Codename: Bear: Secret Agent (Codename Universe Book 1)

by Geoffrey C Porter

  "Many things relax me. A ten year old scotch. A colder than ice craft beer. A nice erection that lasts a long time."

  I choked on the ration bar I was still eating. "Anything else?"

  "I have been known to watch old black and white movies. Sometimes a little anime is not too bad."

  Hell. I wish I had so many things that relaxed me.

  She gave me a nice smile and was beautiful too. Somehow, after four days in Burma, three of them in jungle and swamp, she still had eye shadow on, and it wasn't even smudged.

  "What relaxes you?" She asked.

  "Sometimes I poke around on the internet. Pick up a multiplayer strategy game. Chor'Tan ale."

  "Oh, you like Chor'Tan ale?"

  "Love it."

  She held up three fingers on one hand. "Have you ever made it into the third bottle?"

  "I've never made it to the end of the second bottle."

  "When we make it back to civilization. You and I will drink three bottles each."

  Would I even survive that? Remember anything?

  "That doesn't sound wise," I said.

  "The third bottle is when the aphrodisiac starts to work."

  I wasn't entirely sure if I even truly knew what the word aphrodisiac meant. Would I get drunk with Sphinx? Would I share in what I considered a team tradition? I would.

  Thomas stirred behind us. "You guys are loud. Bear, don't drink three bottles of Chor'Tan ale. She's trying to trick you."

  "Make a commitment," Sphinx said. "You trust me, or you trust Thomas. You'll drink a full six pack with me."

  I didn't trust either of those fuckers, but if I was going to choose between them, I'll choose the good looking female over the forty year old dope head.

  "I'll do it," I said. "Three bottles."

  "We have to drink them fast," Sphinx said, "so the aphrodisiac kicks in before the alcohol knocks us out."

  "I'm in."

  "You're an idiot," Thomas said.

  Beautiful woman wants to get me drunk, how can I say no to that, even if I will be hung over. I will acquire anti-hangover medicine the day before. I checked my nuts. They were ready to march.

  Chapter Fifty-Eight

  The sun was hot. We marched. I slowed us down a bit. It couldn't be helped, and I was not going to torture myself over it. We stopped for lunch.

  "I doubt the antibiotics made a difference," Enigma said.

  "What?" Thomas asked.

  "I think Bear's immune system kicked the hell out of whatever it was."

  "Does it really matter at this point?"

  "Diagnosis is what matters in my business," Enigma said.

  "I thought it was your job to shoot the bad guys," I said.

  "That, too."

  We ate our rations. They sucked. I could really have gone for some python or cobra, or maybe a nice pepperoni pizza with extra cheese. Cut into squares, none of those pie shaped pieces for me.

  "Let's run for a while," Sphinx said.

  Damn. I surely couldn't say no, and nobody else was saying no. Our packs were lighter than when we started. We ran for an hour. Well, jogged. Sphinx set the pace. She did not slow, and the jungle flew by. Bugs kept trying to snack on me. Every so often I'd see a snake in the trees. I began to relax and felt at home. The jungle made sense. It was life, all around us. I could live there. Wait, what was going through my mind as we ran? I wanted to get naked and root in the mud. I wanted to grab one of those snakes, bite its head off, and eat it bite by bite.

  No. I'm human, not Chor'Tan. I wanted to rage. I pushed myself faster, passing up Sphinx and taking the lead. After a kilometer with me setting the pace, Jules shouted, "Wrong way!"

  I stopped and panted.

  Everybody just breathed for a few moments.

  "Not slowing us down now," Sphinx said.

  Jungle good. Beautiful birds. Food everywhere. They must have seen it in my eyes.

  "We're not staying," Thomas said.

  "I never said we should stay," I said.

  "You can see the beast in your eyes. Every movement no matter how tiny, and your eyes track it."

  I shrugged. What the fuck was I supposed to say? My eyes were watching every movement. My whole body was tense. "We need to get out of this jungle."

  "I concur," Enigma said.

  "I would rather march than run, and I know the way. Four kilometers," Jules said.

