Oh, what the hell. I hate crying! When will it stop?
“Ah, honey. You’re going to have that.” She jumps out of the chair like she’s on springs to sit by me, her arms around me stroking my hair. “You are never alone. You have people who love you and care about you more than you know. Until your Mr. Right comes along, we’ll be here for you.”
“I know, it’s not the same. That kind of love is different. I want to experience it, at least once in my life. I can’t remember thinking about it this in depth. I assumed it was a natural course of events, it would happen sooner or later, no rush.”
“Ava, there is no rush. You’re loving and caring and as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside. Bold and full of life, how could it not happen for you?”
“That’s the thing, it doesn’t always happen for everyone. I might be that one,” I say trying to hold back the stampede of tears threatening to burst through. She strokes my hair with my head against hers. “Being sick made me start to think about my life and where it’s going. I don’t want to wake up one day by myself or on the last day of my life and realize I had no one to share it with.”
“Ava, that won’t happen to you. I have a feeling the love of your life is a hop and a skip around the corner of your life.”
A tear trickles down the side of my face but it’s not mine. I blink and my eyes blur, releasing a stray tear of my own.
“How do you know?”
“I have a feeling. Trust me I know. Life’s funny, when you least expect what you’re looking for, it finds you.” She hugs me handing me a tissue to dry my face. “Come here.” She hugs me again brushing a tear off my cheek.
“I hate crying, can’t stand it.” I sniffle like I’m a five-year-old child.
“You should be used to it after all the tears I’ve cried all over you when Nick and I were going through our issues.”
“It’s alright for you but you know I hate feeling weak, needy, and helpless.”
“Hey, hey! For that, you’re going to end up a lonely bitter woman.” She frowns.
On a gush of laughter I say, “No, you know I didn’t mean it that way. I’m the one who’s supposed to hold it together at all times. Not fall apart like a blubbering idiot over a dry ass turkey sandwich.”
“Your foot is all over your mouth today, isn’t it?” I dab my eyes laughing. She holds up her hand saying, “Save it. You’re not super woman. We all have to cry sometimes. Who better to do it with than your best friend? No one’s going to think any less of you if you show you’re vulnerable.”
“I don’t do tears and all that other shit. I’m an Alexander.”
“Ava, please Alexander’s are human, they cry too. You guys are just better at controlling it until you’re locked away by yourself. I know you’re going to find the love of your life and I know I’ve said this before, but when you do, let your tough exterior down. You don’t have to be kick-ass Ava all the time. Let him see the real you. Vulnerability and all, it’s another side of beautiful.”
“Thanks, Cat, for the pep talk. When did you start knowing so much?”
“I have a best friend who is great at dispensing good advice from time to time. And pushing a human being through your body and a near death experience kind of makes you wiser.”
“I’ll take your word for it. This crying is serious business; I need a nap. One more reason I don’t like to cry, every time it happens, I need a fucking nap. If this keeps up, I might have to move in and share a bed with Jace. He better not be stingy with the pacifier, I don’t go in for cheap.”
She shakes her head. We have a good laugh and she finishes her sandwich.
Chris
Nick’s supposed to meet me in front of his place. Where the hell is he? We’re supposed to be heading out to the basketball court already at his overpriced gym. I rang the bell, got no answer. Where the hell is he? I know he didn’t forget. Couldn’t have, I spoke to him last night. I put my hand on the door knob and turn. I don’t expect it to open because they always keep it locked, but surprise, surprise it gives.
I decide not to take the elevator instead bound up the stairs. Before I can knock, I hear noises. They’re home so why didn’t he open the door or answer his damn phone? I give three quick raps on the door. Nothing. I try again. Nothing. Then I hear something falling and from what I can make out muffled words and something like...groaning?
“Oh fuck!” I back up from the door. He is not! I clamp my hands over my ears. Hoping to god they can hear me, I yell through the door, “Stop whatever the hell you’re doing. I can’t...I’m on the other side.” This is one of my worst nightmares. It’s right up there with walking in on your parents having...I can’t. “I’m leaving. I’m going downstairs I’m not coming back until this episode is burned from my mind. Which will unfortunately be never.”
I take the first two steps to my escape and the door flies open. A serenely smiling Nick opens the door. “Where are you going?”
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“I’m ready, give me a minute. Come in.”
“I don’t want to come in now. I’m good.” The horror.
“If you don’t, your sister is going to feeling exceedingly bad. Get your ass in here,” he grumbles under his breath then raises his voice.
As if I can un-hear the noises that were coming through the door.
“I’m going to make a quick stop to the bathroom and grab my sneakers.” He backs away from the door with a scowl.
I see Cat behind him her head down picking up something from the floor. I walk in, closing the door trying to make things less uncomfortable. “Morning, Cat what’s up?”
Picking up a try, her dress twisted to the side, hair out of sorts without making eye contact she says, “Nothing, I came out to make Jace a bottle. Want one-I mean...do you want something to drink? Coffee?” She swipes a jug of orange juice out of the fridge points to the table without laying eyes on me.
“Ahh...no. I’m good.”
