Broken Dreams

by Rissa Blakeley

  “This was really stupid, Claire,” Nick said, smiling. “Really fucking stupid.”

  “I know.”

  ***

  “Will you two love birds cut the shit and help us unload this beast?!”

  I stood there smiling, full of my usual attitude. Claire blushed. She hurried to the back of the truck and grabbed the next box of goods.

  Chapter 29

  A

  bout a week had passed. All the boxes and bags were lined up in the entryway. Henry’s and Nick’s clothes were a community grab bag. We picked a couple things out here and there, but we didn’t want to unpack the supplies quite yet. Not until we figured out what our plans were.

  Henry sat at the dining room table, pouring over the maps, trying to pick a route to get down to Gunther in North Carolina. The winter weather was coming in hard and fast. The temperatures had dropped significantly over the past few days. He was becoming desperate, worrying over the coming weather.

  “We can’t travel through Pennsylvania,” he said. “There’s no way. The highway has to be torn up. It always is. There has to be insane traffic congestion. I say we go through New Jersey.”

  “I say you’re stupid. What if a nor’easter blows through and we get stuck somewhere? We can’t risk that!” Nick was getting extremely frustrated. “The best way is through Pennsylvania,” he exclaimed as he tapped the map.

  “But the highway will be congested!”

  “We need to stay inland, Henry!”

  “In case you have forgotten, it snows in Pennsylvania, too.”

  They sounded like kids bickering. I walked up to them and stood behind Henry. “Am I going to have to put you two in separate corners?” They both glowered at me. “Umm…okay. Well, I’ll just go back to my womanly duties then.” I headed back into the kitchen and helped Claire fix everyone something to eat…which meant that we popped open a few jars and opened another box of crackers. We pulled out a pouch of jerky from our stash, as well.

  “They are getting a little grumpy out there,” Claire said in a hushed tone.

  “Yeah. I think it’s time for another fix.” I rolled my eyes.

  “It’s Thomas’ turn.” Claire looked down at her arm, the bruising from her last draw still evident. Embarrassed, she tugged her sleeve down. I walked into the family room, and Thomas was cozied up by the fireplace, thumbing through an old magazine.

  “Thomas, after you eat, the bitchy men out there need some.” I nodded my head toward the dining room. He got up and followed me back out of the family room, finding a spot that wasn’t too close to Henry or Nick. I could see he still feared what might happen if they couldn’t control themselves after witnessing what Henry did to Nick back at the convenient store.

  They were still grumbling over which way we would go. “Henry! Listen to me. I’m telling you that the coast would be far too dangerous,” Nick insisted.

  “We’re traveling the coast. And that’s final!” Henry barked.

  “Listen…”

  Henry slammed his fist down on the table. “I said we are traveling the coast. If you don’t like that idea, you can stay here!” Henry stood up so quickly, he knocked his chair over. I was waiting for an explosion.

  “Henry…” He whipped his head around to me, his fists clenched at his sides. His eyes were graying, his jaw was set, and his breathing was short and rapid. He hadn’t had a big dose of blood since the bag he split with Sophie and Nick.

  “Just calm down, alright? Have a seat, and eat this.” I set a jar of peaches and his favorite apple butter down on the table. “You know what? Let me get you a drink, as well.” I turned around, and Claire was standing in the doorway of the kitchen looking terrified. I whispered, “It’ll be okay, Claire. I’ll handle it.” I grabbed a couple of glasses and the open bottle of whiskey off the counter. I went back into the dining room and poured everyone but Thomas a drink. Henry was still glaring at Nick.

  I admit that I was worried that there would be some sort of macho altercation. I could see that Henry was doing the best he could to push down his anger. I also knew he could kill Nick in a heartbeat so I had to keep a close eye on the situation.

  “Henry! Sit your arse down!” We all looked back toward the stairs. Sophie was coming down, carrying the supplies needed to perform a draw. Henry grabbed his chair and sat down, grumbling the whole time.

  Sophie went to Thomas and hooked him up to draw a bag. Claire and I sat down next to our men. I was getting more and more used to the blood being passed around the house like a two dollar tramp. Henry was still glaring at Nick.

