Can't Get You Out of My Head

by Sue Shepherd

  ‘No problem. You just cuddle up to my “hunky friend”.’ Taking the photograph in a purposely haphazard fashion, Lisa shamelessly cut the girls’ heads off. To Beth, she said, ‘Say “cheese”, bitches!’ Handing the camera back, she gave a sarcastic smile and informed the girls, ‘You’ll like that one when you get it developed. Oh, and, by the way, he’s a bit more than a friend.’ Returning to her seat and moving closer to Charlie, she seductively pressed her leg against his. Beth could do nothing but watch.

  The girls took the hint, and resumed flirting with the guide.

  Lisa and Charlie stood on the seabed. With no other means of communication, they settled for doing the ‘OK’ hand signal repeatedly to each other. Behind his mask, Charlie appeared to be enjoying himself. An array of fish passed them, their colours were extraordinary. They were bright and beautiful and so close they could almost be touched. Darting this way and that, changing direction in an instant, they were a sight for sore eyes. Beth was aware of Lisa’s adrenalin.

  How can she be loving it? Anything could go wrong. If we run out of air, so help me God …

  It felt all wrong for Beth. She had no control over her breathing. Of course, when Lisa was in charge, it was never Beth’s job to breath, not really. Even on dry land, it was strange to be beholden to someone else to provide her with the most basic of life’s requirements. But here, under the sea, when the oxygen was being offered via a tube, attached to a tank, it was nothing short of horrific! As hard as Beth tried to breath for herself, she knew it simply wasn’t going to happen.

  The wetsuit was extremely tight and seemed hell bent on killing her by constriction. The tank on her back was cumbersome and awkward. Beth wondered how Lisa managed to be so completely unfazed by all this discomfort. Thanks to her sister not listening to the instructions, she wasn’t even clear how they were supposed to get back up to the top, when their lesson finished. Aware of her anxiety levels hitting a peak, and fearful of the bends, she tried to ask Lisa, ‘Do you know what to do when the time’s up?’

  ‘Huh?’

  ‘When it’s time to go back up. How do we get back to the boat?’

  ‘What the hell are you on about? We just swim up.’

  ‘But … the bends. I’ve read about them. I don’t want to die.’

  ‘You’re not going to get the bends from swimming that far. I can see friggin’ daylight. Just shut up and let me enjoy this.’

  ‘I will, but are you sure we ‒’

  ‘Look at these. Wow.’ Lisa waved her hands, as a school of turquoise and black striped fish danced elegantly between herself and Charlie. ‘Aren’t they gorgeous?’

  ‘Yes, but ‒’

  ‘I said shush. If you spoil this for me, I shan’t be happy,’ Lisa hissed, menacingly.

  Beth knew what that meant. Fearful of never getting her body back, she forced herself to stop talking. Hopefully Charlie was paying attention, and he’ll know how to get back safely.

  Within half an hour the dive was over. The guide swam over and signalled with his thumb that they needed to go up. Kicking Beth’s legs, Lisa broke the surface in seconds. ‘See, we were only a few feet down.’ Taking the mask off, she sucked in a reassuring breath of fresh air. ‘Is that better for you, sis?’

  ‘Yes. Much!’ Beth knew Lisa was patronising her, but at that moment she didn’t care. Just to have her body breathing normal air felt amazing, even if she was still not in control.

  Charlie helped her up into the boat. ‘That was brilliant, wasn’t it?’

  ‘Uh huh.’ Lisa sounded happy.

  ‘I’ll say it again, Campbell, you do look rather good in a wetsuit.’ He gave a whistle.

  ‘Thanks. I wish I could say the same for you.’ Lisa grinned. He simply didn’t have the best physique for such a body-hugging garment. Beth noticed Lisa’s gaze was mostly directed at the material which was tightly stretched over his crotch, it was leaving nothing to the imagination.

  Glancing down, Charlie snorted. Adjusting himself slightly, he said, ‘Just got to change the angle of the dangle.’

  Lisa and Charlie exchanged a look that Beth was not happy about.

  Thirty

  They’d had something to eat, and Charlie was on his first beer, when Lisa said, ‘It’s a shame we’re heading in different directions tomorrow.’

