Hartstrings: A Jaded Regret Novel (Jaded Regret Series Book 3)

by L. L. Collins

  “Are you okay?” One tear slid its way down my cheek. “Mac?”

  “I’m more than okay, Tanner. Thank you. For everything.”

  He breathed out. “God, baby. You scared me. I never want to hurt you. I never want you to feel like you can’t tell me you don’t like something or not to do something. Okay?”

  I nodded. “That was the most amazing thing I’ve felt in my entire life. These are happy tears. Very happy.”

  He rolled onto his back and pulled me, so I lay on his chest. “Is it too much if I tell you I love you again?”

  “No. Every time you say it I wonder if it’s for real.”

  Tanner laughed. “Mackenzie, it’s beyond real.” He snaked his hands down my back and cupped my ass. I felt him growing again. “There’s something you should know about me.”

  I lifted my eyebrow.

  “I have quite a sex drive. I can go back to back.”

  Talking ceased to exist after that.

  * * *

  It was late. Or early. Whatever you wanted to say, but I couldn’t sleep. It sure as hell wasn’t because I wasn’t tired. My body was exhausted. When Tanner said he had a lot of stamina, he wasn’t lying. The man was talented.

  I put my fingers to my lips, the hours of kissing made them feel raw. I fought a squeal. This happened. Tanner and I were together. Memories of the way he put his mouth on me and sent me over the edge not once, not twice, but three times…I still couldn’t believe it. I successfully tamed the bad boy of rock.

  Not that he ever really was that. It was something that worked for him to keep the truth of who he was from being exposed.

  Today we headed to Tennessee. Our alarms would go off very soon. I shifted so I could see Tanner’s face, so serene in sleep. His lips parted as he breathed and he was turned toward me like he always was.

  We shared a bed many times, but never like this. While we blurred the lines of friendship for quite a long time, never did I think we would be here like this.

  A trickle of fear snaked down my spine as Andrew’s threat came to mind. He always told me he would ruin my dad and me if I ever left him. I knew he wouldn’t hesitate to come after Tanner, too.

  He was too quiet.

  It unnerved me.

  I knew what he did on the side, even if I wasn’t sure a hundred percent on the details. There was no way he would let me press charges against him and not try something. Never mind the fact that he was the moron who broke into a Jaded Regret show and drugged their bodyguard. I had nothing to do with those charges, but I was sure he would blame me for them, too.

  What was he waiting for?

  Don’t go there, Mackenzie. Tanner won’t let anything happen to you.

  I shivered and moved closer to Tanner. I needed to feel his strength, even if he was asleep.

  Tanner wrapped his arm around me as I rested my head on his chest. “Hey, beautiful. You’re awake?”

  “I couldn’t sleep. Sorry for waking you up. I needed to be close to you.”

  “Don’t be sorry. You waking me up is the best alarm, anyway. Something keeping you from sleeping?”

  “I’m worried about Andrew.” It was better to admit it than to let it continue eating at me. Plus, Tanner was my friend first and he’d already seen me at my worst.

  “Why?”

  “I can’t believe he’s going to let this go so easily. I had him arrested, Tanner. I put him in jail, even if it was just for the night. I have a protective order against him. As far as he’s concerned, I might as well have killed him. His reputation is everything.”

  Tanner shifted, and I rolled over so I could see his face. “Maybe he realizes it’s futile to try.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t think so. I think he’s biding his time, making a plan. I wouldn’t count Andrew out, Tanner. And that scares me. What if it isn’t my dad he comes after? What if it’s you?”

  “He can try all he wants,” Tanner said. “He’s not getting to me. Or you.” He pulled me to him and kissed me firmly. “I promise, Mac. I will kill him if he ever gets close enough to either of us. Plus, he would have to get past the guys first. And you and I both know Andrew is no match for them.”

  I nodded, even if I didn’t completely agree. He didn’t know Andrew the way I did. Plus, Andrew already did get past the guys once, somehow overpowering AJ. I didn’t feel like bringing that up, so I stayed quiet.

