A Man to Call My Own

by Johanna Lindsey

  “We’ll discuss your—activities, after you get dressed,” Kathleen said sternly.

  Amanda raised a golden brow at her and leaned back lazily against the doorframe. “I am dressed, as much as I can tolerate in this heat. Besides, a marriage blessing is all that’s required of you, Aunt Kathleen,” she added with a tight little smile. “My behavior and the way I dress don’t fall under your sphere of influence, so don’t think you have anything to say about what I do. I’m only here because there is money involved.”

  “You’re here because your father elected to make me your guardian.”

  “If you haven’t noticed, I’m not a child who needs a guardian.”

  “Then you might want to stop acting like one. Or is this your way of drawing my attention to the fact that you’ve made your choice about whom you want to marry?”

  “Choice? You mean the cowboy here?” Amanda turned her gaze on Chad. “You didn’t have marriage in mind this morning, now did you, darlin’?”

  Chad was blushing again, probably because Kathleen was frowning at him. “I can explain, Red. It was a riding lesson that got out of hand.”

  “A riding lesson?” Amanda smirked. “That’s a rather crude way of putting it.”

  Chad ignored the interruption, even though more color in his cheeks said he’d heard it clearly. But it was Kathleen he addressed, assuring her, “I’ll take full responsibility for my actions.”

  Kathleen sighed at that point. “I know you will, never doubted it for a moment. I’m just sorry you have to in this case.”

  Amanda had been about to decline any further involvement with Chad. Marian was sure of it. She had set up the scene for one of her nasty set-downs, would want to punish Chad for straying from the path of worshiping only her, and he’d obliged her, had left himself wide open to get his self-esteem demolished. But Kathleen’s sympathy for him had her changing her mind—for the moment.

  Marian often wished she didn’t know the way her sister’s mind worked, but she did. Amanda had just been given the means to prolong the agony—for all of them. If Kathleen didn’t really want Chad to marry Amanda, as her last remark suggested, then Amanda would suddenly find it worth considering, at least temporarily, until a better option presented itself. Plus, she’d have the bonus of knowing it would hurt Marian the most.

  Amanda yawned to show her boredom with the subject, even waved her hand for emphasis, and said, “I’ll think about it.”

  “Appears you already did,” Kathleen pointed out bluntly.

  Amanda merely laughed and strolled toward the stairs. She’d done what she set out to do and would now go gloat over it in private.

  The silence that remained at the table was painful. Marian couldn’t bear to be a part of it for long, and with a mumbled, “Excuse me,” left the room as well.

  She got out right before the tears started. So silly of her to let one of Amanda’s scenes upset her. She should know better. Actually, this time it wasn’t really Amanda’s fault. She’d just done what she always did, stir the pot to boiling. What really bothered her was knowing that Chad was a part of it this time, and even further out of her reach than ever.

  Being shot would have been a kinder fate for him than ending up with Amanda for a wife.

  Chapter 32

  CHAD FELT LIKE A child caught with his hand in the forbidden cookie jar. His embarrassment was still acute, even though it was now just him and Red left in the dining room. But she was shaking her head at him, wearing a look that said “you disappoint me, boy.” And he couldn’t blame her. It was her niece he’d trifled with. That was a clear betrayal of trust.

  He’d yet to examine the full ramifications of what had just happened and was still somewhat in shock. He was going to have to marry—the wrong woman. How the hell could he have been so wrong?

  “You should have gotten to know her better, before you—decided to marry her.”

  The disappointment was still strong in Red’s tone. Chad nodded. “Don’t be surprised if I agree with you one hundred percent.”

  “Then why didn’t you wait before doing something so irreversible?”

  “I’m not sure I had much choice in the matter. Oh, I could have got the hell out of there, but, I’m beginning to feel set up, as if she planned the whole thing.”

  “Then it wasn’t your idea to make a bed in the hay with her?”

