Codename: Bear: Secret Agent (Codename Universe Book 1)

by Geoffrey C Porter

  I retired to my room and dreamed of blowing up cars and trucks. Better than dreaming of dead bodies and pain.

  I had an email from Nancy waiting for me when I woke up. "Meet at breakfast."

  I had an I-played-with-rockets-yesterday grin on my face at breakfast. Nancy joined us.

  "Our facility in Los Angeles was assaulted again last night," Nancy said. "More robots. Apple Danish and Bear Claw have both clammed up. We need to move them here."

  "Another prisoner transport? Or are we flying them home?" Thomas asked.

  "They still have devices in them that are transmitting their locations. We can't risk a plane."

  Zen clenched both fists. "We always get the shit details."

  "Quite frankly, your team gets the job done," Nancy said. "We need that, now more than ever. We're giving the order that you must take steps to capture as many of Centurian's men as humanly possible."

  "What if we're not human?" I asked.

  "You're human enough."

  "Draw them in like flies, then capture them," Sphinx said. "Apple Danish and Bear Claw are the bait."

  Jet spoke up for the first time all morning. "At least, we're not the bait."

  Chapter Sixty-One

  We flew to LA that afternoon. The plan was to leave the next morning. Sphinx and me in a lead car, with Archangel and Enigma in a truck behind us. Then the prisoners in an armored semi. The rest of the crew would follow behind the semi in various vehicles. I don't know how it ended up being me and Sphinx in the lead car. Sphinx just said, "That's where the action will be," at the briefing.

  I didn't sleep well. Not so much nightmares, but I tossed and turned. We were approaching the vehicles, when Sphinx said something odd. "Our car has a laser."

  "Huh?" I asked.

  "The car we're driving has a laser in the undercarriage. Should be easy to cut the tires out of a vehicle in front of us."

  Ahhhh. I guess that was good news.

  I climbed in the driver side of our Toyota Corolla Military Sport. "What about the locals?"

  "Were you asleep at the briefing?"

  I was in Chor'Tan mode, watching for easy prey I could snack on. "Maybe."

  Sphinx patted me on the leg. "The locals will be on alert. They will be ready to round up people we subdue."

  Brilliant. I was beginning to debate whether in truth if we were the bait or not.

  The plan was simple. Interstate-10 all the way to Phoenix. They wanted us to drive the speed limit and stop every hour for a break. Twenty minutes out of LA, I noticed something weird. Beat up Mustang spitting out grey clouds of smoke and missing a rear window. I watched them for a moment, when a grimy looking man popped up and pointed some device at us.

  When it went off, I realized it was a grenade launcher. I didn't dodge. The explosion rattled the car, and even though the grenade impacted on the windshield, it didn't shatter.

  I dodged for no reason.

  Sphinx shouted, "We can't take very many hits like that!"

  I hit the windshield wipers and the washer fluid. Sphinx seemed to be playing with some sort of tablet computer. I assumed she was aiming our laser, and I punched the gas to get us closer to the Mustang. The man with the grenade launcher fired again. I dodged hard to the right, and the missile detonated on our left.

  "I'm trying to aim a laser!" Sphinx exclaimed.

  That grenade launcher fired again, and it hit us on the right front of our car. I hit the washer fluid again. Sphinx cut a hole in the right rear tire on the other car, and it swerved out of control. I rammed it off the road into the median and stopped. I jumped out of the car with a stunner in hand. The man with the grenade launcher was climbing out of the Mustang. He had tan skin and jet black hair. Figured he was the bigger problem than the driver. I fired my stunner at him, and the web of electric discharge hit him square on. Sphinx shot the driver. The convoy had long since passed us up.

  We put ties on their wrists and radioed the locals. They showed up promptly.

  I examined our car. The right headlight was busted along with the blinker, but structurally, the vehicle seemed fine. I climbed in the driver's side.

  Sphinx got in. "We need to drive fast, catch up."

  I nodded and fired up the engine.

  "If those had been rockets, like our rockets," she said, "this car would be destroyed."

  Thank goodness for small favors. I drove fast to catch up to the group and thought about Sphinx for a moment and Chor'Tan Ale. "How many men have you tricked into drinking three bottles of the Chor'Tan Ale?"

