Andre the Giant

by Michael Krugman

  “Just a moment,” Tunney cautions, “control yourself. You could be suspended also.”

  “But... ,” Heenan sputters, backing off. “Hey, pal, you don’t have to worry about me. I’m clean!”

  July 7, 1986: Brantford, ONT

  Don Muraco and Mr. Fuji guest-host Jesse Ventura’s The Body Shop.

  “A hot August night in World Wrestling Federation,” begins the Rock. “Myself and Mr. Fuji have the pleasure of speaking with Bobby ‘The Brain’ Heenan, who is never, never short for dropping bombshells on the world of professional wrestling.”

  Bows are exchanged between the two managers.

  “Well, I suggest you hit the air-raid shelters,” says Heenan, “because I’m gonna drop something on you right now like you’ve never seen before. I have now, I am managing two of the greatest wrestlers from Korea in the history of professional wrestling.”

  “Ooooh!” says an excited Muraco.

  “Gentlemen,” says Heenan, inviting over two large wrestlers wearing brown paper sacks on their heads. “First of all, from Seoul, Korea, this is Kim Duk.”

  Big John Studd ... er, Kim Duk poses with his thumbs in his waistband.

  “This gentleman over here is also from Korea,” the Brain continues. “This is Pak San.”

  King Kong Bundy ... that is, Pak San stands with his hands on his hips. He seems more comfortable with the bag on his head than his teammate.

  “Now these two men are the biggest wrestlers in the history of wrestling from Korea. Now—”

  “No doubt,” interrupts Muraco, “no doubt in my mind why they call you ‘the Brain,’ Mr. Heenan!”

  “That’s right,” Heenan agrees, then resumes. “Now, you and I know one thing. Isn’t this absolutely ridiculous?”

  Studd and Bundy de-bag themselves.

  “What a wonderful way of fighting fire with fire,” growls Muraco.

  “Y’know, we didn’t fool anybody out there,” bellows Big John Studd. “Everybody knew it was the Giant Studd, and King Kong Bundy, just like Andréa [sic] is not fooling us, and I understand, if we prove to the whole world that that’s Andréa underneath that mask, it’s all over for him! His entire career will be shattered!”

  “You’ve already hospitalized him one time,” says Muraco to Bundy.

  “You know, Magnificent One, I’m gonna do it all again! You know, you saw the way the masks came off us. We’re gonna do the same thing to André and his little partner.”

  “I’m gonna guarantee one thing,” promises Heenan. “Those masks, if they get in our way, they’re coming off. I had the man suspended, he’s done! There’s only one giant, and his name is Studd. And Bundy. That’s it. Simple. Cut and dried.”

  “Magnificent moments,” rasps Muraco in conclusion. “What a way to heat up the hot summer, fighting fire with fire!”

  One week after the Machines’ in-ring debut, André’s old rival Blackjack Mulligan put on the mask to portray a third member of the team: Big Machine. André was in such physical torture from his rapidly degenerating back that he could barely wrestle. Big Machine was there to pick up the slack in the ring, while also allowing André to maintain his crucial presence in World Wrestling Federation. Over the following few months the Machines, accompanied by manager Capt. Lou Albano, battled back and forth with the Heenan Family, often in Six Man Tag matches that also included managers Albano and Heenan.

  Unfortunately, André’s condition worsened, and even a nonwrestling role in the Machines proved too difficult. To maintain the tag team’s star quality, Big & Super Machine would be joined by a number of other easily identified masked Superstars, including Animal Machine, Piper Machine, Crusher Machine (a.k.a. the legendary Reggie “The Crusher” Lisowski), and of course, the Hulk Machine. But by October, the gimmick had run its course. Big & Super did the honors for Studd & Bundy in what would be Capt. Lou Albano’s final World Wrestling Federation match.

  Despite his infirmity, André did spend some of his time “off” working on what would ultimately be one of his greatest triumphs—The Princess Bride.

  An inimitable blend of comedy and adventure, fantasy and satire, the film’s fairy-tale milieu was a perfect fit for the true-life Giant. When director Rob Reiner and screenwriter William Goldman considered who should play the role of Fezzik, an immense Turkish giant in league with a band of outlaws, André was the clear first choice.

