by A B Turner
"You should probably go, you know what Marcella is like about you being on the phone too long, you're probably at least 30 seconds late for your next appointment," I said as brightly as I could.
"I guess you're right," she answered sadly, "But I really don't want to go, you know that?"
"I know, I never wanted to go either, not once," I replied, the tears trickling unchecked down my cheeks, I sniffed and realising she must have heard, I quickly added I hadn't meant to cry.
"It's okay..I've kinda lost it too," she stammered, "We're a fine pair, aren't we?" she joked weakly.
"Yes we are," I gulped back, trying to stifle the tears with a laugh and failing dismally, accepting this could not go on much longer, I spoke again, "Well, you take care, Vanessa and be happy, ok ?"
I heard a slight sob, and then a sharp intake of breath,
"You too Carrie, you deserve nothing but the best, don't you dare forget that," she ordered as firmly as she could manage,
"Oh and one more thing you can't forget, I love you so much."
These last words caused the dam to burst, tears flooded down my face unrestrained, I could hardly speak but I wanted to reply before I lost my voice completely,
"I love you too, don't you forget," I insisted.
"I won't... see you around, Carrie," she croaked, I was about to reply when the line went dead and I was alone in the darkness. Almost immediately, I felt our conversation had been too brief, too much had not been said and for a moment, I wanted to call her back. I had no real idea of what I wanted to say, I just knew I wanted, no, needed to hear her voice again, even just for a few more minutes. After everything, this felt nowhere near enough to properly end whatever it was we had shared. But, after a few moments, I sadly accepted any attempt to prolong what was already painful, was pointless. So I just switched off the phone and wandered back to bed, feeling both somehow numb and distraught at the same time. I clambered back under the covers and lay motionless for a few moments, as if trying to prepare for what was to come. As my stubborn mind started to force me to see brief images from being with Vanessa, I could feel the emotion starting to take over until I cried out into the night and just allowed the grief free rein as it was now impossible to hold it back. At that moment, I wished more than I had ever before, there was someone in this bed next to me, to hold me close and reassure me everything was going to be fine. But there was no-one, whatever chances I had been given, were long gone now and maybe there would be no more to come.
After some time, the tide of sadness seemed to ebb away, not because it had ceased to matter, but thankfully tiredness took over and I drifted to sleep.
Chapter 3
A couple of days later, I was sitting in Diana's office, after all the emotion of the week, I was remarkably relieved to be in this new situation which would allow no room for me to focus on anything but the work. As I waited for her, I glanced around her office, the neat rows of books behind her desk, the files appearing to be at perfect 90 degree angles to each other, even the pictures on the wall had been carefully arranged with meticulous precision. Her office was a statement of how she liked things done, so I quickly concluded, I would have to pay very close attention and try to be just as efficient. As this thought took hold just long enough to cause a subtle moment of panic, Diana strode in through the door carrying a large file. Her brow was deeply furrowed and even through her large glasses, I could see her dark eyes flashing angrily. She tossed the file on to her desk and grabbed the phone, only pausing to nod to me as an acknowledgement of my presence. She stabbed at the phone keypad with her bright red nails, and sighed heavily while she impatiently drummed her fingers on the desk. Finally someone answered and probably immediately wished they hadn't, as she snapped at them with unrestrained venom laced with a heavy dose of sarcasm,
"At last, now, I want to speak to the person who thought it was a marvelous idea to have an ice sculpture delivered in the middle of the day and placed in a sun-drenched ballroom, while apparently not even pausing to think of the potential consequences."
I could just hear the other voice speaking, but it was clear from her increasingly frustrated tone, Diana was far from impressed by their explanation,
"Even the most basic plant life understands the vast amount of energy generated by the sun, and yet, it appears, your staff do not, otherwise how else can this have happened?"
There was a brief pause, as the person on the other end of the call was unable to immediately answer this question.
"So I am assuming you will be replacing it immediately?" Diana asked haughtily, it appeared this was not considered a possibility by the other party.
"I do know it is an incredible work of art, I am extremely familiar with Oscars' work, he is an artist of international renown but I'm sure even he would concede, it tends to look infinitely better when it's more ice and less water."
After the briefest of interruptions from the other party, Diana continued,
"This sculpture is supposed to be a dramatic representation of the Lady of the Lake emerging to present King Arthur with Excalibur, I'm sure you'll agree, the effect is somewhat diminished when the only visible sign of this iconic scene, is a somewhat muddy looking puddle with what appears to be a drinking straw sticking up from the floor."
She briefly paused again, as the poor unfortunate at the other end of the call tried to explain. After several more tense moments, Diana's patience finally ran out,
"Well fascinating as your numerous problems are, I have a historical book launch to organize, so here's what's going to happen...you're going to send a team of people to clear up the mess, then you' re going to arrange collection of another sculpture from Oscar's studio which will be delivered exactly at the time I ordered, is that clear?"
The other voice obviously attempted to protest, but again, she interrupted,
"If you knew anything about his work, you would know he always creates two of every piece, so in answer to your question, yes, it can be replaced."
Before they could speak again, Diana was obviously now in full flight and basically unstoppable,
"I do appreciate how expensive this is going to be, but may I suggest you start to appreciate how much I am going to sue you for, if one single detail of my order isn't carried out precisely to my instructions."
This last statement clearly ended any further discussion as Diana smiled triumphantly,
"Thank you, I will be at the hotel by seven and I shall look forward to see everything in place, goodbye."
She rested back in her chair while carefully restoring the discarded file to its original pristine condition, when satisfied, she placed it on the desk and looked at me,
"Well, Carrie, your first day with us, how are you feeling?" Her tone infinitely softer and more amicable than only a matter of moments earlier. This complete turnaround took me by surprise, but the warmth of her voice accompanied by her friendly smile, made me relax slightly.
"I am nervous, but ready for the challenge," I answered firmly, it was clear she wanted the truth but I was also conscious of not appearing too anxious. She smiled,
"Excellent, well, time for you to get started, don't you think?"
Before waiting for my answer, she passed a file across the desk to me,
"This is a supermarket promotion for a new drink, it's supposed to be healthy and nutritious, although it's more likely to be positively crawling with additives and you'll be lucky to still have your own teeth considering the amount of sugar that's in there," she glanced up at me, I nodded, having no real clue what all this had to do with me,
"So, I want you to read the brief carefully, make some notes and familiarize yourself with the product, although for God's sake don't drink any, I'm not sure your health insurance forms have gone through personnel yet," she laughed. I smiled nervously, I really hadn't wanted to appear stupid, especially not on my first day, but it was clearly time to ask at least one question,
"So when I've read everything, what would you like
me to do?"
Diana looked a little bemused but then roared with laughter,
"I am so sorry, Carrie, I should have explained, you're doing this promotion in the supermarket tomorrow."
I gazed back at her, in total shock, which, for some reason, didn't seem to register with her at all, as she stood up and walked around the desk to the door.
"Now, go and see Jacquie, she will fill in anything you need to know, there's bound to be some godawful t-shirt with some suitably pretentious logo about a healthy lifestyle, just don't make the mistake of washing it first though , the merest hint of time in a machine and it will undoubtedly shrink to the size of a small four year old, ok ?"
She looked expectantly at me, so although I still had no clue about what had just happened, I answered I had understood and would go to see Jacquie immediately. Diana beamed,
"Good..and I know it might feel like you're being thrown in at the deep end, but it's the best way to find out if this work is really for you, we've all done this kind of thing, Carrie, the only thing left to know, is when you're in that end, are you going to sink or swim?"
I took the file and allowed her to usher me out of the office, suddenly all my brave resolve about starting my new life evaporated as I stood in the bustling corridor, not really knowing what to do next. At least I knew where Jacquie's office was, so I decided I had no choice but to move, and hopefully she would be able to help me. So after yet another deep breath, I knocked on her door, on hearing a cheery greeting, I went into the office. This was a world apart from Diana's, paperwork was piled high on the desk, a half-drunk mug of coffee was perched precariously on the edge of a filing cabinet and the walls were covered with pictures, photographs and endless sheets of paper, all of which were either glued, pinned or stapled in a randomly, haphazard pattern.
Jacquie suddenly appeared from under the desk, triumphantly holding what looked like half a chocolate bar, when she saw me, she popped it into her mouth, and took her place behind the desk,
"Hello Carrie," she mumbled, obviously immediately realising she was going to struggle to speak with her mouth full, "Sorry."
After a few more moments, she had finished and apologized again,
"It's been madness here all morning, I haven't had a moment," she explained.
"That's okay, I didn't mean to disturb you.." I began, but she interrupted,
"That's what I'm here for, anyway, what can I do for you?" And she kindly gestured for me to sit down and listened patiently while I explained everything Diana had said and just how mystified I was by her instructions. Jacquie nodded and smiled, clearly unsurprised by my story. Once I had finished, I looked at her hoping for some words of wisdom, Jacquie pushed her fingers through her short, spiky hair, almost angrily, and then glanced back at me,
"She does this to people, throws them into something and expects them to be alright..I understand she knows what she's doing, I have total respect for her, but I do wonder..."
She looked thoughtful, I started to wonder if I had perhaps made a mistake about being quite so honest about my confusion, perhaps she would think I wasn't up to the job at all! I knew I had to say something,
"I will be alright, Jacquie, I just need to know what's expected of me, that's all."
Jacquie smiled again before almost jumping off her chair and opened a door behind the desk which I hadn't previously noticed under all the pictures,
"That's the spirit, come on then, let's get you sorted out." I followed her and when I was next to her, she looked up at me, as neither of us had really noticed before either how short she was or conversely, how tall I was,
"Well. You've got one thing in your favour, Carrie, nobody is going to miss you in a crowd."
I laughed nervously,
"I'm not sure that's a good thing," I replied, Jacquie squeezed my arm reassuringly,
"You're going to be fine, seriously, if Diana thinks you can do this, you can, simple as that, now come on."
I still wasn't convinced but I smiled back any way.
As I sat on the bus, the following day, I was filled with nervous anticipation, I had read the brief over and over again the night before until I was convinced there was absolutely nothing about this drink I didn't know, just as Diana had ordered. I glanced down, and although the t-shirt I had been given, was perhaps not the most flattering, at least, it hadn't been too tight and the logo was evident, but not overwhelming. I kept reminding myself as we got nearer, this was not going to be hard, I just had to stand with a tray full of drinks and pass them out to customers, while talking to them about the potential health benefits. It was the last part of this, which I struggled with the most, as Diana had been right, having checked the ingredients, it did seem to contain a considerable amount of sugar. I felt decidedly uneasy about telling anyone this was any kind of healthy option, but, that was the job, at least for now, and, as I got off the bus, I reasoned, if I did well here, perhaps more interesting work would become available to me.
Having bolstered not only my confidence but my hopes for the future, I walked quickly up to the supermarket doors, checked my reflection for one last time and then went inside.
After introducing myself to the manager of the store, who showed little or no interest in my role there, I set up the stand in the centre aisle and waited, tray in hand and my head filled with the facts about this drink. As it was still relatively early, there were few customers in the shop and they passed me without even the merest glance. After almost an hour of being ignored, I decided a more bold approach might be needed, after all, my job was to sell and when I had checked the display earlier, there were a lot of bottles. I looked expectantly along the aisle, first one way and then the other, but aside from an elderly couple who seemed to be having some kind of argument, there didn't seem to be anyone who looked even slightly like a potential buyer. Suddenly I was startled by a voice behind me, I span round, almost dropping the tray, only to find myself face-to-face with a large, middle-aged man, beaming at me,
"Is that alcohol, love?" he asked hopefully, eyeing the neat rows of semi-filled cups.
"No, I'm afraid not," I replied, "It's a new health drink..." Before I had a chance to finish, he shook his head and walked away. Another hour crawled by, my untouched tray of drinks sat forlornly on the small table, as customers passed them by without even the slightest hint of curiosity. As I stood there, I started to feel the muscles in my calves starting to bunch slightly, so I tried shifting my weight from one foot to the other, in an effort to relieve the pressure. As I did this, my mind started to raise several questions about what I was even doing here, it was demoralizing, even humiliating, I suddenly yearned to be back at my old job and swamped by boring paperwork. Just as I shifted again, a rather harassed woman pushing a shopping trolley came closer, she was cursing the wayward wheels and looked almost as depressed as I was starting to feel. When she saw me, she carefully guided the over-loaded trolley towards me and came to an unsteady stop, directly in front of my table. She pushed a stray hair out of her face, as she picked up one of the display bottles and started to read the contents,
"So is it nice? This stuff?" she asked dubiously,
"Why don't you try some?" I replied, offering her a cup, she shrugged and drank. I could feel myself almost holding my breath as she drained the last of the juice and return the empty cup to the tray.
"Actually that's not too bad, and the kids will probably like it, it's on offer, is it?"
I found myself poised to launch into the whole speech I had learned the night before about all the potential health benefits, but one glance at her weary face, showed she probably didn't have either the time or the inclination to listen. So I opted just to tell her about the offer,
"Go on then, I'll have five, my eldest will probably enjoy that after football."
As I carefully placed the bottles into the trolley, it was almost impossible for me not to hug her and thank her, but I resisted. I watched her edge away down the aisle and felt slightly bet
ter about what I was trying to do, as the morning wore on, a few more mothers passed by and I managed to sell more. But it was slow and tedious and the doubts about this being a job I could actually stay with, soon surfaced in my mind.
Finally, after a further agonizing hour, I realised it was time for my lunch break and so, after carefully disposing of the unwanted cups, I took my bag and headed for the staff canteen. As I walked in, I half-expected to hear Phil and his friends laughing, but it was quiet, a few people looked up from their newspapers, but said nothing and returned to their reading. I bought a Coke and a sandwich, then found a place in the corner, pausing only to pick up a magazine from a long table in the middle of the room. As I idly flicked through the pages, I felt strangely out of place, as if I didn't really belong there at all, I now felt ridiculously homesick for my old job and wished I was there. After an hour, I wandered back to the table and started to fill the cups again, feeling flat and just wanting to go home. Fortunately, the afternoon was busier, especially when all the families came in after school, I was kept busy and somehow, inexplicably, the once-full shelf of bottles seemed to be emptying. After the flurry of activity, the last hour dragged interminably slowly, I kept glancing up at the clock, but the hands seemed permanently stuck at the same time. Just when I thought the day was never going to end, I felt a sharp jab from behind,