Broken Dreams

by Rissa Blakeley

  “Claire.” I tried to stop her from scrubbing. “Claire, please stop. You’re going to hurt yourself.”

  She pounded furiously on the countertop with her fist. “Does it matter?! Does it?!”

  “Claire, please.” She screamed and punched the mirror. “Oh, my god! Claire!” It shattered all over us. She grabbed a large piece of it and held it up to her wrist. “Claire. No. Put it down!” Henry must have heard her scream, or the smashing glass, because he showed up in the doorway seconds later.

  “Give me one reason why I shouldn’t! One fucking reason!” Her hand was bleeding all over.

  “Claire…you’re bleeding,” he said. It was not the time for obvious observations. I turned toward him.

  “Get some gauze and antibiotic solution.” He went to the closet, and I could hear him digging through it.

  “Claire, please put it down.”

  “Why, Elaina?! Why?! So I can continue to kill children?!”

  “They were already dead. You didn’t kill them. You allowed their little souls to move on.”

  “I put a bullet in the head of a pigtailed girl who couldn’t have been more than five-years-old!”

  “She wasn’t a little girl anymore. The virus was controlling her.”

  “Ha! You sound like your boyfriend.”

  “Claire. Please hand it to me.” I held my hand out.

  “I want a reason! One good reason for me to stay in this fucked up world!” I stood in silence. I didn’t have a good reason. “Goddamn it! Give me a fucking reason!”

  I was panicking. Then I gave her the only thing I could think of. “Me! Me! You have me!” I couldn’t hold back my tears. I loved Claire like a sister. We had been friends for so long and shared so much together.

  “Why? So I can watch you with Henry, and I have no one? I want to choose my own destiny!” I heard footsteps behind me.

  “Please. Put it down.” It was Nick. She looked at him, and she swallowed hard. He stepped toward her. “You have me, Claire. I’m here for you.” Tears ran down her cheeks. He reached toward her. “Just hand me the glass.”

  He was slow and calm. He put his hand on the piece of glass, and gently pulled it out of her hand. She collapsed into him. He held her tight, and kissed the top of her head, whispering to her. I couldn’t make out what he was saying. I was too busy trying to clean up the bits and pieces of glass.

  “Come on, let’s get out of here so Elaina can clean up. We have to check your hand.” He was able to get her moving out the door while holding her tight against his body. He and Henry took her to the dining room to start fixing her hand.

  I heard the distinct sound of spiked heels on tile behind me. With a soft voice, Sophie asked, “Is there anything that I can do to help?”

  I paused, but didn’t look up. “Uh. Yeah. Yeah. Can you grab the trash bin and broom from the kitchen?”

  “Be right back.” She left the bathroom and came back in a flash.

  She brought the bin in and knelt down in front of me. I didn’t know what to say. “Thanks” was all I could manage. We cleaned in silence for a minute and then it happened.

  “Umm...Elaina?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Listen, I know we started off on the wrong foot, and I understand this whole thing isn’t easy for you. It’s not easy for me, either.” She sighed. I listened to her while she spoke, but I still didn’t look at her. “I don’t know if I should tell you this, but…” She cleared her throat. It seemed like she was searching for the right words. “I love Henry. I’ve loved him for years, since we were teens. He helped me through so much. I gave myself to him. He was my first. He saved me and protected me for years, and then Roger pushed him out into the field. I lost my protector. After he left, I was violated, time and time again.” Her words were laced with sorrow and hatred.

  “So what are you trying to say?” My voice was a little cold, but it was all that I could offer at the moment.

  She cleared her throat again, trying to push back her sadness and pain. “I don’t know…I don’t know what I’m trying to say. All I know is that Henry loves you now. He loves you so much, and I want to see him happy. I never made him as happy as you do. We have chatted several times about you during your relationship. You make him so happy.”

  I narrowed my eyes at her, skeptical. “How can he be happy in this life?”

  “There’s so much you don’t know.”

