Hartstrings: A Jaded Regret Novel (Jaded Regret Series Book 3)

by L. L. Collins

  This wasn’t it.

  I forced myself to slow down, finally pecking her lips one last time before pulling away. She blinked up at me. We stared into each other’s eyes, saying nothing. I tried to convey everything I wanted to say, but I knew I needed not to be a chicken and say the words.

  Later.

  She reached up and wiped lipstick from my mouth, and I didn’t miss the way her hand shook. I did that to her.

  I affected her.

  Did she want me like I wanted her?

  I ran my thumb along her lip, and she froze. I could feel her heart pounding, and I knew mine mirrored hers.

  “Are you ready for dinner?”

  She tilted her head and studied me. “What’s happening?” Her voice was barely a whisper.

  I couldn’t help it. I lowered my head and kissed the soft, exposed skin of her neck. She gasped and dropped her head back, so it rested against the door. I gripped her hips as I ran my nose up her neck before taking her earlobe into my mouth. I bit it softly, and she whimpered. I wanted to lift her dress and touch her, to see if she was as wet for me as I was hard.

  I refused to let myself do it.

  I moved my mouth down her neck again and made my way to the other side, hovering for a moment over her exposed cleavage.

  “Tanner.” I thought for a moment she may want me to stop, but when she tilted her head to give me better access, I knew that her saying my name was encouragement, not the other way around.

  I was hard as fucking stone. I wished for her hand to find it’s way south and give me some relief. Though if she touched me I may have to find a change of pants.

  Tasting her skin was better than the finest meal. She smelled like her floral perfume, hair products, and whatever body wash she used. It was fucking intoxicating. I nipped at her other ear before taking her mouth again.

  I was a dying man in the desert who found an oasis.

  This time, she pulled away first, her eyes sparkling and her cheeks flushed. We both knew things changed between us in the last ten minutes.

  The question was—how ready was she to admit it?

  “Let’s go to dinner. By the way, you look fucking incredible tonight.”

  Mac smiled and tucked her hand into mine as we made our way outside. “I thought you were hot before. I think you need to wear dress pants and a shirt and tie at least once a week.”

  I’d wear whatever she wanted if she promised to take them off me.

  As she slid into the backseat, her dress rode up, and I almost groaned. Her smooth, toned legs called out to me, begging me to touch them.

  AJ met my gaze in the rearview mirror, and he gave me a knowing look. It was then that I saw how much of her lipstick I had on my face.

  I very much enjoyed myself.

  She saw it at the same time and laughed, getting a tissue from her purse and wiping most of it off.

  I would wear the rest with pride.

  * * *

  “You did all this?” Mackenzie glanced around at the empty restaurant. It was right on the gulf with the best views in town. We had a private table overlooking the water, and a live band played softly to the side.

  I shrugged. “Well, technically AJ did, but…”

  “But you told him to. You had them close this entire restaurant just for us.”

  I kissed her hand. “Yes. I did. I wanted us to enjoy ourselves tonight before we head out tomorrow. And I wanted to thank you for always being there for me.” It still amazed me what a little notoriety—and money—could get you with people.

  She smiled. “You’re always there for me, too, Tanner. That’s what f—” She broke off, realizing what she was about to say.

  Please don’t put me in the friend zone again, I begged her. Not after what happened earlier.

  The band started a new song, and I pulled her with me, stopping her from continuing. “Come on. Let’s dance before our first course comes out.”

  “First course? Wow. How much food are we eating? I may not fit into this dress by the end of dinner.”

  I inwardly groaned, the thought of her losing that dress conjuring up all sorts of images in my head. None if you let me eat you, I thought as she wrapped her arms around my neck. We swayed together to the music, and all I could think about were the three words that wanted to burst out of my mouth.

  Slow your roll, Tanner.

  “Mackenzie, you’re so unbelievably beautiful, inside and out.” I could see the question in her eyes. She knew I was different tonight. She didn’t realize how much. I lifted her hand and kissed it. “I know the next few days are going to be difficult, so I wanted us to be here together tonight. Just us.”

