Before Hadley

by J. Nathan

  My body buzzed each time he hit that spot between my thighs, nearly liquefying my limbs. And he did it. Over and over again. Relentless in his pursuit to bring me pleasure. “Don’t stop,” I moaned. How could I not with this massive guy hitting spots inside me I didn’t really believe existed?

  Caynan’s lips were on my mouth, my neck, my ear, his tongue its own entity. I felt him everywhere. His hands kneading into my skin. His rotating hips, shockingly unyielding. His powerful thrusts driving him deeper inside me.

  I wondered how long he’d prolong it.

  How long he’d keep me teetering on the brink.

  And just like that, I felt trembling building between my thighs. Then my core. Gradually, an eruption of sensations exploded to every nerve in my body. My back arched into him as my body stilled and a deep hum overtook me. Caynan stared down at me as I fought to catch my breath, a satisfied smile on his face. But his hips didn’t stop. He continued moving above me as my body relaxed, pressing back down into the bed. He leaned down, his lips capturing mine while his hips pounded into me. The sweat on his forehead dripped onto my face while he ravaged my mouth. This kiss was sloppy and wet and everything I wanted in that moment. He thrust a few more times, harder and more eager, before he pulled away from my lips. His eyes closed and he groaned through his final thrust. His body stilled, quivering from the inside out.

  I watched the euphoria sweep over his tightened features, loving that I’d done that to him. Loving that we’d done that to each other.

  A silence—filled only by our breathing—descended upon us.

  When Caynan’s eyes opened, he relaxed the weight of his body on top of me, burying his face in my neck. I’d never felt anything more comforting than his entire body draped over me. Heavy. Sweaty. Mine.

  “My, God,” he rumbled into my skin. “That was…”

  “Amazing.”

  He lifted his head, his heavy lidded eyes finding mine. “Yeah?”

  I nodded.

  He pulled out of me and rolled onto his side, pulling off the condom and discarding it in its wrapper on the nightstand. “That it?”

  I snickered as I rolled onto my side so I could see him. All of him. “Mind-numbing.”

  That cocky grin slipped into place. “Go on.”

  “Earth-shattering.”

  He reached out, placing his hand on my hip and pulling me into his chest. “Now you’re just trying to be funny.”

  I shook my head. “I’m trying for round two.”

  His eyes widened as he rolled me onto my back and devoured my lips for a very long time. At least until we went for round two.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Caynan

  Somehow, Hadley and I made it to school on time the following morning, neither of us getting much sleep.

  I spent the majority of English class staring at her, wondering how the hell I got so lucky.

  She glanced over, finding my eyes on her yet again. “Pay attention,” she whispered, before a smirk quirked her lips.

  “Oh, I’m paying attention all right.”

  Amused, she shook her head.

  I loved pushing her buttons. Actually, I liked making her smile more. “I’m just wondering what it’ll take to kiss you tomorrow morning, too.”

  “You know I’ll be away.” She glanced back to the front of the classroom where Ms. Atwood droned on about British literature.

  After the previous night, I wasn’t thinking about British Lit. I was thinking about Hadley. What she’d done for me. What she’d said to me. What she’d let me do to her. God. She was every guy’s living, breathing fantasy—whether she realized it or not. And she was all mine. At least until I wasn’t there anymore.

  I couldn’t even begin to imagine what that day would be like. Would I just leave without a goodbye, like I’d done so many times before? But then, I hadn’t been leaving anyone important behind. Sure I left friends, but not a girl I had feelings for. Before Hadley, I kept it casual. No strings attached. Because seriously? Strings wouldn’t have stretched as far as the miles I’d traveled.

  But things were different now. Hadley was different. I was different. Or at least part of me was.

  At the end of the day, I leaned against Hadley’s car, knowing I wanted to catch her before my game since I wouldn’t be seeing her all weekend. She walked out of the building shaking her ass, purposely giving me a little show. I smiled as she approached.

  “Waiting for someone?” she asked.

  My eyes gave her body a slow perusal. “Yup.”

  “Anyone I know?” She stopped in front of me.

