‘Three musketeer’s babes, we shall drop all man chat; although we can ogle all these sexy butts. I mean how many good-looking men can you get in two families? Woof woof!’ He is almost breaking his neck to watch the progression of two Carrero relatives walking by in all their tall dark-haired glory, with sexy square shoulders and that hint of Jake and Arrick about them; he has a point. I catch Alexi Carrero, one of the cousins sauntering by with a glass in each hand as he heads towards Arry and Nathan in the corner and catch a smile directed my way. I smile back and give him a girly wave, like most of the cousins I know them all, they are all equally as swoonsome.
The Carreros are gorgeous as a family, and the Huntsbergers are equally blessed. I look over, catching my brother Ben’s eye and gaining a loving smile; Rylanne behind him in all his blonde gorgeousness too. I smile back affectionately and give them a little finger wave of affection. I only see them as brothers, but to someone like Christian they are major eye candy and I suppose, drool worthy.
Chapter 5
‘So-fee, you know I lurve you a million times over babes.’ Leila slurs over the top of me, alcohol breath almost flooring me with its sheer toxicity, captured in her crazily strong embrace as we both sway. I’m a little worse for wear too, having drunk one too many champagne cocktails. The party is wearing down, but Leila is beyond wrecked and slobbering a gush of emotion all over me as I try to say my goodbyes to her.
‘Baby come on, Soph’s is being suffocated by the fumes coming off you.’ Daniel is trying to extract his wife’s arms from me and guide her towards the door, ‘trying’ being the word, as he fights with octopus limbs in a bid to coax her away. A lot of guests have departed already, and Leila is being taken home to pass out, or get up to whatever they get up to when drunk and childless in an empty house for the night. I do not even want to know what my sister and her husband are into if I am being honest, the thought terrifies me. Daniel moves in a little closer, pulling her into his embrace and brings her face gently to his.
‘Come on beautiful, we have some drunken sex to be getting on with, to celebrate another year of marriage without killing one other.’ He smiles down at her before planting a kiss on her smudged red lipstick. Not caring if he is now sporting a matching shade and gazing at her as though she is still the most beautiful girl in the world. Despite all me seeing is a makeup smudged hot mess, who can barely see straight.
‘I know! God, I love you….’ She pauses to kiss him back a little harder, groping him openly in full view and I turn away rolling my eyes, used to the naughty behaviour of my overly sexed sister and Daniel over the years. Yet it still is not something I want to witness when I am practically attached by clingy limbs. Leila breaks free with a giggle and another sway my way.
‘I just need to make sure my baby sister is okay, you know, cos I love her more than life, and the world, and the earth, and the……’ She breaks off as something catches her eye, swinging under Daniels arm, she makes a grab for a passing dark suit and hauls them towards us backwards.
‘Arreeee!’ She chants and startles him half to death with her ninja style manoeuvre. Arrick stumbles a little with the sudden backwards force, righted by Daniel with a quick reaction and turns to face us all looking completely confused by the sudden assault. It isn’t hard to tell he is probably as drunk as Leila, unusual for him nowadays, well it was three months ago, and the sway he has going on matches the completely out of whack look in his eyes as he clears his throat. His eyes immediately come to me and scans me in one obvious swoop before looking back at my sister. I try to ignore the goosebumps, or internal fluffy sensation it triggers and keep my eyes locked on my sister.
‘What Leeloo?’ He sways in, bopping her on the head adoringly and almost bangs noses with her, pretty much falling into Daniel who just shakes his head in my direction, as if to say ‘drunks!’. He pushes them apart and keeps hold of Arricks arm too, to keep him steady on unstable legs.
‘Take Sophie home and look after her…. She needs a real man to take care of her, not that gay guy she hangs about with, making moon eyes at my husband.’ Leila is slurring so much worse now, barely coherent, but Arrick frowns, leaning in with a severe look of ‘what?’ on his face. I feel my face get hot, and try not to react, hoping he just assumes my sister is crazily under the influence.
‘What gay guy?’ He’s slurring too, and looking genuinely confused, Daniel pulling Leila in the direction of the door once more, in a bid to control her wandering body and throwing me a deep frown.
