Before It's Too Late (Troubled Hearts Book 3)

by Savannah Brooks

  Starving, Cael grabbed one sandwich and unwrapped it. “Sorry, Pook. I wish there was something more I could do.”

  “Yeah, I know.” Zach shook his head, staring down at his unwrapped sandwich. He puffed his cheeks, letting out a slow breath. “So, you coming over tonight?” Zach asked, his tone shifting into something more hopeful. He slowly peeled back the wrapper, then took a bite from one half of his pre-cut sandwich.

  “I figured.”

  “Good,” he mumbled with his mouth full.

  “Good?” Cael smirked with one eyebrow raised just to tease him, hoping to lighten Zach’s mood a little more.

  “What?”

  “Nothing. You’re just cute, is all,” Cael joked, but dammit, he really was.

  “Shut up,” Zach snapped then grinned, throwing a wadded up napkin at him.

  Cael laughed, trying not to let on how much he really wanted him, but the look Zach gave him made it extremely difficult because now, all he wanted to do was lean over the table and kiss him. He’d never wanted so much to feel those lips on his. To taste that luscious mouth and absorb his scent. To rub his hands over his gorgeous—

  “Hey.” Zach nudged his foot under the table, breaking his trance.

  Cael blinked rapidly to clear his vacant stare and focused in on Zach. Zach looked at him as though he couldn’t figure something out, or maybe he wondered what Cael was thinking. That’s when Cael realized that his breathing had deepened, thanks to his little daydream, and the crotch of his pants had tightened. Crap.

  “Hmm?” Cael asked, not trusting his voice quite yet. He took another bite of hot pastrami and rye.

  Zach’s thoughtful gaze rested on his for a few seconds longer. Just long enough for Cael to reel in his emotions and turn this around on him, because what better way to hide his feelings than by teasing Zach about his. If there was a chance they could make a go of it together, Cael would be upfront and just tell him, but the look Zach gave him—as if he’s either confused or lost—could have absolutely nothing to do with Cael and everything to do with his sister. For now, better to err on the safe side and just razz him a little the way he usually did.

  Cael washed the last bite down with a swig of root beer and grinned. “Dude, seriously, you have got to stop looking at me like that.”

  Zach drew his eyebrows together. “Looking at you like what?”

  “Like you want me to kiss you or something, because I so will.” Cael waggled his eyebrows for a little extra touch.

  Zach’s face fell, and he looked away. “Fucking whatever.”

  Crap. Zach looked like Cael had hurt him in the worst way possible.

  “Zach, what’s wrong?” All joking aside, Cael was completely serious now.

  Zach blew out a loud breath.

  “Fucking everything’s wrong, man.” Zach shook his head and finally looked at him again. “Sorry. Between Abbey and Taylor, I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately. So, um… what time do you think you’ll be over tonight?”

  “Probably around seven. Do you need me to bring anything?”

  Zach jutted his bottom lip out and thought for a few seconds, then shook his head.

  Cael narrowed his eyes. “What about dinner?”

  Zach shrugged. “I was thinking of making that potato cheese soup I bought yesterday and some garlic toast. Is that okay?”

  “Oh.” Normally, Cael would toss out some snide comment about his cooking skills or lack thereof, but instead, he bit his tongue. Something in his gut told him he would regret it if he did. “Yeah. That sounds good, actually.”

  “Cool.”

  They finished eating in a strange sort of silence, and before Cael knew it, the time had come for him to head back inside for his next patient. As they both stood, Cael collected their trash and crammed the wrappers into the bag.

  “Thanks for lunch, by the way,” Cael said as he headed toward the outdoor trashcan with Zach following beside him. He shoved the crumpled bag into the trash and spun around to face Zach.

  “No problem. It was the least I could do after you pretty much gave up your weekend for me and Taylor.” Zach shoved one hand in his pocket, taking a long sip of coke through his straw.

  Cael gave a jerk of his head to clue him in to start walking back toward the therapy wing entrance. “Who says I gave up anything? Not like I had any place better to be.”

  “Still. You’ve been putting up with my sorry ass for two months now. I’m sure you’re tired of it. I don’t expect you to give up your life to help me with all my shit.”

