Secrets of the Heart

by Kelsey MacBride

  There was tightness in her throat as she pushed the food down her esophagus. “Thank you,” Heather managed to choke out. It felt like her heart was in her throat, beating wildly as if she had just run a mile.

  She cleared her throat and set her dinner napkin next to her plate. “I suppose I should go as well. I think Miss Watson was right. I should get plenty of rest tonight.” She started to rise, but the sound of his commanding voice stopped her in her tracks.

  “Actually Miss Park . . . or Heather. Is it okay if I call you Heather?”

  It felt as if his gaze could read her mind as he stared softly into her eyes. “Y-yes, of course,” she managed to stutter out.

  “There’s something I want to show you.” Michael felt a nervous tension tingle down his back as he waited anxiously for her reply. The feeling reminded him of his teenage years when he summoned enough courage to ask Angela Bradbury, a seventh grader, out to his first real date and first school dance social of the year.

  “I, uh . . . sure,” was all she managed to choke out. To her surprise, Michael stood and moved next to her. He slid her chair back and took her hand as he helped her out of her chair. Heather felt a current pass through her arm, sharp and electric, enough to take her breath away. She followed, disarmed by his assertiveness as he led her past the double French doors and out onto the veranda with slate colored stones leading to the expansive gardens below.

  Chapter 7

  The summer night was warm with little humidity as they strolled together down the walk. Heather felt her polyester dress cling to her moist skin, and she knew it had nothing to do with the heat. She tried to hide her nervousness by fixing her dress as her gaze traveled around the beautiful backyard garden. It seemed the garden had almost every imaginable variety of flowers one could see at an arboretum. A brick pathway wound past arbors shrouded with vines boasting purple flowers hanging low, and in the distance, she could see a few stone benches strategically placed along the way in case someone needed a break. The heady scent of lilacs caught her attention as they approached a bend in the walkway.

  Heather closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, feeling the scent invigorate her senses. She had always enjoyed outdoor gardens and would often visit the local arboretum on the weekends to appreciate the nature that God had created. Seconds later, she opened her eyes to see Michael smiling at her. She returned a timid smile before quickly turning away. It seemed the last glimmering rays of sunset were about to fade into the horizon, and with it, Heather hoped, the redness flushing her cheeks.

  She focused her gaze into the distance and saw a courtyard in the center of the gardens. She stayed an arm’s length away from Michael as she walked side by side with him toward a tarnished bronze statue of three sisters.

  “These statues are from France; they’re one of my favorite things on the estate.” Michael rambled enthusiastically about the way they were made and how much time it took to get them brought here to the states. Heather marveled at how detailed each one was. She ran her fingers over one of the girls holding an urn of water with two birds resting on her arm. She could see the peaceful look on the girl’s face as she gazed happily at the bird.

  “They’re really beautiful, the time it took to make them ...it’s truly a work of art.” Heather moved closer to the statue, examining the love put into every curve of the girl’s body.

  Michael perched himself on the bench across from the statue; he watched intently as the woman ignored him, lost in her own world as her eyes traced the twists and turns of the statue.

  Heather continued inspecting the body of each statue. She had never seen such exquisite detail in person and wondered what thoughts ran through the sculptor’s mind as he fashioned each body. Was the artist trying to capture the carefree spirit of children at play? Or was he trying to show the love between siblings? Heather could only wonder. It was at that moment Heather realized she had stepped into the green shrubbery and the paisley lace of her dress had snagged onto a branch. A nervous smile spread across her lips, and her cheeks turned pink while she fumbled with her dress. “Sorry. I guess I got carried away with the beauty of your statues.” She giggled as she smoothed her dress.

  “That’s quite all right.” Michael cleared his throat as his brows relaxed to their normal state. “I couldn’t agree more. I try to come here often to admire the work. It calms my spirit walking through these gardens.”

  “Would you like to sit down and enjoy the sunset together?” He motioned toward a bench just past a row of Camilla bushes.

  “Sure.” Heather’s heart began to pound like a tribal drum as she walked in front of the bench. She sat on top of her hands, a habit she had developed as a child so that her aunt couldn’t smack them in a fit of rage. The corners of Michael’s lips turned up into a smile as his gaze rested on her face.

  “So, tell me Heather, do you enjoy working with children?”

  “Children have a special place in my heart. I believe they should all have a chance to grow up with a happy childhood.”

  “I see.” Michael lowered his gaze to the grass in front of his feet. “If you don’t mind me asking, do you have any children of your own?”

  “Me?” Heather pressed a finger against her chest and chuckled. “Oh no ... none yet.”

  Michael tried to maintain an indifferent attitude, but he couldn’t fight the irresistible attraction to the nurse, like catnip to a cat. There was something different about her. She was generous, innocent, and curious. And for the first time in his life, he felt attracted to a woman who had done nothing more than share a walk of artistic appreciation with him. But was she married or dating another man? The question burned in the back of his mind, and as much as he resisted the urge to ask, he needed to know. Michael turned to face her.

  “Heather, your husband is a lucky man to have a wife who appreciates art like you do.”

