Once An Alien

by Robin Martin

‘Go on.’ He would make a great lawyer someday because he sure was good at cross-examining.

  ‘Well, I don’t want you to faint from hunger. You need to keep that blood sugar level up. Besides, aren’t you hypoglycaemic or something?’

  ‘Maybe, though I haven’t been tested yet.’ And that was a wonder, because his mother had had him tested for just about every disease known to man.

  ‘I rest my case,’ I said with just a touch of smugness.

  ‘Yes, but…’

  ‘Oh no!’

  ‘What?’ he looked at me suspiciously.

  ‘I feel such a twitchiness in my fingers. I can’t help it. I’ve just got to—’

  ‘No way.’ Emerson giggled and moved away from me.

  ‘Yes, I just have to… tickle somebody.’

  I reached out and grabbed him and started to tickle him. He laughed and squealed and tried, a little bit, to escape.

  ‘Stop, stop,’ he said between laughs.

  ‘On one condition only.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Only if you tame these terrible fingers with a game of Snap! Do you give up?’ I tickled him under the arms for good measure.

  ‘Okay, okay, you win. I give up!’

  I let him go, and he rolled in a ball on the floor, still laughing.

  ‘Great. Get the cards.’

  A couple of games later and there was no mention of the dog. I was just congratulating myself on my excellent babysitting skills, when we heard a scratching on the door that led to the garage, accompanied by a howl.

  Emerson put down his cards. ‘It’s Tiberius. He needs to go.’

  ‘Let’s just wait and see.’

  But Tiberius howled again, and this time the scratching was even more frantic.

  ‘Mummy won’t be happy if he makes a mess in the garage,’ Emerson said, and I knew he was right.

  ‘You stay here, and I’ll go and get him,’ I said and got up to hurry down the hall.

  Emerson ignored me and followed behind.

  I cautiously opened the door, and the brown and black ball of fur hurtled out past my legs and bounded down the hall like an escaped prisoner. Emerson followed him, calling, ‘Wait for me, Tiberius.’

  I ran down the hall after them. The dog, thinking it was a great game, barked and ran into the white carpeted lounge with its uncomfortable but expensive chairs, antique looking vases on low tables and a baby grand piano. Tiberius ran under the tables and one of the vases wobbled. Emerson chased after him, almost as reckless as this crazy dog.

  ‘Emerson, don’t chase him. Tiberius, stop!’ I may as well have saved my breath. The dog ran behind the sofa, Emerson following, and then both of them dived under the piano. Just as Emerson wiggled his small self under, the dog ran out again and jumped on a fancy brocaded chair. He started to scratch it frantically as if digging for a bone, and I could see the threads of the brocade coming loose.

  I made a grab for Tiberius, but he was too quick for me and bounded down again, heading out the door of the lounge and up the stairs. I hit my knee on the sharp corner of the coffee table, and stifling a curse, I ran after that stupid dog. But Emerson was ahead of me. At the top of the stairs, he called out, ‘Quick, he’s gone into Mummy’s room.’

  I sprinted up those stairs like an Olympic athlete, just in time to see Tiberius exit the room with an expensive-looking red stiletto in his mouth.

  ‘Uh oh, those are Mummy’s Choo shoes,’ Emerson said as he followed the dog into his own bedroom. The dog disappeared under the low, queen-sized bed.

  ‘Tell me that isn’t a Jimmy Choo,’ I said, wondering if Mrs Stewart would ever let me babysit again.

  ‘Yes, that’s it.’ He looked at me, wrinkling his nose just like his mother did. ‘I think they’re kinda expensive.’

  ‘Just a little,’ I said, hearing the despair in my own voice. ‘We need to get that back off Tiberius before he damages it.’

  But the bed was too low for me to get under, and even for Emerson, it would be a tight fit. ‘I’ll get the broom and maybe we can coax him out. You stay here and don’t let him out of this room or we’re both going to be in mega trouble.’

  ‘Sure. I think he’s calmed down now. I can hear him chewing.’

  Either I’d never babysit again, or I’d have to do it for free until Emerson was grown up. And even then, I’d never be able to pay her back the cost of those shoes. I closed the bedroom door behind me and raced downstairs. As I passed the lounge room on my way to the kitchen, I noticed a little brown lump under the piano and a wet patch on the white carpet. Great. The only consolation was I didn’t have to take Tiberius out anymore. I didn’t think my nerves could handle that.