  Sphinx let out a little chuckle.

  "I want a number!" I shouted.

  "Five times. I always try and get them to do it a second time, and none say they will. Maybe you can be the first."

  Hell no. My dick just about fell off. It hurt for a long time. So much pain.

  "You're a pussy," she said.

  "Chor'Tan Ale is not intended for consumption by humans. Sure, one bottle, two bottles, tastes good, good buzz, but three bottles, hell no."

  "It was a good time, admit it."

  Pain. "Too much pain."

  We stopped talking. I was driving the car well over the speed limit. The tail end of the caravan was in the distance. We had to wade through traffic in the left hand lane to pass them and take the lead.

  Thomas spoke across the radio. "Good to see you two again. Did you bag the bad guys?"

  "We got two," Sphinx said.

  "Stop in ten minutes."

  We pulled into a gas station. The prisoners had a porta potty thing inside the semi-truck, but some of us used the toilets.

  Jet bought a bunch of beef jerky in the store. "My favorite kind."

  I hadn't been in a gas station since I used to walk to the corner store as a kid. I wondered if they had any cream filled snack cakes, and in truth, they did. They were as good as I remembered them, too. I may have had a sweet tooth as a kid.

  We saddled up the caravan again and took off down the freeway. I looked at every car. I watched every piece of traffic. We stopped after another hour. Archangel found a little restaurant with truck parking, and we wanted food. We put ties on Apple Danish and Bear Claw's wrists around the front, and led them into the restaurant.

  I watched the door and ate quietly. A few men came in. Some of them were obviously packing firearms. They were watching us, too. There were maybe five of them in total. I pointed at them casually to Sphinx. She leaned in and whispered, "They have to make the first move."

  Chapter Sixty-Two

  Zen stood up. "We don't have to wait for them."

  Thomas and Jet got up. Zen led the way with Thomas following on her right, and Jet on her left. Five men stood up and started fumbling with their pistols. Most were buried below a layer of clothes. And they had obviously spent more time smoking MindBender than practicing their quick draw.

  Zen fired first, nailing the center one. Thomas fired at the one on the far right, and Jet took out the left one. By then, the two remaining men had found their pistols and were squeezing off rounds, but not with any accuracy. Two civilians fell. Zen stunned another one. Thomas and Jet fired off their stunners at the same time on the last one.

  The civilians that were hit were in bad shape. A young man with blonde hair who couldn't have been more than eighteen was hit on the leg that was bleeding bad, and a young woman wearing a blue dress with a baby at her table, was shot to the chest. Enigma applied bandages and gave them shots. Sphinx called for paramedics, and they raced to the scene. I never did find out what happened to them. We left the restaurant and hit the highway.

  The sun was setting in blazing shades of red and orange in my rearview mirror. Traffic was light and driving the speed limit sucked. An hour passed, and we stopped again to take bathroom breaks. Stopping every hour seemed foolish to me, but I guessed better to draw them in.

  We were at a rest area. I was looking at the vending machines. I don't know why. They had one that sold coffee, and it intrigued me. Coffee? At a roadside
rest area? Could it be any good? It was labeled gourmet. I had to know for myself. It would have plagued me forever if I didn't acquire a cup. I would have had bad dreams. It was steaming hot. I was the last of our group to return to the vehicles.

  "You're slowing us down again," Sphinx said.

  I blew on the coffee. "I had to know."

  "Know what?"

  "If the gourmet roadside coffee was any good."

  "Idiot."

  I smiled at her. She had me figured out. The coffee smelled good, but it was still too hot to drink.

  I took the lead for the caravan. The coffee was actually very good. Some of the better coffee I'd ever had. A black Buick crashed into the side of my car as I took a gulp, and it spilled on my leg. It burned, but I was a little more worried about the rifle barrel pointing at Sphinx's window. Thank goodness it was rolled up.

  A second black car smashed into the other side of our car. I glanced in our rearview window, and other cars were smashing into our vehicles behind us. I slammed on the brakes and downshifted into second gear. The car on my left swerved in front of us. I punched the gas, pushing the other car totally sideways. The tires on that car popped, and it slid to a halt. I braked, then swerved to the side and kept on driving. The black Buick was in front of us firing off rounds from a rifle.

