If I Can't Have You

by Dawn Jiles

  “Kendra, please go home. We will fix this as soon as I get there,” Tim said.

  I didn’t say another word; I just left his office. I drove around for about thirty minutes before I called the only person I knew who would be there for me.

  “Hey, can you get away?” I asked when he picked up the phone.

  “You know I can for you,” he answered.

  “Meet me at our spot,” I said.

  We said our good-byes, and I headed to the Residence Inn downtown.

  I know you are probably thinking, Who is this mystery man she is calling to meet up with? Well, let me explain. Let me be clear. Tim had always been my top priority as far as men were concerned, but for the past five or six years, I had been seeing someone else on the down low. We had started as just friends, but then, about a year after we met, we became secret lovers. The interesting part was we both had someone. He was married, but their marriage had been messed up long before I stepped into the picture, and, well, I had Tim. Whenever Tim was acting a fool, my lover was there to pick me up. He really wanted to be with me, but I could not see past the love I had for Tim.

  I walked into the hotel suite, and when I saw my lover, I fell into his arms, and I instantly felt better. I wouldn’t be returning home tonight. Hell, who knew? I might stay gone for a few nights. Tim needed to know that two could play that game.

  Zoe

  I had loved every bit of our relationship since I apologized for my behavior and chose to have a happy relationship. I was six months pregnant now, and my man treated me like a queen. Tonight he took me to dinner and a movie, and I ate too much, so now I was tired and ready to take my chubby self home. I had gained a few pounds with my pregnancy, but of course, it was mostly my stomach. We pulled up in our driveway, and I saw a woman leaning against Kevin’s car. Once we got out, we realized it was Imani’s snake ass.

  “What the hell is she doing at our house?” Kevin said heatedly.

  “I don’t know, but you better fix it before I beat this girl’s ass—pregnant and all,” I warned loud and clear so that she could hear me.

  “Baby, chill. I’ve got this,” he said. He walked over to Imani, and I walked closer so I could hear what the hell they were talking about.

  “What are you doing at my house? And how did you even know where we live?” he asked.

  “Kevin, I am sorry to show up here like this, but I really need you right now,” she said as she began to cry. I almost felt bad for her, but it was my man she was trying to steal, and I couldn’t have that.

  “Imani, I am not your man, so I am asking you as nicely as I can to please leave my property,” he said and pointed in the direction of her car.

  “Please, Kevin, I miss you, and you are all I can think about. You changed your number, so I had no way of contacting you,” she cried. It was time for me to step in, because she had gone beyond disrespectful.

  “Imani, I am trying to be peaceful, but you are taking things too far. You come to my home and beg my man to be with you, like I’m not even standing right here. The only reason I haven’t beat your ass yet is that I am pregnant. You need to go right now, before I lose my damn mind and hurt your silly ass,” I said after stepping up to her.

  “Baby, I said to chill. I’ve got this,” Kevin said.

  “You ain’t got shit. This bitch is standing here, disrespecting me, like I’m not even here,” I said, pointing at her.

  “I don’t give a damn if you are pregnant,” Imani muttered. “You left him to be with another nigga. I would never do that to him, and I was the one who helped make him feel better once your ho ass left him with a broken heart. Now you think I am supposed to back down because y’all are back together and now you’re pregnant. You probably got pregnant on purpose, just to try to keep him.”

  I was so pissed that I couldn’t even say anything, so I did the next best thing: I punched that bitch right in her mouth, and her ass hit the ground.

  “Baby, get your ass in the house before I hurt you. If anything happens to my baby, we are going to have some problems,” Kevin snapped.

  I did as I was told, but not before I spit on that bitch.

  “You’re just going to let her do this to me?” she squealed, now on her feet. She tried to get to me, but Kevin held her back. I dashed to the front door and stood in our doorway with a smirk on my face. Kevin grabbed her by her shirt and began to snap on her.

  “Look, I tried to be nice to your ass a long time ago, but you are taking things too far. Leave my house, and don’t bring your ass back. I don’t want you. I would never be with you. You and I will never be. I don’t know how many ways to say it,” he said as he let her go.

  She dropped to her knees and began to wrap her arms around his ankles so he couldn’t walk properly. She was crying hysterically and acting a damn fool. “Kevin, please. My grandma is sick. I have no one else.”

  “That is not my problem,” he said as he pried her arms off him.

  Just then, a few police cars swarmed our house. The officers got out of their cars and immediately tried to arrest Kevin. I ran up to two of the officers and tried to explain to them what had happened. They didn’t believe me until the neighbors came over to verify my story. They couldn’t arrest me or Kevin, because Imani was on our property. The next morning we went down to the courthouse and got a restraining order put on that crazy bitch. Hopefully, that ass beating and this paperwork would keep her ass away. Otherwise, I was going to end up hurting her silly self.

  Chapter Thirty-nine

  Tim

  My life had been a living hell ever since my wife handed me those pictures and the divorce papers. I had become reckless with these females, and it had cost me my marriage and had gained me two more children. I didn’t regret having kids; I just wished I had remained faithful to my wife. I was missing her like crazy, but after seeing how she had played me to get back at Kendra, I knew she was done with me. Even if she weren’t, I knew that finding out that I had another baby on the way would seal the deal.