  He’d thought he was done with blushing, but his cheeks started to heat up again. “It certainly wasn’t the reason I came back here this morning. I found her in the stable, started the riding lesson you asked me to—”

  “Wait a minute, I didn’t ask you to teach her to ride,” Kathleen cut in.

  “That’s just it, it wasn’t Amanda, well, it was, obviously, but she’d made herself up to look just like Marian. And she was acting just like Marian. She was even willing to learn to ride, when I know she doesn’t like horses—which probably was what convinced me the woman I was dealing with was Marian. So I guess my eyesight as well as my good sense went to hell.”

  “Well, they are twins. I suppose it would be easy enough for one to masquerade as the other and pull it off,” Kathleen conceded.

  His lips twisted sourly. “The thing is, I was damn sure it was Marian in the stable this morning. There might have been a brief moment when I had some doubt. Her boldness threw me off, and I asked if she were Amanda.”

  “I take it she didn’t confirm or deny it?”

  “No, she got mad about it actually. I thought it was because I called her Amanda, but it was probably because I saw through her ploy for a moment.”

  Kathleen sighed. “So you did seduce the right sister; at least, you thought you did.”

  “Red, I don’t hide from my own mistakes, but I have to tell you, I didn’t do the seducing. She was like a cat in heat, giving off all the signs that she wanted me. Considering what I thought, I didn’t try very hard to resist. I’ll admit that. And I’m not denying responsibility, either. I could have dredged up enough willpower to get the hell out of there. I didn’t. But I didn’t start it.”

  “This makes it much worse, you know.”

  “You don’t know the half of it. I don’t even like Amanda. I ignored all her bad traits, chalked them up to the trip, was sure once she settled in here that she’d be a lot different. I was attracted to her, yes, very much so. She is damn beautiful, after all. But I was holding off letting her know that until she got here, since her attitude on the trip was entirely too bratty for my tastes. I really thought she’d change though, not get worse.”

  “I hate to say this, since she is my niece, but from all accounts, what you’ve seen so far isn’t going to improve any. My brother spoiled her beyond redemption.”

  “But not Marian?”

  “No, Amanda was his favorite,” Kathleen said. “Marian he ignored completely.”

  “Is that why she tries to go through life unnoticed? From habit?”

  “No, I think it has to do with Amanda’s being jealous of her. She started to explain it to me, but we got sidetracked, talking about my brother.”

  Chad frowned in thought. “Come to think of it, I may have gotten the explanation the night before we got here. I had to drag it out of her, and then I plain out didn’t buy it, considering she’s about as spinsterish in her looks as she can be.”

  “You gonna tell me why Marian goes to such lengths to avoid her sister’s jealousy?”

  He snorted over Kathleen’s impatience. “I was getting to it. It was her contention that Amanda could get so jealous, that if she thought Marian fancied a man, she’d turn on the charm and try to steal him away from her, just for spite.”

  “Just for spite? You mean not to keep?”

  Chad went very still, then swore, “Son of a bitch. You think that could be what this morning was all about?”

  “Was she a virgin?”

  Once again, he blushed. “Yes.”

  “Then no, I can’t see her going to that length just for spite.”

&
nbsp; “What about her behavior tonight? She didn’t exactly give the impression that she wants to marry me. It does kind of fit, Red.”

  Kathleen shook her head at him. “If she’d already lost her innocence somewhere else, I might agree. But she could have accomplished the objective of redirecting your affections to herself without going to that extreme. And besides, she was pretending to be Marian. If she wanted to charm you, she’d do it as herself.”

  He sighed, conceding, “I suppose, which puts me back to ‘not getting it.’ I mean, she doesn’t even like me.”

  “You sure about that?”

  “Well, aside from her performance this morning of being overwhelmed with desire, yes, I’m reasonably sure.”

  “Women aren’t always obvious about their feelings,” Kathleen remarked.

  “I know, but when the predominant emotion you usually sense from a woman is disgust, you don’t need to be knocked over to get a clue.”

  “Then I’d go with my first guess.”

