Broken Dreams

by Rissa Blakeley

  Could the conversation be any more implying? She really seemed to prefer Gunther’s tools and abilities over Henry’s, which was nothing I would be complaining about. He had kept me quite happy. I wondered how many of the recruits and trainers she willingly did the “horizontal tango” with.

  “I just don’t get it.” I was really confused.

  In all honesty, I wasn’t trying to be a hard ass at that moment but, from the beginning, I got the impression that Henry was the best of the best. I wanted to believe that. He had shown signs of weakness, but he was human. We would all crack, training or no training, under the pressure he had put on himself. I felt myself folding to the pressure to travel. I was chewing the inside of my cheek.

  “Well, can Claire, Nick, and I discuss this in private?”

  “If it makes you feel better.” I was getting sick of Sophie’s attitude.

  “Yeah, it would, actually.” She seemed to forget I owned the attitude around there. She needed to pay me royalties if she wanted to borrow it, even for a moment.

  “Any decision made should go through Henry.” She quirked a brow and rested her dagger-clawed hands on her hips. “After all, he is our leader.”

  “Yeah, well, I think the three of us should discuss this alone for a minute to see if we’re all on the same page.”

  “Ah, yes, there it is. The great divide. Suit yourself.” Sophie shrugged. She grabbed Henry by the hand and dragged him out of the bathroom, otherwise known as the “unofficial-official meeting zone”. She yelled for Nick and Claire to come into the bathroom.

  Henry looked back at me with a pained expression on his face. I knew then that he truly felt he was losing me forever. I loved him with everything that I had, but I wasn’t sure where we were going in our relationship anymore.

  Nick and Claire walked into the bathroom, and I slammed the door closed.

  ***

  “Let’s discuss this quickly and quietly.” Nick and Claire nodded their heads. “Tell me what you think.”

  I looked at Nick. “Well, I don’t know. One part of me says what do we have to lose, besides each other? The other part of me wants to stick around and make our way back to our families homes to see if there are any survivors.” I felt the same way.

  I looked over at Claire for her opinion. “Elaina, whatever you decide, I will have your back one hundred percent. But let me just say that I think this is it, guys. I think this is all we have. Our other option is we stay, they go.” My body went rigid with fear. I was pretty sure that I couldn’t handle being away from Henry, regardless of our relationship status.

  “Would they just leave us unable to protect ourselves, though?” Nick asked.

  “I doubt that.” Claire pointed at me. “Henry loves her dearly. I don’t think he would leave her high and dry. Or leave her, period…even if they are, seemingly, on the outs right now.” Nick raised his eyebrow at me, and I looked down. “He’d probably drag her out kicking and screaming.” I wasn’t sure what to think anymore.

  “Are you okay, Elaina?” Nick reached out and touched my arm. “Did you two break up?”

  “I gave him back the ring.” I held up my left hand. His eyebrow jacked all the way up his forehead. “I can’t handle his lying anymore. And I know he’s hiding something.” I crossed my arms in front of my chest and clenched my teeth together so that I wouldn’t cry again.

  “Wow. I don’t know what to say.” I think he was having trouble deciding whether he wanted to hug me or kick Henry’s ass.

  “Me, neither.” It was killing me as much as it was killing Henry. A part of me thought that Henry would just stay there with me, and the other part of me feared that he would go off into the sunset with Sophie. I was torn.

  “We need to decide,” I said. “What’s left here? If anything, we will eventually need to travel just to get supplies. I think we looted nearly every building here that we could get into, minus a few apartment buildings.”

  “Right.” Nick tucked his hands in his pockets as he spoke. “Valid point. Let’s vote. Majority rules.” He was ready for a decision.

  “Is this even a democracy anymore? I feel like King Henry and Queen Sophie are calling all the shots here, and we are the jesters that are providing them with entertainment.” Nick and I looked at Claire. This whole fucked up situation was even turning the most proper people into cynical, snarky bitches.

  “Do we stay?” I asked. The three of us looked at each other. I could see that Nick and Claire were still working it through in their heads, much like I was.