  “I’m gathering that. I know he’s still hiding stuff from me. I can feel it.”

  “He’s just trying to protect you. He’s trying to protect all of us. He has a lot on his mind, and the weight of the earth on his shoulders.”

  I sighed. “I know. I have heard that one before.” I felt ashamed for how I reacted to splitting up into teams. “I just wish he would open up to me more.” I looked at her and she nodded.

  “He will. I know he will. He just needs time to process who he is, and what he needs to do. He was treated the worst out of all of us recruits, and I never understood why. He was the only one who questioned things. He questioned everything, including the program. He was beaten so severely on many occasions that there were a few times I didn’t think he was going to pull through. He had suffered many broken bones, including a fractured skull, several concussions, deep gashes, tasing, and whippings. Then there was the verbal and emotional abuse, and the murder of his mother. I spent so many nights nursing him back to health, only for him to be beaten down again. I feared for his life, and I still do. He was the only person that I connected with.”

  My heart ached for him and, believe it or not, my heart ached for her, too. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It was just so surreal.

  “So you were really beaten, as well?”

  “Yes. And repeatedly raped into submission.” I looked into her eyes, her sparkling emerald green eyes, and I was taken aback. I could see the same pain in her eyes that I saw in Henry’s.

  “I’m so sorry,” I whispered and looked down, ashamed of my immature, selfish behavior. After all she endured, she didn’t need my crassness.

  “Thanks. Can we start over?”

  “Sure.” My smile was weak, but real. She reached up and touched my cheek, like Henry always did. Her cool caress sent shivers down my spine.

  “Henry picked a good one.”

  Her words moved me. I had a newfound respect for her. Sophie stood up and grabbed the broom. We finished cleaning up the glass and blood in silence.

  ***

  When we finished, I had new warmth in my heart. I could feel love for my group and for Sophie, which was a miracle in itself. I stood back as Sophie walked toward the table where everyone was gathered, tending to Claire. I leaned against the doorway, watching the scene play out in front of me.

  Claire was sitting on Nick’s lap. He held her tight against him and was trying to comfort her while she cried as Henry was picking chunks of glass out of her hand. Nate was readying a needle and thread. Sophie grabbed a cloth from the kitchen and started to wipe Claire’s tears away.

  It was a brilliant sight. We all had our differences, but we had come together in a time of need. I came to the realization that they were my family. We had only been together for a short period of time, but I now felt connected to everyone in one way or another.

  Henry looked back and saw me just standing there. His loving gaze broke me out of my thoughts. I walked up to the table. “Is there any way I can help?” I said, feeling a little overwhelmed.

  “I think we’ve got it, love.” His smile was welcoming. “Maybe you could try to fix us some food? I’m pretty hungry.”

  I felt warm from the thought of taking care of my new family. Maybe that was how it was supposed to be.

  Chapter 8

  O

  ver the next couple of weeks, we cleared Henry’s building and only found two other survivors. Neither wanted anything to do with our group. Henry said they were scared, and didn’t trust us. He also said it was no big fucking deal because we didn’t
need anyone else tagging along with us, anyway.

  The nights were getting chilly. Fall had settled in for the long haul, and winter was knocking on the front door. I felt anxiety rushing through me over the nighttime hours. Every new day was another horrific, murderous drama, and I didn’t want to partake in it. None of us did.

  Henry, Nick, and Nate were trying to figure out a new way to secure the front window that broke when Sophie tossed that grenade into a small herd of undeads. I did nothing but sit and stare at their efforts.

  Sophie was cleaning some weapons, and Claire was quietly placing candles around the apartment so we could see in the nighttime hours. She was still lost in her thoughts, but I knew she would come around soon. She was the strongest person I knew.

  I was feeling tired after another physically and emotionally exhausting day so I decided to retire for the night. I grabbed two candles out of the kitchen and brought them with me. I clicked the door closed, trying to be quiet. I stripped out of my borrowed clothes, and found another t-shirt to wear to bed.