I’m frozen to the door, can’t move like my feet are in crazy glue. I would usually give her a kiss or a hug but that is absolutely not happening. We’re saved from this highly awkward situation when Jace’s booming cries flood through the kitchen. My nephew has great timing.
“Little man’s awake.”
Her head pops up with relief. For the first time facing me, but not looking directly at me. “I better go feed him. His bottle’s ready. He’s exactly like his dad. He’s voracious, wants it when he wants it, anytime or place.” She visible grimaces at her unfortunate word choice. Making a quick exit, she waves to me without another word.
Yeah, that happened.
Nick passes her on his way kissing her on the cheek. He stands in front of me like a bushy tailed chipmunk with an extra spring in his step. “Ready to go buddy, I’m feeling lucky today.” Like the ass he is singing off key “Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day.”
“I’m going to stop coming over here if this is what I can expect. Not cool, man, not cool.” Ass.
Sweat dripping of my body, up by two points I cross over fade right, nothing but net. “Yes! That’s how you do it, boy.”
“You got this one. Your game was tight,” he says taking a swig of his water.
Wiping the sweat off my forehead with my shirt I take a seat on the bench. We sit for a minute and I ask the question I’ve been dying to ask. “How’s she doing?”
“Why don’t you go see for yourself and ask her? Instead of asking me every other day.”
Wish I could. “Can’t do it. I made a choice I’m committed to standing by.”
“Doesn’t seem like you’re committed to the whacked out promise you made.”
“Not wanting to hurt someone you care about is not whacked out.” I sigh.
“You know you can’t save everyone you love at the expense of your own happiness. Eventually someone will be hurt. Stop trying to rewrite history.”
“I’m not. I don’t want to go down the s
ame path they did.”
“You are not your parents. My cousin is not your mother. You can trust her.”
“I care about Sage. I can see a steady, settled future with her.”
“All good, but is it a happy future?”
“Happiness will follow. What?”
“From what I’m seeing and the things you’ve said, you seem torn.”
My life has veered off the path of simple and ordered into the lane of fucked.
“Let me help you out. When you’re away from Sage, do you think about her more than anything else? Do you miss her to the point of aching, all you want to do is get home and feel her next to you? Is a life without her unimaginable because your love for her is all consuming to a point where it hurts to even think it?”
“Damn, is it that way for you with Cat?”
“Every fucking minute of the day. When you think of Ava, could any of those things possible apply to her? You’ve spent enough time with her, she’s confided in you, god knows why she couldn’t with us. You were her go to guy, you were more than happy to oblige.”
“Usually being around Ava can be...trying at times when she’s fully on. As trying as she is, you can’t help but be drawn in by her. She can be larger than life.” Standing, hands on my waist, the corner of my mouth turns up in a half smile, thinking about her and her antics over the years. “Twice, I’ve been around her when she wasn’t fully on.” Actually, three, when we spent the entire night fucking each other’s brains out. He doesn’t need to know that, though.
“I’m going to take a guess of those times,” he says, standing. “When Cat was in the hospital and recently.” I nod and he adds. “I don’t need to tell you she’s had a thing for you for years.”
“You don’t. I believe everyone who knows us, knows. The most outspoken woman I know.”
“She has been that way since we were kids. I was more reserved with my feelings and played it close to the vest. She was outspoken and let it be known when she wanted something. She was a little tyrant.”
“I know she was.” I say amused, picturing a little raven haired girl with cobalt blue eyes waving her fists in the air at whoever dare to defy her wishes.
“She was a tyrant with the grace of a princess and charm. Charm the skin right off of a snake to make herself a purse and a matching pair of shoes. The snake would be more than willing to give it to her because he would be thoroughly entertained.”
“I have no doubt about it. I’ve been entertained every minute I’ve spent with her.”
“She’s more than that, though. When she loves...she loves hard and fierce. She’s the one who roots for the underdog. If she has to, she’ll get down with them in the trenches and pull them up to the top. I’ll put my money on her every time. She’s the woman you want in your corner cheering you on, she won’t back down. For that alone, she’d be the safe bet to me. I think you’ve spent enough time with her to know I’m right.” His phone rings and I walk across the court while he answers.
I dribble the ball between my legs heading down the court to make a slam dunk. At the last minute I change my mind, spinning around hustling to the middle of the floor preparing to take a chance on the uncertainty of making the shot. Steadying myself I dribble the ball take a deep breath arc up shoot...score. Nothing but net.
“Cat wants me to stop by Ava’s to check on her.”
“I thought she was doing better? It’s been twenty-eight days since she started her treatment.”
“She is doing better. She went back to work, but she has days when she pushes herself too hard. She wants me to pick something up for her to eat and make sure she’s resting. You know, you could help me out by going over there for me. I have to head into the office today to check on some paperwork from a client I have to be in court with Monday morning. I have to go home to shower-here’s your chance to find out yourself how she’s doing.”
He looks at me expectantly. Resigned I say, “I’m on it. I’m going home to take a shower first.”
“Cool, I’ll tell Cat you’re headed over there.” Fist bumping, we head out the door. I try to tamp down the roll of anticipation ramping up in me, after not seeing her for weeks but thinking about her every day.