  “Travel?” There was a pregnant pause. Then we nodded at one another, and that was that. We were traveling.

  We headed back out to the kitchen where Sophie and Henry were checking over the guns and stuffing the packs with necessities. Henry looked up when he saw the three of us coming down the hallway.

  “Well?” he asked, with some apprehension in his voice. We locked eyes for a moment.

  “We will travel.” Henry dropped the supplies that he was about to put in the pack and ran up to me. He reeked of booze.

  “Really, love? I am so relieved. You have no idea how worried I was that you would want to stay.”

  I wanted to be angry with him. I wanted to punch him. I wanted to kick him in the tomatoes, but my heart just wanted me to continue to love him.

  I was so scared to lose him, but I was also scared that I would be leaving someone behind. I feared one of our family members was out there, hiding out, waiting for someone to rescue them.

  “To be honest, I have mixed emotions about this, Henry. We want to stay, but we feel it is best for our survival to go. We feel like we have no choice in the matter.”

  “Elaina…,” Henry whispered, “I understand. Sophie and I want what is best for the group.” Nick laughed, and Henry whipped his head around to glare at him. “For all of us. We are a family now.”

  It was my turn to laugh, then rolled my eyes. “Yeah, right. I’m pretty sure she wants what is best for herself.” I thumbed over to Sophie.

  “I thought you two were on good terms?” I looked over at Sophie. She was grinning. That grin aggravated me more and more every fucking time I saw it.

  “I have mixed emotions about a lot of things,” I grumbled. He glanced at both of us.

  “Right,” he said, softly. “Well, it’s getting late. We should all get some rest. We’ll finish packing up our supplies in the morning and then head out.” I looked at Claire and Nick, wondering if they were going to change their minds.

  “Aye, aye, captain.” I saluted and turned around, heading for Henry’s bedroom.

  I was halfway down the hall when I felt his cold hand grab my arm. I whipped around. “Can I help you?” He looked crushed, but I couldn’t help myself. I was still bitter and confused. I loved him, but my emotions were getting the best of me. I was pretty sure I wasn’t ready to be all kissy-kissy, lovey-dovey with him yet.

  “I…uh…I just wanted to ask you something…” His anxiety was obvious.

  “And what would that be?”

  He looked down at his feet. I could see that he was unsure of himself. “Can I come back to our bedroom?” he whispered.

  I took a deep breath. “I don’t know.” I could feel tears forming and my chin trembling. “I don’t know what to think. I know you’re hiding stuff from me. My heart wants to be with you, but I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around all of this.” I swallowed hard, trying to choke back my tears and that stupid lump in my throat.

  “I understand why you feel that way. I wish I could give you more, but I can’t because I will lose you forever, and I cannot risk that. It will kill me if I do. You are my world.” He paused, while he wiped away his tears. “I will give you your space but, just so you know, I love you so much. So fucking much. I will always be there to protect you, whether you like it or not. And I will be waiting for you, should you decide to return to me.” Before I started bawling my eyes out, I turned away and left him standing there.

&nb
sp; ***

  I was emotionally spent. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out. But, once again, I wasn’t asleep for long before I woke up from another vivid nightmare. I was drenched in sweat and was shaking all over. I looked over at Claire. Thankfully, I hadn’t disturbed her. She was nestled into Henry’s thick blanket, sleeping like a baby.

  As I listened to her even breathing, I replayed my dream in my head. My mother was walking through the seedy part of downtown, where my apartment was, screaming my name. She was lost and looking for me. Her sobs felt so real to me that I could feel her pain. I grasped my chest. My heart ached for my mother.

  I stood up and quietly put some clothes on. I looked out the window, and it didn’t look like it was going to be morning any time soon. I headed for the bedroom door. Claire rolled over when I turned the doorknob, but she didn’t wake.