  We got moving. Jules led the way. She had a nice butt, and I was right behind her, and I wanted to just squeeze.

  She stopped and crouched down low, giving us a stopped fist in the air. We paused and crouched.

  Jules pulled a pair of binoculars out of nowhere and looked through them. "Six men, at our truck. Maybe more."

  Archangel pulled his rifle off his back and peered through the scope. "Six men, but we can't see into the back of the truck."

  Thomas pointed at me. "Bear and I circle around to the other side. Once we get close, Archangel starts taking them down."

  "I have to find a nice tree," Archangel said.

  Thomas started moving off to the right in a circle. I followed, very quietly. We made our way around to the back of the truck. Nobody was in it. Archangel started firing. Three shots and three men with AK-47s down on the ground. Two of the men ran to the back of the truck. The last man ran into the jungle. Thomas and I shot the two men hiding behind the truck. We walked up to the corpses.

  The others came running. We climbed in the truck. Jules started it, and down the road we went. We stopped in a village and got more cobra on sticks. We made it to the airstrip just after sunset. Our pilots were asleep. Jules waved at us as we climbed on board the transport. I should have put my penis in her when I had the chances. Enigma may have permanently scarred me.

  We made it back to Arizona, and the first thing I did was shower. Hot water. Lots of soap. The kitchen cooked up ribeye steaks for us, with baked potatoes and green salads. I went the hell to bed. Enigma stopped by my room and demanded a blood sample. I allowed it, because I kind of wanted to know what kind of thing happened to my balls too.

  By dinner time, I felt human again. Nancy approached our table. She sat with us, and we ate together. The whole crew.

  "For some of you, this was your seventh mission," Nancy said. "Some of you will be able to opt for retirement soon, and I recommend it. Ours is a hard life and not meant for everyone."

  "I have nightmares," Jet said.

  Me too. Big bad nightmares.

  "This last mission was a huge success. We're expecting their operations to be set back at least six months. Nightmares imply that your mind is healthy," Nancy said. "The things you've seen. The things you've done. Watching friends die. I'd be worried if you had all dreams of sugar plums. For some people, retirement is the best way out. You can live a relatively normal life. Pursue a career. Live happily."

  "I plan to retire," I said.

  Others chimed in that they too planned it. It's not important exactly who. It was a majority. Sphinx and Thomas said nothing. I retired to my room. Queued up a multiplayer wargame on the terminal. I was kicking ass at it, too.

  My door buzzer rang. I looked at the security monitor. Sphinx. She was dressed in a black leather miniskirt, with a white shirt. She had the faintest of blue eye shadow on, and ruby lipstick. She had a six pack of Chor'Tan Ale in her hands, and I suspected they were ice cold.

  I opened the door and motioned her inside.

  "We have to drink them fast, or we'll pass out," she said.

  Damn skippy.

  Chapter Fifty-Nine

  The tops were twist offs. So easy. The first bottle went down smooth.

  "Another," Sphinx said.

  I drank the second bottle without even stopping for breath.

  She held the third one out to me, and I about fell over. Chugged away. I was a good soldier boy. Darkness hit me like a massive hammer, and I was on the floor.

  Not sure how long I was out, but a growing pain in my dick stirred me to life. Sphinx was naked, a
nd it was a nice naked, too. Perky breasts. Her nipples were just the right size. My pants were so tight. I got rid of them. Moved into place and shoved forward.

  She let out a little moan. I went at it like mad then. Vigorous. This lasted for easily thirty minutes, and to be blunt, my skin was getting raw. Finally I reached climax, and things settled down, for exactly eight minutes, and I was hard enough to pound nails again.

  She whispered in my ear. "My pussy is sore."

  That didn't help me at all. She went down on me. I lasted another thirty minutes. I hoped and prayed it was over. Seventeen minutes later it was a problem again. She made me put the damn thing in her butt, which was in general not my preference.

  "You tricked me you dirty whore," I said.

  "Oh yeah, that's it, talk to me."

  "Damnit, the first five minutes were fun but this is ridiculous."

  "No, talk dirty to me, you idiot."