‘Christian! He's lovely and all, but Sophie needs a real boyfriend. Arrick. Why don’t you love my sister? She’s awesome, and beautiful, and she adores you…. You would make such cute babies and look, we would be like a real brother and sister.’ Leila grabs his face and plants a kiss on his nose, in a mortifyingly cute, yet kind of gruesome way. Daniel has obviously had enough, a wary glance my way which reminds me that he is Jake’s best mate, for like the past twenty odd years, and probably aware that Arry has no clue that I am not dating Christian. I suddenly realise what Leila has said in letting the cat out of the bag and feel the tell-tale blush hit my cheeks as it dawns on me that he might get pissed about this little facade. I was never good at maintaining this kind of deviousness and I kind of care that he just caught me out, even if I shouldn’t.
Shit!
‘Come on you.’ Lifting her up and scooping her legs, Daniel is drunk too, but as a seasoned ex party animal he is handling it so much better than she is, and I am grateful that he takes care of my fireball sibling; even though she claims she doesn’t need him to. Despite a rough start, they ended up being another fairy-tale couple who truly make each other happy, even if it is in weird ways. I am so glad of him in this moment.
‘Leila, I’m staying here. I don’t need anyone to look after me and I don’t need a boyfriend. I’m fine.' My face is burning, aware of the way Arrick is staring at me, as if I have two horns and his gaze has not left my face once since she said it. I literally cannot look at him as heat courses through me and my heart plays a rhumba, knowing fine well he will probably be wondering why I even carried on with this charade at all. I just feel strangely guilty, ashamed and yet also a lot of mad at him that he will even judge me for this. I hate that I sort of lied, but he did so much worse to me.
I make a move to help Daniel manoeuvre my sister to the door, pushing through milling party stragglers and handing him her shoe as it slides off. Staying close to catch discarding items, like her bag, bracelet, and more than aware that Arrick is right behind me. He seems unwilling to be parted and I have no idea why he is even following us. I am trying so hard just to ignore him.
When we get to the door Leila hugs me around the head, slobbering a few more kisses my way, unwilling to let me go without a shower of love and garbled sentiments. Daniel expertly disentangling limbs, so I can get free before carrying her off towards home which is only fifty yards away.
I wave her off with a relieved sigh at finally being free, turning to head back inside when Arrick grabs my hand, blocking my route with his body and a crazily serious expression on his face that stuns me. He yanks me back with him, giving me no option but to obey and I’m not even sure how I should be reacting right about now. He does not say one word, just hauls me, as though he has a right, into the darkness. He tows me towards the side of the garden, out of line of sight and towards the Carrero house. For a very drunk male he moves with too much speed and I am literally hauled with him without any resistance. I am just too damned drunk myself to really fight in any way.
‘We need to talk.' he slurs, vice like grip of hot smoothness holding my hand in his and I try to wriggle it free. The cool air hitting me, suddenly makes me realise how much more drunk I am than I thought, legs instantly turning to Jell-O and head getting fuzzy. I try to tug my hand out of his again, but his hold is relentless, and I am starting to trip over my own feet.
Damn heels!
‘Arrick slow down, wait!’ I’m falling, struggling to keep pa
ce with him in stupidly high shoes, as he pulls me diagonally across the street from the corner of my own front garden, towards the house he grew up in. I try to look back and see if either of my friends are milling around near the entrance, but I know it’s futile; they were both engrossed with other people last time I saw them, in the marquees out back with every other straggling guest. No one else is out here.
‘Why did you let me think you and he were together?’ He spins on me angrily as soon as he has hauled me down the side of his own home, concealed by bushes and much quieter; away from the eyes of anyone leaving the party. We are in the weird narrow side area to his home, a narrow grassy lane that is closed in on both sides partially by tall bushes, and completely by a high fence on the other side facing the wall of the house.