  ‘Yeah, it is,’ Charlie said. ‘But it’s been great seeing you.’

  ‘I can’t persuade you to go to Cairns?’ Beth was pleased at Lisa’s persistence, she hated the thought of setting off alone again.

  ‘Not really, I’ve got everything planned out.’

  ‘Maybe I should come down south with you?’ Both Beth and Lisa knew it was a stupid suggestion, but neither wanted to let their friend go.

  ‘I’m heading to Adelaide first. I want to see where they have the motor racing.’

  Beth knew her face must be showing hers and Lisa’s lack of interest.

  ‘Not your kind of thing, is it?’

  Lisa shook Beth’s head.

  ‘Better not come with me, then. It’s hundreds of miles out of your way.’

  Reluctantly, Lisa agreed. ‘You’re right. I guess I’ll just go to Cairns, as I planned.’

  ‘We’ll always have The Great Barrier Reef.’ Charlie raised his beer, for a toast.

  Lisa chinked his glass. She’d allowed herself only one shandy.

  ‘Make the most of that. I’m cutting off your supply. I can’t cope with the tears,’ he teased.

  Beth knew why Lisa was being frugal. She feared a takeover as much as Beth would in her situation.

  She heard Lisa say, ‘There won’t be any tears tonight. I promise.’

  ‘I hope not. I mean, I know you were crying for me. But I don’t need your sympathy. I’m fine. Look at me?’

  ‘I know you are. You’re more than fine.’ Beth hated to hear Lisa’s tone switch to flirtatious.

  It was a humid evening, they walked back to their room, and stood briefly outside the hostel to admire the dark sky.

  ‘Please tell him I’m going to miss him?’ Beth hated to have to ask.

  A second later, she heard her own voice say, ‘I’m going to miss you, Charlie.’

  ‘I’m going to miss you too.’

  ‘How weird … I mean … this time together, it’s like …’

  ‘That’s the magic of this place. You see things, you do things, things you thought weren’t possible. If you’d have asked me a few days ago, who I thought I’d try scuba diving with, I wouldn’t have imagined in a thousand years that my answer would be Beth Campbell.’

  Beth wanted to scream out – you didn’t go with me, though. Not in reality. But she had to sit quietly and listen as Lisa said, ‘Those girls on the boat seemed to like you.’

  Charlie flexed his arms. ‘Girls can’t resist the Morris muscles.’

  Lisa asked, ‘You know what those girls wanted to do to you today, don’t you?’

  Charlie replied, ‘No. What?’

  ‘This.’ She cupped Beth’s hands around his face and pulled him towards her. Staring into his eyes, she moved Beth’s face closer to his, until their lips were touching.

  They kissed. Gently at first, but with growing passion.

  Beth could feel Lisa’s excitement. It was unnerving. She wondered if this was how Lisa had experienced every sexual encounter Beth had ever had. It was all wrong. Intrusive and horribly voyeuristic. Beth felt more trapped than she had done when Lisa and Charlie had stood on the sea bed a few hours earlier. ‘Please, swap back now. It’s what we agreed.’

  Lisa took no notice. Merely kissing Charlie with more force.

  ‘I said you could go scuba diving. I never agreed to this.’ Beth was shouting. Trying her hardest to put Lisa off. But it would seem nothing was going to deter her sister.

  As Lisa buried Beth’s head in Charlie’s warm neck, planting tiny teasing kisses down the length of it, Beth got a vague smell of his aftershave. It was wonderfully masculine. His arms around her were soli
d. She wanted to feel them for real. She wished she could become lost in those kisses. If only she could have him to herself and touch him for real. She knew to kiss him right now would be comforting and passionate, it would be home! Just to be back in control would mean the world.

  When she thought she could stand it no more, Charlie abruptly called a stop to the kissing. Raising his eyebrows, questioningly, he asked ‘Shall we go back to our room?’

  Beth felt Lisa nod her head. ‘I’m sorry about last night. I promise you ‒’

  He cut in, ‘Forget it. I’m sorry as well. I was too eager. I should’ve …well, anyway, tonight will be different.’

  They were so desperate to get to it, they burst through the door. Charlie flicked the light switch on urgently, it wouldn’t do for them to trip over a rucksack or something at this crucial point in time.