I stand in the open doorway, admiring her fresh face with not a stitch of makeup, bare feet, long shapely legs that look like they’re a mile long. The stairway to heaven. I berate myself for thinking about her this way. I give her body another appraising once over in a cotton sleep shirt with long sleeves rolled up to the elbow. Her hair falls in long silky black waves around her shoulders framing her face. The last thing I think of when I look at her is sickness. All I’m thinking about is filling her full of me while taking her from behind. Fuck it all, off track, way off track. Cat and Nick, the god-awful sounds they were making. Yep, that did it, instant hard-on killer.
“Well, well,” she says in a smooth sultry voice armed with a bewitching smile. Her hands resting on the edge of the door looking utterly alluring. “I had to pull out my best Angelina Jolie impression”
Leaning in I say, “You always quote the wicked queen.”
“I believe the wicked queen was misunderstood, she got results. And Maleficent wasn’t a queen. She did, however, wield great power.”
“She got her wings clipped. As for queens, one was killed in the Wizard of Oz and another lost her head.”
“You went there, ah”
“Yes I did.” I smile resting my hand on the door. “Aren’t you going to let me in?”
“I’m contemplating it. I never thought I’d see the day you would willingly show up at my door again without coercion.”
“I was in the neighborhood, wanted to see how you were doing.”
“That’s what they all say.”
“They all say it. I mean it. I also brought food.”
“Then, by all means, come on in before you have a change of heart, kind sir.”
I walk in, resting the bag on the kitchen counter. “How you doing?” She stands on the other side looking through them.
“Much better since the last time you saw me which was like a million years ago, by my calculations. Thanks for the food but I’m not hungry, I ate already. If you want, I can dish some out for you?”
“That’s okay, I already ate. Brought that for you just in case you were hungry. You’re over calculating by the way.”
“If you say so. I’ll put this in the fridge.”
I watch her make her way to the fridge. The familiar sway of her hips enticing me like a rhythm of a song. She doesn’t even know what she’s doing to me. Especially when she opens the door leaning over. Her shirt rides up the sides of her legs giving me a tantalizing peek at the curve of her ass. I close my eyes for a beat and take a quick fortifying breath.
She’s not yours, keep on track. Friends...only friends. Lord, help me.
I open my eyes and she’s staring at me. “You okay? You look a bit shaken.”
“I’m good.” Not if I don’t keep my mind and eyes from straying to her smooth, warm, firm body parts. “What were you doing before I rudely showed up at your door unannounced?”
“You never need an invitation. I was sitting in the living room. I’m sick and tired of laying in that bed. Come with me, you can sit with me on the couch and watch The Golden Girls.”
“The Golden Girls? Aren’t you too young to be watching four elderly ladies?”
“Bite your tongue. The Golden Girls are classic TV. You could learn a lot from those wise women. Sofia’s a riot. She’s my favorite. Sit your ass down, youngin, and learn a thing or two.”
“Okay, let’s see what they’re working with.” I sit in the middle of the couch next to her and she throws a light tie dye blanket over her long legs. Lucky blanket. “One episode and if I’m not peeing in my pants with laughter, we’re watching ESPN.”
She snatches the remote off the cushion on the other side of me before I can touch it. “I don’t think so. My house, my damn rules. I say we’re watchi
ng The Golden Girls. We’re going to listen to sexual innuendoes fly from Blanch and Sofia cutting them down with hilarious one line zingers and you will pee in your pants, laugh your ass off. Got it buddy?”
I can’t help but smile and hold in suppressed laughter at her high-handedness. Bringing to mind the image of a cute adorable tyrant. “I see you’re well on the way to feeling better.”
Smiling she says, “I’m getting there. Not one hundred percent but I’m getting there. When I’m back to my optimal energy level we should go out and celebrate to good health and even better friends.”
“Sure.”
Being this close to her inhaling her wonderful light fragrant scent sends a rush of warmth through my body. I don’t know what it is but it smells damn good. For the first time, I also notice something else, the faint darkness around her eyes. The slight paleness of her skin. Even that doesn’t take away one bit from her vivacious beauty. She’s still the same ball busting achingly beautiful, Ava. I’m just getting to know her better and admittedly, I like her a lot.
I put my arm around her, pulling her close to me. Her smile dims and she looks at me uncertain. I give her a big smile, “Settle back missy, this is what friends do.” She rests her head against my chest and settles back. God, I love the feel of her. I place a friendly kiss on the top of her head as she turns up the volume and we watch the show.
We laugh and don’t move from our position on the couch for hours. I forget about everything but the woman in my arms. Without realizing it, at some point my hand finds its way under the cover, around her waist. Stroking the smooth flat skin of her stomach. The instant I realize it, my wondering hand stills.
She places her hand over mine saying in a sleep filled voice, “Don’t stop, that feels good.”
Closing my eyes, I put my head back trying to control the rising need. “Ava,” I say in a shaky voice, “If I don’t, something might happen that I’ll regret.”
“No it won’t. You won’t let it.” She inhales deeply. “I’m so tired, Chris.”
Imperfections Take Me As I Am (The Imperfections Series Book 3) Page 12