  While his previous acting roles had merely capitalized on his immense size, portraying Fezzik revealed a well of innate charisma and larger-than-life presence. Joining a cast that also included Mandy Patinkin, Wallace Shawn, Cary Elwes, and Robin Wright, the inexperienced André stole every scene in which he appeared, delivering a warm and irresistible characterization that has become a cinema classic. Though his back pain was such that some stunts proved unfeasible, André rose above it, following the wrestler’s credo of always working through pain and illness.

  TIM WHITE “He was in excruciating pain during that whole movie, and look how great he did. Look how great he did.”

  Immediately after The Princess Bride wrapped production, André finally took measures to deal with his agonizing back pain and booked a major spinal surgery at London’s Cromwell Hospital.

  TIM WHITE “They had to cut his back open and widen the spine, which was a very, very tricky operation. I was told it took three or four months to assemble the operating room, because they needed bigger scalpels, they needed bigger everything. They had to have a special crane in there, in case they had to move him. But the guy sweating the most was the anesthesiologist. He wasn’t sure how much it would take to knock him out.”

  The surgery proved a success, though André required significant recuperation time. Fortunately, the Cromwell Hospital offered a number of additional accommodations that were certain to ease the Giant’s postoperative pain.

  TIM WHITE “They set up a videotape machine and they served us beer in the room. The office sent us hundreds of tapes—movies and wrestling clips and all that—and a VCR. I sat there all day with him and we kept pushing the buzzer, ordering four more Heinekens, six more Heinekens.”

  In November, André was quietly reinstated in an active role in World Wrestling Federation. The news was announced while André was still in London, prompting a rare international interview.

  November 29, 1986

  INTERVIEW FROM LONDON WITH GARY DAVIE

  “Big news just in from headquarters,” says Davie. “World Wrestling Federation president Jack Tunney has just announced that the controversial suspension of André the Giant has been suspended. That’s right, André the Giant, now free to return to World Wrestling Federation action.”

  He brings out André, who says, “It’s great to be back, believe me.”

  “So you’re about to return to the World Wrestling Federation action. That must’ve been a tough time for you, being away.”

  “It’s tough time, but I’m gonna surprise all the wrestling fans, and believe me, I’m gonna have a big surprise for you. I’ll be back, all the way, just like I used to compete before.”

  “You’ve had a good time in Europe, but obviously you’ve missed all your pals.”

  “I had a very good time, and what I did, I don’t gonna disappoint all the wrestling fans.” André grins, teasing his work on The Princess Bride. “I think wrestling fans will be happy what I did during that time I was suspended. But now I’m more than happy to be back in the ring. And anybody, anywhere, believe me, I’ll be there.”

  8

  André’s appetite for living was the stuff of legend, befitting a real-life giant. He could and would consume quantities of alcohol that would knock most men unconscious. André’s prodigious consumption—which earned him the title “The Greatest Drunk on Earth” from the humor magazine Modern Drunkard —has been recounted by anyone who ever had the pleasure of knowing him.

  Tales abound of thirty-six-hour booze-fueled card games, of stolen horses, and of quickly drunk cases of fine wine.

 
; There are those who attribute André’s Falstaffian lust for life to his being told it was doubtful he’d survive past the age of forty. Perhaps it was the knowledge that he was destined for a shortened life, or maybe it was the chronic physical pain that he endured almost every waking moment. Possibly it was the loneliness that comes from being a French-speaking giant in a regular-sized world. Of course, it could simply be that André was just very, very thirsty.

  JERRY LAWLER “Every night after his match, he would drink two cases of beer. Not two six-packs, two cases! Forty-eight beers, every night! Those beer bottles looked so tiny in his huge hands.”

  JACK BRISCO “We used to drink a lot of Budweiser. André could put his hand around a can of Budweiser and you couldn’t see any parts of the can, it would totally disappear in his hand. That’s how massive his hands were.”

  TIM WHITE “He drank wine like most people drink ice water. That wasn’t drinking to him.”