  Muscle and brawn didn’t make up for guns. And though I knew Jaded Regret security packed heat, I had the feeling next time Andrew would come much better prepared.

  “Hey.” Tanner rolled us, so he was over me. “No worrying. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

  “Now, let’s stop talking. We only have an hour until we have to get ready to go to the airport.” Tanner rolled over and pulled me up with him. “I want to take a shower. Let’s get filthy and then let me clean you up.”

  * * *

  “Reece Carothers, this is Tanner Hart.” Tanner and Reece shook hands, and we all sat around the small table in our hotel room. We arrived a few hours ago and thought it best to get right to work. I called Reece from the airplane and set up the meeting. We were in Tanner’s hometown, and I knew he was on edge. I couldn’t blame him for that.

  “Nice to meet you, Mr. Hart.”

  Tanner nodded. “Likewise. You and Mac went to school together?”

  “Yes. So Mackenzie filled me in on what happened with your sister and the information she got from your father in prison.” He shuffled some papers. “I’m not sure if the police will find any remains from that long ago. There have been cases of people found inside submerged cars after that long, but not necessarily on their own. They’ll more than likely need a confession from your father to pursue further charges.”

  Tanner’s brow wrinkled in confusion. “Though he admitted it to me, it’s essentially my word against his,” I explained.

  “But you said someone else was in the room.”

  I nodded. “Yes. I’m not sure he heard, though. If they record the visitation rooms, though, we may have it that way. We’re still not sure it would be admissible.”

  Tanner groaned. “I want to find my sister. I want him to die for what he did. How do we make those things happen?”

  “We hope we can find something in the lake, and that he will feel like admitting it again.”

  “So we may be here for nothing.”

  “Tanner.” I laid my hand on his arm. “We’re not here for nothing.”

  He nodded his head. “You’re right. I’m sorry. It’s so frustrating.”

  Reece held up his hand. “I get it. You want answers. You’ve waited a long time for closure on this. I know one of the sergeants on the force here really well. We do a lot of work together. I called him before I got here and told him what I knew. I sent him all the information I had on Tracey and your father. He’s going to try to get permission to open the case back up and get a dive team together to see what they can find at the lake. He remembered the case. He said he just started on the force when Tracey disappeared. He was sick to hear what your father admitted to doing.”

  “I appreciate your help. Please let me know the second anything happens.” Tanner stood, and we followed. He and Reece shook hands again, and I opened the door to let him out.

  “I’ll be in touch soon,” Reece said to me.

  “Thanks for everything. It’s good to see you again.”

  He smiled. “You too. I’m glad to hear you got away from Andrew. That guy was an asshole. Tanner seems like a good guy.” Everyone knew that Andrew was an asshole all these years. Despite the amount of times I defended him, they still knew.

  I looked at the man I loved. “He’s the best.”

  * * *

  There were two things that kept Tanner’s mind occupied. One was when he played his guitar. The other was sex.

  The bonus for me was, I loved watching him play, and I loved sex with him.

  I knew he used both to distract himself from how he felt
about being back home, though.

  “I’m worried about him,” I said to Natalie. The band tuned their instruments, ready to practice. We hadn’t heard from Reece since we met with him yesterday.

  “I know you are. We all are.”

  “He’s not talking to me about what it feels like to be back here after he swore he would never come back. He never shuts me out.”

  “He’s probably overwhelmed with everything. I’m sure you could find a way to loosen him up.”

  We exchanged glances and then laughed. “I hope there’s some closure for him here, though.”

  “Yeah, me too. I would’ve never guessed in a million years that Tanner had anything but a perfect childhood and upbringing. He shocked the hell out of me.”

  “I’m glad he finally talked to you guys.”

  Natalie bumped me. “I hear I’ve lost my roomie.”

  I blushed. “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry. I’m so happy for both of you. I can’t believe Tanner is in love. I never thought I’d see the day.”