  The hallway was so dark. I was navigating it with my hands stretched out in front of me. I stopped briefly, with paranoid thoughts that an undead was going to jump out at me. Then I got to the second bedroom door. I wondered if Sophie and Henry had gotten together. I shuddered. I hoped they hadn’t. I was still possessive. He was still mine, and no one could have him except me. If she even thought about making a pass at him, I wouldn’t be responsible for my actions.

  I gathered myself and felt my way down the hallway to the dining table. The packs were still on it. I searched one, finding a flashlight. Hoping Nick wouldn’t wake up, I turned it on. Henry’s keys were lying next to what I assumed was his pack. They all looked the same. Without thinking twice, I grabbed the pack and his keys, and left the apartment.

  I was foolish not to check outside the door before I exited, but I wanted to get out of there and see if I could find my mother. I needed to find out if she was at her house. If she was, I could bring her back to Henry’s place and she could travel with us.

  I could feel her. I missed her so much. Even if she had been a thorn in my side, she was still my mother and I loved her dearly.

  I paused at the apartment building’s main entrance. I shined the light across the street. There were a few undeads roaming around. They looked like lost souls. I felt bad for them, but I couldn’t let my emotions get in the way again. Every time I did, I would freeze up. I needed to be alert.

  I whispered to myself, “Breathe, Elaina.”

  With the Sig in one hand, and keys in the other, I took a few deep breaths and opened the door. The truck wasn’t too far away from the entrance steps. I made a mad dash for it, and hopped in the driver’s seat. My nerves were dancing the jig all over my body. The first thing I noticed was that the truck smelled like Henry. It was that spicy body wash scent he had. He always smelled so good. I let out a long, staggering exhale.

  “Calm down, Elaina…” My heart was racing, and I began sweating. The air was thick, and it felt muggy. It was so uncomfortable. I don’t remember it ever being that humid that late in the year. The only thing I could think of was that a killer storm was coming in.

  Looking up to the sky through the windshield, I saw nothing but stark blackness. No stars, no moon…just blackness. It was creepy. I looked back down at the dash, and hoped there was enough gas to get out to my parent’s home. I closed my eyes and started the truck.

  “Come on, please. Let there be gas in this beast.” I opened one eye and peeked at the gas gauge. “A half-tank.” Shit, I thought. I really wished there was more. It wasn’t enough, but it was more than I had expected.

  There had to be less in Sophie’s. She had driven her truck a few times more than Henry had driven his. I’m sure her keys were hidden in her cleavage, where she hid all of her other valuables, and I wasn’t about to go hunt them down. I wasn’t sure what Henry’s plans were for gas. I assumed he had already siphoned from every vehicle around his apartment.

  I quickly unzipped the pack to check its contents. “Water, fruit leathers, ammo, a couple knives, bandages…vials? Needles? What the hell?” I paused for a moment, examining the vials and needles before I dug through the rest of the pack.

  “A siphon still in its package. Boy Scout Henry comes through again.” I held it up and looked at it. I had no idea how to use one of those things, nor did I have the patience to read the directions. I jammed everything back into the pack and tossed it into the passenger seat.

  I put the truck in gear and crept down the street, avoiding rotting true deads in the road. The smell was nauseating. My stomach became uneasy, and my mouth filled with saliva.

  “Calm down, calm down,” I said to myself. Concentrating on my driving seemed to help some.

  I made it to the end of the street. So far, so good. Somehow, I needed to get on the highway. I remembered Henry saying he had to make a few roads of his own when he went to mine and Claire’s apartments. The only way I could get to my parent’s home was the highway. I had to try.

  Slowly, I inched my way toward the highway on-ramp. Weaving around undeads, true deads, and randomly parked vehicles in the middle of the road was taking forever. I couldn’t wait to get to my parent’s home. After my dream, I just knew she had to be there. I could feel it. Huge droplets of rain started hitting the windshield.

  “Shit!” I yelled. It seemed the closer I got to the highway, the harder it rained. The wipers were not doing a great job clearing the windshield. The truck was filthy and the wipers were just smearing the dirt and undead goo.

  “Ugh! Come on! It would be helpful to be able to see!” I turned on the washer fluid and it was empty. “Of course! Damn it!”