  “Listen, Pook.” Cael stopped and faced him, bringing his hand to Zach’s shoulder and giving it a squeeze. Zach tilted his head back a little, meeting his gaze head on with his uncertain one. No, dammit, don’t look at me like that.

  “I know everything seems royally effed up right now, but understand that you are the most important person in my life, so believe me when I say that I had no better place to be lately than with you.” Cael glanced down at his watch. “Shoot. I’ve gotta go. I’ll see you tonight, okay?”

  Zach nodded, not saying a word.

  Hard as it was to leave him, Cael turned and walked inside, tossing his empty drink in the nearest trashcan while trying to dislodge his heart from his throat before he reached the patient check-in desk. Fortunately, Sammie wasn’t at her station. He hoped to slip away before she came back, but then again, Tara, his next patient, hadn’t arrived either. Grabbing his tablet, he pulled up her chart and scrolled through the notes he’d made last time.

  “Hi, Cael,” a familiar, perky voice rang out behind him. Tara, a thirty-two year old Army staff sergeant on medical leave due to a bullet wound in her left shoulder, greeted him at the desk.

  “Hey!”

  Tara wrote her name and the time on the check-in sheet. “Ready for me?”

  Cael gave her a wide grin. “I am.”

  Tara was one of his favorite patients. She was fun and easy to work with, and itching to get back to work as soon as she had full motion recovery in her shoulder.

  She beamed back. “All right. Let’s do this.”

  The rest of the day flew by with little time in between patients to let his mind wander, which was a good thing, because every free second Cael had, his thoughts went right back to Zach, and the pensiveness in his eyes. He couldn’t wipe the memory from his mind. Cael hated the anger and heartache that had swept away the bit of hope and confusion on Zach’s face when he’d teased about kissing him. Cael knew it wasn’t because he’d actually wanted him to.

  Shit. Maybe it had been just another reminder of what he didn’t have, and Cael had gone and rubbed it in his face. Dammit. How could he have been so stupid? That had to be it. Freakin’ idiot I am.

  The evening sun barely peaked over the rooflines of the houses in Zach’s neighborhood when Cael pulled into his driveway, still berating himself over the whole incident at lunch today. The first thing Cael had prepared to do was apologize to Zach.

  Cael let himself in as he always did and found Zach in the kitchen, leaning back against the counter, in the middle of a phone conversation.

  As he clicked the door shut behind him and turned the deadbolt, Zach’s heartrending gaze locked on Cael’s, tearing him to pieces inside. Zach motioned him over, and he approached quietly, setting his keys on the counter and pausing just steps away from him.

  “Mmm-hmm. Okay,” Zach croaked, his voice obviously strained.

  Zach closed his eyes and pressed two fingers to the furrowed space between his eyebrows the way he always did when he was overly stressed or upset.

  “Yes. I understand. Thank you for the update.” Without looking up, Zach set his phone on the counter behind him and pressed his lips into a tight, thin line.

  “What is it, Zach?” Cael said softly, moving a few steps closer to him. “Was that the doctor? Is Abbey okay?”

  Zach’s shoulders rose and his chest expanded with a slow, deep breath. He removed his fingers from his forehead and bracketed his hand on
the edge of the granite counter, finally looking up at Cael again. Zach’s eyes shimmered with unshed tears Cael knew he fought to keep from falling.

  “Yeah.” The word tumbled out in a rushed, hoarse whisper, as if speaking right now would cause him to lose complete control. “The swelling in her brain’s gone down, but otherwise, no change. She’s stable.”

  “Okay. Well, that’s good news, isn’t it?”

  Zach nodded, staring back at Cael with so much more than pain in his eyes, and Cael felt as though he could do nothing at all to make it go away, because Cael was not at all who Zach needed right now, and he never would be.

  Chapter 5

  Cael held two sides of the cherry wood crib to keep them from falling as Zach bolted them together, remembering back to the first time he and Cael had built it. Zach had bought the crib as a gift for his sister, and he and Cael had put it together in her apartment just weeks before Taylor was born.

