Jay clears his throat and stands with her. “We were talking.”
“About what?” She frowns. “Does it have to do with me? Is it a client I decorated for?” Can’t be right-if it was they would contact me directly instead of Dad or one of you.”
“Were you invited to the christening?” Jay asks her. Dad fixes him with a look. To which he shrugs his shoulders as to say, it’s better to just let her know now.
“Who’s being christened?”
Dad stands taking one of her hands in his. “Jace. Cat called and invited us. I accepted on behalf of the family. I was going to tell you this afternoon after work.”
Three grown men standing around looking at each other. Waiting for her to do I don’t know what, not knowing what to expect.
“Oh, okay. No need to look so worried...I’m fine. Jace’s christening is a good thing. He’s my nephew. I love him. I’m happy for Cat. Um, here you go, Chris, I’m going to leave these drawings for you to look at. You’ll let me know what you think.” Dropping the papers on my desk, she lets my father’s hand go leaving the room.
“How do you think she’s going to handle this?” Jay asks, to no one in particular.
“She’ll be fine.” I answer. “I’ll make sure to have a talk with her. She’s doing better, she said her therapist said she’s making great progress. She cut her sessions down to once a week.”
“She is. Her mom and I had a talk with Dr. Fine, she’s made tremendous progress in the short amount of time she’s seen her. And, so has your mother. Your mother participating in some of Kate’s sessions helped a great deal. This family has gone through its share of problems but through it all, I hope you guys know no matter how many mistakes you make, your mother and I love you.”
Jay and I look at him eyebrows drawn together. It’s not like we don’t know this but it’s not said that often.
“Don’t give me those looks. No matter how old you are, you are not too old to hear it.”
I nod once. “Of course we know, Dad.”
“We know,” Jay says.
“Good. I’m going to talk to your sister to make sure she is as okay as she’s trying to be. Jay, come on, after I’m finished we need to go over the real-estate deal you made last week. I’m not sure it was such a deal for us.”
“Dad, we came out on top. Don’t second guess me and double check the deal you left in my capable hands. I hate when you do...”
Jay closes the door behind him, shutting out the rest of their conversation. I sit back in my chair closing my eyes for a minute calming myself and the stress of my family before I dive back in to work. In about forty-five minutes I’m showing a client a property. I have to be on my shit with this man if I expect him to drop a hundred thousand on what’s basically the size of Jace’s crib. Time to get ready to put on my razzle dazzle game face. I wouldn’t pay for it but these clients want exclusivity. It’s all about the name of the neighborhood. Gets them every time, location, location, location.
“Hey, Mom, what’s going on?”
“Are you busy? I can call you back later if you are.”
“No,” I say, shuffling some papers around on my desk to find the keys to the property I was at. I came back to the office to get some paperwork done I didn’t finish earlier. “What’s going on?”
“Your brother’s birthday, I wanted to do something different since it falls on our regular every other Sunday evening dinners.”
“Whatever you want, I’ll be there. Let me know what I should bring or do to help,” I tell her, annoyed I can’t find the damn keys.
“That’s my son, ready and willing to pitch in whenever he can. I did a good job raising you.”
I roll my eyes pulling out my drawers. “You did.” You did a job on us all right.
“All I need from you until I make out my list is to know if Sage will be able to make it?”
“I think she will, if I let her know now. She doesn’t like short notice. She likes to know these things in advance to prepare for them.”
“Perfectly understandable, I’m the same way. I have all my social engagements planned out months in advance, so as to find the right attire and accessories. Most importantly to make sure my engagements do not overlap. I can’t have that. Things must be in order and run on time. I hate to deviate from my plan. It throws everything off, order is best.”
“I know, Mom. I guess Sage is similar to you in that way.”
“The other thing I called to speak with you about is your sister.”
“Which one? Remember I have two.”
“Don’t be flippant with your mother. I’m speaking of Catherine.”
“What about Cat?” I say, slamming the damn drawer shut, keeping control of my voice. I flop back in the chair by the side of my desk.
“Christopher, are you sure you’re not busy? What was that noise?”
“Don’t worry about it, Mom. Go on with what you were saying.”
“I need you to ask Cat to come to the dinner for your brother.”
I rub my hands across my forehead in frustration at my mother. How the hell could I have misplaced those keys? “Why don’t you ask her yourself?”
“She probably won’t come. Especially if the man she’s living with objects with her coming. I was also hoping maybe it would be possible, for you to convince her in addition to coming to bring Jace with her. Then the celebration will be complete with all my children and grandchildren.”
“Oh my god,” I groan out. “Mom, I can’t do that.”
“Well, why not? The both of you are so close. If anyone can convince her to come, it would be you. She trusts you more than the rest of us, she listens to you.”
“I can’t believe you’re putting me in this position. We’ve been over this. I’m not going to ask her. If you want her there then it’s up to you to ask her. You need to build back a relationship with your daughter where she trusts you. Also, her husband, that man she’s living with, will also trust you, if you ever want to see your grandson come across the threshold of your front door.”