  She nodded. “You don’t have to pretend with me, Tan. I know you’re stressed and worried about going to Tennessee. I would be worried if you weren’t. But we’re in this together, okay?”

  I cleared my throat. “That’s the thing, Mac.” Worry flashed across her features, and I wanted to tell her she had nothing to worry about. “We are in this together. And I that’s exactly what I want. Us. Together.”

  She bit her lip as she processed my words. I saw the hope spark to life in her expression, and I wanted to scream that yes, that’s exactly what I meant.

  “We are together,” she said. Her voice wavered, and I wondered what was going through her head. I had to spell it out.

  “I want us to be together, Mackenzie.” I reached my fingertips out to her face and traced her eyebrow, then down her cheek to her lips.

  “W-what are you saying?” Mackenzie whispered.

  This was it. I felt like a fool for doing it this way, without really knowing how she felt. But ever since it hit me like a ton of bricks earlier today, I could barely hold it in without shouting it from the rooftops.

  She had to know.

  Right now.

  Even if her feelings weren’t the same.

  “Since the second I met you, you found your way into my heart. You’re everything to me, Mackenzie Shepard. I don’t want to live one second of my life without you in it. I don’t want to wake up in the morning ever again, and you aren’t there. I love you, Mac. I think I’ve loved you since the first moment I laid eyes on you.”

  Relief bloomed in my chest, and the tension escaped, leaving me feeling freer than I had in months. Years. Maybe ever.

  I fucking loved Mackenzie Shepard.

  My best friend in the universe.

  The love of my life.

  “You love me?” She stared at me like I was about to sprout wings and fly away.

  The band started a new song, but we stood still, wrapped in each other’s arms.

  “I love you,” I repeated. “I love you so much it physically hurts me to be without you.”

  “But—” She shook her head, a million different expressions passing over her face as she tried to process my confession. Finally, she grinned. “Did you tell me you love me? Twice?”

  “I did. And I’ll tell you a thousand more times if it’ll make you believe it. I don’t expect you to—”

  “Tanner. Oh, my God. I can’t believe this is happening. Are you sure I’m not dreaming?”

  I dipped my face down to hers, both of our bodies still pressed together from top to bottom. “If you’re dreaming,” I said against her lips. “Then I am, too. Let’s not wake up, okay?”

  Just before I kissed her, I felt her lips move against mine. “I love you, Tanner.” I kissed her softly and then pulled back so I could look into the eyes of the woman I loved. “I love you,” she repeated.

  Holy mother of God.

  She loved me back.

  * * *

  “Mac.” The entire ride back to my house from the restaurant we spent wrapped in each other’s arms. We were about ten minutes away, and I swore I would blow in my pants if we didn’t slow this down.

  We spent our entire dinner feeding each other, kissing, and enjoying the revelation that we were no longer hiding our feelings from each other. She admitted to knowing she wanted
more with me for a long time but needing to take care of her leftover issues from Andrew, and I admitted how many times I pretended to have sex with groupies to keep my feelings for her locked away.

  “Tanner.”

  “I want you to know something.”

  The darkness of the car almost made me forget AJ was there, but what I had to say wasn’t for his ears. I leaned closer and put my lips against her ear. “When we get back to my house?” She nodded. I caressed her arm, my thumb barely grazing the swell of her breast. “I’ve wanted you for a long time. I’ve fantasized about what it would be like to be inside you. So if you aren’t in that place yet, I need to know. Because then I’m going to have to go into the bathroom for a long time and I don’t want to be a bad boyfriend.”

  She turned to me in the moonlight. Mac leaned over to my ear, and I swore my heart stopped in anticipation. “I want it all,” she whispered.

  My eyes rolled back in my head with desire, and I could no longer stop my hand from sliding up her leg. She gasped as I touched her inner thigh, my fingers caressing her soft skin. Her gaze never leaving mine, she reached her hand over and rubbed my dick on the outside of my pants. Her fingers curled around my length, and I swore I almost lost my mind right then and there.