  “Which is?”

  “She’s decided to use you to get her inheritance,” she replied.

  “But wouldn’t your own contention hold true in that case as well? That she wouldn’t go to such lengths, would try to charm me instead?”

  “I’d say yes, except I know that her only goal at the moment is to go home, with or without a husband, in the latter case, with my blessing to marry whomever she wants. Now, I’m not about to give her permission to do that, and maybe she’s dredged up enough sense to realize that by now. But it’s more likely just pure impatience on her part. She knows I’d. approve of you to marry her. She can’t say the same about any other man she’s met out here yet. So marrying you would be her quickest ticket home, and seducing you just guaranteed it.”

  He scowled. “Marrying me isn’t going to get her a trip anywhere.”

  “Well, I know that,” Kathleen assured him. “And you know that, but I’ve been warned that Amanda doesn’t take too kindly to ‘no.’ If she can’t cajole what she wants, she’ll more than likely resort to other, less pleasant tactics.”

  “Like nagging me to death?” Chad mumbled.

  Kathleen nodded with a wince. “Or sullying your good name. I wouldn’t put that past her, after witnessing her shocking attire tonight.”

  “There’s no way out of this, is there?”

  “For a decent man like you? No.”

  He nodded, stood up to leave. “So when does my sentence in purgatory begin?”

  “Your pa’s big barbecue is this Saturday. Just got the word about it today. I’ll check with the preacher then to see when he can be available, or stop by to see him in town on the way back here on Sunday. You’ll want to let your pa know about it, too.”

  “Oh, God.”

  “I’m sorry, Chad, I really am.”

  “Not half as much as I am.”

  Chapter 33

  CHAD COULDN’T SLEEP. HE wasn’t surprised. He wanted a drink badly, but Red didn’t keep any hard stuff on the property. He wished she didn’t live so far from town. He wished he didn’t need a drink. Actually, if he could have a wish granted, it would be to turn back the clock and relive the day.

  Someone else couldn’t sleep either. He stood by the bunkhouse door and stared up at the main house, wondering whose room still had a light burning in it. And although he watched for a very long time, no one came to the window to give him a clue.

  The sick feeling in the pit of his stomach wouldn’t go away. Trapped. He’d been used. He knew it, but knowing it wasn’t going to dig him out of the pit he was in. Despite the fact that Amanda didn’t really want him, despite the fact that he’d thought he’d made love to someone else, the trapdoor was still slamming shut on him. Because she’d been a virgin. Because whether he liked it or not, he’d taken her virginity from her and he wasn’t the kind of man who could just ignore it.

  Spencer Evans was, that bastard. He’d done it before, would do it again. He had no morals worth mentioning, could care less if anyone got hurt in his pursuit of pleasure. It’s too bad Amanda hadn’t set the trap for him instead—not that it would have gotten her married.

  Chad gave up the notion of getting any sleep that night, and, just past midnight, he jotted off a quick note for Lonny with instructions for the next couple days, then rode out to get that drink he was hankering for. He had to pay a visit to his father anyway, to give him the bad news—another reason why he’d like to get thoroughly drunk first.

  The moon obliged him. A big one was out that lit up the countryside in a soft gray. Not that it mattered, since he was still pretty much riding blind, his thoughts—and regrets—too distracting to keep his mind on the trail for the most part. He had a smart horse, though, which got him into town around four in the morning.

  Not Here didn’t stay open all night, but O’Mallys Saloon never closed its doors, whether it did any business or not. Not that Chad would consider frequenting Spencer’s place even if it was the only place open.

  The last two customers were just staggering out of O’Mally’s when he arrived. Archie the bartender went back to reading a dime novel after he shoved a bottle and glass in Chad’s direction.

  Harry Sue was the only saloon gal up for the night shift, so nicknamed because of the abundance of dark hair that grew on her legs and couldn’t be hidden by the knee-high saloon outfit she was forced to work in. Not that a man wouldn’t admire her shapely legs. A pretty girl despite that, she was quick to offer him any service he might require, but left him alone when he declined.