  They were aiming for our radiator. Sphinx blew out a tire with the laser. The Buick twisted off the highway. I pulled the car to a stop behind them and jumped out with my stunner in hand. The man in the car raised his rifle at the same time I triggered the stunner. He had something smeared on his face that might qualify as camouflage, but it just gave him a dirty look. I felt the shock wave from the bullet pass by my right ear. My stunner was on target. Sphinx got the other guy. The caravan was well past us by now.

  Sphinx radioed the locals, and they hauled off our bad guys. Thomas radioed us. "We need your support. There are still six vehicles trying to run us off the road. Zen's car is down and out."

  I pushed the throttle all the way down. We were doing 180kph in no time. We passed Zen's smoking vehicle by the side of the road. Zen was standing around on the radio though, so she was fine.

  There were cars smashing into our Agency vehicles just around the bend. "Laser," I said.

  "I've got the targeting tablet in my hand," Sphinx said.

  I slid the car into fourth gear. Sphinx took out a tire with the laser, and the bad car spun out of control and flipped. I swerved to avoid it. Another rifle barrel poked out of a car in front of us. This time they aimed for our windshield. They were good shots, too, but the windshield was strong. Sphinx got their tire. Three cars left. One of them, a big SUV type truck, hit the brakes and slammed into reverse. It was driving right at us.

  Sphinx got the tire, but that didn't stop it. I was doing 150 kph. I dodged right, and the SUV dodged right, and there was a huge crash. Our military sport corolla survived the impact and pushed on through, but she pulled real hard to the right after that. Something in the suspension was definitely damaged.

  I asked, "How's the laser!"

  "I won't know until I have a target."

  Time to find a target. I punched the gas down again. The caravan was just up ahead. Another Agency vehicle was off the side of the road. Thomas and Jet were standing around. That left Archangel and Enigma in a truck in front of the semi plus us.

  Chapter Sixty-Three

  A beat up, old sedan drove next to our semi. The driver was firing off rounds from a revolver at the tires on our truck. Sphinx cursed in Chinese, and I knew our laser was toast. I downshifted into third and gave our car all the gas she could take, bent on ramming the other sedan.

  Sphinx drew her sidearm and unbuckled her seat belt. What the hell? Then she hit the sunroof crank and stood up. I eased up on the gas and even applied a little brake. Sphinx fired, bam, bam, bam. The tire on the other car blew out, and it swerved and crashed into a guardrail.

  Sphinx sat back down.

  The radio beeped, and Archangel's voice spoke, "Are you having fun?"

  "Yes!" I shouted.

  "Stay back there. We've got the front."

  He must have seen us in his rearview mirror. We should have Apache helicopter support. We were making good time, and the semi-truck had only lost one tire. Time passed, and we stopped at another gas station. It was a necessary stop because mine and Archangel's vehicles needed fuel. A green SUV pulled up, and it had a speaker on the roof.

  "Give up your arms!" Came out of the speaker. "Surrender!"

  Archangel pulled a rocket out of the back of his car, and pointed it at the SUV. It sped off, and Archangel fired. The rocket looked like it was going to miss then it detonated on the rear end of the vehicle, causing a great ball of fire and burning metal. Archangel shouted, "Skill!"

  "You got any more rockets?" Sphinx asked.

  Archangel held up three fingers.

  "How many launchers?" Enigma asked.

  "Only the gremlins know," Archangel said.

  Sphinx put her hands on her hips and growled. "Do you have a second launcher or not?"

  "If the gremlins haven't found it, it's in the back."

  Sphinx went around to the driver's side and popped the trunk. She retrieved the launcher and smiled. "I just want one."

  "You were only going to get one," Archangel said.

  Enigma reached for the launcher in his hands. "I'll take the other one."

  "This isn't right."

  "I get the rockets, or I drive. You can't drive and shoot a rocket."

  "I can to."

  That whole time they were talking, I was staring at them like an idiot. I figured let them fight over the toys. It was my job to drive. And I liked that job. It would be a lot cooler if the corolla had 20mm Gatling cannons on each side over the wheel wells. Or maybe heat seeking rockets on the roof. I was daydreaming, and I knew it. Everybody had time to pee. We were gassed up.