  I nodded as I slipped my arms around her and pulled her into me. Instantly, she buried her head below my chin.

  “Gonna miss me this weekend?”

  She chuckled. “I’m sure your texts will keep me occupied. Especially the naughty ones.”

  “Will I be getting any in return?”

  “Is there any other kind?” she asked.

  I held her tighter, wishing she could somehow tell how much I cared about her. How much I didn’t want to hurt her. “I don’t deserve you.” I couldn’t even be bothered to disguise the seriousness in my voice.

  Hadley pulled back and looked up at me, shielding her eyes from the bright afternoon sun. “Why would you say that?”

  I shrugged. “I just know you could do so much better than me.”

  She tilted her head, her eyes assessing my face. “Well, that’s too bad. Because I want you.”

  Fuuuuck.

  * * *

  Since leaving Hadley, I’d been battling a pit in the bottom my stomach. Knowing she’d be away, made everything real. I parked in front of my trailer and noticed the picture Hadley had drawn of my mom rolled up in my passenger seat. If that wasn’t a fucking sign, I didn’t know what was. I grabbed it and headed to the door, wanting the picture to have a place in my room.

  “Where is it?” My father’s gruff voice stopped me dead in my tracks the second I stepped inside.

  I cringed, the picture clutched tightly in my hand. “I don’t have it yet.”

  He slammed his fists down on the kitchen table rattling the walls of our trailer as he jumped to his feet. “Then get it!”

  “Back off!”

  His eyes blazed with rage. I’d never seen anything so cold. He flew across the room, shoving his forearm into my neck and slamming me against the wall. My head bounced off it, clouding my vision. “What’d you say to me?”

  I stared into his eyes. And for the first time, I saw them for what they were. Eyes of a monster. A monster who’d controlled me for far too long. He might’ve wanted to hurt me as he glared at me mere inches from my face, but I didn’t want to hurt him. I wanted to be free of him. And getting that pistol was the only way to do it.

  As if he’d just realized what he’d done, he shook his head and stepped away from me. He’d been physical in the past. But nothing I couldn’t handle. Knowing we both needed to calm the fuck down, I tore off into my room and slammed the door behind me. Nothing like a near beat-down to get the adrenaline pumping. My limbs quivered as I walked to my closet, searching for a spot to store the drawing until I could hang it.

  My door flew open, slamming into the wall behind him. “Don’t walk away from me, boy!”

  I spun around, shocked he’d followed me into my room. With him that angry, I needed to be the voice of reason. “You need to trust me. I need more time.”

  He stared at me like I’d spoken some foreign language. “These aren’t the type of men you make wait. I told them it’d be ready for shipment this weekend. It will be.” His eyes dropped to the picture in my hand.

  Fuck.

  I tried moving it behind my back, but he yanked it from my hand before I could. His face tightened coldly as he unrolled it. “What the hell is this?”

  “Mom.” I didn’t even try to disguise the hate I felt for him in that moment. “Remember her?”

  He stared down at her likeness for a long time. I actually though
t it might’ve brought out his humanity. Might’ve displayed some shred of sorrow. “We don’t need reminders.” He tore the picture in half.

  I watched in horror as the pieces fell to the floor. Pieces of my mom. Pieces of Hadley’s art. Pieces of me.

  Rage gripped hold of every part of my body. I wanted to hit him. Throw him through the wall. Leave and never see his face again.

  You’re all each other have.

  My mother’s words pushed through my thoughts, but they were distant. Softer. Weaker. As if they were fading. As if they didn’t hold the weight they once held. It suddenly struck me. They didn’t hold the weight they once held. They weren’t the truth anymore.

  I had Hadley.

  I pulled it together long enough to walk straight out the front door. My heart raced something fierce as the door closed behind me. I jumped into my Jeep, my hands digging through my hair. Digging into my scalp. Needing the pain. The self-inflicted type. Not the type he doled out. If he wanted the damned pistol. I’d get him the damn pistol.

  Then to hell with him.

  I was done.

