The Winter of Regrets

by Needa Warrant

  “Sure did, and I gotta warn you, Kima has peacocks now.” He choked with laughter at the expression on V’s face. “They’re going to guard her against Jo and Katri.”

  “Fucking peacocks?? Where did she get them from, and why would she want them?” Veiko’s day was spiraling downward again.

  John tried to smother his laugh. “Peacocks will keep people off your property. Great guard birds, too. Jack says you’re the proud owner of twelve of them. For God’s sake, don’t try to pick one up, they’ll rip you apart. Kima’s always wanted a few. Never could have them here; they screech and shit too much. She had ducks as a kid. My daughter loves all animals, so you better get used to it.”

  V rocked back in his chair and looked at the two men as if they were crazy. “I’m supposed to like having birds that shit and screech? Has she lost her mind, too?”

  John offered him a cigarette. “Actually, it’s a great idea. Nobody will get on the farm and Jo is scared of them. Kima knew damn well what she was doing. Jean’s upstairs, mad at me. I told her it was time to end the bullshit. I won’t have her putting Jo over Kima anymore. She has three daughters and a daughter-in-law, and all are to be treated equally. I told her to plan the wedding and mind her own business. If I have to speak to Jo—and Jean knows I will—it won’t be pretty.” He ran his hand through his black hair that was just starting to go silver at the temples. “Jean had a miscarriage before she had Kima. She’s replaced Jo with losing that baby. Kima is our baby, though, and Jo’s tearing the family apart with this nonsense. Either she gets help or Nailz steps in and handles her bullshit. Jean is not going to keep pampering her. She has a wedding coming up and I’m tired of hearing about Jo.” He looked up. “Get a lot done today?”

  Veiko shook his head no. “I got nothing done,” he said tiredly. “I know the work is being done, but I had to deal with Kima and Jo, then Nailz and Thrash. I came here to speak with Jean, but maybe I don’t have to.” He sounded hopeful.

  “Jack and I took care of it,” John answered. “My wife’s pouting, but she understands we’re all concerned about Jo. However, Jo is not ripping my family apart. She was supposed to be a part of it, not the ruination of it. When my three children all agree on something, I know it’s serious. None of them are happy, which makes me unhappy.” His lips tightened and he lit a cigarette. “If I’m unhappy, then everyone suffers. My wife knows this. She should be happy planning Jack and Deidra’s wedding. Maybe you have some idea of how we ought to entertain this Whiskey fellow?”

  Veiko squared his shoulders. “We’ll handle that part. You wouldn’t want to take that on.” Jack and V laughed quietly as John watched his cigarette smoke swirl up into the air.

  “Good, I was counting on that,” he said. “Why don’t you and Jack grab some lunch? There’s cold-cuts in the fridge and I’ll see if I can coax my wife downstairs.” John stood up and left Jack and V to make themselves lunch.

  Thrash drove right past Elena’s house on his way to Jersey and Joy’s house. He knew she and Joy were riding but he didn’t glance their way as he drove in nor as he got out of his truck. Jersey met him at the door and held it open for him. Thrash looked at the mess inside. Jersey was taking the kitchen apart.

  “What a fucking mess. Joy knows you’re ripping her kitchen up, Jerz?” He looked around for a place to sit.

  “It was her idea—and about time! What brings you my way? Nailz isn’t here if you’re looking for him.”

  “We’re all good,” he said. “Got that straightened out earlier today. I’m helping Nailz fix up a cabin for his office. I wanted to ask you for some advice, being the club charmer an’ all, but you seem busy.”

  “Elena advice? Stop looking around like I don’t have a clue what I’m doing,” he added with a smirk. “I know how to remodel and I’ve got Thorn coming to help me later.”

  Thrash was glad Thorn would be helping Jersey. “Shit, that reminds me, I’ve got a letter for him from Hunter. Any advice for me?”

  “I’d advise you to let Elena have some time to cool off,” he answered seriously. “She seems in a better mood since she heard about the shit fight with Kima and Jo. I always thought all of those chicks were so tight except for Jo, but I guess they aren’t. Or else she screwed that up. All of them love horses except her. I figured she and Joy were kinda tight because they lived together briefly, but nope. I sorta feel bad for Jo, though I won’t tell my ol’ lady that.”

  “I’m staying out of the whole fucking mess. So your advice is to leave Elena alone for a while?” It was not the advice he wanted to hear.

  “Dance with her at Jack and Dee’s wedding, then give her space and act like you’ve moved on,” he suggested tiredly. “I can’t think of anything else bro, I’m sorry.”

  Jersey did have a plan, and that was to give Hunter’s letter to Elena, but he wasn’t going to tell Thrash that. It wouldn’t happen until after the wedding, anyway.

  Thrash looked disgusted. “Tell Thorn I’ll be in touch soon. Tell him I have the letter and I think it’s time he read it.” He looked around the house again before heading for the door. “Later, bro. Try not to hurt yourself.”