  I shouted, "Let's saddle up!"

  Everybody raced to the vehicles. Archangel and Enigma took the lead. Sphinx stood up through the sun roof and watched behind us with the rocket ready. I shouted upwards as loud as I could, "You make an easy target that way."

  She sat back down in the passenger side. "You take all the fun out of things."

  "I do not. You were a sitting duck."

  Gunshots echoed behind us. I looked in the mirrors. A man on a motorcycle was pointing a gun at us. Sphinx drew her pistol and stood up. She fired two quick shots, and the motorcycle slid out of control. She sat back down. "You're no fun at all!"

  "I drank the Ale!"

  "But you haven't promised to do it again!"

  I tightened my grip on the steering wheel. The car was pulling harder to the right than before. My eyes danced from one mirror to the next and watched the front. There was a little smoke coming from our car. I could see it in the rear view. A big truck was gaining on us from behind, but I figured he just wanted to pass. I said, "Sphinx, now would be a good time for a rocket."

  The truck smashed into us, and with the steering already messed up, it was hard to keep the car steady. Sphinx popped up through the roof. A man in the passenger side of the truck had a 9mm pistol out and was shooting at us. Sphinx was wearing one of our leather jackets, so she was reasonably protected. She launched her rocket, and it exploded the truck behind us. Two more trucks just like it pulled up on both sides of the explosion.

  Sphinx drew her 9mm and started firing at their tires. The poor car we were driving was going kind of wobbly wobbly down the road at this point. I think the last smash into the rear end caused some damage back there.

  Sphinx shouted, "Keep it steady."

  "I can't!"

  "Like you can't drink the Ale again?"

  "No, like no matter what I do she's wobbling."

  Sphinx shot out the tires on the left vehicle then the right, and I was pleased. I radioed Archangel, "We can't go this fast, our car is disintegrating."

  "Fall back, capture the guys in those trucks. Enigma still
has two rockets, and she looks thirsty."

  Enigma always looked thirsty. I pulled off into the emergency lane. The car made a clunk noise and died. Well fought, my little pretty.

  Sphinx jumped out of the car, and I followed. We ran back to the disabled trucks. The drivers were not there. We looked for a little while, but there was nobody.

  We jogged back to our car. I called for a tow truck. The dispatcher laughed. "Every wrecker in a hundred miles is busy thanks to your little caravan."

  Sphinx and I sighed.

  "So, you admit you really could drink the Ale again?" Sphinx asked.

  "I can't."

  "Like you can't keep a perfectly good car steady?"

  I looked at our car. It was still smoking.

  I looked deep into Sphinx's eyes. I leaned in close and whispered. "I won't drink the Ale again. Can't doesn't matter."

  "Pansy."

  Chapter Sixty-Four

  "We should wait outside the car," Sphinx said.

  I agreed.

  An Agency van pulled up. Jet poked his beautiful Asian head out of the window. "Need a ride?"

  Sphinx said, "No, thanks though."

  "Damnit, I need a ride," I said.

  Sphinx climbed in after me. Zen was driving. Thomas was way in the back. Archangel spoke across the radio, "They sent Apache helicopters to support us for the final leg."

  Bastards. They should have sent them on the first leg.

  "Let's sing songs," Jet said. "I found a karaoke app on my phone. I can plug it into the truck's audio."

  My eyes rolled into the back of my head. Thomas said, "That's a fine idea, Jet."

  They started to sing songs from the eighties and nineties. Totally off key. Terrible. I wished for some ear plugs and wondered what was this new kind of Hell? This shit was the real reason I wanted to retire. Our crew was just too crazy. I mean, maybe karaoke isn't just for crazy people, but Jet? Thomas? They couldn't sing. Maybe if they were alone somewhere, they could sing, and nobody would mind.

  I pretended to sleep. They ruined some of my favorite songs. I would never hear The Firm's Radioactive in the same way again. Somebody pushed something cold into my hands. Something that felt like a bottle. An organic fruit smoothie. Energy plus liquid. I gulped it down.