken off when she saw Sharon stab my dad. Sharon was just about to plunge the knife in my mother when my dad grabbed her and wrestled the knife from her hand. I guessed she blacked out, because moments later she started to look around the room like she didn’t know what she had just done.

  “You two fuckers deserve each other, and you know what, Kendra? Even if I leave his sorry ass today, you will never be number one. It will never be you, so why are you trying so hard to take my place? Just know that all you will ever be is a side piece,” Sharon said.

  “Whatever, bitch. That’s what you think. It’s been over twenty years, and I’m still fucking him. No matter what you do or say, it’s not going to end, so you need to do yourself a favor and walk away now,” my mom said.

  I was very proud that she had said all that. I couldn’t have orchestrated it any better myself. I see where I get it from, I thought.

  Sharon looked at my mom long and hard before she spat dead in my mom’s face. Sharon turned on her heels and walked in the direction of the doors. My mom stood there, laughing.

  “I’m sorry, baby,” Sharon said to Mo as she exited the reception area. Some lady, who I later found out was Sharon’s best friend and used to work for my dad, followed behind her, as did Mo and my dad, even though he needed medical attention. My mom just stood there with a smirk on her face. Bria walked up to my mother and punched her so hard that she slid into the wall. I tried to run up on Bria, but Tremaine grabbed me before I could.

  “You two bitches got to go,” Bria said, pointing at my mom and me.

  I was heated as hell, and I was trying my hardest to break out of Tremaine’s arms to get at Bria, but he held on to me tightly.

  “Y’all heard what she said. Bounce,” Corey said.

  Kevin’s father helped my mom out, and Tremaine walked me out of the reception area.

  “I knew it was a bad idea to come here. Let’s just enjoy the rest of our time here and let them be. I am not trying to beat that nigga Corey’s ass again,” Tremaine said.

  “Naw, fuck that. She hit my mother. She needs her ass beat,” I said.

  “What the hell did I say, Sam? If you would listen to your man sometimes, you wouldn’t get in half of the shit that you get into,” Tremaine snapped.

  “I’m sorry, baby, but you don’t understand what they put me through,” I cried.

  “Bring your ass! We are not talking about this right now. Let it go, like I told you to do,” he said, dragging me toward our room.

  I’d let this go for now, but this was far from over.

  Bria

  It had been a month since Mo’s wedding. We hadn’t seen Sam or her trifling-ass mama again after they came and tried to ruin my best friend’s wedding. I had no regrets about smacking that bitch, and if they hadn’t grabbed me, I would have done a lot more. Mrs. Sharon had ended up pulling herself together, and she’d come back out to enjoy the reception. Of course, when Mr. Tim had finally come back out, he’d followed behind Mrs. Sharon like a sad puppy, but she ignored him the entire time we were in Puerto Rico. I knew she was embarrassed, but she wanted to be there for her daughter, so she put her pride to the side and did what she had to do. It was sad to say, but I didn’t know if their marriage was going to last any longer.

  So, David’s mom had invited us over for a barbecue. She and I used to be very close, but for, like, the past six months, she had been coming at me sideways. She would tell me that I needed to stop treating Meka so badly. Or she’d say, “How would you like it if somebody kept saying you need to get Junior tested?” Little slick shit like that. I snapped at David for going back and telling his mom our issues, but he insisted that he hadn’t told her anything.

  When we arrived at their house, the first thing I noticed was Caiden and David’s dad playing on the swing set that they had purchased for the grandkids. Junior immediately ran over to them and began to play. I had no problem with the little boy; it was his ratchet mother that I had an issue with.

  “There’s some beer and mini wine bottles in that cooler, if y’all want something to drink,” Mr. Harris said as he came over and hugged me tightly and shook his son’s hand.

  I went to the cooler and grabbed David a beer and myself a bottle of wine. I gave David his drink and sat down in a lounge chair next to him. I was just about to ask where Mrs. Harris was when she walked outside, with Meka right behind her. It took everything in me not to run over there and smack that smile right off her face. Now I saw why his mom was acting so damn fake. I knew that she knew of Meka, but I didn’t know they were all buddy-buddy. David reached over to grab my hand, because he knew I was pissed. I didn’t want to be in the same area as this classless ho. I played everything co
ol for about thirty minutes, but I was fed up with his mom and Meka whispering to each other and laughing and shit. His mother didn’t even acknowledge my presence.

  “Mrs. and Mr. Harris, I think I’m going to go, but thanks for having me,” I said as I stood up to leave.

  “You’re leaving already? We were all supposed to spend family time together. You haven’t even eaten yet,” Mr. Harris said. That heifer was no family of mine.

  “I’m fine. I’ll grab something later,” I said as I prepared to leave.

  “You sure?” he said.

  I decided to be honest with them. “I really don’t feel comfortable with all of this, to be honest, and I would rather remove myself,” I said as politely as I could. I noticed David’s mom looking at me with disgust, and then she opened her mouth. I prayed that nothing slick came out, because y’all know I had zero tolerance.

  “Meka is a part of this family too, and I think you need to learn to get along with her. She tells me how badly you treat her all the time,” Mrs. Harris said.

  “I treat her badly? I don’t say anything to her at all unless she says something to me, and she never has anything nice to say, so why should I?” I said.

  “What is this I hear about Caiden not being David’s, and he needs to get a paternity test?” Mrs. Harris said. The entire time she was questioning me, Meka was sitting next to her with her head on her shoulder, acting like she was so sad.

  “I don’t think David should be taking care of children that he’s not sure are his,” I said.

  “Well, it seems like you are the only one who believe Caiden is not his. My husband and I believe that he’s our grandson, and so does my son,” she said. “Isn’t that right, sweetie?” she said, looking at David.

  David looked like he was about to piss on himself. “Yes, ma’am,” he said, and my feelings were so hurt.

  “Well, I guess I should go,” I said as I turned around to leave.

  “Good. We don’t need any of that negativity when we are trying to have a good time. And if he gets a test for one, he needs to get a test for the other,” I heard his mom say, and I stopped dead in my tracks.