  As the room was flooded with a bright artificial light, they both realised the awful truth.

  ‘Who’s there?’

  ‘Sorry, we didn’t know there was anyone in here.’ Charlie apologised to the new arrival who, up until a second before, had been fast asleep in the other bunk. ‘The room was empty when we went out for dinner.’

  Their new room-mate gave them a cheerful wave. ‘I just got here. Long coach trip.’

  ‘Right well, we’ll try not to disturb you,’ Charlie replied, politely.

  ‘No worries. I figured I’d better sleep. I’m seeing the reef tomorrow. Waking up at seven.’

  ‘We’d better … um …’ Charlie indicated they ought to get into their separate bunks, fully clothed. Then, reaching out, he switched the light off.

  ‘Cheers. I hope my alarm doesn’t bother you in the morning.’

  ‘Please don’t worry about it. We’ve got to be up early too. We’re heading off tomorrow.’ Charlie remained polite.

  ‘Fucking hell. Who invited him to the party?’ Beth could tell Lisa was very annoyed by the turn of events. They lay in the dark, waited to see if he would suggest somewhere else for them to go. But it wasn’t like Bondi, there was no convenient old laundry room.

  Beth silently willed him to stay in his own bed. Whilst Lisa did the opposite.

  Eventually, the sisters came to the same conclusion. He wasn’t going to appear next to Beth’s bed, and whisper tenderly that he had to have her. He wasn’t going to seductively suggest they should get out of bed and go some place where they could be alone. In fact, he wasn’t going to say anything. They could both hear him breathing deeply.

  Thank goodness, he’s fallen asleep.

  ‘Bollocks. The bastard’s nodded off. Well, Beth. That just shows what he thinks of you. He couldn’t even be bothered to come up with a plan B.’ Lisa sounded extremely frustrated.

  Beth said nothing. On the one hand, she was incredibly relieved Charlie had not pursued Lisa any further. But on the other, Lisa was right, his giving up so readily, surely proved he hadn’t thought that much of her in the first place. ‘Can we swap back now?’

  ‘I don’t know. What was the other bloke like? Any good?’

  ‘Lisa, I did not swap with you, so you could have sex with a random man who just happened to be put in the same room as us.’

  ‘All right, all right, keep your hair on. You want to swap now?’

  ‘Yes.’ Beth began to feel excited. It was how she imagined prisoners felt when they were granted parole.

  ‘Right now?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘OK. Fair enough. Here I come.’

  Beth was propelled forwards. With a rush, she emerged back inside her own body. Her limbs were hers once more. She was free to move, free to breathe, free to say whatever she liked. ‘Thanks for swapping back.’

  ‘No worries.’

  It was only a few minutes later, as she began to drop off to sleep, that Beth realised her mistake. She’d forgotten to obtain the facts about James’s departure. Crap. How could I have forgotten him?

  Thirty-one

  Their room-mate’s alarm woke them at 7 a.m. and they struggled out of bed. After a quick breakfast, during which neither spoke about the night before, they made their way to the bus stops. This was the point of no return. This was where Charlie went down, and Beth went up.

  They held hands as they waited for their buses. It was a soppy gesture, and Beth couldn’t be sure who’d instigated it. But it was wonderful. A little piece of Tennison Avenue, right there in her hand.

  ‘It’s been a blast, Beth.’

  ‘Yeah, it has.’

  ‘I should’ve come back to see you. I should’ve realised you wouldn’t forget me. Sorry.’

  ‘You’re forgiven. Will you pop over when you get back to England?’

  ‘Yeah, sure I will.’

  She took out her camera. ‘Can I? To show my family how much you’ve changed.’

  As Charlie made a silly face, a passer-by offered to take a photo of them together. Delighted, Beth handed him the camera and huddled into Charlie’s chest. She was aware her face was still dry and tight, even with the continual application of factor 50 and Aloe Vera, and her hair needed a good conditioning. But the smile she gave for the camera was genuine. She was happy to be with Charlie.

  Far too soon, a bus came around the corner, and, with a sinking heart, Beth read the word ‘Adelaide’ on the front.

  ‘That’s me.’ Charlie began gathering his stuff together.