  “Husband?” Heather narrowed her brows at him before she burst out laughing. “Oh, you have me wrong. I’m not married. Not even this close.” She pinched her fingers together as if she were adding a dash of salt.”

  “You must be kidding me.” Michael tried to control the excitement in his voice. “Such a beautiful woman and no lucky man to share it with? Surely there must be a boyfriend.”

  Heather smiled and shook her head. “Nope. I don’t date. I’m not even convinced there’s a guy that’s right for me. To be honest, I’m not sure there’s such a thing as true love. Look at all the divorces we have in the world today. All those couples started out with what they thought was true love and look at where they ended up. Divorced or unhappily married. No thanks.” Heather bit her lower lip as she tried to believe in her own words.

  “It sounds to me like you haven’t met the right person yet. I believe it’s purely fate that two soul mates can meet each other, being at the right place at the right time.”

  Heather hesitated for a moment. There was something unique about Michael, something she couldn’t put her finger on. Her heart was drawn to him like a bee to nectar, but her head gave a different answer. How could there be such a thing as true love? All of her life experiences with love told her otherwise. An aunt that treated her like an outcast, her parents’ unhappy marriage, and boys who only seemed interested in taking her virginity. No, she couldn’t accept the fact that two people could love each other unselfishly. But would she dare tell Michael how she really felt about true love? She pushed aside her feelings of attraction. Yes, she needed to set the record straight from the very beginning. This wasn’t a time for her to weaken. But before she could share her thoughts, Michael began to speak.

  “Heather, I think you’re . . .” Michael couldn’t choke the words past the lump in his throat. He looked away, embarrassed for hesitating. He saw her squirm on the bench. “I mean . . . I’m surprised you haven’t been married yet.” He moved his arm on the back of the bench as he turned his body toward her. He desperately wanted to run a finger down the nape of her neck and feel the softness of her cream colored
skin, but he kept his hand on the bench.

  Heather tried to fight the spell that immobilized her body. Maybe it was the summer heat or the way her name floated off his lips. Whatever it was that weakened her knees, Heather had to nip it in the bud before Michael got his hopes up.

  “To be honest, I’m not sure if I ever will be; I don’t believe in true love.” She tried to believe in her own words as she watched a look of surprise wash over his face. “My parents, even though they were civil to each other some of the time, constantly fought, and all I remember from my childhood was hearing them argue about how unhappy they were with each other.” Heather turned her attention to the last rays of orange sunlight streaming from the horizon. “I promised myself I never wanted to be stuck in a relationship like that. That would be a punishment worse than hell.” She turned and looked at Michael. “Besides, I’ve never met a man that I cared for, or felt attracted to, especially a godly man that would be good for me.” She leaned back and placed her hands in her lap.

  Michael felt his heart drop to his stomach. How could Heather not believe in true love? If not true love, at least a healthy love. Did that mean there could be no future between them? Michael knew it would be difficult to suppress the feelings of attraction for her. In his heart, he knew true love existed. Hadn’t he fallen head over heels for Carla and loved her unconditionally, with every fiber of his being?

  Yes, true love was a reality, something he could recognize when he saw it. But it was obvious to him that Heather had never experienced it. Michael knew in his mind that he had to show her that she was wrong.

  “If you don’t mind me asking, what qualities do you find lacking in the men you meet, Heather?”

  “Qualities? Hmmm . . . let me think.” She traced a finger across her lips as she thought about his question. “First of all, not many men have God at the center of their lives. It seems most guys call themselves Christians, but in reality, they don’t really live it out in their lives. God is important to me, and I believe it’s important to be equally yoked in faith. Secondly, I want a man who is honest with me and has nothing to hide. You wouldn’t believe how many men I’ve come across who have lied about their past. Thirdly, I want someone who treats me with respect and unconditional love and values me for who I am.”

  “Those are noble qualities.” Michael nodded his head in agreement.

  “I’m sure I could come up with a longer list, but those are the most important ones that come to the top of my mind.”

  Michael couldn’t help feeling disappointed when Heather mentioned she required a man who loved God first. Were the doors to a future relationship shut forever, never to be reopened? How could he be the man she needed and wanted when he had rejected God in his own life? Michael tried to accept the cold truth of her statement. No, he could never be that man. He was too angry with God. It would take more than an attractive woman to get him to humble himself and accept the fact that God was all loving after what had happened to his wife and daughter. It was safer not to believe than to be disappointed with a God who allowed misfortunes to happen. Heather was a sweet woman who unfortunately was misled by the fanaticism of some born again Christians, believers who would encourage her to become equally yoked with her own kind.

  “Well, Miss Parks, you have nothing to fear from me. Religion is the farthest thing from my mind.” His voice was curt and businesslike as he abruptly stood to his feet. “I think it’s time we head back,” Michael drew out his hand toward the house. “After you.”

  Heather couldn’t help feeling disappointed at his sudden change in demeanor. Did I say something wrong to offend him? She tried to be upfront about her situation, hoping to protect what seemed like a good work opportunity. But something told her it had backfired.

  Michael clasped his hands behind his back as he strolled next to her. “I hope you do find the right godly man.”