  “I’m not going to sit here and be the recipient of his anger.” Nick stood and stalked off into the family room.

  “Nick. Nick! Come back.” Claire got up to chase after him, but before she made it to the doorway, she pointed her finger at me. “You need to control your man a little more!”

  “Control my man?! Do you see marionette strings anywhere?!” That really pissed me off. I was absolutely floored that she would even say something like that.

  “He needs to learn to respect others and their opinions! He can’t be Mr. Ego all the goddamn time!” Claire stormed off after Nick.

  “You know, she’s right. Henry, you need to control yourself a little more.” Sophie was trying to be the voice of reason.

  “Oh, shut the fuck up, Sophie. You get all pissy, too.” I stood up and ran upstairs before anyone could see the tears running down my face. I didn’t understand how Henry’s outburst was my fault.

  “Elaina, wait,” I heard Henry say as he stood up again. “Jesus Christ, this is all I fucking need right now!”

  “Henry, sit your arse down. Leave her alone. You need to wait until you’ve had your fix.” Henry ignored Sophie’s demand, following me up the stairs.

  “Elaina!” I made it to my room before he could catch me. I slammed the door shut, leaning up against it, trying to suck back my emotions.

  He knocked. “Elaina, can I come in?” I didn’t move. “Elaina! Come on. Open the door.” I heard a light thud against the solid wood door. I had a feeling it was his forehead. “Elaina... I’m sorry. Please, let me in.” I couldn’t be mad at him. It wasn’t his fault.

  I whipped open the door and yanked him inside. After slamming the door again, I forcefully pushed him up against it.

  “Love, I’m sorry. I know I need to control myself better. It’s just…”

  “Shut up,” I rasped. I lost all control of myself. My beautiful man…or whatever the fuck he was…stood before me, looking sad and guilty.

  I felt my core stir, aching for him to pound himself into my deepest depths. I grabbed him and started kissing him on his lips, then his neck. I was rubbing my hands all over his cool, trimmed body. I wasn’t going to waste a moment.

  “Elaina…stop…” Henry tried to push me away, but I knew from the obvious visual signs that he wanted me as badly as I did him. “Elaina…please…” I pulled off his shirt. I worked my way down to his navel, nipping his taut skin. He shuddered and his breathing deepened. “Elaina, please. You said we can’t. Don’t do this to me. It’s not right.”

  I stood up rapidly and put my finger on his lips. “Shhh,” I growled. I unbuckled his belt and began reaching for what I desired. He moaned loudly and his head thudded against the door as I took him in my hand. “Shhh, I said!” I growled at him again. Damn it. He was going to follow my orders for a change whether he wanted to or not!

  “Yes, ma’am.” He started undoing the button on my jeans while I stroked him. He kissed me with a ferocious appetite, grabbing me and pushing me up against the wall. He pulled off my jeans and lacy panties. Then he yanked off my shirt and bra in record time.

  Everything that had happened drifted away except for us. I didn’t care what happened, I didn’t care if anyone heard, and I didn’t care about anything but the man who could make my body pulsate in a fury of passion. I wanted to be one with him.

  He roughly grabbed my face after pushing my head against t
he wall. His tongue invaded my mouth, then he ran his teeth over my jawline. I got a thrill from the danger of it. One nip too hard and I would be like him.

  His cool breath tickled my ear. Slowly, he sunk down to his knees, touching and kissing every square inch of my body. He dipped his fingers into my wet heat. I let out a quiet moan as he taunted me. I wanted more and I wanted all of him.

  “More, Henry...” His tongue worked me over to the point of near ecstasy. I was pulling on his hair. “Henry...please. I need you.” My body ached to release with him inside my begging core.

  He stood up, lifting me up against the wall and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He slowly slid me down and entered me. His groan was deep and throaty. It was a delicious sound that I greatly relished. I loved knowing I felt so good to him.

  “Oh, fuuuuck, love,” he moaned. “It’s been too long.”