  I got the broom from the closet and ran back upstairs. Emerson was lying on his tummy looking under the bed and speaking in a persuasive voice. ‘Come on, boy. Come out and I’ll give you a treat. Zoe has muesli bars. You’ll love them. Come on.’

  ‘Move to one side, Emerson, while I try to get him out. When he comes, grab him.’

  ‘You won’t hurt him, will you?’ he said, anxiety in his voice.

  ‘No, of course not,’ I said, though at this point that was the least of my worries.

  I wriggled the handle of the broom around until I found the sturdy body of a naughty puppy.

  ‘Come on, Tiberius. Move.’ But, of course, all he did was wriggle away from the broom handle. I kept moving it until the dog was up against the wall. I felt him bite the handle. Good. That meant he dropped the shoe. I wiggled the handle and felt him grab it again. He thought it was a game. He kept trying to grab the handle as I moved it further and further out. Finally, I saw a curly brown head emerge from under the bed. Dropping the broom, I grabbed the dog and dragged him out. He wriggled around in my lap, tail wagging and brown eyes looking at me with total affection. It was just like he was saying, ‘Wasn’t this fun!’

  Sighing, I held him tightly. Emerson patted his head. ‘You’re a very naughty dog, Tiberius. But, never mind, you’re only a puppy.’ He planted a kiss on top of the dog’s head. ‘I wish I could keep him with me tonight. He was only lonely. That’s why he went crazy.’

  There might have been some truth in that, but I wasn’t taking any more chances. ‘It’s your mother who’ll go crazy if she finds him in your room. He needs to go back in the garage now and get some rest. And we need to clean up.’

  I breathed a sigh of relief when we shut the door of the garage, with Tiberius safely inside. Then Emerson and I straightened cushions, cleaned up his ‘mess’ and rescued the red Jimmy Choo stiletto from under the bed. It was covered in drool, and there was a little dent on one side, which I pushed out so it looked almost normal. Other than that, it seemed miraculously unharmed. I wiped it down and returned it to the bedroom to sit beside the other shoe. They looked the same, more or less.

  ‘I think we’ve earned those snacks,’ I said as we both collapsed on the sofa in the family room.

  ‘That was pretty exciting, wasn’t it?’

  ‘I guess that’s one way of putting it.’ I opened my bag and dug out two choc chip muesli bars and two small packets of salt and vinegar chips—they were Emerson’s favourites. He got the water from the fridge and filled two glasses, bringing them over carefully.

  Sitting on the floor, his legs crossed, he took the muesli bar I offered. ‘I can’t wait to tell Rion all about it. I wonder if they have dogs on his home planet.’

  Emerson was the only other person, besides me, who knew that Rion was from another planet. It had happened accidentally when Rion was babysitting him and trying to console Emerson for being different because, as he said, he was different too. Emerson guessed the rest. But he wouldn’t tell anybody. He knew how to keep a secret, even if he was only six. Besides, he loved Rion almost as much as I did.

  Thinking about his question, I said, ‘I don’t know. We’ll have to ask him. Maybe Pandora would know.’

  ‘Who? Is she an alien too? Is there another alien here?’ He sat up, eyes al
l wide.

  Oops, hadn’t meant to mention her. ‘Oh, just a new girl at school.’

  ‘A new girl, as from another planet? Has to be, because only someone from Rion’s planet would know if there were dogs there.’

  Unfortunately, Emerson was not a dumb kid.

  ‘You can’t tell anyone, right? She has to be a secret too.’

  He nodded. ‘But that’s so awesome. I want to meet her. Please bring her ’round to see me. You can come to Dad’s place next weekend. He doesn’t mind visitors. He lets Rion come and play chess with me sometimes. I wonder if she’s any good at chess?’

  ‘She’s good at most things. But, Emerson, not every alien is as nice as Rion,’ I said, holding back a sigh. I wondered how Rion was getting on at her party.

  I couldn’t help feeling a little uneasy. Not because I didn’t trust Rion. More like, I didn’t trust Pandora.