  The day Kendra had discovered that Madison was pregnant, I told Madison that we needed to cool it for a while, and I sent her ass home. I assured her that I would take care of my child, but she was already threatening that if we were not together, I wouldn’t be seeing my child. I told her crazy ass I would see her in court if she tried to pull that shit. She ignored me and told me I would be knocking at her door in a few days for some more pussy, but she couldn’t be further from the truth. The truth was, I was done playing games with these women. I decided that day that I would be faithful to Kendra and would focus on getting my law firm in order. Since all this shit went down, I had been slacking on my cases, and my partners had had to pick up the slack for me.

  Kendra deserved to have me all to herself; she had put up with my shit for all these years, and her love for me had never wavered—unlike Sharon. That is, if the paternity test I had taken for my son came back that he was indeed mine. So, the night I told Kendra to take her ass home and I would meet her there, she never showed. I called Sam, and Kendra wasn’t there, so I figured she would come home at any moment. Imagine my surprise when I woke up the next day and Kendra still hadn’t shown up. I went everywhere, looking for her, and I couldn’t find her anywhere.

  She finally brought her slick ass home two days later. We argued about it for a few hours, because she couldn’t seem to keep her story straight. Somehow, our fight turned into us making love, and I left it alone as far as she was concerned, but I couldn’t get the thought out of my mind that she could have possibly been with another man. When I sat and thought about it, I realized that over the years, her ass would disappear for a couple of days every time she got mad at me. So, to ease all the negative thoughts that were swirling around in my head, I decided that if everything turned out great with the paternity test, I would propose to her.

  To get things off my mind, I decided to take Kendra out to the Capital Grille for dinner. When we got there, the first person I spotted was Sha
ron, sitting in a booth by herself. It wasn’t a big surprise to see her there, because it was her favorite place to eat. We walked past her; it was the only way to get to where the hostess was taking us. Of course, when we walked past her, Kendra gripped my arm tighter and smirked at Sharon. Sharon didn’t even let our presence faze her. I was hoping to see a little hint of jealousy or some type of love still there for me, but there wasn’t any.

  I saw some white guy walk up to Sharon’s table, and she got up and hugged him tightly. I figured he must be someone she was doing business with, until she French-kissed the hell out of him. I wanted so badly to go over there and act a fool, but I kept my composure.

  “I had no clue she was into white men,” Kendra said.

  “Who?” I asked, acting clueless. I didn’t want Kendra to know that I was paying Sharon any attention.

  “Don’t act dumb, Tim. I know you were looking over there just like I was,” she said, now facing me.

  “Who cares? We have both moved on,” I said, then kissed her on the lips.

  About ten minutes later, I watched Sharon get up and head to the bathroom. I excused myself and headed there too....

  Sharon

  I wasn’t fazed at all by seeing Kendra and Tim together. It wasn’t like it was something new. He and I were the past, and Cameron was my future. I know y’all might think this is crazy, but Cam and I had gone to Vegas and tied the knot. I knew it probably seemed so soon, but I was not getting any younger, and I knew that Cam was the one for me. I hadn’t told anyone yet, but I planned on doing so soon because I couldn’t hide this big rock he had got me. I washed my hands and headed out of the bathroom, and of course, Tim’s dumb ass was there, waiting for me.

  “Tim, what do you want? I really don’t have time for any drama today,” I said.

  “So, you found you a new man. I’m sure he’s no better than me,” he smirked.

  “You’re right. I have found me a new man, and he is nothing like you. He knows how to treat and respect women—unlike you,” I said, trying to push past him.

  “What about the night we shared?” he asked.

  “That was just business, not personal.” I laughed.

  “Sharon, feelings don’t just conveniently go away. I was with you for over twenty years. You mean to tell me that you don’t love me or think about me?”

  “I will always love you, because you are the father of my child, but I am not in love with you. I am in love with Cameron,” I said.

  “Oh, so his name is Cameron? Well, does Cameron kiss you like this?” he said, then tried to kiss me, but I put my hand up and stopped him right in his tracks. He snatched my hand and stared down at my ring finger. “What is this? Is this some type of joke? Are you wearing this ring for decoration or something?” I hated that he had seen my ring, and I hated that I was about to burst his bubble, but he needed to know what reality was.

  “It’s not a joke, Tim. Cameron is my husband, so now it should be clear to you that it’s over between us and you need to move on with your life,” I said.

  “You married that nigga!” he shouted, loud enough for everyone in the restaurant to hear.

  “Tim, I am done with this conversation. I don’t owe you any explanation,” I said, and then I tried to walk away, but he grabbed my arm and pinned me against the wall.

  “What the fuck? We haven’t even been divorced a year, and your no-good ass has already married someone else. You mean to tell me I mean absolutely nothing to you now?” he shouted.

  Moments later, Kendra and Cam came running over to us. Cam grabbed Tim and pulled him off me, then rushed over to me.

  “You must want your ass beat by putting your hands on me,” Tim said to Cam.