  “I still can’t believe it,” I admitted. I caught Tanner watching us. He winked at me before he turned back to his guitar. I sighed, the sight of him up there making my heart squeeze.

  “You guys are so cute. It makes me want to throw up.” She winked at me. “Now I’m the last one. Damn that sucks.”

  I didn’t get why Natalie was single. The woman was model gorgeous and was one of the nicest people I ever met. “Why are you single?”

  Natalie shrugged. “This lifestyle doesn’t do well with relationships.” I lifted my eyebrow at her, and she laughed. “Okay, okay. So all of them have found love, and here I am, the poor single girl.”

  “You’re gorgeous and a total sweetheart. Everyone knows you as the backbone of Jaded Regret. So what’s the deal? Are you too picky or something?”

  Natalie’s phone dinged, and she glanced down for a few seconds and smiled. She pressed a few buttons and then turned back to me. “What?”

  “Uh oh. Maybe Natalie is hiding a secret crush?”

  She flushed. “What? What are you talking about?”

  I indicated her phone. “Who was that? You seemed awful happy to be texting whoever it was.”

  She shook her head and laughed. “I was talking to Kai.”

  I knew Kai was their new rep at the label, replacing Allan as of a few months ago when they were in New York. “You didn’t meet him while you were up there, did you?”

  “No. He was in LA with some clients. We talked to him on the phone.”

  I studied her. I felt like I missed something important. “So you guys text?”

  She eyed me. “Put away your crazy matchmaking schemes and ideas. Kai works for the label. He helped me put all of this together. I’m the manager. We have to talk to each other.”

  “How old is Kai?”

  “Mac. Seriously.”

  “Natalie. Seriously. How old is Kai?”

  “I didn’t ask him.”

  “Older or younger than Allan?” I got a vibe about him from her, and I intended to find out the dirt.

  “You aren’t going to let this go, are you?”

  “Nope.”

  “He’s younger. Not much older than me, I think.”

  “Is he hot?”

  Natalie laughed. “Mackenzie. I’ve never met him, remember?”

  “Isn’t his picture on their website?” I picked up my phone to look when Bex called a water break. Tanner wandered to the edge of the stage so I put my phone in my lap.

  “Control your girlfriend,” Natalie teased. “She won’t leave me alone down here, trying to marry me off.” My heart swelled. I loved being called Tanner Hart’s girlfriend.

  Tanner took a swig of his water, his gaze focused on me. “I can give you something to do during my water break.”

  Natalie groaned. “There’s too much sexual tension in this room. I’m out.” She stood and walked backstage. Tanner dropped down to where I sat and grabbed my face.

  “I fucking love you being right here, watching me.” Tanner kissed me, and I opened my mouth, inviting him in. I gripped his shirt as he intensified the kiss. He was slightly sweaty and one hundred percent sexy. After Johnny started doing cat calls, he pulled back and kissed my forehead. “Have I told you I love you today?”

  I smiled up at him. “I love you too, Tanner Hart. And I love being here, watching you do what you love.”

  “Any news from Reece today?”

  I shook my head. “No. If I don’t hear from him by the end of your rehearsal, I’ll call him.”

  “I want to find her before our show,” Tanner said. “I can’t leave here without knowing for sure…”

  “I know. I’ll do everything I can to make sure that happens.”

  As he walked away from me and jumped back onto the stage, I hoped I could follow through on that.

  * * *

  AJ pulled up to the lake and put the SUV in park. Tanner’s hand was tucked tightly into mine. He hadn’t said much in the thirty minutes it took us to get out here, but I understood. Sometimes silence was the only way to process through all your thoughts.

  He glanced out the window at the water lapping the shore. People walked, jogged, and played around the water’s edge. It was a regular day for everyone else. They went about their business, not knowing that someone’s sister was buried in a watery grave. Or that his mother lost her life here, also.