  Finally, I got Emerson into bed and I settled down on the sofa to try to study, but mostly to look at my phone. I sent a text to Rion, and he responded briefly to say that there was nothing too unusual about the party yet, except a few boys were drunk. So far, it seemed Pandora was being good. But expecting it to last was like expecting Tiberius to do what he was told. It looked like it was going to be a long night.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Did I think Chelsea’s parties were a bit wild? They had nothing on Pandora’s. The music blasting our eardrums was at least a hundred decibels, and that was only ten decibels fewer than a lawn mower and twenty decibels fewer than a jet engine. Much more of this and we’d be suffering hearing loss in the morning. There were approximately fifty people crowded into a small house that would comfortably accommodate six to ten people for a gathering of any sort. Many of those bodies were gyrating to the music, and any movement from one area to another was practically impossible. Hence, I was stuck in a corner between a bookcase and a lamp, which miraculously was still in one piece. When I texted Zoe an hour ago, I said nothing too unusual was happening, but since then a lot more people had arrived and the music was even louder. Pandora was right there in the middle of it all, laughing and dancing.

  I couldn’t see Lou and Mike. Maybe they’d decided not to come after all. Harry had been here for a while, but when things got more hectic, he’d said, ‘I’m leaving. This just isn’t my scene. I don’t know why I ever let Pandora persuade me to come. It’s not like she even knows I’m here.’

  I felt I had to say something. After all, Harry was my friend, and I didn’t want him to have false hopes. ‘Pandora is all about Pandora. We’re just here to make up the numbers so she can say her parties are bigger and better than anyone else’s.’

  ‘Yeah, you’re right. Anyway, see you later.’

  As he disappeared through the crowd, I wished I could leave too, but I knew I had to stay. Pandora was getting wilder and more reckless by the minute. I could hear her laughter above everyone else’s. She was holding a glass of wine high in the air as she danced. I was hoping she was spilling more than she was drinking. A little went a long way on our alien physiology.

  I considered moving closer and perhaps drawing her away. If I got her outside, maybe I could talk some sense into her. Then I saw Kerri not far from me, her head bobbing to the music and her red hair swinging. She was holding a plastic cup with some red liquid in it. Somehow I didn’t think it was cherry cola or raspberry cordial. Maybe I should check to see if she was okay. This was so out of character for her. And I could only put it down to Pandora’s influence.

  The music changed from an Ariana Grande pop song to the opening chords of a much older Deep Purple song my previous host, who had been around in the 60s, had listened to. I was surprised because I didn’t think many teens knew it today. Then I heard the thump of heels on wood, and I looked over to see Pandora on top of the coffee table, starting to dance and turn circles. Catching my eye, she stopped and lifted her glass. ‘This one’s for my favourite alien, Orion,—“Space Truckin’.” Woohoo!’

  I sensed rather than saw heads swivel in my direction. I felt dozens of pairs of eyes on me. How could she do that? How could she blurt out the one secret I’d tried so hard to hide? I felt the blood drain from my face, and I dropped the can of cola I was holding as the opening lines of the rock song blared out. Pandora downed her drink, threw her glass into the crowd, and started to dance again.

  Then I heard laughter and someone, I think it was Chad Everett, say, ‘Good one, Pandora. We always knew he was weird.’ More laughter and everyone was dancing to the music, which was beating out as powerfully as my pulse was racing. No one was looking at me anymore. They thought it was a joke. Not for one moment did they think it was true. I stepped back, hitting the bookcase behind me. One of the books fell off the shelf, but I left it there while I tried to breathe normally again. Everyone thought it was a joke, this time. The next time she blurted it out, they might take her more seriously. But there couldn’t be a next time. Somehow, I just had to persuade Pandora to return to the mothercloud. I just didn’t know how—yet.

  The music had everyone revved up. They loved it, and they loved Pandora. ‘Go, Pandora!’ I heard a familiar voice call out. Looking over the crowd, I saw it was Kerri, who also had her hands in the air and was dancing. I had obviously stepped into an alternate universe.

  Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath, trying to centre myself and think. Should I just slip away and not draw any attention to myself in case Pandora decided to make another revelation?

  But that would defeat the whole purpose of my being here. I had come to stop her from doing something foolish, something that might get her into trouble, and me too. I couldn’t give up at the first hurdle.

