Before Hadley

by J. Nathan

  My growing guilt gnawed away at my sanity as I climbed the concrete steps to the front door. I had no idea what would happen inside. Being away at the tournament made it easy to forget the pistol. But now that I was back, and her parents were still away and my father had been up my ass to get it done, it seemed like the best time to do it. But I had a feeling waiting until she left with them the following night, made a lot more sense.

  I punched in the four-number code on the alarm keypad. A green light shined. I almost wished it hadn’t. I turned the knob on the front door and pushed it open.

  Stepping inside the foyer, my eyes jumped around, trying to adjust to the darkness. “Hadley?” I expected her to greet me—expected her to at least be nearby. When she wasn’t, I closed my eyes tightly, gathering the nerve to proceed. I pulled in a long shaky breath then released it, opening my eyes. The soft rustling of the light breeze outside surrounded me. “Hadley?” I tried again.

  “In here,” her voice trailed in from the back of the house.

  I expelled a deep breath—relief, disappointment, and excitement all wrapped up in one. Please let her be naked.

  Yup, so I wasn’t just an asshole, I was a horny asshole.

  I walked down the marble hallway, my sneakers squeaking a little with each step. Soft music played in the back of the house. Was that a British boy band? I stepped into the industrial sized kitchen. Her voice had definitely echoed from the cavernous room, with its perfect lighting and massive island, which was unexpectedly empty. “Hadley?”

  “What’s wrong, player?” she taunted with a smile in her voice. “Having a little trouble?”

  My head shot around. She wasn’t behind me. I knew she wouldn’t be. Her voice came from too far away. “You do know what I’m gonna do when I find you, don’t you?”

  Her giggles trailed in from yet another direction. “I sure hope so.”

  The words from the song filtered in from outside, drawing my attention to the open French doors off the kitchen. I stepped into the doorway. My body froze. I blinked several times, forcing the amazing sight to stay in focus.

  Throughout her sprawling back yard sat London Bridge constructed with Styrofoam and rope. Big Ben made from stacked cardboard boxes with a clock face painted at the top. A standup cardboard cutout of the same boy band whose voices played softly as suspected. A huge plate of some kind of pastry—crumpets if Hadley was keeping with the theme—sat on the patio table, along with tiny tea cups surrounding a tea kettle.

  It must’ve taken her days to come up with the idea and construct it all.

  For me.

  Slender arms slipped around my hips from behind and linked across my stomach. “Welcome home.”

  God, I was such a rotten person. She’d done all of this for me. Someone who’d never even been to England. Someone who continually lied to her. Someone who wasn’t fit to wash her car, let alone be a part of her life.

  When this ended between us—which it would—it was going to be bad. Really bad. The worst one yet.

  But still, even in the midst of my confusion and remorse, my guilt infused with something warm in the pit of my stomach. Something completely foreign to me.

  Hadley had done this for me. She kept doing things for me. And while some might argue she didn’t know the real me, I knew the truth. She knew me better than anyone else. And though I couldn’t be completely honest about every aspect of my life, I’d been myself with her. I’d let her in as much as I could.

  I turned to face her, making sure she didn’t drop her arms from my hips. I stared down into her beautiful blue eyes that gazed up at me. “I love it.”

  Her lips twisted regrettably to the side. “I figured after the other night, you needed some reminders of home.”

  The irony that her arms were one of the few places I’d ever felt at home had not been lost on me.

  So how could I lie to her? How could I keep lying to her? Keep up this elaborate charade when she looked at me like I held her future? I’ll tell you how. I was a fake. A phony. Someone who entered people’s lives only to vanish, never to be seen or heard from again. Someone who took advantage of other’s weaknesses. Took advantage of other’s wealth. I was conditioned not to care if they’d earned their money or inherited it. I just knew they were a pawn in an elaborate game.

  Hell. I was a pawn in an elaborate game. One where I didn’t make decisions, except how I took advantage of the people I’d been sent to target.

  “When did you do all this?”