  Just as Zach tightened the last bolt, the doorbell rang.

  “I’ll get it,” Cael said, disappearing from the room.

  Zach sat on the plush, carpeted floor of Taylor’s temporary bedroom, staring at the partially pieced-together crib as he waited for Cael to return. All they had left to do was attach the metal spring frame and drop the mattress in and they would be done, and Taylor would have her normal bed back again.

  Putting a crib together in his own home was something Zach had always imagined would be a happy occasion, but this was far from that. It was heartbreaking from every angle. He was supposed to do it in preparation for his own child with the person he’d one day marry. Instead, he was doing it with his best friend because his sister was in a coma from which she might never wake and her daughter had no father.

  At least he wasn’t completely alone. Cael was here, as always, but even having his best friend at his side left Zach’s heart aching. Cael loved Taylor, and he settled in to taking care of her as if she were his own. It was obvious from their interactions that Taylor loved Cael back. Watching the two of them together made Zach yearn for the family and love he’d been searching for while reminding him that one day, Cael would move on with his own family, and big part of Zach didn’t want him to.

  A large, gentle hand landed on his shoulder. “Hey, Pook, you okay?”

  Zach tilted his head back and looked up, catching Cael’s warm, concerned gaze, and for some weird reason, Zach imagined Cael leaning down to kiss him. In a fraction of a second, a strange warmth shot through him and his heart stuttered. He blinked and looked back at the crib, taking a deep breath.

  “I, uh…” Flustered, Zach shook his head. “No,” he sighed.

  Cael gave his shoulder a firm squeeze.

  “Who was at the door?” Zach asked, still trying to understand the unexpected image in his mind. It had to be stress.

  “I figured tonight was a beer and pizza kinda night,” Cael said, loosening his grip and letting go. “That was the pizza I ordered a little bit ago when you were getting Taylor changed and situated in her playpen.”

  “Oh. Okay.”

  “Do you want to eat now, or finish this up first?”

  “We’re almost done. Let’s just finish so we don’t have to worry about it.”

  “You got it.” Cael grabbed the spring frame as Zach pushed himself off the floor. After attaching it to the inside of the crib, Cael helped Zach put the mattress pad and pink, fitted sheet on the mattress and they set it in the crib.

  When they were done, Zach stood with his arms crossed over his chest, staring at it. His chest tightened.

  Fuck, it wasn’t supposed to be like this.

  Cael slung an arm around Zach’s upper back, giving him a sideways hug. “What’s wrong?”

  Zach heaved a deep sigh. “Everything,” he whispered, subconsciously leaning into Cael’s embrace.

  Cael’s body stiffened beside him, and Zach realized what he’d done. Cael’s touch had just been so comforting, Zach hadn’t been able to help himself.

  “Sorry,” Zach muttered, pulling away even though he really didn’t want to.

  “It’s fine,” Cael answered, his voice husky and thick with emotion. “You know I don’t mind, especially if it helps you feel better.”

  Zach took a deep breath. “It did. A little. Thanks.” Zach tried to forget the intimate moment that they had just shared. “I, uh… Did you want to eat now?”

  “Yeah.” Cael cleared his throat. “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.”

  Zach grabbed two cold beers while Cael grabbed the pizza, a couple paper plates, and a handful of napkins.

  He and Cael plopped down on the couch at the same time in their usual spots, falling into their normal routine. Pizza and beers in front of the boob-tube had been a regular thing for them since they’d both turned twenty-one. But as Zach glanced over at Taylor sleeping in her playpen, his gut clenched. If Abbey didn’t make it, evenings such as this could be his new normal. But as long as Cael stuck close, that wouldn’t be so bad, would it?

  ***

  Zach couldn’t make heads or tails of what was going on with him lately, but ever since the day of Abbey’s accident, he’d been seeing everything and everyone differently. Especially Cael.

  Cael had been his best friend for more than half his life, but it had taken the last couple weeks for Zach to realize he was a lot more than his best friend. Cael was his rock. Zach’s go-to for anything he ever needed. The one person he could depend on for absolutely anything, and when Zach said anything, he literally meant fucking anything.