  The no panties thing was really starting to get to me. I rummaged through Henry’s drawers and found a pair of gym shorts with a drawstring. I decided that I would have to find some clothes that fit soon. There was a light knock on the door. I pulled on the shorts and opened it. Henry slipped in without a sound.

  “Hey.” It was my old Henry again. His graying eyes looked hollow in the candlelight.

  “Hi.” My voice was quiet and you could still feel the tension between us. It rattled me to the core. We weren’t the same as before our wedding day, and it broke my heart.

  “I was coming to check on you to make sure you’re doing alright.” He reached out and touched my arm. Goose bumps sprang up all over my body. I don’t know if it was his cool hand, or if I was missing his romantic touch. “How are you doing, my love?” I laughed to myself. How was I doing?

  “Pretty fucking dandy. How about yourself?”

  “Ah…there she is. That’s my girl.” He smiled. “Not quite as fantastic as you look, I must say.” I laughed again.

  “Really, Henry? I look fantastic? Wow. I didn’t know a free ‘blood donor’ t-shirt and a pair of too big gym shorts made me look this fantastic.” I crossed my arms and rolled my eyes.

  “You look more than fantastic. Absolutely sexy, if you want to know the truth.” I shook my head. I wasn’t thrilled. I looked down at my borrowed clothes and sighed.

  I wasn’t prissy in any way, but there is just something about wearing clothes that fit. And I could have used a few pairs of panties. I’d even settle for some granny panties. It’s amazing what I took for granted before, but never again.

  He grabbed both my arms and made me look into his eyes. Those eyes looked so sad and full of anger. I knew it was his past hanging over his head like a fucking stout, black cloud. “Look, tomorrow we will try to get you and Claire some stuff to wear. I’m running out of stuff myself with everybody borrowing.”

  “Okay,” I said with a quiet sigh. He pulled me close to him and held me. He was humming a song that I didn’t recognize. He began slow dancing with me, holding me close and tight to his body. My voice was soft when I said, “Henry?”

  “Hmm?” Something was bothering me, and I needed to ask.

  “What’s happening to your eyes? They keep turning gray, and then they turn back to green.” He stopped dancing and I felt him stiffen. “They remind me of that undead boy’s eyes.” There, I said it. I swallowed hard, hoping that I didn’t make him upset. There was no way I could deal with him flying off the handle at me again.

  “I’m just not feeling well. I think I might be catching a cold or something.” I wasn’t sure if what he was saying was true. It was just curious to see a person’s eyes go from bright sparkling green, to gray dead eyes, then back again.

  “Listen to me. I love you so much, Elaina. I can’t even tell you how much.” He quickly changed the subject.

  “I love you, too, but…” I stopped. I wanted to ask more about his eyes, more about him, and more about his past.

  “But what?”

  I tried to find the right words. “I love the old Henry. I still see parts of him in here.” I put my hand on his chest.

  “The new Henry is in the old Henry. I’m the same person. You’ve just never seen this side of me. I always kept it hidden, and took my aggression out at the gym.”

  “I know. I’m just trying to get used to you wearing your bossy pants.” We both smiled. He leaned down and kissed me.

  I missed him so much. I missed him touching me. He scooped me up and laid me down on the bed. He lay beside me, kissing and touching me like he used to. He knew I needed that tender side of him.

  Things heated up at an unforeseen rate, and I never felt so close to him. Once we tore off each other’s clothing, we couldn’t get enough of touching one another. I wasn’t going to take another moment for granted with him. It could very well be the last time we could get that close to one another. I wanted to show him how much I loved him. I kissed every square inch of his body from head to toe, making sure to pause at all of his most sensitive places.

  His breath hitched when I got to his pulsating thickness. I ran my tongue over him a few times, and he let out a guttural moan. He grabbed me and flipped me over on my back.

  “Now it’s your turn,” he growled in my ear.