  “Henry…,” I gasped as he pushed me to my limit.

  He grabbed onto my ass and thrust himself into me over and over again. He was so rough and desperate. His face was buried into my chest, and his cool, throaty breaths tickled my skin. I wrapped my arms around him as I began to rise. I bit my lip and threw my head back.

  My delicious moment came quickly over the intense passion that was being brought forward. After I spilled myself and melted into him, he carried me to the bed. He positioned himself behind me and took me again.

  Again, his thrusts were hard and deep. His uncontrolled breathing was wild and intoxicating. Henry was coming apart at the seams. I made him stop so I could roll over. I wanted to see him come. He thrust himself back in and pounded into me.

  “Oh, god, love. I’m going to… Fuuuuck,” he growled. I held his head in my hands and watched my beautiful man explode above me. His eyes rolled, his jaw relaxed, and he groaned deeply as he filled my core. He pumped his hips into me a few more times before he lost his ability to hold himself up.

  He collapsed on the bed next to me, unable to breathe. I was still stuck in the euphoria of it all. Then he curled up next to me and his familiar, sweaty, cool body brought me back to reality.

  A crying jag hit once again. I tried to hide it, but there was no hope. I really hated that weak side of myself. Henry pulled me close into his chest and stroked my hair. He whispered, “I’m sorry, love.” I looked up into his graying eyes. “I’m so sorry about everything. I love you so much.”

  “I don’t want to do this anymore,” I whispered.

  He was wearing a guilty expression on his face. “I know. Neither do I.”

  “I just want everything back to normal, where I worried about where I placed my cell phone, or if I remembered to set my DVR for a Real Housewives marathon.” I nestled my head into Henry’s chest.

  He didn’t say anything. I could feel his sadness. I knew he felt the whole situation was his fault, but it wasn’t my intention to make him feel that way. He stroked my hair and ran his fingers down my back.

  “Elaina, I wish I could change what happened so you and I could try to live a somewhat normal life. But let’s face facts here, love. If it wasn’t for all this madness, we probably would have never met.” He was right. Then his stomach growled loudly and interrupted our emotional moment. We both laughed.

  “Come on. Let’s go eat, and you can get your fix. Plus, you need to behave yourself, Henry. Stop with your attitude. I don’t want the fighting anymore.” I gave him my best stern look. I stood up, grabbed our clothes, and tossed his at him.

  “Yes, ma’am.” He smirked at me and pulled me into a quick embrace. “Just let me say, that was fucking brilliant. I love angry, spontaneous sex with you.” He gave me a kiss and opened the door.

  When we got back downstairs, Nick and Claire were at the table. Sophie had divided up the bag Thomas gave, and both she and Nick were sipping on it. Henry went straight to Nick. I hoped he was going to stay in control.

  “Nick, may I speak with you in the other room?”

  Nick looked around at everyone. “Yeah, I guess.” He sounded worried. I can’t say as I blamed him because I was, too. Nick got up and walked into the family room, Henry on his heels. I stood in the kitchen doorway, just out of earshot, but I could still see the interaction. I was ready to pounce if a brawl broke out.

  ***

  “I would like to apologize for my behavior,” Henry said. “You’re correct. I need to listen to everyone else’s opinions. It was completely out of line. I know you’re still angry with me about the whole…well, you know. So, please, I beg you to accept my apology.” Henry held out his hand, and Nick looked amazed.

  “Wow…that must have been some talking to from Elaina.” Nick took Henry’s hand and slowly shook it.

  Henry smirked. “You have no idea, mate. She was brutal to me.” Henry ran his hand through his hair. “Let’s go back in there and make plans. I would like to leave soon. The snow is coming.”

  ***

  When Henry and Nick made it back to the dining room, I had already eaten a half jar of tomatoes while watching them. Henry sat and downed his cup of blood, like he usually did. He folded his arms on the table and rested his head on them.

  I took a glass of whiskey and drank a few sips. After a minute or so, Henry picked up his head, and his eyes sparkled with a brilliance that I hadn’t seen in a while. They even looked a bit happy. He smiled at me and stood up, then began digging through the boxes and bags.