  “While you were away—come see.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me outside toward the table, pushing me gently into a patio chair. I couldn’t let go of her. I wouldn’t. Not after what she’d done for me. I tugged her down into my lap earning me an adorable giggle as I hooked my arm around her and pulled her against me.

  This right here…this is all I need. No matter how wrong I knew it was to want it. To prolong the inevitable. I wanted it. I needed it.

  Hadley smiled. Smiled in a way that told me I was it for her. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that if I offered to fuck her senseless right there and then, she would’ve accepted.

  I’d fooled her. Fooled her like everyone else. And in that moment, I wished more than anything that I hadn’t brought her into my world. My life. My fucking heart.

  I shook off the notion, hearing the final verse of the song floating through the speakers. “Seriously?”

  She threw back her head and laughed. So carefree. So happy. So damn pretty words didn’t do it justice. She grabbed a small remote from the table and pointed it at the iPhone dock. A Beatles song began.

  I grabbed her cheeks between my hands. Mine were so much bigger than her delicate face. I loved the way she made me feel so much stronger. “You planned that all along, didn’t you?”

  “I didn’t take you for a boy-band kind of guy. I can’t believe you made it through the entire song.”

  “I can’t believe I made it through life without you.” The damn words tore out of me like a bat out of hell.

  The truth wiped the smile right off her face. The playfulness in her eyes quickly transformed to shock.

  You fucking idiot.

  I dropped my hands.

  Hadley tilted her head, assessing my face through narrowed eyes for a long time. “Really?”

  This was my chance to take it back. Backpedal. Get myself out of an awkward situation. “Absolutely.”

  The smile that lit up her face erased any trepidation I’d felt. Hell, it made me hard. “I know what you mean,” she admitted.

  “That’s it?”

  She shook her head. “Nope.” She hopped off my lap and held out her hand. “I think they’re playing our song.” I stared down at her extended hand. Even if my inclination was to think dancing in the middle of Hadley’s backyard was the lamest thing going, with her, it felt right. She felt right.

  I grabbed her hand and stood. She turned into me and wrapped her arms around my neck as I slipped my arms around her back, pulling her tightly into me. I loved the way the soft swells of her breasts pressed into me when we were close. A feeling I could seriously get used to. This time I didn’t have to keep it formal with a room full of people dressed to the nines. It was just Hadley and me. I could hold her however I wanted. We moved in time to the slow song in the middle of her patio surrounded by structures from England. The full moon illuminated them so I could see the time and effort she put into making each one lifelike and precise. “Your parents still away?”

  She nodded.

  Did that mean what I hoped it meant?

  “Why’s your heart racing?” One of her hands trailed from my neck down the front of my shirt. The gentle pressure of her fingers sent a chill through me. “I can feel it.” Her hand rested over my heart. “Are you nervous about having me all to yourself in this big empty house?”

  I swallowed around the giant lump in my throat. “Nervous is definitely not the word I’d use.”

  Her face beamed up at me. “Excited?”
<
br />   I pushed my hips into her, letting the bulge in my jeans speak for itself.

  Her eyes rounded. “Oh. Excited it is.”

  I’d been with lots of girls. But at that moment, with Hadley in my arms, I had absolutely no idea how to proceed. My eyes flicked toward the table, settling on the tea pot. “Did you really make tea?”

  She grinned as her head moved from side to side. “Long Island ice tea.”

  I laughed. “You really went all out.”

  “I figured if you didn’t want to stay, I’d get you sloppy drunk so you had no other choice.”

  My smile stretched to my eyes, excitement grabbing hold of every part of my body. This girl would be the death of me. “So you want me to stay?”

  She nodded, her eyes showing a nervousness her words hadn’t indicated.

  I wanted to reassure her. No. I needed to reassure her. I leaned down to meet her lips, stopping an inch away. “Good. Because I really want to kiss you in the morning.”

  She closed the distance between us, opening and allowing me in. My tongue swept out, exploring her mouth with gentle strokes that left me needing more. A lot more. And given her tight grip on me, I had a feeling I had a very good shot of getting more than just a kiss.