“You are not holding back, are you?”
“I am not Mr. Fix-It. I can’t fix everyone’s problems. I have problems of my own.”
“It was only a suggestion.” She huffs.
“I suggest you take the invitation to Jace’s christening as an olive branch from both Cat and Nick, especially Nick.”
“I’ll call her tomorrow,” she says sounding chastised. “She’ll probable decline when he finds out. I guess you’re right, I should be grateful I received an invitation to my own grandson’s christening.” Sounding a bit sharp at the tail end of her statement, not so grateful.
I’m not going to indulge her in this conversation anymore. She knows what she has to do. “Well, if that’s all, I’m headed home.”
“All right,” she says sounding forlorn.
I take some pity on her before getting off the phone. “I love you Mom, but baby steps with Cat and Nick. They’re a package deal. No separating them.” I do believe she knows if she tries, she will lose both Jace and Cat for good.
“I love you too, Christopher.”
I believe I’m the only one in this family who doesn’t need some form of therapy. Complicated women all around me. Of all of them, Ava is on top of that list. Why can’t I stop thinking about this woman?
Rising from my chair I see something twinkle. Keys. The little bitches, they were here the entire time. The thing I was looking for and needed driving me crazy, right under my fucking nose the whole time.
Ava
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I ran all the required tests. They all came back negative.”
“Then why do I feel so crappy? I can hardly get out of bed some mornings. When I do I want to crawl back in and stay there. The headaches- it’s hard to function at times. Something must be wrong with me.”
“Your tests say you’re in good health, Ms. Alexander.”
“I’m telling you, I’m not. Something
’s wrong, I’ve never felt this way before in my life. I’m used to being up and around, not nearly bed ridden. This is not normal-going from what I was, to this in a few weeks,” I tell him vehemently. “I went from having the flu, recovering and then this, off and on. My ability to work is being affected. I can’t concentrate. There has to be something you’re missing.”
“Mrs. Alexander, I’m the third doctor you’ve seen.” He informs me with a condescending note in his voice. As if I don’t know this. “We’ve all run the same tests from what you’ve told us of your symptoms. We have all come back with the same results. I’ve spoken to your last doctor and we’ve come to the conclusion that you might be suffering from CFS.”
“What is that?”
“It’s short for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. There are other names for it, but CFS is the most common.”
“Is there a treatment for it, a pill? If there is, sign me up! I’m ready to feel like myself again-permanently.”
“There is no sure-fire treatment for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.”
“What do you mean, there is no treatment?” There has to be something. Am I expected to suffer this way for life?
“There are ways to manage and relieve your symptoms. Before I go any further, I should say a diagnosis for CFS is usually after six months of symptoms and running tests to exclude other illnesses.”
“You’re telling me I have to continue living this way with my body working against me. With fatigue and pain for another month or two before I can get help,” I almost yell incredulously in disbelief. “That doesn’t seem right. It isn’t right, to me, the person who has to live with this.”
“There are things you can do until we are sure you have CFS, to help and to rule out other illnesses that may cause you to have these symptoms. Like getting plenty of rest.”
“I’ve done that. I’m still doing it. It’s not working.” I try not to snap.
“Exercise, getting up, getting out. Too much inactivity isn’t a good thing, either. You have to balance your rest out with movement.”
“Are you kidding me? You just said I needed to rest and at the same time you’re saying I’m getting to much rest.”
“That’s not what I’m saying, Ms. Alexander.”
“Then what are you saying-be clear. I’m getting frustrated.”
“I understand-”
“No, I don’t think you do. But go on.”
“There is also psychological counseling to rule out depression and psychological issues.”
My lips curl in a near sneer half smile to what I believe he’s saying to me. “In other words, I’m crazy and this is all in my head.”
“No, but sometimes psychological problems can contribute to these symptoms. It makes sense to rule them out. Sometimes much needed rest can do a great deal for a person’s health and wellbeing.” He rocks back on the stool he’s sitting on, looking up at me on the exam table. “When’s the last time you had a vacation? You seem to be under a certain amount of stress. You have a demanding career, you travel back and forth between two states. You’ve mentioned you were under a tremendous amount of stress a few months back with a close relative and a family friend’s near death. Your state of mind and those things all can contribute to your symptoms.”
“I can’t believe this.” I stare. “I come here seeking help to have you tell me what I’m feeling is all in my head.”
“Stress manifests itself in many different ways. That’s what I’m telling you. I can give you the name of a highly recommended physician and we can follow up on your symptoms. Come back in a few months and we’ll take it from there. Until then I suggest plenty of rest, exercise, and writing down your symptoms as they occur and the amount of time they last.”
“That’s it?”
“Yes.”
“Well doctor, thank you for nothing.” I hop of the table getting myself together while he scribbles something on his pad.
“Ms. Alexander.”
“Yes?”
He holds a piece of paper out towards me and I look down at it. “Please take this. It has a name and a number on it for a psychologist.” I take the paper and walk out.
I don’t need a psychologist I need a real fucking doctor who knows what they’re talking about. Stress my ass.