  TED DIBIASE “If you’re with André, you’ve got to drink. I mean, you just have to. He’d say, ‘Drink, boss.’ Okay, André, I’ll drink.’”

  SHANE McMAHON: “At one point I remember him drinking this Mexican whiskey that had fermented snakes in it. Not worms, snakes. I remember looking at it and being so freaked out. He offered to give me a drink of that Mexican whiskey, but I was like, ‘No way!’ He knew I was scared to death when he offered it to me.

  “But there were a few times where we had a couple of beers together. I didn’t drink very much, so after a few beers, I was like, ‘Whoa.’ He got a big laugh out of that—‘Ho, ho, ho, ho!‘—because he knew I was wasted. He got a kick out of that. It was kind of a rite of passage. André got to drink with my grandfather, then my father, and then me, the kid. It was a very cool thing for both of us, I think.”

  STAN HANSEN “He was without a doubt the biggest drinker I’ve ever seen, but I never saw him drunk. No matter how much he drank, he was always very easy to get along with.”

  TED DIBIASE “As many times as I was out with André, I think there might have been one time where he got a little silly but I never saw him sloshing drunk. He would drink all night and then just get up and walk out of the bar like it was nothing.”

  VINCE McMAHON: “André and Bobby Heenan are walking out of the Savoy Grill in New York. It must be six in the morning now, because they stayed open for André. They’ve been drinking all night. André’s standing on the corner with Bobby, who can hardly stand up. He says, ‘Bobby, I think I’m going to be sick.’ By the time Bobby looked up at him, André gave this one big ‘ Wwwuuuuuhhhh’ and like a gallon of vomit just regurgitated right out of his mouth. As it did, this taxi was going by and it splat right on the front windshield. The taxi driver obviously couldn’t see and had to slam on his brakes so he didn’t hit anything.

  “André, as soon as it was over, just says, ‘Feeling better’ and walked away.”

  TIM WHITE “When there were people around in the bar that he didn’t like, he’d pass gas. He could control it and it was god-awful. I mean, it was loud and it was strong. There would be a couple of smart-asses, we’d tell ’em right off the bat, No autographs, please, we’re just having lunch, leave us alone. They’d say something like, ‘Oh look, big fucking wrestler won’t sign an autograph for my kid.’ I’d see him get into the launch position, he’d give me the look and do the tilt. He’d let one go and people would just scatter. He was a funny guy. What a sense of humor.”

  SHANE McMAHON: “André, uncharacteristically, got smashed one Saturday night at the bar. Arnie was also just completely smashed. Finally André said, ‘I’m going to sleep,’ and put his head down on the table. The other boys there didn’t know what to do. You can’t move 550 pounds, especially if he doesn’t want to be moved. They decided to put a couple of tablecloths over him, let him sleep it off.

  “So Sunday morning comes and the restaurant shifted over to its brunch service. Eventually André starts waking up and he has no idea where he is, he’s got tablecloths on him.”

  TIM WHITE “We were doing it day after day. And then eventually I needed to crash. I would say, ‘I love you to death, André, but I gotta lie down. This is too much.’ I’d tell him, ‘I’m not even having one beer today.’ ‘Okay, boss.’ Then we’d go out, and he’d look at me, ‘Not even one?’ ‘No, not one,’ I said. About three hours later, he’d say, ‘Not even one?’ ‘All right, fine, let’s order.’ I couldn’t take it anymore, so I gave in.”

  “Of course, André needed time off too. He’s a human being, like anyone else. We’d see a spot in the schedule where there would be two or three days off and he would shut down. He’d say, ‘Timber, if you wanna do anything for the next couple of days, go and do it.’ Then he’d order water and fruit to his room and not come out for about a day and a half. He’d finally get some rest and detox himself. He was very smart. He knew that even he couldn’t burn it that long and not drop. So when we had those two days, I’d do the same thing he would do. I’d go get gallons of water, some fruit and stuff, and I wouldn’t come out of that room for two days.”

  “The road itself is tough enough, but when you just keep rolling like that ... The thing with André, it wasn’t all about drinking. He just loved to be out there and having fun.”