  Hadley

  Caynan seemed to like everything I’d done for him, but he was such an enigma at times, I couldn’t be sure. Before I knew what was happening, he stopped dancing and picked me up, lifting me over his shoulder.

  I yelped. “What are you doing?”

  “Baby, I need you upstairs all to myself.”

  “But you’ve got me right here all to yourself.”

  He stilled, quickly lowering me back to my feet. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m just a little eager.”

  I dropped my head and laughed, his honesty a breath of fresh air. “I like that you’re eager.”

  That dimple in his right cheek dug in. “Is that so?”

  I nodded. “I just want tonight to be perfect.”

  He cupped my cheeks and lowered his forehead to mine. “Hadley. You doing all this for me. You wanting me here with you. It’s all perfect.”

  I nodded, or at least tried to with his forehead holding mine still.

  He pulled back enough to see into my eyes. “You’re perfect. Don’t you see that? From the second we crashed into each other, I needed to be near you. Needed you to want to be near me. When you didn’t, it wasn’t my ego that hurt.” He reached down for one of my hands and brought it to his chest. I could feel the vibration of his heart still racing underneath. “This hurt.”

  It would’ve been a freaking miracle if I didn’t collapse into a pathetic pile of mush. No guy had ever said anything like that to me before. And while it might’ve been the remnants of his player ways, what girl wouldn’t want a romantic declaration underneath the stars from a hot guy who wanted to take her upstairs and get her naked? “Sold.”

  His brows pinched between his eyes. “What?”

  Anxiety and excitement fought for control of my body. “I believe you. Now take me upstairs.”

  Caynan howled with excitement as he grabbed hold of me again, this time lifting me under my butt so I had no other option than to wrap my legs around his hips. He hurried toward the house with the Beatles serenading us as we went. “I seriously didn’t think you could get any hotter. But here you are.”

  “Here I am,” I laughed.

  Once we stepped into my dark bedroom, things became real. Fast. He walked us inside until his knees hit my bed in the center of the room. He lowered me down on my back and followed me, settling between my legs. I closed my eyes as my head fell back, my entire body relaxing into the down comforter while the weight of his body pressed into me. His lips lowered to my neck, moving gently over the sensitive skin below my ear, licking a delicious path down my collarbone. “God, Hadley, you taste amazing.”

  “Mmmm,” was the only sound I could manage.

  His lips disappeared, moving to the opposite side of my neck as one of his hands trailed down the side of my body igniting tremors everywhere. “I want to make this last,” he breathed into my ear.

  Was he talking about sex or this thing between us? I couldn’t be sure. Especially with my body buzzing like a live wire.

  He pulled back from his assault on my skin and stared down into my eyes. The playfulness I expected quickly morphed into something else. Something predatory. Something raw. Something so damn real it stole my breath away. “I need to remember this moment. Right here. Right now.”

  His words came out hushed, knotting my stomach in two. I reached up and cupped his cheek, a light dusting of stubble scratching my palms. I wanted him to kiss me. No, I needed him to. “We could always take a picture.”

  The smile on his lips deepened the creases around his eyes. “Nah. I won’t forget. Not something like this.”

  My stomach unfurled, flipping over itself. “Kiss me.”

  His smile grew, but he shook his head. He sat back on his knees and gripped the hem of my shirt, slowly peeling it up my chest. I lifted my arms and the material cleared my head. He tossed it to my floor. “Keep your arms like that.” His voice was raspy and demanding.

  And I loved it.

  Loved that he took charge. Loved that he knew what he was doing.

  He bent down, his hands grasping my bare sides as he circled my bellybutton with his tongue. My eyes rounded at the unexpected sensation tingling in every direction. Thoughts of us in my art studio came barreling back, his talented tongue front and center sending shivers scurrying up my arms. He dragged his tongue up the center of my stomach, his hands reaching behind my back and unclasping my bra. I had no time to be self-conscious. He tugged it up my arms and tossed it off the bed. His eyes stayed on mine for a long time, like he knew the second they ventured to my breasts, he was done.