  Much too soon (or was it thank God we were finally here?), AJ pulled into my driveway. I opened the door and helped Mac out, thankful it was dark so no one would see the size of my wood. Her soft touches for the last five minutes, coupled with my fingers teasing the edge of her lace underwear, and I was close to exploding.

  “See you bright and early,” AJ called out behind us. “Will you both be here?”

  Mac nodded, and I wanted to yell in triumph. “Yes. Pick us up here. We’ll grab Mac’s suitcase on the way to the airport.” He put the window back up and waited for us to get into the house.

  I slammed the door behind us with such force the windows rattled. Mac bent to take her shoes off, but I stopped her. “Keep those on if you don’t mind.”

  I wanted to be demanding. I usually told women what I wanted, and they did it. I didn’t want to be that way with her, for several reasons.

  Mac smiled and straightened back up.

  “You got it, Mr. Hart.”

  I lifted her, and she squealed. I wanted her right here in the doorway, but I wouldn’t treat her like any other woman.

  She was my woman. And I would have her in my bed. I would worship her body.

  “I want to be gentle, but I’m not sure I can be. I’ve wanted this for so long…”

  In response, Mac lowered her head and began kissing my neck like I did to her hours before. I felt her tongue against my skin, and it was all I could do to make it to the bedroom.

  After what seemed like an eternity, I sat her on the edge of my bed. It wasn’t the first time she’d been there, of course, but this was a first for us.

  We loved each other.

  She was mine.

  And I was about to fulfill my every fantasy and be inside her.

  “I want you to know,” I said as I reached behind her and unzipped the dress that kept her body from me. “That I’m clean. I know you think I…”

  “I trust you.” Those three words were almost as good as the other three words.

  Words failed us both as she stood and the dress pooled at her feet. I knew she was beautiful. In the weeks I slept in the same bed as her, I had small glimpses of what her body looked like.

  Nothing prepared me for seeing her in front of me in a lace bra and matching panties. She stepped closer to me and worked the knot in my tie, throwing it to the side without breaking eye contact. Mac then worked on the buttons of my dress shirt. Before long, my chest was bare, and her hands moved to my belt and button on my pants.

  I stepped out of my pants and hauled her into my arms.

  “This isn’t just sex; you know that right?” I felt her body tremble slightly at my touch.

  Mac nodded.

  “No. I need you to believe me. I know what my reputation is…”

  Mac put her finger over my lips, silencing me. “Stop. You aren’t that person anymore. I know. I see the difference. I feel the difference.”

  My heart swelled so much I swore it would burst. “I love you, Mackenzie.”

  “And I love you. Now show me.”

  I reached my hands around her back and unclasped her bra. She let it drop to the floor, and I immediately touched her, reveling in the soft skin of her full breasts. Her nipples peaked at my touch. This was much different than the night I met her, the first time I saw her without clothes.

  Mac reached for me, her hands making quick work of my boxer briefs. The second her hand closed around my shaft, I groaned.

  I lay her back on my bed, caging myself over her. I kissed her waiting lips, then moved down her neck to her succulent breasts. She writhed under my touch, her hand still moving firmly over my dick.

  I propped myself on one arm and moved my other down her body to her lace thong. I slid it down her slim hips with one hand. It caught on the heel she still wore, and I didn’t bother removing it. I had much better things to do with my time.

  Her legs fell open in anticipation, and I groaned again. She didn’t realize what she did to me. I pumped into her hand, wanting it all at once. My mouth found her breast again as my fingers skated over her sensitive folds.

  “Tanner.” My name was a groan from her lips, and it made me harder than I already was. I inserted one finger, the feel of her almost sending me into a teenage-like orgasm. She moaned again, her eyes closed.

  “Look at me, please.” She did as I asked. I added another finger, and Mac bit her lip as I watched her expression change. “I love you.”