  “What are you looking for?” Sophie asked.

  “I was wondering if you grabbed all of the maps that were…” He stopped. He held up what looked like a notebook or a journal. He whipped his head around at Sophie. Her face was full of fear and sadness.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you brought these?!” Sophie just looked at him. She was speechless. “Did you read any of these?” Still no response. “I asked you a fucking question!” He dug down into the box and found a stack of similar notebooks. “Answer me, damn it!” He was furious, and I had no idea why.

  “Henry, just calm down. I’m sure Sophie or somebody,” I looked at Claire, “will explain.” I stood up and walked over to him. I reached my hand out to take one. He took a step back. “What are they?”

  “They’re his journals.” Sophie’s voice was soft and melancholy.

  “Aww, cute!” I said excitedly, ignoring Sophie’s tone. “Can I see them? What kind of juicy details from your past do they hold?” I reached out for them again. Henry pulled away with haste and dropped a couple by my feet. Before he could grab them, I bent and picked one up. He tried to snatch it out of my hands, but I had a death grip on it. I started reading and he hung his head.

  8/4/2014

  Dear Mum,

  I was nearly caught yesterday. Gunther showed up at a bar I was at with Elaina and her friend, Claire. He told me that Roger said I needed to get back to work, but I refused. Then we got into a major physical altercation. I am so lucky that the ladies didn’t hear what he was saying to me. He told me that if I didn’t inject someone soon, Roger would be dragging me back to the complex for punishment. I didn’t care. I want nothing to do with the program anymore. I’m worried that he will bring harm to Elaina. When I arrived back at my flat today, Gunther had broken in and stolen the virus. I’m really worried. Our wedding isn’t that far away. I have to protect her. I need advice…I’m lost. I wish you were here to help me.

  I love you,

  Luke.

  I looked up at Henry. I was blind with rage, but my voice was calm and quiet. “You knew?”

  “Elaina, please, let me explain.” The fear on his face was evident.

  “There’s nothing to explain. It says it all right here, Henry! You were supposed to inject the virus into someone!” Sophie sat with her head in her hands while I raged at him.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you grabbed these?!” Henry screamed at Sophie.

  “I forgot,” she cried. “I’m sorry.”

  “You forgot?! You’re sorry?!” Henry laughed with a frightening aggression. I stood there, stunned, reading r
evealing entry after revealing entry. “I can’t believe this. Well, it’s all out there now, isn’t it, Sophie? Thank you for not allowing me to tell her in my own time.”

  “Don’t you dare put any blame on Sophie!” Claire stood up and yelled. “She thought she was doing something good by bringing you your journals.”

  “So you knew, too, then?!” I bit out. “What the fuck?!” I didn’t know what to think. My best friend didn’t tell me about them; Sophie was crying; and Henry was scared, but raging mad.

  “Tell her, Henry.” Claire crossed her arms. “Tell Elaina what your initial mission was.”

  Henry spilled his guts, finally telling me every last gory detail of the mission. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Elaina, I tried to fight him off. He stalked me for months. There were so many times that I was unraveling over his presence. I didn’t want to do it. Yes, I originally intended to use you, but I fell in love with you from the moment our eyes locked that night. Look…look here.” He opened his journal to October 24, 2012. I read his entry, and fell apart. I didn’t know if I should be pissed or happy.

  “I’m so confused right now.” Henry tried to embrace me, but I pushed him away. “Don’t touch me!”

  “Elaina, it’s right here. Look!” He was desperate to show me, to prove to me that he threw it all away just for me, instead of using me as part of his mission. “Look, please. I didn’t want this to happen. I went rogue. I didn’t want to inject anyone. I knew it was wrong.” His voice cracked. “I thought that by holding the injection hostage, I could prevent this, but I failed at that, as well. I’m such a screw up.” My heart ached. I was hurt, but I could see how broken Henry was. I wanted to take him away from all of it.

  “So when you actually met me, instead of continuing to stalk me, you decided that you couldn’t go through with the program anymore?”