I stumble against him with the sudden halt, going over my ankle and yelping, grabbing onto him to stop myself going fully down and feeling his arms wrap around me securely to hold me. Arrick pulls me up, straightening me against him and automatically scoops down to slide my shoes off in a swift action, so I stand bare foot on the crisp dry grass, giving my poor ankles relief. He drops them beside us and straightens up to look me in the eye, still with the same accusatory look and I feel my temper snap. I shove him off as soon as I find my balance and glare at him. SO many emotions hitting me right now, rage being at the forefront.
‘I didn’t tell you I was with him in that way, not once! Don’t you dare hit me with this shit!’ I spit angrily; annoyed that he has the nerve to even yell accusations at me, after everything. That he felt he had a right to drag me here for this, away from my family and friends so he could have some moral high ground of a go at me.
Who the hell does he think he is?
Fuck him!
Has he forgotten what he did to me?
‘Then why would Jake think that….? Why would you not want to see me again?......Tell me straight Sophie… Is there someone, are you seeing anyone? Have you moved on?’ Arrick catches my jaw in a firm hold, his angry tone dissipating fast, rambling incoherently as he verbalises his own internal brain mess. His fingers cupping me along the side of my face and pulling me towards him, bridging the gap to my height as he leans into me, and for a moment, I think he might kiss me.
I feel all the hurt and anger and sadness of the past month well up like a dragon inside of me. Enraged and seeing red at just how much he pisses me off, when he thinks he has a right to touch me in any way he likes. I shove his hands off me, pushing him to arm’s length so I can breathe and only let go when he is standing away from me, his hands dropping to his sides in mild surprise.
‘It has nothing to do with you.’ I snap, angry at the way he is making me feel; hemmed in, heart racing and blood pumping fast. Just his touch alone is causing all sorts of unwelcome internal meltdown, which is trying to slice through the anger and confusion. I just feel completely out of my depth and doing what I do best I Lash out and fight back at those who try to wound me.
‘It does when I can’t stop thinking about you, can’t stop missing you. I just need to know Sophie, if I blew it… If I’m too late?’ Arrick is focusing on me, intense gazing into my eyes, but I only see an asshole who thinks he can turn everything around. From angry to whatever this is, sorry, pleading. I don’t want to give a shit about him anymore. His words don’t heal, they only slice deeper and I stare at him in open mouthed disbelief.
You don’t deserve anything from me!
‘Don’t you fucking dare! You don’t have a right to do this to me again…To say this to me!’ Tears sting my eyes and I slap his hand away as he reaches out to me impulsively, shoving him away harder so he steps back again with the force. Arricks eyes stay on mine, furrowed brow, intense look of desperation on his face and he come’s at me again, hands up as though he just can’t control the urge to be nearer me. It’s not what I need or want from him anymore, it’s not fair on me or my heart for him to do this to me again.
‘Sophie, I just want to talk…to explain….’ He starts but I cannot hear this, I don’t want to do this. I hate that he’s making me do this. My insides are going to split open and burst all over the lawn, my lungs feel like they are being sat on by an elephant and my brain is as close to self-combustion as is humanly possible.
‘I’m not a toy you can pick up and drop anytime you feel like it, Arrick. You hurt me. You chose someone else… You don’t get to come back and try again… You don’t get back in.’ I make a grab for my shoes, scooping to bend without caring if my dress flashes my ass to the bushes, anger bubbling in full fury, heart and soul ripping apart while alcohol let’s all this stupid emotion loose to play like giddy kids in a corn field. He catches my wrist and hauls me back to him, but I fight back impulsively, shoving him away again and move out of reach this time. Panting with effort as my heart erupts in my chest, and my lungs struggle to function. The pain in my gut has me clinging to my arms in a bid to relieve it and I know I am losing control of the aching wave of tears rising in my throat.
‘Don’t touch me… Don’t ever fucking touch me again.’ I yell, feeling the tears pouring down my face in final, release reminiscent of a monsoon, and hating that he has pushed me to this; that I have shown him how deeply he wounded me. That inner part of me trying so hard to fight back, to lift that wall of ice cold indifference, but damn alcohol has made it near impossible and his presence has ruined me. I was always useless when I was this drunk and him suddenly hitting me with this has pushed me over the edge into no man’s land, where my emotions run free, ungoverned by me and my mind takes a long vacation from the ‘norm’.