  He began to assault my body with the same type of sensual kisses that I gave him. He started at my ear and slowly worked his way down to just above my waiting core. He kissed, nipped, and sucked on every part of me, dipping his tongue into my moist flesh. I threw a leg over his shoulder to grant him more access. Then I fisted my hands in his hair, holding him in place. I let go and slapped both hands over my mouth, trying to keep my moans stifled.

  His cool breath tickled my super sensitive skin, causing me to shiver. As he started kissing his way back up my body, he left his hands to take over where his lips and tongue had been. I felt a strong pull deep inside as he began dipping his fingers in me. I moaned, enjoying his tender attention. He pushed my legs further apart with his knee, and he slid on top of me, teasing me with his tip. He was driving me insane. I needed him in the worst way.

  After a few long minutes of me frantically grabbing at him and trying to direct him into me, he finally plunged into my desperate body. Our breathing was in sync.

  My Henry felt so good, doing what he did best. Everything disappeared except the beautiful, broken man above me. I didn’t care about anything that was happening outside of that bedroom. I just wanted him to feel my love for him. I wrapped my arms under his, and gripped onto his shoulders as he worked me to the edge with precision.

  I arched my spine, pressing my chest to his.

  “Oh, love. You’re so fucking beautiful,” he whispered in my ear as he kissed my neck. I looked at him with great intensity, trying to read his emotional state.

  “I want to be yours forever,” I whispered.

  “You have me. All of me.” He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to mine. I wrapped my legs around his hips as he pumped into me. He was perfectly set into me and we fit together as one. The thought of him hurting as he did made me want to love him more.

  I took his face in my hands when he opened his eyes. They were still distant, but I could see he was into our moment. I kissed his jaw and his neck, then ran my tongue back up his throat, meeting his lips. He kissed me as I felt myself losing control.

  “Henry…” I moaned. He began pushing me harder, rocking my hips with every thrust. His thickness ran deep, punching at my body’s inner limits.

  “Oh, god, love.” His deep, sexy groan tore through my body. With a gentle touch, he ran his hand down my side and pulled up on my leg. I couldn’t hold out any longer.

  I shattered beneath him. He let go of my leg and kissed me with passion, while he balanced his upper body in a push up position, not moving, but enjoying me writhing in pleasure beneath him. I could see his eyes grow wetter. I took his face i
n my hands again.

  “Henry…what are you thinking about?”

  “You. I love you so much. Without you…” He shook his head a little, trying to rid his mind of whatever horrible thoughts that were racing through it.

  “Shhh… I love you, too, so very much.” He had never gotten emotional when we had been together. He closed his eyes as I wiped away the few tears that had trickled down his cheeks. Henry was worried, hurting, and probably scared about us and what was surrounding us.

  He let out a couple long shaky breaths, trying to get control of his emotions before he started to take me again. He groaned as he continued his slow sensual assault. In minutes, he had me falling to pieces again.

  He bit his lower lip and he pushed harder and faster into me. His eyes rolled and his jaw slacked. His body trembled as he tucked his head into my neck. His passion-filled moan rattled through me, and then his body went rigid. I grabbed his head and made him look at me.

  “Henry, I love you. All of you.” His worried eyes locked with mine, but he couldn’t speak as his moment continued, on and on. Finally, he let out a shudder and collapsed, his body covering mine like a blanket. That was probably the most stellar love making I had ever experienced with him.

  ***

  We snuggled together under the covers, as he ran his fingers up and down my arm. We laid there, not talking, but just enjoying each other’s presence. After a considerable amount of time of staring at him, I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.

  I drifted off to sleep, only to be woken by a nightmare. I sat there panting, sweating, and shaking all over. Henry had those gray, glazed eyes…the same eyes that I saw in the undead boy. Henry sat up when he heard me.

  “Love? Love, what is it?” He reached out to me, and I pulled away.

  I sprang out of bed and grabbed the sheet to wrap around my naked body. I saw my Sig on the dresser and grabbed it, pointing it at Henry’s head.