  He should have been thoroughly sloshed by dawn, had certainly worked at it, but it was taking longer than usual—or Archie had passed him a watered-down bottle. Harry Sue had lingered nearby, just in case he changed his mind about getting a better look at her room upstairs, but she was sleeping at one of the tables now since he hadn’t offered conversation or anything else to keep her awake.

  Her replacement would probably be showing up soon, and some of the townsfolk soon after, since O’Mally’s actually served coffee from dawn till noon, though at the same price as the cheapest rotgut. Chad would really rather not be found there by anyone he knew, but he wasn’t leaving until the drink did its work and he could stop thinking.

  But as if his luck hadn’t turned rotten enough, Spencer Evans pushed through the swinging doors along with the sunrise. To find out what Chad was doing there, no doubt. He knew he should have stabled his horse instead of just removing the saddle and leaving him tied up out front where it might be recognized, but he really hadn’t thought he’d still be there come daylight.

  Archie perked up at the sight of Spencer. He looked worried, but held his tongue. Most business owners in town tried to get the two rivals to leave their premises before the fists started flying, but Archie didn’t own O’Mally’s, so he wasn’t that concerned about a brawl there.

  It was still a ridiculously early hour for Spencer to be up and about, night owl that he was. Chad wouldn’t be surprised if Spence hadn’t promised half the town a buck or two to let him know whenever Chad showed up. He did stem to make an appearance far too often, no matter which establishment Chad entered.

  But Spencer made no pretense of just happening to pass by his time. He leaned against the bar next to Chad, tipped his hat back, and asked straight out, “What are you doing here?”

  Chad didn’t answer, didn’t even glance his way. Spencer mumbled something under his breath.

  Louder, Spencer said, “I’d as soon not be having this conversation either, but I’m not going to pretend indifference where this particular lady is concerned. Are you finally out of there? On your way home? Can I stop worrying about you trying to court her while I’m not around?”

  “Go away, Spencer.”

  “This is a public place.”

  “So go get public in some other part of it.”

  “You always were amusing after a few drinks. You got turned down, didn’t you? I knew she wouldn’t find you to her taste,” Spencer smirked. “Drown
ing a broken heart then, are you?”

  Chad finally glanced at his nemesis. It was too ironic by half, that he’d finally beaten Spencer to the prize, only for it to be one he didn’t want. And Spencer had never been this obvious before either, that he wanted the same woman. He always tried to hide his interest. Sneaking about to win was his style, for the shock effect—hell, they were very alike, Spencer and Amanda. He couldn’t think of two people who deserved each other more. It was too bad she hadn’t figured that out before she plotted to ruin his life instead.

  Ordinarily, Chad would have thrown it in Spencer’s face, that he’d won. Not that he usually won when it came to women they were both competing over. Spencer was better at making promises that he had no intention of keeping. But Chad would have liked to throw it in his face for once. Tit for tat, it was exactly what Spencer would have done.

  But considering what he’d won, he didn’t feel like a winner at all. He and Spencer were both going to lose this time around, and he didn’t feel like discussing why, when his only reason for being there was to drink enough so he could wipe it from his mind.

  So he said only, “I repeat, Spence, go away.”

  “Give me a straight answer and I will. She’s still available, right?”

  “Marian is.”

  “Who the hell is Marian?”

  Chad rolled his eyes, though he wasn’t surprised at all that Spencer didn’t recognize the name. He’d had eyes only for Amanda since he’d first seen her. He might not even know she had a sister, might have missed that entirely, he’d been so centered on Amanda when introductions were made. But if he’d noticed Marian at all, he would have likely gotten to the same first impression that Chad had.

  So he merely replied, “The spinster.”

  Spencer snorted. “Like I’d give a hoot about her. Now are you deliberately trying to provoke me in not telling me what I need to know, or do you just like my company?”