  I stopped where I was, turned off the wipers, and let the rain come down on the windshield for a couple of seconds. I turned on the wipers again, and it was a little better.

  “Stupid fucking cars. Ugh!” I threw it back in drive and continued creeping toward the on-ramp.

  The lightning and thunder were close together. I hated thunderstorms. The lightning always made me nearly piss myself. When I was a kid, the next door neighbor’s house went up in flames after one of our crazy storms. Ever since then, I had a real fear of lightning.

  I tried to pick up the pace, but there was too much debris scattered everywhere. Plus, the rain was making it hard to see.

  “Stupid fucking rain!” I yelled.

  There were a lot of undeads just wandering about. I will admit that I was scared out of my mind. I worried what would happen if I needed to stop and get out. It was quite probable that I would get overrun by them. Maybe taking off wasn’t such a brilliant idea, after all. I kept thinking I should have thought this through, instead of acting on impulse. Then I saw the sign for the highway.

  “Yes! Wait… What the fuck?” I couldn’t believe my eyes. “Oh, my god,” I whispered as I stopped the truck and put it in park.

  Both lanes of the on-ramp were packed with cars. There were cars backed up right down to the street.

  “Fuck me! How the hell am I supposed to get to my mom now?” I hadn’t anticipated anything like that. I knew I would have some issues getting there, but I hadn’t thought that I wouldn’t even be able to get on the highway. My plan was well thought out.

  “Damn it, damn it, damn it!” I pounded on the steering wheel. I couldn’t stop my tears from falling. The thunder and lightning was directly on top of me. It was raining harder and harder by the second. My thoughts were scattered and scrambled.

  There was a small pack of undeads looming around the cars. I felt hopeless, lost, and confused…like how my mom was feeling in my nightmare. I put my head on the steering wheel and cried. I was about to give up.

  ***

  Henry jumped out of bed, scaring the shit out of Sophie. “Are you mental? What the fuck is wrong with you?” She was pissed. “I’m trying to get some rest here, jackass.” She rolled back over and snuggled back under the blankets.

  “Something’s wrong.” He pulled his pants over his boxers, and grabbed his shirt and vest, putting them on.

  “Something’s wrong?” Sophie propped herself up on her elbows. “What could possib
ly be wrong in this fabulous fucking paradise?”

  “Elaina. Something is wrong with Elaina. I can feel it.”

  “You need to gear up to go into your bedroom?”

  Henry bolted out of the guest bedroom, and barged into his bedroom. Claire jumped up and screamed. Luckily, she was fully clothed. “Shhh! It’s just me.” He grabbed the small flashlight out his vest.

  “Good Lord! You scared the shit out of me!”

  “I seem to have that effect on women at the moment.” The bed was empty. He scanned the room. No Elaina. “Where’s Elaina?”

  “What do you mean where’s Elaina?”

  “She isn’t in here!”

  “Maybe she’s in the bathroom.” Claire pushed past Henry and ran into the master bath. Empty. Henry ran down the hallway to check the other bathroom.

  “Elaina! Where are you? Elaina!”

  “What the fuck? What’s all the yelling about?” Nick rubbed his eyes, trying to make sense of what was going on.

  “She’s not here!” Claire was panicking. Nick jumped up. He realized he was just in his boxer shorts and, apparently, was having a rather lovely dream. He tried to grab at the blanket and pull it over his lower half.

  “Ahh… Give me a sec.” Claire gawked at him. She couldn't take her eyes off his exposed self. She licked her lips.

  “Ye-yeah, okay.” She turned around, blushing, but she was very interested in what she saw. Claire just had seen more of him than she ever thought she would.

  “Just get your pants on, boner boy! We have to find her!” Sophie said as she came strolling out of the guest room in her spiked heels. She was putting her bleached blonde hair up in a purposely messy up-do. Nick found his pants and shirt.

  “Where is she?” Nick asked, while pulling his shirt over his head.

  “I don’t know! You were in here. You should have heard her leaving!” Henry snapped.

  “I was sleeping!”