  Once his eyes dropped, a slow sexy smile lifted one side of his lips and he lowered down to me, sucking one of my nipples into his mouth. His tongue swirled around it, causing my eyes to roll into the back of my head before fluttering shut. His tongue proceeded relentlessly, around and around. Without warning, he bit down gently. I gasped as a shot of pleasure shot between my thighs. He tempered the sting with another swirl of his tongue as his hands ran up and down the sides of my body.

  “Caynan,” I moaned softly. Needing to touch him. Needing him to touch me where I ached for him. Just. Needing. More.

  My breast popped free from his lips. “Keep your hands where they are, Hadley,” he hummed into my skin.

  God, I loved the way my name sounded on his lips. Against my bare skin. In my bedroom.

  He pulled back, his eyes drifting over my body, the mere look causing goosebumps to erupt everywhere. He leaned back down, this time finding my mouth. His tongue plunged inside as his hands massaged my breasts, the pads of his thumbs dragging over my nipples then circling them in slow torturous circles. I moaned into his mouth. He tugged playfully causing me to gasp, the sensation rocking right through me.

  That was all I could take. I lowered my arms, sliding them around his back and running them underneath his shirt. As my nails skated over his smooth skin, he froze, his lips and hands stopping altogether.

  He pulled back slightly, his eyes dangerously sexy. “Did you forget something?”

  I shook my head, biting my bottom lip to stop from giggling.

  He grabbed hold of both my wrists and lifted them over my head. “Keep them there.”

  “Take off your shirt.” If he could be demanding, so could I.

  His lips kicked up in the corners as he reached behind his neck, tugging his shirt over his head.

  Seriously? I’d seen him shirtless before. And he was incredibly hot. And built. And all perfect. But being on top of me with his erection pressed right between my legs, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to keep my arms in place and my body from self-combusting for much longer. “And your pants,” I added, my eyes locked on his.

  With his cocky grin in place, he rolled off to the
side of me, reaching into his back pocket and digging out a condom. He tossed it onto the pillow beside my head as he pulled down his zipper and tugged off his jeans. Yup. He rocked it commando.

  I tried to keep my eyes on his, but his confident smile urged me on. “You know you want to look.” He grabbed the condom and tore into the package.

  Feeling brave, my eyes dropped to what the good Lord gave him, in all its erect state. My eyes remained locked as he placed the condom on the head, his deft fingers rolling it down the length.

  “You do this to me,” he said, causing my eyes to jump to his. “No one else.”

  I wanted to believe him. Wanted to believe that this thing between us would stand the test of time. But I wasn’t stupid. I knew high school romances didn’t last. So, as I lay there—with Caynan naked beside me and my arms stretched above my own naked chest, I made sure to commit every feeling, every sound, every smell to memory.

  His eyes tightened as I reached down. But instead of purposely disobeying him for no other reason than to piss him off, I unbuttoned my shorts and pushed them down my legs, making sure to tug my lacy panties along with them. Caynan watched as I discarded them on the floor and then lifted my arms back over my head.

  He smiled a pleased grin as he rolled on top of me, pressing me into the bed. “I can’t stay away from you.” His lips descended on mine.

  My stomach dipped, my heart dancing like mad as he kissed me deeper. Harder.

  When we finally broke apart, coming up for much needed air, he pulled back just enough to see my eyes. “I don’t want anyone else to ever see you like this.”

  The elation sweeping over me was almost too much to take. And in that moment, with his erection pressing into the wetness he’d created, Caynan pushed into me with one hard thrust. My entire body arched, my head pushing back into my pillow and my breasts pressing against his solid chest. Our groans mirrored each other. “I’m not hurting you, am I?”

  I shook my head, never wanting him to stop.

  “God, Hadley. You feel so fucking amazing.” Caynan’s hips lazily thrust into me. He wasn’t in a rush. Wasn’t racing to his release. This was just the beginning. And he made sure he took his time.