  Heather looked up and tried to ignore the slight sarcasm in his voice.

  “I won’t hold my breath for that. It’s not as easy as you think.”

  “Could it be you’re being too picky? Maybe if you relaxed your standards a little, you might find more eligible bachelors.” The minute Heather’s face snapped in his direction, Michael knew he had gone too far.

  Chapter 8

  Her voice sharpened. “Mr. Robbins, I am a very accepting and understanding person. But I won’t lower my standards just to get married. If I don’t meet the right godly man, then I’d just as soon be alone. I don’t NEED a man in my life. I’m fully capable of taking care of myself, and I don’t need a man in my life to make it complete.” Heather glared at him as if he had just asked her to denounce her Christianity. She couldn’t believe he had the nerve to insinuate her standards were too high.

  Michael surrendered his hands in the air and gave her a nervous laugh. “I’m so sorry, Miss Parks. I didn’t mean to offend you. I was only trying to be helpful.”

  “Well, I would appreciate it if you kept any comments about my personal standards to yourself.” Heather glared at him with tilted brows.

  “Of course,” Michael’s voice softened as he bowed his head. “It won’t happen again. I promise.”

  They continued in awkward silence past an arbor with fuchsia colored flowers hanging overhead. Heather was the first to speak.

  “Now that you know so much about my dating life, what about you, Mr. Robbins? Do you think you’ll remarry one day?”

  Michael hesitated to respond. It was a simple and appropriate question, and the nurse had been kind enough to answer. But Michael wasn’t sure he knew the answer to it. For a long time, he vowed he would never remarry after losing the first true love of his life. He still wasn’t sure his broken heart had recovered, and he vowed never to let himself be so vulnerable again. The loss of Carla was almost more than he could bear.

  After his wife’s death, Michael promised to dedicate himself to a period of celibacy, refusing to look at or go out with any other woman because it felt like he was betraying Carla. But as the years passed, he couldn’t ignore the feelings of loneliness and yearned again to experience true love with another woman. He almost believed there could be no other woman who could capture his heart like Carla did, that is, until he met Heather. But it seemed fate had brought them together for some other reason besides a relationship.

  “I just about gave up on the idea of remarrying again. But once you’ve experienced true love, it’s something you don’t forget. Nothing compares to the feeling of being loved and desired by another person. I know the idea seems foreign to you, but all I can say is that once you’ve been in a loving relationship, you’ll always yearn for it. So to answer your question, yes, someday I want to share my life again with a special woman. But for now ... all my energies are focused on Evelyn.” Michael stopped for a moment at the bottom of the steps leading to the patio.

  Heather gently placed a hand on his shoulder. “I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you, Michael, dealing with Carla’s kidnapping.”

  Michael took a step back as his face twisted with anger. “Who told you about it?” He glared into her eyes.

  “I don’t want to get anyone into trouble, Michael. I was only trying to learn more about your family.” Heather bit her lower lip, surprised by his passionate response.

  A heavy sigh escaped Michael’s lips. “I’m sorry for lashing out like that. It hasn’t been easy for me to discuss it with anyone. But I guess it was only a matter of time before you found out from someone in this household.”

  “Please don’t get mad. I asked Linda to fill me in about your family history so I could better serve your needs. Please, don’t get her into trouble. She was only trying to be helpful and had nothing but nice things to say about you.

  “Oh, did she?” The lines on his forehead slowly melted away. Miss Watson had always been there for him. In fact, she had been the stabilizing force in his life after Carla’s tragedy. The nanny had always been concerned with his well-being and was always read
y to offer an encouraging word. Miss Watson had brought a glimmer of hope back into his life, and that was something he would always be indebted to her for. How could he be angry with her?

  “Linda has been amazing; she and Carla were close before she was taken from us. She’s almost like one of the family. Miss Watson knew how to keep the household running smoothly, and most importantly, she’s taken great care of Evelyn after Carla wasn’t around.” Michael took a swallow before continuing.

  “It was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced, that helpless feeling. They contacted me by phone for the money, and I did everything they asked, but it didn’t matter. They were intending to kill her all along.” His voice grew louder. “After I paid them the money, they said they were still going to kill her and hide her body where nobody would ever find her because rich men like me needed to be humbled. After that, I never heard back from them. They just vanished into thin air.”

  Michael remained silent as the muscles of his jaw clenched tightly together. “Those scum of the earth were so sure of themselves. They told me, “No police.” If I did, they said they would kill her.” Michael shook his head. “Looking back now, I wish I had done it all differently.”

  “Oh, Mr. Robbins, I’m sooo sorry for your loss.” Heather felt pain radiate through her heart as if she was experiencing what he was feeling. She gently stroked the side of his arm. “I think you did everything humanly possible, Mr. Robbins. I think no matter what you did, they weren’t going to let your wife go. You did what you thought was best because you loved her.”

  Michael turned and studied Heather’s face. There was no mistaking the sincerity behind her soft eyes, and he knew that the woman’s empathy was genuine.

  Heather watched as wetness began to form in Michael’s eyes. “When you’re ready and the timing is right, you’ll meet the right perfect person.”