‘Please Sophie, just hear me out. Give me a chance to explain, a chance to say what I have been wanting to say to you for weeks.’ He lifts his hands defensively for a second time, as though trying to convince me he will behave and stop trying to touch me, pleadingly, but keeps his distance as I begin pacing around frantically. Anger spiking inside, fear and heartache pushing and shoving each other to dominate my heart. I feel like I am going to self-implode with the battle of emotions, thoughts and feelings swirling like a cyclone. I feel like he’s turning me into some crazy Leila version of myself and I have no clue how to stop it.
You don’t get to fucking do this to me again!
‘Why? So you can tell me how confused you are? How you don’t want to hurt Natasha? How you love me, but you don’t know how to feel? Go fuck yourself! I moved on… I found a way to deal with things on my own, and the last thing I need is you fucking my head up all over again! Go away.’ I turn on my heel, in bare feet, tramping back in the direction we came from on unsteady legs, no longer caring about shoes, just the need to get away from him and this all-consuming thing he does to me. Terrified of how much more he can hurt me if I let him.
‘Do you want me to beg? I will, I’ll beg…. On my knees Sophie. If that’s what it takes.’ His voice sounds torn, emotion making him sound different and even though I am stomping away onto rough ground and ripping my feet to shreds on harsh terrain and concrete on the road away from the house, I glance back and almost sob when I see him on his knees in the middle of the street. It stops me, as does the fact he has tears in his eyes and looks completely broken for the first time in his entire life. I don’t know what else to do, or say, or how to react. I have never seen him in the whole time I have known him look this way, so desolate and ravaged. This isn’t him, this isn’t the version that I have ever known, and I don’t like it.
‘Stop it. Get up. Don’t do that.’ I yell at him impulsively, hating seeing him like this, not wanting to see my Arry this way; waving my hands in agitation. He doesn’t get to be this way, he was always my rock, my stability, the one who stayed emotionally cool when I needed him too. The one who kept me sane and calm. He isn’t allowed to be broken and upset and looking to me to hold him up.
I walk back to him and tug at his jacket, looking around because I don’t want anyone else to see him this way. I hate that he has left himself this publicly vulnerable, when he is the las
t person in the world who likes people to see him anything but in control. He just stays put, staring at me like he has lost all ounce of self-preservation and has no reason to get up anymore. It rips my soul apart in so many ways.
‘I want you back Soph’s…. I need you. I can’t keep going on like this, without you. It just gets worse with every passing day.’ He swallows hard, his voice breaking, his voice barely audible as a tear rolls down his cheek, shrugging defeatedly, and I feel my own floodgates open with a vengeance. I start sobbing too, in agony because he is and unable to look at him or move away to give myself distance, breaking because I broke him too.
‘I don’t want to face a future that doesn’t have you in it…. I can’t live that way.’ He sounds exactly how I feel in that moment, and it’s too painful to hear. Trying to block him out, shielding my face so I don’t see him this way, willing my ears to stop hearing him, and my heart to stop caring about him.
Standing covering my own face with my hands in a bid to gain control, calm the torrent of tears; I suddenly feel his heat around me as his arms find their way about my shoulders. His hand slides under my chin and tilts my face towards him, my hands sliding away obediently. It’s almost like he takes full control of my body in its weakened state and I let him, because I don’t know how to feel right now, and I need him to help me.
Unexpectedly, his mouth moulds to mine, in the same excruciatingly perfect way; instant searing heat and passion consuming from the first moment of touch. Weakened by just a tiny second and letting him kiss me, before that good old self defence system ingrained inside of me reacts, shoves and slaps out. Not the hardest of slaps I have ever delivered, but enough to snap his attention to the fact that he doesn’t get to ever touch me like that again. Taking me by surprise that I even would lift my hands to Arry, of all people. He barely seems registers the slap at all, just looks at me with that same wounded broken expression that claws at my heart.
The Carrero Heart_The Journey_Arrick and Sophie Page 7