  Hadley

  “Hadley? Is your luggage in the car?” my mother called from her bedroom.

  I rushed out of my room, wearing a red strapless dress that fit my body in all the right places. Too bad Caynan wouldn’t get a chance to see it. Chances were it wouldn’t have stayed on for long. “Yeah. I’m all set.”

  My mother stepped out of her room fastening a diamond chandelier earring into her ear. “Your father’s going to have to meet us there in the morning.”

  “If I have to go, why doesn’t he?”

  “They’ve got him working an overnight. I think a lead’s come in on those robberies.”

  I contemplated asking if I could stay too, but didn’t want to leave her there alone. Normally, I wouldn’t have minded going to one of my grandfather’s fundraisers. But things were going so well with Caynan, I just didn’t want to leave.

  I made my way outside, hopping into the waiting car. My mother followed in a shimmering gold dress. Once her door closed and our driver slid into the driver’s seat, we were off. It was only an hour away, but it was far enough away from Caynan.

  “Care to tell me why you wanted to skip tonight’s fundraiser?” My mother held out her wrist so I could fasten her tennis bracelet for her. “You usually enjoy this one.”

  “I just wanted to spend time with Caynan.”

  She lifted a perfect brow. “Oh? So things are back on track after the mix up?”

  “Yeah.” I’d told my parents about his dad dragging him out of town. They were more understanding than me. They were the ones who ultimately pushed me to get over it and forgive him. “I know we’re young, and high school romances don’t usually work out, but I like him. I really like him.”

  One of those nostalgic smiles danced across my mother’s face.

  “I guess I just want him to feel the same way I do.”

  “How do you know he doesn’t?”

  I shrugged. “Guys are different. No matter what they say, they don’t feel the way we do.”

  “They don’t think like us either,” she laughed. “Have you told him how you’re feeling?”

  I shook my head. “It’s still kind of soon to be discussing our relationship. I wouldn’t want to scare him.”

  She gave me a maternal look. One that came with years of practice and worldly experiences. “Maybe you should.”

  “Being away for the weekend doesn’t really lend itself to a deep discussion.”

  “I’ll tell you what. You stick around tonight, and I’ll let you skip tomorrow’s itinerary.”

  My mouth parted. “Seriously?”

  She winked. “Who am I to keep young love apart?”

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Caynan

  Except for a few scattered street lights, Hadley’s neighborhood sat shrouded in darkness. I looked right then left, ensuring no one saw me in the shadows. My gloved hand shook as I punched in the alarm code, luckily the covered entryway and darkness concealed me. The green light on the alarm pad flashed and the click of the front door unlocking filled the silence.

  I turned the knob and slipped inside the foyer. Like the rest of the house, it was completely dark. I hated being there. Being in that big, empty house without Hadley.

  I pulled in a deep breath, knowing with much certainty that I was an asshole.

  The girl who’d shown me love, acceptance, compassion, and given all of herself to me, was just like the rest of them. She had something I needed.

  It was all so fucked up. On the drive over, I’d actually convinced myself Hadley would’ve understood what I had to do if she’d known the truth. If I’d told her about my dad and his associates. If I’d let her in on my plan to be done with it all.

  It would’ve been the hugest risk I’d ever taken. I would’ve been putting it all on the line.

  And for what?

  To disappoint her? To ruin everything we’d shared? To implicate her in a crime?

  And what if the risk didn’t pay off? Would she have turned her back on me and ratted me out to her dad?

  I just needed to get it over and done with.

  That’s why I stood there. All alone in her empty house, en route to her parents’ study. I was fairly confident it’s where they kept their safe, since hiding spots for safes were practically a staple in floor plans for homes like theirs. And if the pistol wasn’t in the safe, I assumed they had a gun cellar in the basement. And those were even easier to crack than safes.

  I crept upstairs, my weight creaking the steps beneath me. My mind flashed back to carrying Hadley up the same stairs on the way to her bedroom. She’d squealed when I lifted her, having no idea how excited I was to see her completely naked for the first time. To touch her body in places I hadn’t been able to. To wrap her in my arms and do whatever I wanted to do, knowing she’d let me. To sleep with her wrapped in my arms. To wake up and see her face and kiss her lips.