  She had one second to say it. ‘Make sure you do keep in touch … please?’

  ‘I will, this time. Definitely.’ He threw his rucksack on his back and grabbed his rolled-up sleeping bag.

  She wondered if he was just going to get on the bus without even a kiss, but at the last second, he turned to face her. With his free hand, he tilted her chin upwards and looked into her eyes.

  Is he going to say he loves me?

  ‘Cheers for everything, Campbell.’ His lips met hers for the briefest of pecks. Without another word, he climbed the steps, and it wasn’t long before his silly face appeared at one of the windows.

  As the bus noisily pulled away, she stood waving and smiling until it disappeared from sight.

  As soon as it rounded the corner, her smile dropped.

  ‘So much for the declarations of love you were expecting.’

  Beth didn’t like to admit it, but Lisa was right. She couldn’t help thinking maybe she’d blown the whole thing with Charlie out of proportion.

  She had the entire journey to Cairns to mull over what had happened. Unfortunately, the only person she had to discuss it with was Lisa, not her biggest fan. By the time they’d gotten halfway to their last destination, Lisa had had enough time to persuade her that Charlie had thought of her as nothing more than an old friend.

  ‘But that second night together, we were definitely going to ‒’

  ‘Or you could say ‒ we were definitely going to!’

  ‘All right, Lisa. No need to rub it in. The fact is, as you pointed out before, when it suited you, it’s my body, he didn’t know it was you, and he was more than up for it.’

  ‘Yeah, but I think that was just … you know …’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Just sex. He’s a man after all.’

  ‘I don’t know. I think maybe he ‒’

  ‘No. You’re wrong, Beth. He didn’t.’

  ‘But you didn’t let me finish.’

  ‘I didn’t need to!’

  Beth only spent four days in Cairns before she re-scheduled her final flight. It wasn’t that the people there weren’t friendly, or the place wasn’t nice, it was all fine. Beth had simply had just about all the adventures she could take.

  The captain made an announcement, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, we’ll soon be beginning our descent into London Heathrow.’ At this, Beth was flooded with emotions. I’m nearly home!

  She nipped to the loo for one last time, to check herself out in the mirror. Her hair was about four shades lighter than when she’d left England, the sun hadn’t so much kissed it, as snogged its face off. Her sk
in was a dirty brown, and, if she examined it closely enough, she could see a couple of scars on her chin from her horrendous mistake in Bondi.

  ‘I don’t think they’ll recognise you.’

  ‘Who? Mum and Dad? You’re right. I do look different. I can’t believe how much I’ve missed them all.’

  ‘They’ve no doubt missed you too.’

  ‘I can’t wait to see Nanna.’

  There was sadness in Lisa’s voice. ‘I’ll bet she can’t wait to see you either.’

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘Because?’

  ‘You know why, Lisa. They’d miss you too, if they knew.’

  ‘Maybe. They never will know me though, will they?’

  ‘No. I suppose not.’

  ‘I don’t get to tell them all my news or share my funny stories.’

  ‘No, you don’t.’ A little lost for words, Beth said, ‘Thanks for coming with me.’

  ‘Where else would I go?’

  Lisa’s obvious suffering set off the all too familiar anxiety in Beth. She returned to her seat and tried to sleep for the rest of the flight.

  Beth scanned the crowd, knowing her sister was also looking.

  Even though they were using the same eyes, Lisa spotted the family a second before Beth did. Often, Lisa was the first to notice things, like Charlie in the pool. There were fewer distractions back there. Beth assumed the airport sounds would be quieter, the crowds of people pushing her, were not directly hassling Lisa.

  Somehow from her muted vantage point, Lisa seemed able to notice more. ‘There they are, over by the railings. Bless them, they’ve made you a sign.’

  Don was proudly holding the homemade sign, which screamed the words, ‘Welcome Home, Beth!’ in fluorescent pink hi-lighter pen.

  He looked much the same as Beth remembered. He’d given up combing his hair forward before she’d left, and now opted for an all over short cut. His shiny head was one of many in the crowd. On his face he wore his usual expression – worried, with a hint of excitement. She knew he wouldn’t be completely happy until he’d seen her. All he wanted was for her to be safe and well. How lucky she was to be loved.