Calm down, pull it together Ava.
The only thing I’m depressed about is not having the energy to barely pull myself out of bed this morning. I’m supposed to go over to Cat’s so she can show me the things she bought for Jace for the christening. I need to go to the boutique first to make sure things are running smoothly, do some inventory, make some calls, set up the Vegas trip to the buyer’s convention in August. Along with checking in on the Nashville boutique and a million other things. I should get an assistant.
The New York shop is picking up business but I need something that sets us apart from the hundreds of other clothing stores in Manhattan. Maya said something to me yesterday, about a woman asking if we do alterations. I’ve been thinking about an in-house designer. Design our own fashions, it’ll be a one stop shopping experience. You can get anything from a funky t-shirt to a top of the line tailor-made fit to perfection sheik ballgown. It’s an idea. All I need to do is find the right designer.
Two hours in and I feel worse than I did when I came in. I’m trying to take the doctors so-called medical advice. If it’s possible, I’m too tired to relax. I wish I could crawl home under my covers, I’m just drained, but I need to get up. I’ve done half the things I set out to do today. I’m the boss, I do not want to look like a slacker to my employees. “Dammit, why can’t I kick whatever this is? I refuse to believe this is all in my head. If it was, wouldn’t I know it?” Shit.
I scramble out of my thoughts at the knock on my office door. “Ava? Can I come in?”
I roll my legs off the couch and stand up using the armrest. “Give me one minute.” I should have went back home to rest. Straightening my posture, blowing out a breath and trying to shake it off, I slip my feet in my heels. I walk to unlock the door as quick as I can, inhaling and exhaling another quick breath, trying to resemble my former kickass self. “Emma, what’s up?” Shy Emma as always. A good thirty seconds of silence rolls by before I usher her in to tell me what she needs. “You know what, come in, take a seat and you can tell me what’s on your mind. Would that work?” I need a seat.
“Yes.” She tucks her copper red hair behind her ears taking a quick peek up at me before casting her eyes down.
She’s a sweet girl but I don’t know how she makes it out on the floor with the customers. Relieved to be off my feet, I sit in the chair behind my desk, making sure my smile stays in place and doesn’t slip into a grimace. I patiently wait for her to start but I see I have to take the lead, as usual. I sit back straight in my chair resting my back. My hands folded together on my desk. “Is there something you needed, Emma? Or something you wanted to tell me?”
“No-I mean yes, no, “she stutters tripping over each word. Like a newborn giraffe with uneven stick legs, as wobbly as silly putty strings. “I need something, it’s okay if the answer is no. I understand.”
I give her a reassuring smile to calm her nerves. “Emma, slow down. I think you want something, but you will never know the answer if you don’t get the question out. When I count to three, 123, you ask the question straightforward without hesitation. Be bold...well, as bold as you can be. Pretend you’re the boss and in charge. Say it to me as if you know you’re going to get what you want. Okay, ready, 1-2-3 be bold!”
“I need to take two days off to go home to help my parents run my grandparent’s farm because my grandparents were in a car accident last night. The doctor said no activity for them for a week.” I’m impressed at her ability to get all of those words out in one breath.
“Of course you can. Without question. I’m sorry to hear, I hope they get better soon.
“Thank you. They’ll be fine soon enough. They were shaken up and bruised but I spoke to them and they a
ssured me they were going to be okay.”
“That’s good.” I relax my posture laying my hands flat on the desk. “Emma, you know you don’t need to be afraid to ask me anything. How long was it going to take you to ask me for the time off?”
“I was going to ask eventually.” She’s speaking to me but her eyes are still not on me as she answers my question. “I needed time to work up to it. I haven’t been working for long and here I am asking you for time off already. I was afraid you were going to say no or worse, fire me.”
How is she going to make it here if she’s afraid to ask me a simple question? I would have to be a real bitch on wheels if I denied her request for time off to tend to her ailing grandparents. She’s a great girl with an even better personality when she forgets her shyness in unguarded moments. I think she needs someone to help her see she can take on more than she thinks. Maya would be good for that. First she needs a little talking to. “Emma, I see a lot of potential in you-I’m going to speak to you bluntly because that’s me.”
Hesitantly she nods. “O-Kay.”
“First things first, look at me when I’m talking to you. Not just me, anyone you’re speaking with. Especially in business. It shows you’re not afraid, it shows a certain amount of confidence in yourself and you’re not afraid of a challenge. People can trust that, even without words, it’s saying I’m not hiding anything. Even if you are scared shitless.”
Her eyes come up to my face slowly with her head still slightly down. I stare straight into her eyes, raising my head up a bit daring her to do as I say. Giving her my sternest look which is not hard considering how I feel. A second later, she raises her head high enough so her hair is off her face and for the first time in months since she’s started working here I notice her eyes. One is brownish green but the other one is more of a green mixed with brown. Why on earth she would ever want to hide those eyes together with her copper red hair is beyond me.
“Ava, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you. Sorry.”
Imperfections Take Me As I Am (The Imperfections Series Book 3) Page 5