  I called her all sorts of names and hammered away at her. Shot my seed for the last time that night, and I lay next to her.

  "You tricked me," I said.

  "I told you it would make the aphrodisiac work."

  I rolled away from her. "I didn't believe you."

  We slept after that. I woke with more wood, but damn if junior was red and raw. She kissed me and stole my anti-hangover medicine. She said, "One time thing."

  The look in her eyes were telling me this was the first time, not the last.

  I called medical and asked for hangover medicine. They told me they were out, and I didn't believe it. I got dressed and walked down there and begged. They finally gave me the pills. The medicine promptly made me feel better. I hadn't even showered, but I knew it was time for breakfast.

  I sat with the crew.

  Sphinx started laughing. "We did it three times."

  "Three? It should have been five," Thomas said.

  "Maybe you should report to medical and have a physical, Bear," Enigma said. "Three is uncommon."

  My mouth kind of dropped open. "You're talking about this?"

  "I always talk about my conquests with the team," Sphinx said. "You're like Chor'tan male, rub them the right way, and they start fucking."

  No, I have emotions, feelings. "I am not. I genuinely care about you, Sphinx."

  Everybody laughed at me. My dick still hurt. I hadn't even had a shower or shaved. Hell, I could go for a nice poop, too, instead I was getting laughed at.

  I ate quickly. The shower was nice. My class schedule was waiting on my terminal. Three classes and then graduation. Three missions left and retirement. Today was the last day of class before spring break.

  The next day, they were serving Bloody Marys at breakfast, and I partook. Margaritas at lunch. Shots of vodka at dinner with dill pickles. I screwed Enigma. It was in a hallway again. No charges.

  It was the first day of classes, and a new group of noobs showed up at breakfast. Where they came from, I didn't know. A tall, brown haired girl walked towards our table and stopped. Zen motioned to her, and she asked, "Can I sit here?"

  "Yes," Zen said.

  "Free country," Thomas said.

  Zen pierced a piece of sausage link and ate it. "Watch out for Bear, he's the team slut."

  "Which one is Bear?" The new girl asked.

  "What's your name?" I asked.

  "He must be Bear. I'm Luc."

  "Luc is a boy's name."

  "Don't tease me," Luc said with a brilliant smile.

  Teasing people and bullying people was definitely against the rules.

  Luc had a piece of paper with her, and she looked at it. "Where is building three?"

  Zen pointed. "Thru those doors, follow the hallway, then it's right there."

  "I'll show you," I said.

  Luc gave me a hard stare. "You're the team slut. I think I can find it."

  "I'm not the team slut!"

  Zen threatened to stab me with her plastic fork. "I'm the only one he hasn't slept with, and he's only staying away from me because he's a coward at heart."

  "I'll keep my eye on him," Luc said.

  I got up to put away my tray and go for my morning run. Luc followed me. "Is this the way to the track? I'm supposed to run after breakfast."

  "I'm going there."

  She followed me without saying a word. We stepped onto the track, and in a whirlwind, she shouted, "Let's race!" She was fast, too. It was almost five hundred meters before I caught up to her. I passed her and ran at my best. Then I went for a swim.

  Archangel caught my eyes at lunch. "You like my rocket?"

  I have no interest in his rocket. "That's gross, dude, no."

  "No, the rocket I used on our last mission. You like that rocket?"

  Did I? Hell yes. "That was nice."

  He reached under the table and pulled out a duffel bag. "I have four of them for you. Nancy approved your training."

  I leaned across the table and kissed him right on the lips. No, I clapped my hands together. "I have class all afternoon."

  Archangel put the duffel bag away. "After dinner."

  "I want to watch," Luc said.

  Sphinx stood up to leave. "Watching boys play with their toys is boring."

  Chapter Sixty

  Dinner was good that night. Archangel was carrying the duffel bag.

  "Is that bag heavy?" I asked.

  He set it down on the table. "You can carry it to the range."

  I picked it up. About thirty kilos. No problem.

  "I carried it around all day," Archangel said. "Worried if I left it in my room the gremlins would get it."