  I reached the second floor and crept down the hallway, my pulse pounding in my temples. I passed Hadley’s dark bedroom. Visions flooded my mind of the first time I woke up in there and found her curled up in the chair. Of last night. The way everything was just so damn perfect.

  I passed her art studio. Visions of our time in there slammed into me, begging me to turn around and forget the pistol. The amazing drawing she’d done for me. The nervous look in her eyes once I saw it. Her striptease and desire to take our relationship further. The way she tasted. I shook my head, literally forcing away the thoughts.

  I stopped in front of the one closed door in the hallway. I reached out, trying the knob. It turned in my gloved hand. I almost wished it hadn’t. I wanted to work for it. I didn’t want it to be so easy. So effortless to take something from someone I never wanted to hurt.

  I stepped inside the room, not bothering to close the door behind me. I’d be quick. I pulled out my tiny flashlight and assessed my surroundings. Satin curtains hung to the floor, blocking the windows and darkening the already dark room. The standard mahogany desk, matching armoire, and decorative sofa were placed precisely around the room.

  I walked behind the desk. Hadley’s picture sat front and center. Her smiling face a glaring reminder of everything I’d be losing if I got caught. I turned to the painting on the wall behind the desk and slipped my fingers under the frame, peering with the flashlight underneath, only to find a bare wall.

  My eyes flashed to the armoire and I made my way over, wondering if that’s where I’d find the safe hidden. I’d researched the 1847 Colt Walker pistol I needed to retrieve. Hadley’s mother had obtained it at an auction for over a million dollars. I wished it hadn’t been publicized. I wished no one knew who had it. Then I wouldn’t have been there. I wouldn’t have had to take something from someone whose daughter cared about me. Trusted me.

  But I did what I always did. I rationalized it.

  I assured myself Hadley’s mother didn’t need the pist
ol. It wasn’t like she planned to fire it. It was a status symbol to people like her. Something to say she owned. Something to keep locked away in her safe.

  Guilt crept into every crevice of my body, overwhelming me with its force. I was delusional. Her mother wasn’t about status. Sure she was rich. But she also helped others. Others in need.

  Unfortunately, guilt wasn’t enough to stop me. Because in the end, I did what I had to do—especially if I planned to use it as leverage to be free from my father once and for all. I tugged on the armoire’s handle and opened it. The safe sat right inside, like it had been waiting for me to arrive.

  I stuck my ear buds in my ears, held my phone to the door of the safe, and spun the knob. Click. Click. Click-click. That’s all I needed to hear.

  Hadley

  I’d plastered on a smile, mingled with the benefactors, and stayed by my mother’s side the entire night. Everything she needed me to do. Now my work was done.

  My leg bounced anxiously as my mother’s driver drove me home. I needed to change out of my dress and get in touch with Caynan. I’d waited to call since I really wanted to surprise him. He hadn’t texted me all night. I wondered if he hadn’t wanted to bother me during the fundraiser or his game ran long and he went out celebrating with the guys. Either way, it played perfectly into my plan to surprise him.

  Once I was minutes away from my house, I tried his cell. My call was sent to voicemail. I left him a quick message to let him know I was almost home and wanted to see him. There was no way I wasn’t going to see him.

  Once the car pulled into my driveway, I gathered my shoes and clutch and hopped out, taking two steps at a time. I punched in the code, but the green light didn’t shine. Shit. My mother forgot to set it. I grabbed the front door knob and stepped into the foyer. I flipped on the light on the table beside the door, dropping my shoes and clutch down on it. Since Caynan wasn’t answering his phone, my thumbs went to work, typing a quick text.

  A sound from the second floor stilled my thumbs. Hell, it stilled my entire body. My eyes shot to the top of the stairs. I waited, silencing my breathing, my eyes locked on the second floor landing. I didn’t see any shadows. I didn’t hear any other sounds. Had I left my window open? Had something fallen? Had it just been my imagination?