  André vs. Hogan,

  WrestleMania III.

  9

  On January 23, 1984, Hulk Hogan escaped the Iron Sheik’s dreaded Camel Clutch to win his historic first World Wrestling Federation Championship. Gorilla Monsoon branded the birth of an era at the match’s conclusion: “Hulkamania is here!” A victory party was held in the locker room for the new champ, with all the top babyfaces in attendance. Among the wrestlers offering congratulations to Hogan were Rocky Johnson, Ivan Putski, and of course, the promotion’s biggest Superstar, André.

  HOWARD FINKEL “I think there was great respect. There was definitely great respect from Hogan toward André. And I think André gave it back. Again, if André liked you he’d be your friend for life. If he didn’t like you, he’d pull no punches. He would, in his own way, let you know that he wasn’t fond of you.”

  From that point on, Hogan’s star ascended higher and higher. He became one of the most recognized faces on the face of the earth as McMahon turned World Wrestling Federation into a true pop culture phenomenon. The Hulkster main-evented to unprecedented houses, appeared all over TV, was featured on the covers of countless magazines.

  Needless to say, Hogan was to headline his third consecutive Wrestle-Mania, an event McMahon was determined to make even bigger than before.

  He decided that WrestleMania III would be held in Michigan’s Pontiac Silverdome, the domed stadium home of the NFL’s Detroit Lions. Such an enormous venue required a suitably massive main event, but McMahon had something special in mind.

  VINCE McMAHON: “André had pretty much cashed in his chips by then. He was in England, filming The Princess Bride, so I went over to talk to him and he was not feeling well. His back was really, really bothering him. He was all hunched over. He was pretty much ready to give up the business. He wasn’t sure if he was going to retire in France or just what he was going to do.

  “So I went over and talked to him and I said, ‘Boss, I’ve got an idea. I think this will be the biggest thing you’ve ever done and in all likelihood probably the biggest thing anyone will ever do.’

  “‘What is it?’

  “‘Well, this is what I want to do. The Pontiac Silverdome is the biggest arena in the world, it’s 93,000 seats, and I want you to headline it with Hogan.’

  “And he couldn’t do it. He wanted to. He was intrigued, but he knew his body wasn’t up to it.

  “After the operation, he came back and needed to rehab. I said, ‘Boss, you’ve got to train.’ He had never trained before as such, and didn’t have to. So I told Timmy White, ‘You’ve got to get him to train,’ and he ultimately relented.”

  TIM WHITE “I picked up André in the morning, probably four hours after he went to bed, and we drove ove
r to Vince’s beautiful home in Greenwich. He has a gym in his house the size of most Gold’s Gyms—you know how Vince works out. He had talked André into doing some training, so we set up this little program and he stuck with it.

  “We had it all mapped out and André was religious, he’d do everything. Then we’d go out into the kitchen off the gym and he’d start drinking.

  “Vince would come up from his workout and stop dead. He’d go, ‘Ugh. It’s nine thirty in the morning and you’re having a couple of beers. What am I gonna do with you guys?’ I said, ‘Hey, there’s the chart. He’s doing everything every day.’”

  VINCE McMAHON: “André came over to the house to train, twice a day. I had started taking a protein powder drink—Metabolol—after working out. I know the amount I was doing, so it stands to reason that André’s got to do twice mine. So every time he was there I gave him a big shake, twice what I was taking.

  “André kept up with his training, and every time I’d bring him a shake after his training. The Boss would say, ‘You don’t mind if I don’t drink shake?’

  “ ‘Not if you don’t like the taste of it,’ I said.

  “ ‘No, I like the taste,’ André said. ‘Make me fart.’

  “ ‘Okay, then you don’t have to drink the shakes anymore.’

  “He was training for the first time in his life, for this one match that he knew would set all-time records.”

  SHANE McMAHON: “I was just starting to work out then, so I saw André almost every day. It was so funny to see him on those machines, because everything was so tiny. I had to teach him form, tell him things like ‘Keep your back straight.’ He had never lifted a weight in his career. My dad and I always said, ‘Can you imagine if André actually trained? He’d have a thirty-inch arm!’”