  “If you ever disrespect my wife by putting your hands on her again, yes, we will be fighting,” Cam said.

  Kendra and I grabbed our men and pulled them in separate directions. Cam and I returned to our table, but we did not sit down. Cam left a hundred-dollar bill on the table, and we left the restaurant.

  “Sorry about all that, honey,” I said once we were back in the car and on our way home.

  “You have nothing to be sorry about. It wasn’t your fault,” he said, grabbing my hand as he drove. “What was all that about, anyway?”

  “He got mad because I told him I was married to you. That was my ex-husband,” I explained.

  “Well, he needs to get over himself and realize you have a real man now, and you don’t have time for his little games,” Cam said.

  “I’m sure he realizes it now,” I said, smiling at him. I put Tim out of my mind because he no longer deserved to occupy space in my thoughts.

  When Cam and I got home, I made love to my man, and we put what had just happened out of our minds for good.

  Chapter Forty

  Monique

  Like I mentioned before, I was going to get everything I needed to know about my so-called sister, and today was the day. I was meeting up with my father. I had a list of questions I was going to ask him, and he would give me the answers.

  Around noon, I knocked on his door, and moments later, he answered.

  “Hey, Daddy. You look rough,” I said as I stepped inside the house. I hugged my father, and the overwhelming stench of alcohol hit me like a ton of bricks.

  “Hey, baby,” he slurred.

  “Dad, it is twelve noon. It’s too early to be drinking.”

  “Don’t worry about me, honey. What made you come over? I’ve been trying to get you over for months now,” he said as he sat on the couch.

  “I need to talk to you about Sam, and I need some real answers,” I told him as I took a seat on the living-room couch.

  “What about her?” he asked.

  “What is wrong with Sam? You told me she was in a mental institution, but you really didn’t go into any detail as to why,” I said.

  “Baby girl, why is that important? You two act like you can’t stand each other, when you used to be best friends.”

  “Daddy, I need to know so I can better understand how to be there for her, and I want to understand her so that we can rebuild our relationship,” I lied. I had no intention of building anything with her, because I had tried several times, and each time, I had been bit in the ass.

  “She has multiple personality disorder,” he said.

  I tried my best to hide my shock. “How did y’all discover this?”

  “When she was twelve years old, she beat up some boy and his girlfriend because she had a crush on him, and she didn’t want to see him with another girl. When the police found out that she did it, she was arrested, but she had no recollection of what she did,” he explained. “During the interview process, she started screaming at herself, and basically, she went crazy, so they sent her to be evaluated, and that’s when she was diagnosed.”

  I couldn’t believe my ears. I had heard rumors about her doing that, but I had never thought it was true. “I think Sam really needs help, Dad. She could be responsible for a lot of the things that have been happening to everybody around here.”

  “My daughter is fine. She doesn’t need any help,” Kendra said, suddenly making an appearance. My dad and I both looked at her. I had had no clue she was here. This was the first time I had seen her since she pulled that stunt at my wedding. And I still hadn’t checked her for ruining my wedding, either.

  “She obviously does, and you two are not helping her by hiding the fact the something is seriously wrong with her,” I said.

  “Mo, she will be fine. She is taking her meds,” my dad insisted.

  “She is trying to hurt me. Who knows who else she is trying to hurt? You two won’t be satisfied until she kills someone,” I muttered.

  “Baby girl, I think you are taking things too far. She is not capable of killing anyone,” my dad said.

  “Right. Sam wouldn’t hurt a fly,” Kendra said, pissing me off.

  “Well, let me go, Dad. I’ll leave you here with your home-wrecking-ass girlfriend.” I stood up to le
ave.

  “Little girl, I won’t be disrespected in my own home,” Kendra snapped.

  “You mean my mama’s house. My father bought this house for my mother,” I said through my laughter.

  She couldn’t say anything. She just stood there, looking stupid. I kissed my dad good-bye and left that house. As soon as the front door shut, I heard them arguing. I absolutely could not believe Sam had actually hurt people. Now I knew for sure that she could have hurt Bria and Zoe, and Lord knows who else. For now, I was going to hold on to this little tidbit of information, but if she came at me again, we were going to have some problems.

  Bria

  Nathan and I had been spending a lot more time together since the day he went down on me. We still hadn’t had sex, because I wasn’t ready. I was horny as hell, but the only man who had ever been inside of me was David. To be honest, he was the only person I had ever wanted to be with on that level. Nathan was sexy as hell, and I loved how we were together, but the more time I spent with him, the more I realized that I really wanted to be with David. So, I invited Nathan over to my parents’ house to let him know how I felt, because I did not want to lead him on. I greeted him at the door with a tight hug, and when I pulled back, he kissed me on the lips. I didn’t resist, because this would probably be the last time we ever shared a kiss.

  “Hey, Nathan. I really need to talk to you,” I said as I ushered him inside the house.

  “Okay. What’s up?” he said as he sat down on the couch next to me.

  I felt nervous all of a sudden, but I knew what I was about to do was right. “Listen, I love being around you and spending all the time we spend together, but my heart is still with David, and I don’t want to hurt you or lead you on,” I said. He looked crushed, and I started feeling really bad.