  I leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek. He turned his face toward me, and we kissed softly, nothing more than our lips connecting in silent support. Finally, Tanner turned and opened the door. I followed him out, and AJ stepped behind us. At his request, the rest of the band stayed back today. In the last few days, Tanner dealt with a lot.

  A detective went to visit Thomas Hartwell in prison two days ago. Tanner wasn’t able to stomach going, and I didn’t blame him. Thomas scared me, and he wasn’t my father. Thomas admitted to them what he did, and they planned to bring him up on formal charges. During the interview, he explained without any emotion what he did to his daughter and the whereabouts of her body. Once we found out he did admit it, Tanner’s focus turned to getting justice for Tracey. I knew he was barely hanging on, so I stuck to his side every second. Our lovemaking was slow and passionate, and Tanner spent most waking moments with his hand in mine. If I helped him in any way through the worst time of his life, it was the least I could do. After all, he did the same for me at the lowest point of mine.

  Reece’s sergeant friend had a small dive team meeting us today. They volunteered their time to help Tanner get closure. According to them, there wasn’t much hope of finding anything with the size of this lake and the number of years she was down there somewhere.

  The police cleared an area at the edge of the lake and taped it off. They huddled there as we approached, some of them in dive gear and some in regular uniform. Jaded Regret security was there too. Media knew the band was here in Tennessee, but no one caught wind yet of exactly why. They knew, of course, that they were holding a benefit concert, but that was nothing new. Bex loved finding charities to support.

  For Tanner’s sake, they tried to keep a lid on it. I hoped it worked.

  Tanner shook the men’s hands, thanking them for doing this for him. They exchanged a few pleasantries, and then they explained what they were going to do.

  “I’m going to be honest that we aren’t expecting to find anything. You need to be prepared for that. Twelve years is a long time.” Reece’s friend Jason said to Tanner.

  “I appreciate you trying. I know it’s a long shot. I can’t think of her being there forever, and no one tries to find her.”

  “If it were my sister I would think the same,” Jason agreed. “We’re concentrating on this area here, but we know that over time the remains could’ve moved. You know it’s impossible to search it all. It’s over two hundred square miles of water. But we’re going to do our best to get you some closure here.”

  We watched in silenc
e as the men walked toward the water. A small crowd gathered outside the police tape, but so far it didn’t seem to be because they recognized Tanner. He wore a baseball cap, jeans, and a T-shirt, so he seemed like any other guy standing here.

  Tanner stepped forward to follow them to the edge, so I followed. We watched in silence as several of them dropped into the water.

  “This is where both my mom and sister died.” Tanner’s voice sounded so lost, so sad it made my heart clutch. “At the hands of the person who was supposed to love them.”

  I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head on his chest. The thump-thump of his heart echoed in my ear. “It’s not fair.”

  I felt his lips on my head, and I smiled. “If something would’ve happened to you too, Mac…” He trailed off.

  “Nothing happened to me. I’m right here, where I’ll always be.”

  “He could’ve killed you.” I knew Tanner meant Andrew, and I nodded.

  “I know. But he can’t hurt me anymore.”

  “They’re together,” Tanner said. “My mom and sister have been together for a long time, and I didn’t know.”

  He leaned over and rested his cheek on my head. We stood in silence for several minutes until I felt Tanner’s body shudder. I squeezed my arms around him and stroked his back, encouraging him without words to let it out.

  Tanner was strong. Too strong. It was about time he allowed himself to feel the enormity of what he went through. What he continued to go through.

  But his heaving chest and sniffling made me fight to keep my composure. I hadn’t seen him cry before. I knew it took a lot for him to let anyone see him be weak.

  “I love you, Tanner.” It was the only thing I could think of to say.

  “Mac.” His voice cracked, and I lifted my face so he could not just feel my support, but see it, too. His eyes were red, and a steady stream of tears fell from them. I reached up to wipe away one of them and he captured my hand. He kissed it, then stepped back and sat down on the edge of the lake. I followed, and he put his arm around my shoulders. He still sniffled, but the steady stream was gone.