  He left exactly as he had come, driving straight out without even glancing at Elena. He hated feeling like this when all he wanted to do was hold her in his arms.

  Thrash had waited days for Thorn to come and see him. Finally, he headed over to Jersey’s house to hand him Hunter’s letter. Again, he avoided looking over at Elena’s and she had not tried to contact him. He was hanging out with Nailz fixing that cabin up and trying to help him sort through the issues Jo was having. He tried to be kind to her when he saw her, but Jo didn’t say much. Either she was quiet or she was staring at the peacocks that proudly walked all around Kima’s farm with a frown on her face. She had made him and Nailz put up a cattle fence to make sure those—as she called them, damned birds—didn’t get near her house. Thrash thought they were beautiful and majestic, strutting around proudly. He had wisely kept his opinion to himself.

  Thorn’s truck was pulled up beside Jersey’s. The air was nippy, but the sun was out and he smelled wood burning. Jersey and Thorn were out by the burn pit getting rid of the ripped-out wood from the kitchen. Both were feeding the fire gleefully and Thrash thought of them as pyromaniacs. Thorn had always loved fire. As a boy, he’d been in charge of making sure there had always been plenty of wood at Hunter’s parties. He loved the bonfires on the last day of the party on the beach. He fingered the envelope in his pocket, praying it was the right time to give him the letter. Thrash had planned to hold it for a while, but with Thorn in Nefarious MC, he wanted to give it to him now. He noticed Jersey and Thorn watching him as he made his way to them.

  Jersey knew why he was there and made his way to the house leaving Thrash facing Thorn.

  “Did Jersey tell you I have a letter for you, bro?”

  Thorn kicked some wood into the fire. “Yeah, he did. I wasn’t ready to read it yet.”

  “You want to read it or have me hold on to it? I ain’t putting pressure on you to read it, Thorn. Your dad told me to give it to you at the right time and I figured this was it.” Thrash explained as best as he could.

  Thorn looked pained. “Hunter and those damn letters. Elena’s upset she didn’t get one. I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. Thrash, could you stick around? I don’t think I want to be alone when I read it.” He held out his hand for the letter. Thrash pulled it out of his pocket. They both moved to the picnic table and sat across from each other on the benches.

  Pulling off his work gloves, Thorn looked at the letter laying on the table for a few minutes. Finally, he ripped it open, taking care to save as much of the envelope as he could. Thrash turned away, looking off at the horse pastures to give Thorn some privacy.

  With a deep sigh, Thorn unfolded the letter, looking at his father’s handwriting. He began to read the letter.

  Son,

  If you’re reading this there’s been a change in your life. N
ot sure what it is but change is good as long as you haven’t fucked up big time. I knew there could be trouble ahead for you. I might have fucked some shit up. If I did, I’m sorry for that. I talked a lot with Jack and I know he was going to push you toward Darko and Nefarious. I wasn’t in Bound for Hell long enough to tell you that you should stay there. I’ve been friends with many bros in that club for so many years…. It was natural for me when my club was going down to go there. I’ve got so much respect for Darko though. He is a man that I found gets shit done. Not that I am saying my bros don’t. If you went that way, I’ve got no problem with it, you’ve got to live your life as you choose. You did me proud son. I didn’t tell you that enough while you were growing up so this letter will have to do. I’m always going to regret shit. I should have done so much more for you. I could have bought you cars like Jack had. I had the money. I wanted you to stand on your own two feet and earn what you have. Our way was to earn things fair and square. Not living fancy and to keep the Lodge going. I hope to God you’re doing that for your children that will come or have come. If you decide you don’t want the Lodge, I guess I can’t stop you from selling it. Or building on it. I hope I know you well enough to believe you’ll never do that. I hope you’re happy and I hope you take care of Tears and Elena and your little sister. I wish so much I was there with you all. Doing the right things in life are never easy. If you’ve fucked up, right the wrong. Living your life, the right way—even if we don’t live the way others think we should, being bikers and all—your mistakes don’t get fixed right away just because you decide to fix them. Am I making sense here? Look Thorn, fixing a right won’t come overnight. It takes time and effort. You don’t get to see results right away. Just keep on doing the right things and you will see results. If Nailz is being his usual asshole self about shit, go to Nefarious ASAP. Darko would grab you right up. He’d be crazy not to. If you don’t wanna be a biker, nobody says you have to be. Just be a good man and know that if I can, I’m there with you, son, always.

  Love, Dad

  Thorn sat there and finally folded the letter. He noticed Thrash staring off at the horses.

  “Would you read this and tell me what you think?” he asked him, holding the letter to him from across the table.

  Thrash stared at it. “You … sure you want me to read this?”

  Thorn looked so young and confused. “Yeah. Maybe you can tell me what my dad was telling me. I think I get it but I’m not sure. His writing is kinda off—must’ve been on painkillers. I fucking hope no more of these letters pop up. I loved Hunter, but I’ve got to learn my own way in life. Fucking letter creeped me out.”

  Thrash read the letter silently before handing it back to Thorn.