  Pushing my way through the closely packed swaying bodies wasn’t easy. A girl, I think it was someone from my physics class, threw her arms around me and tried to kiss me. As gently as I could, I turned her around, and she immediately tried to do the same to the guy behind her. I pushed past some more people and knocked a guy’s arm. Warm beer from the glass he was holding spilled over us both. ‘Hey, watch it, mate.’

  ‘Sorry, really sorry,’ I said as I did my best to move away from him before he decided to take it further. A few pushes, bumps, and sorries later, I finally made it to where Pandora was still dancing on the table.

  The music was so loud I doubted she would hear me, so I concentrated on a form of communication she might recognise. I hoped I was still able to do it. I closed my eyes again and ignored the jostling people around me. Telepathic communication had been more normal to me than speech not so long ago. I tried to find the quiet space in my mind where I could connect with Pandora. After all, she was one of my own people. Surely, I would be able to reach her. Pandora, my thoughts whispered.

  Orion? I opened my eyes to see her looking down at me. The music had faded from my consciousness, and it was as if we were the only two beings in the room.

  Come with me now. I want to talk to you.

  She shook her head. Later.

  No, now. Please.

  This better be important.

  It is.

  She shrugged and said out loud, ‘Well, here goes.’ And turning with her back to me, she let herself fall from the table right into my arms. Everyone laughed and clapped and then began to dance again. I nearly fell over, and perhaps if I was a normal human, I would have. But my reflexes were quicker than a human’s. I hadn’t yet quite lost all my powers. I caught her and put her down on the floor. She looked up at me, laughing. ‘Come on then, alien boy. Let’s find somewhere quiet.’

  Whether it was Pandora herself, not shy in using any resources she had, alien or human, or whether the crowd had thinned a little, somehow we made it across the floor and to the front door. I opened it and pulled her outside with me.

  We nearly fell over Kerri, who was getting sick into Ms Butterfield’s hydrangea bush. Pandora looked at her with sympathy. ‘Poor Kerri,’ she said, patting her gently on the back. ‘After I’ve had a chat with Orion, I’ll get him t
o take you home.’

  Kerri couldn’t talk but nodded before throwing up again.

  Pandora grabbed my hand and led me down the path to a poinciana tree, whose branches hung over most of the footpath. It was quiet and cool out here, and I breathed in the fresh air, grateful to be away from the noise and the tangle of people inside. Pandora leaned against the tree, bending her leg to rest a booted foot against the trunk. Folding her arms across her black leather jacket, she raised her dark outlined eyes to mine. ‘Okay, shoot. What’s so important that you had to drag me away from some of the coolest music on the planet? I spent hours putting together a playlist of some of the greatest hits of the last fifty years. I didn’t have a rock star host for nothing, you know.’

  ‘Why did you tell everyone I was an alien, Pandora? You know we’re not supposed to tell humans that. How could you do such a thing?’

  ‘Nobody believed me, Orion. They all thought it was a joke.’

  ‘Is that what you meant it to be? A joke? Because I didn’t find it particularly funny.’

  She rolled her eyes. ‘Chill. It’s not a big deal.’ She stifled a yawn and said, ‘I don’t suppose you have a smoke on you? I’m dying for a cigarette.’

  ‘What is wrong with you? You’re smoking, you’re drinking, you’re spilling our secrets like you were spilling your drink. How long do you think you’re going to last like this until you get yourself, or both of us, into trouble?’

  ‘So, that’s what you brought me out here for. To give me a lecture like some old grandfather who’s forgotten how to live. You might as well be eighty because you sure do act like it. Oh, I forgot, you’re even older, 4000 years actually.’ She tossed her head back and laughed.

  I ignored her attempt to insult me. Instead, I tried to appeal to something she might understand, to reach that part of her that was still alien. ‘You’re jeopardising our whole space mission here, which relies on keeping our existence hidden. Our hosts might know us, but others don’t know about our existence. And even our hosts often kid themselves that we’re a delusion of the mind, but they put up with us because we do them a lot of good. We help them to be successful in their lives. They call us inspiration, or a muse or an inner voice, whatever comforting name they can find. But the others, the ones who aren’t our hosts, they are the danger. If they really knew, if they guessed there were aliens here, we would have to leave this planet forever. Can you imagine what they would do to us? They would never let us live in peace. You gave up your life on our planet for a noble purpose. Have you forgotten that so easily? You need to go back to the mothercloud, Pandora, while you still can.’