  "Gremlins?" Zen asked.

  "Gremlins."

  "I don't believe you."

  Archangel looked away. "Little green and black monsters with pointy ears. They stand about an eighth of a meter tall. They like rockets, and other heavy weapons."

  I wasn't sure what to think of it.

  Archangel looked back at us with a dead serious look on his face. "They have gotten one of my rifles. They aren't getting these rockets. Gremlins with rockets are very dangerous."

  At that point, I pondered his sanity.

  "They come at night mostly, and can walk through doors or walls. Possibly they can fit underneath the door, in the cracks." Archangel began to quietly shed tears, and I knew he believed every word.

  Zen punched him on the arm real hard. He let out a little chuckle.

  I cleaned the last of my corn off my otherwise empty plate. "Heavy weapons range?"

  "You've been there?" Archangel asked.

  "I've seen the signs."

  "Maybe we should take a jeep and a .50 out there too. Have a ball."

  I stood up and grabbed the rockets. "Rockets are enough for one night."

  Archangel followed with Luc close behind him. I still felt tiny vibrations in the floor with every step that big ass hulk of an Archangel made.

  We walked across campus and out a gate. Marched another kilometer.

  "We could be running," I said.

  Archangel took off in a run, in I believe the right direction. I chased after. Luc shouted, "I ran once today!"

  Walking sucks. Walking is for old people and hot days. Maybe if I was on the beach I would walk with a beautiful girl at my side. Running is what we do.

  We crested a hill, and Archangel stopped. I set that damn bag on the ground. Burned out vehicles littered the field. Archangel pointed at one about 500 meters away. "That one. The Toyota with the blue paint. That's my favorite."

  I opened the bag and found two things. One was a tube kind of thing with the trigger that obviously went over my shoulder. The rockets were in protective plastic encasements. I undid the top of one of them, and screwed the rocket into the tube thing.

  I put it up on my shoulder as I had seen Archangel do in the jungle then stopped.

  "Some advice would be nice?" I asked.

  "The rocket won't drop in flight. It will travel in a straight line except the wind." Archangel spread his hands out wide. "What
else is there?"

  I lined up the sights and squeezed the trigger. Swoosh! A blast of hot smoke hit me it the face but didn't burn me. The rocket passed through the windows of the car and hit a tree, exploding in a great ball of fire.

  "You've killed your first tree. Good job," Archangel said.

  Luc kicked at the desert sand all around us. "That isn't very environmentally conscious."

  "One lousy tree," I said. "That's like two books. One college textbook."

  "All our books are ebooks. Nobody kills trees for books anymore."

  "I love the smell of a new book and bookstores."

  Archangel reached into the bag and grabbed a rocket. "No talk. Make the car go boom."

  I inserted the rocket into the tube and lined up the sights. I hit a red pickup truck a hundred meters or so from the blue Toyota. The pickup truck was mostly in my way, so I didn't feel bad.

  Archangel stomped his foot on the ground. "You missed."

  "The wind dragged it off target," I said.

  "You know how much these rockets cost? And that blue Toyota, it's giving me the evil eye. It should be on fire by now."

  "Leave him alone," Luc said.

  Damn if I did not need a woman to stand up for me. I picked out a rocket and removed it from its sheath. The rocket went into the launching tube. I lined things up on the Toyota, and swoosh! Boom! The Toyota burned.

  "Hit it again!" Archangel shouted.

  I reloaded in record time and swoosh! Boom! The explosion was pretty, especially with the sunset behind it. White fire. Shrapnel. Everything that makes me happy inside.

  Luc smiled and laughed. "Is that all of them?"

  Archangel said, "We only brought four."

  "I was hoping to fire one."

  "Talk to Nancy, but most of the time heavy weapons training is for only a few select, or for graduates."

  "How did you get signed up for it?" I asked.

  "First day they recruited me. Nancy took one look at me and said special weapons."

  Luc took off in a run. "Race you home!"

  I chased after her and knew I could out run her, but I waited for Archangel. Then I ran side by side next to him. Luc beat us home, but I wasn't going to leave Archangel to run by himself.