  “He’s telling you to live your life and don’t expect mistakes to be fixed overnight,” explained Thrash. “It will take time to see results … and he’s right. He gave you his feelings on jumping to Nefarious. Now I’m going to give you mine.” He turned to face him. “I knew when Jack and JJ went that way, it was the right thing to do. No way would I be in a club with that much family. Hell, Veiko drives me nuts at times.” He cracked his knuckles and went on. “We all expect that if we fuck up, then change, we’ll see immediate results. Hunter’s right, it doesn’t work that way. Hell, it can be years before you get on the right path and life gets better. It’s sound advice, Thorn. He told you to live your life as you want to live it.” He chuckled. “Of course he wants you to keep the Lodge and take care of everyone he loves; that’s how your dad was. He also gave you his blessing to go to Nefarious. You’re fine. You made that call and I don’t look on you as less than a brother for doing it. I might have been disappointed had you walked away from being in the life, because I know you love it.” He stood up and looked towards Elena’s house.

  Thorn watched him. “You love her, don’t you?”

  “Yeah, I do. But I’ve got to let her go for now.” He sighed. “Maybe she’ll come back to me. It fucking sucks, but I can’t push myself on her. It’s pushing her further away. I don’t know how much time she needs, but I’ll be waiting.” He held out his hand and gripped Thorn’s wrist. “Will you watch out for her and call me if anything happens I need to know about?”

  Thorn nodded. “Of course. I just wish she’d stop being so stubborn. Elena is trying to prove to herself she can make it on her own. You have to give her credit for that. She knows you’re in love with her. Maybe you need to get her jealous. Elena needs a wakeup call. You’ve got a tattoo shop crawling with chicks that would climb all over you, bro. Go back to work and let them. I bet Elena would flip and come to her senses.” He tilted his head and waited for a response.

  “Shit, I don’t have the time to play fucking games,” Thrash argued back. “If Elena wants me, she can call me or come and see me.”

  “Suit yourself.”

  Thrash sighed. “I promised Nailz I’d bring sandwiches back. Maybe I’ll go into the shop tonight. I’ve been itching to do some tats. Take care, and save that letter. May come a time you’ll need to reread it.” He let go of Thorn’s wrist and made his way over to where Jersey was waiting for him.

  Jerz seemed tensed with worry. “It’s all good?

  Thrash slapped Jersey on the back as he passed him. “Yeah. Go get your kitchen finished.”

  He left Jersey to wonder about the letter and figured Thorn would explain it. He wasn’t going to gossip; it’s Thorn’s place to talk about it if he wanted to. As he pulled out of the driveway, he saw Elena out of the corner of his eye. She waved, but he ignored her and left. He’d tried everything. She had to make the next move; he couldn’t keep trying to make her see how much he loved and needed her and Rhiannon.

  Elena wondered why Thrash hadn’t waved to her. Surely he’d seen her. Shit, she thought, he must be mad. She felt a bit sad about what she’d said to him. She even missed the damn man at times. He could be too bossy and she wanted to get over Hunter as much as possible before committing to Thrash, even though he didn’t get that.

  The truth was, she needed some time to herself.

  She turned Cool Chrome toward the barn and decided Kima was getting this horse. It had been promised to her and it would be one less horse to feed. Sugar needed company anyway. Veiko might have a fit, but Kima would talk him into it and she knew Cool would be a good way to get her riding and to stop thinking about Jo’s bullshit. It would piss Jo off too, which was a plus. Once Joy got home, they’d plan it out. Maybe she’d even ask Joy to watch Rhiannon one night soon and stop by Thrash’s new tattoo shop.

  It was time to talk to him and let him know she wasn’t mad at him.

  Dee was stressed out about the upcoming wedding and the fact that her dad was bringing too many people. For once in her life she wanted him to leave his damn club behind, and he couldn’t do that for her, nor would she even ask him. He didn’t have the common sense to see that and never would understand her. Jack said maybe he was showing off how proud he was of her but Dee wasn’t buying it. Whiskey was a handsome man and no doubt looking for a new ol’ lady. She crossed her fingers and hoped he wasn’t bringing a date. Lacy-Jane would probably know.

  She dialed her dad’s house hoping she would answer. “Hi,” she said the moment she heard Lacy-Jane’s voice. “I’m so glad you answered and not my dad. Do you know if my dad is bringing a woman with him for my wedding?” Dee held her breath.

  “Not that I know of,” she answered. “Of course he’s on the lookout for a new one, but so far, nothing serious. I’m packing to come early. Is the place ready for Shanna and me? I can’t stay here with Violet wanting this baby.” Lacy-Jane hesitated before she continued. “I want to get as much as I can out of here, and he said I can come early to help you. Were you able to get a crib or something for Shanna to sleep in? I don’t want Violet poking around and seeing I took this one.”

  “Yes, we got you a crib,” answered Dee, “and anything that Kima’s daughter outgrew. There’s a two-bedroom cottage for you. