Revealed

by A B Turner

  I nodded my gratitude as I still couldn’t speak, as the huge lump in my throat seemed to have no intention of moving any time soon, as I walked slowly to the check in desk. Once through all the border controls, I wandered aimlessly to the departure lounge and sat down. I felt numb, as if my body and mind had somehow decided, they simply didn’t have any energy left for the intense sadness. I sat there, looking blankly out of the window until the gate number was finally called. As I waited to board the plane, my mind rested on all those movies I had seen, where someone was supposed to leave and they don’t…like so many other times in my life, I wished reality was more like fiction. I wandered on to the plane and found my seat, cruelly, it was by the window, so I would be able to see Melbourne disappearing, when we took off. I rested my head back on the seat and closed my eyes, I wondered what Skylar was doing now. I imagined him racing through the airport, with the sole purpose of holding up the plane and insisting I get off. I wondered if he had parked somewhere and was waiting to see the plane leave…but mostly, I hoped – more than anything- he was wishing I was still there. I was so lost in my own thoughts, I barely noticed the young woman sit down next to me until I heard her crying,

  “Are you alright?” I asked quietly, she glanced up at me,

  “I just had to say goodbye and I don’t want to leave.”

  I nodded sadly,

  “I know exactly what you mean, but we might have to go now, but we can come back, can’t we?”

  She sniffed loudly and wiped her face,

  “Do you think?” she asked.

  “Absofuckinglutely,” I replied firmly.

  Despite her tears, she smiled and so did I, for no other reason, than what I had said was –without question – absolutely true.

  Chapter 15

  The flight back seemed somehow quicker than the one to Australia, and it didn’t seem long before the plane descended through the clouds and there below, was London. Although I had no desire to be there, the prospect of just being able to move freely again was some small relief. As always, there was a long walk from the plane to the baggage area, but again, it was good just to feel the blood flowing in my legs and my back being free to straighten rather than the half-curve of the aircraft seat. I grabbed my suitcase and walked into the Arrivals Hall, Kat had said she would meet me. I scanned the crowds for her face, at first, there didn’t seem to be any sign of her. I scrabbled in my handbag for my phone that was still switched off from the flight, a quick check showed there was no message from her. I looked around again, suddenly I saw her standing by the doors, I waved enthusiastically but she did little more than a nod to acknowledge my greeting. I carefully negotiated my way through the crowds to her side, I hugged her but felt no response at all.

  “Did I keep you waiting?” I asked, somewhat confused by her cold reaction.

  “No, it’s fine, Carrie, shall we go?”

  She walked quickly ahead, making it hard for me to keep up, she even let the doors out of the terminal swing shut in front of me.

  “The car is over there,” she said, pointing towards the multi-story carpark, before starting to cross the road, again, without waiting to see if I was there. Whether it was the combination of the long flight, or plain tiredness, I found myself very irritated by her manner.

  “If you didn’t want to meet me, you only had to say so,” I snapped. Kat said nothing and continued to stride across the car park. When we reached the car, she threw the suitcase in the back and then got into the driver’s side. As I had no real option, I sat down in the passenger side and tossed my handbag down.

  “Alright, what’s your problem?” I asked, “How can I have done anything wrong? I haven’t been in the country!”

  Kat still said nothing and went to put the keys in the ignition, before she had a chance to start the car, I snatched them from her. She glared at me, her eyes flashing with rage,

  “Give me the keys, Carrie.”

  “No! Not until you tell me what this is about!” I yelled back. For a moment, there was a standoff, both of us clearly intent on holding our own position,

  “So?” I demanded, Kat slammed her hands against the steering wheel in frustration,

  “For fuck sake Carrie, just give me the keys.”

  “I said no,” I answered, well aware I sounded childish, but, at that moment, I didn’t care. Kat shook her head and turned to me,

  “Are we friends, Carrie?” she asked.

  “I thought so,” I replied sarcastically, “But now I’m not so sure.”

  Kat grimaced,

  “I thought so too, until the charity launch and I met Vanessa Bonart,” she paused, obviously expecting some kind of reaction. I fought the urge to show any kind of emotion. Kat was now practically studying my face, such was the intensity of her gaze,

  “She’s really quite a woman…” she continued, “But you know that, don’t you Carrie? You know that very,very well.”

  I swallowed hard, my first thought was to pretend I had no idea what she meant, but one look at her fixed gaze, left me with no doubt, that somehow Kat had found out everything. But even at this stage, I couldn’t be sure, so it was my turn to say nothing as Kat explained about the launch, how she had been assigned to all the promotional material. At the end of the evening, it seemed Vanessa had wanted to thank everyone, ending with Kat, who as she had said she would, passed on the best wishes of Carrie Sullivan.

  “It was when I mentioned your name, there was just something in her face, it was only a moment, but it was enough, so I asked her, if she’d met you. I asked casually, just in case I was wrong, but I wasn’t, was I Carrie?”

  I didn’t move, but inside my head, a thousand thoughts seemed to be crashing around, my heart was pounding and my whole body seemed to be shaking.

  “She asked me how I knew you, I told her we had been friends for years, close friends..then, as if I wasn’t sure already, she gave herself away, she asked me, if you had ever mentioned what happened between you.”

  Kat looked away from me, shaking her head,

  “I had to say no and she smiled, saying she had always known she could trust you and she now hoped, as your friend, she could trust me, I said yes and we said goodbye.”

  Kat went on to explain, she had gone home that night and talked to Matt. Between them they pieced the story together, right from when I had first told her I’d met some mysterious person, from the time at Christmas when the pudgy photographer had approached me and, the final clue, when Diana inexplicably distanced me from the launch.

  “Diana knew, didn’t she?” Kat asked, her voice sounding heavy with more hurt than anger. I nodded slowly,

  “Fuck Carrie! How could you tell her and not me? After everything we’ve been through!”

  “I couldn’t tell you, Kat, I wanted to, so many times, but I promised.”

  “Fine you promised, but why Diana?” she snapped angrily.

  “The photographer was at that book launch, remember? The first one I did, he spoke to Diana about me and at the staff meeting, well she left me no choice..” I explained sadly, hating the fact I had hurt Kat so much.

  “She doesn’t know the whole story, but…” for a moment, my voice trailed away, I reached over to Kat, “Please try and understand.”

  Kat sighed,

  “I want to, Carrie, but how can I when I still don’t know anything?”

  We sat in awkward silence, I felt caught in a terrible position, I could either tell Kat nothing and risk losing my dearest friend, or tell her everything and hope she would understand the importance of the secrecy. After a few moments, I knew what I had to do, I gave Kat her keys,

  “Let’s get home and I will tell you everything, but you must understand, nobody else can ever know, even if we fall out, you must promise me, you will never repeat a single word.”

  I could see Kat’s face soften,

  “I promise you, Carrie and I’m sorry for being such a jerk before, I was just so hurt.”

  “That’s o
kay, I’ve always loved your jerkiness,” I chuckled. Kat scowled and started the car,

  “Anyway, talking of love, how was Australia?”,”

  “Australia was beautiful,” I replied dreamily.

  “You didn’t post many pictures on Facebook, not a single landmark,” she teased, “Was the weather bad? Did you not get out much?”

  “You really are hilarious Kat.”

  As we drove home, I could sense Kat’s urgency to get back, so she could hear about Vanessa but I was still slightly torn about just how much to say to her. As she talked, I let my mind act as an editor, because even now, there were some things I just didn’t want to share –not just with Kat, not anyone. The process went on until we reached my front door, by which time, thankfully, I had decided what to say and what to leave out. I had barely reached for my key when Lainie appeared and threw her arms around me,

  “I’m so glad you’re back safely, how was everything?”

  “It was amazing,” I replied breathlessly, “Now can I get in the door?”

  Lainie laughed, she took my suitcase from the car and followed me into the house. She had made dinner for us, which at first, I had decided, I didn’t really want, but almost as soon as I ate a mouthful, I realized just how hungry I was. Once we had all eaten, Lainie offered to clear up,

  “You two go and sit down and talk about all the parts of the trip I’m not old enough to hear, I’ll wash up and then I promised Ella I’d meet her in town, seems she’s having boyfriend trouble.”

  I thanked her and followed Kat into the living room, we poured some wine and I began to tell her about meeting Vanessa. As I talked, I knew she was aware, I was leaving some parts out, but she seemed okay with it. For the most part, her expression remained thoughtful and deep in concentration. But when I told her about Vanessa sneaking into my hotel room dressed as a maid, she couldn’t hide her amusement. After almost an hour, I had told her the story, I took a long sip of wine and waited for her reaction,

  “Holy fuck Carrie, if anyone else told me this, I would say they were full of crap.”

  I had to admit, re-telling everything almost made me doubt it had ever actually happened.

  “And you really told no-one?” Kat asked, “Aside from Diana, of course.”

  “I couldn’t Kat, I promised all of them, not just Vanessa, but Marcella and Frank too.”

  “It’s just unbelievable, it really is,” Kat replied, “I really admire you, Carrie, I mean, I always have, but to keep this to yourself, all this time..that takes some doing.”

  “Thank you, but it doesn’t really, not if anything means anything to you,” I said quietly.

  We sipped our wine, I could practically hear Kat’s brain ticking over, trying to make sense of it all. After several minutes, she glanced over at me,

  “You must be worn out, sweetheart, I should go and let you catch up on some sleep.”

  We both stood up and I thanked her for picking me up from the airport,

  “Any time, when we meet up, I want to hear all the gory details about Mr Hill..especially the X-rated bits, after all, I live vicariously through you now that I am all married and respectable.”

  We both laughed and I saw her to the front door, she was about to walk down the path, but stopped and turned back,

  “I meant what I said about admiring you, Carrie, I won’t say anything even though I would love too, it’s your story and it should stay that way.”

  I smiled and I watched her drive away, in a way, it was a relief that she knew, but, more importantly, I was happy, she had understood, I hadn’t told her everything. I wandered back into the house, quickly showered and climbed into bed. I wasn’t especially tired, it was just so good to be stretched out and peaceful. I switched on my phone and hoped there was a message from Skylar, I wasn’t disappointed.

  “Hey beautiful, I hope you’ve got back safely. There are so many things I wish I’d said to you when you were here, but when you come back, I can say them. If you don’t know yet, I love you my darling, you make me feel so much and I want you in my life. You’re mine now, if you want to be, and I will always be yours. Speak to you soon beautiful, love S xxxx’

  I quickly checked the time difference, he would be asleep now, so I typed my answer because I wanted it to be there when he woke up. I told him I loved him too, that I wanted to be his and somehow, we would find a way to be together again soon. I pressed ‘send’, then curled up under the covers and closed my eyes, to remember what he felt like to touch. It turned out to be true, your body does have a memory because, as I was there alone, I could almost feel his body next to mine. This was the last thought I had before all the travelling and drama finally caught up with me and I fell into a deep sleep.

  Chapter 16

  Within a few days, I was on my way back to work, it seemed very wrong to be forced back into reality quite so quickly but I had to accept it would happen eventually. As I walked through reception, nothing had obviously changed, but perhaps I had. For some reason, I felt more confident and decided, maybe that’s what travelling the world does for a person. As I waited for the lift, Tom walked up to me,

  “Hello Carrie, how was your trip?” he asked cheerily, I just beamed at him and he laughed,

  “That good, eh? Lucky you.”

  When we stepped out on to the third floor, we were greeted by the usual low level chaos and confusion, with people racing up and down the corridors. I assured Tom we would catch up later and I went to Jacquie’s office, expecting her to be buried under paperwork as always. So when I saw an array of clean surfaces, I was completely taken aback, Jacquie appeared from under her desk,

  “I’ve been digitalized, Carrie.”

  “So I see, how’s that working out for you?”

  She frowned,

  “I miss my files, I know it all looked a mess, but it made sense to me and now,” she waved a cursory hand at the gleaming computer on her desk, “It seems this thing can do it all.”

  “It might make things easier,” I suggested hopefully.

  “Oh I don’t doubt it, when I can get into the wretched thing, they set up a temporary password and security..it was written down on some paper..allegedly..can’t find it anywhere.”

  I couldn’t help but smile and offered to help her look, she thanked me but waved me a way,

  “You don’t have time, Diana is having one of her meetings in less than five minutes.”

  I wished her well with the search and walked down to the conference room, Kat was already there and waved over to me, pointing at the seat next to hers.

  “How are you sweetheart? Happy to be back in the trenches?”

  I scowled and she chuckled,

  “I’ll take that as a ‘no’ then, by the way, what’s happening with Lainie now she’s back?”

  “She’s applying to a college here, she has an interview next week,” I explained.

  “So it’s really over with Damon? That’s a shame, I liked him.”

  “I did too, but they wanted different things and better to find that out now rather than later, she seems okay with it though, that’s all that matters.”

  Kat was about to speak, when the unmistakable sound of Diana striding into the room, brought the conversation to an abrupt end. As always, Diana took her place, centre stage and looked around the room,

  “Extraordinary, it looks like everyone made it on time, clearly there was a long queue at the coffee shop this morning and forcing some to forego their latte and muffin.”

  A few people giggled, but quickly stopped when seeing Diana’s expression.

  “Anyway, enough of the hilarity, let’s review recent launches..Tom and Carrie, your work with the winery? Very happy with that, although I understand Andrew Mayson generously gave you a crate of wine and I don’t appear to have received anything from it as yet, I’m guessing this is just an oversight.”

  Her eyes darted between me and Tom, he coughed and assured her, there would be no further delays.

  �
�Excellent, now the charity launch…considering the scale of the event, nothing too disastrous happened but there are several points I feel need to be discussed.”

  So Diana continued, picking apart every detail with all the precision of a surgeon, clearly nothing anyone had done had gone unnoticed. As always, her criticisms were balanced with measured praise, so everyone in the room started to relax slightly. But then she removed her glasses and stepped to the front of her desk,

  “However, one issue did arise and I was far from impressed, this concerns several of you who were in attendance. Like many of our events, there is a necessary evil in our midst, i.e. the press photographer. Some, in fairness, work with us, but there a few, who want to go that little bit further, who want to get their grubby hands on some gossip, take unauthorized pictures, get unguarded quotes to use…this happened at the launch.”