  “I love you,” she echoed. “Tanner, please. I need it. Now.”

  I wanted to do everything, but we would have all the time in the world for that. Right now my girl wanted me, and I wasn’t about to deny her.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Mackenzie

  In my whole life, Andrew was my only sexual partner. I hated that I thought of that while Tanner touched me, but it was only because the difference between them was so staggering.

  Andrew never cared what I wanted. He didn’t care if I was ready, if I finished, or anything in between. He never made me feel like he was worshiping me. He never told me I was beautiful or that I turned him on. He never acted like he couldn’t wait to get me alone so he could do everything he thought about for days.

  I couldn’t remember the last time he went down on me or touched me there with his fingers. He would want me to suck him until he was ready to blow and then he’d fuck me.

  That’s all it ever was. Fucking.

  He didn’t love me. He only used me.

  I saw the difference. I felt the difference.

  The second I told Tanner I wanted him, he stopped what he was doing. Despite how great his fingers felt inside me, I needed him to show me what the rest of this was like.

  I loved Tanner Hart.

  Best of all, he loved me. He told me first. He set up a whole romantic evening to admit his feelings.

  “Anything you don’t like?” Tanner hovered over me, and I couldn’t stop but stare at his impressive body. He made me squirm just looking at me. My gaze landed on the size of his…wow. Well-endowed didn’t describe him. Blessed would be more like it.

  “I want it all,” I whispered.

  A look so feral crossed his face that I almost had to shut my eyes against the ferociousness of it. “Oh, Mac. I can’t wait to be inside you.” He pulled my legs apart more and stared at me so long I felt uncomfortable. “You’re so wet for me, baby.” He stroked himself, and I watched, mesmerized. “Do you know how many times I took myself in my hand, picturing this moment right here?”

  I blushed, feeling myself getting redder and redder at his admission. I knew the man was sexual…but holy shit. “You did?”

  “So. Many. Times.” He let go of his dick and leaned over me. “But tonight, I get to feel wh
at it’s like to be inside the woman I love for the first time.” He put his tip at my entrance, and I moaned. The anticipation was enough to kill me.

  “I want you bare,” he growled. “Any issue with that?”

  “I-I’m on the pill.”

  “No more talking then.” Tanner grabbed my lips in a fierce kiss. At the same time, he pushed inside me, and I swore my entire body combusted. He filled me to the hilt and stopped, both of us breathing into each other’s mouths at the feeling of finally doing this.

  He withdrew slightly and pushed back in. Tanner let go of my lips and sat up. “I have to watch. I feel that I’m inside you, but I can’t help but wonder if this is real.”

  The expression on his face as he pulled out and pushed himself back inside me made me tighten around him. “Oh, baby. Yes.” He pulled my hips, so we were closer to the edge of the bed. Using one hand, he rubbed my clit while he pulsed in and out. “So fucking sweet. I knew you would be.”

  “Harder, Tanner. Harder.”

  He gripped my hip with one hand and continued his ministrations with the other. He did what I asked and pounded me harder. The only thing keeping me in place was his hand on my hip. It never felt like this before. This was an out of body experience, being with Tanner. The way he touched me, it was like he got pleasure from my pleasure.

  I squeezed my breasts together, feeling brave from the way Tanner made love. When he let out a string of curses, I locked my gaze with his.

  “So fucking sexy. I love every part of your body. I can’t wait to do this again, and again, and again.”

  He picked up the pace even more, finally leaning over me. I wrapped my legs around him as the sounds of our lovemaking echoed throughout the room.

  I felt the unfamiliar feeling of an orgasm building. “Tanner.” I couldn’t stop the sensation, not that I wanted to. He must’ve felt it, either that or he chased his release because the rhythm was so fast, so intense I swore my head floated above my body.

  I cried out as I convulsed around him, the orgasm so powerful it continued long after I thought it would be over. He slowed as we both came down. Finally, he shifted us, so we lay on our sides facing each other. He was still inside me, but he began gently stroking the side of my face.