  The last couple weeks, Cael had more than proven that. He came home to Zach’s house every day after work, helped with dinner, then played with Taylor until her bedtime. That’s when things got a little weird, because each night, they gave her a bath and put her to bed together, as if they were a couple adapting to a new child.

  Tonight had been even weirder because as Zach straightened after laying Taylor down in her crib—she’d fallen asleep in his lap during Cael’s reading of One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish—Cael pressed his hand against his lower back, and Zach swore it was like fucking magic.

  His momentary touch had sent a warm tingle rippling up and down Zach’s spine, and Zach had leaned into Cael for the second time because, in all honesty, it had plain felt good. For a moment, Zach had felt as though he had the one thing he’d been chasing for so long, but then, rather quickly, Cael pulled his hand away, muttering “sorry,” and Zach had felt like a fucking idiot for even thinking such a thing, because what Zach wanted was not at all what Cael wanted.

  Now, as Zach sat on the living room sofa just inches away from Cael, zoning out in front of Pixels, because he loved that movie, he wondered if he’d been looking at everything all wrong. Maybe, all this time, Zach had been looking for the right girl when he should have been looking for the right guy. Maybe he’d been too narrow with his dating preferences, but the more he thought about it, the more he couldn’t seem to imagine being with a guy who wasn’t Cael. Maybe it was just because he felt so comfortable around him, but Zach couldn’t recall ever being attracted to another guy before, unless drunken college experiments counted.

  The thought of being with a man didn’t disturb Zach at all. He’d always believed that a person couldn’t necessarily control with whom they fell in love, and Zach considered himself open-minded enough to know that included him too. He’d just never imagined Cael as anything more than his best friend before.

  Cael downed the last of his beer, then gestured at the empty bottle Zach held while resting it on his thigh. Cael scooted forward. “You done? Want another?”

  “Nah, I’m done.”

  Cael grabbed the bottle from Zach’s hand and went to the kitchen, dumping both in the recycle bin with the others with loud clinks. When he returned, he sat close again—which wasn’t anything new—kicking his feet up on the table and laying his arm across the back of the couch behind Zach, putting every nerve in Zach’s body on high alert.

 
Lately, he’d become hyperaware of Cael’s physical presence, especially when they were this close. Zach wanted Cael to touch him again. He didn’t care how. He just wanted to see if he felt that zing coupled with a warmth in his veins he had earlier this evening.

  Zach could literally scoot a couple inches and rest against him. Cael could lower his arm and bring it around him, pulling Zach against his side. Within seconds and with little effort, Zach could be pressed against him, cuddling as they watched the movie together. Then, when the credits rolled, Cael could tip Zach’s chin up and kiss him as they palmed and rubbed each other’s groins, making each other hard.

  Fuck. Zach was getting hard just thinking of all that. And there went his soft, loose-fitting pants, tenting in a very fucking obvious way.

  “Movie turning you on that much, Pook?” Cael snorted.

  Shit. “Shut up. I’m depressed, buzzed, and horny as fuck.”

  Cael leaned in close and dropped a seductive tease in his ear. “I could help you with that, you know.”

  Cael’s warm breath and whispered words washed over Zach’s ear and neck, sending shivers across his body, and making his dick perk up even more. For more than a second, he actually considered—details aside—taking Cael up on his offer because he was really fucking horny, but he’d never been one for casual sex.

  Zach needed the love and commitment with it, unlike Cael who preferred his no-strings-attached encounters with other men. Still, maybe he could indulge just this once. It would give him the chance to feel what it would be like to have Cael’s hands on him and see if he enjoyed it, something he had to admit, really interested him right now.

  “You’re actually thinking about it, aren’t you?”

  “No,” Zach barely choked out the word. He swallowed hard, his heart pounding as his breathing deepened. Fuck, yes, I’m thinking about it.

  “Yes,” Zach whispered under his breath, partly hoping Cael didn’t hear him. With all his brain cells diverting power to down below, Zach would probably give in and let Cael do anything he wanted to him right now.

  “Be honest with me, Zach,” Cael whispered. “Do you want me to touch you?”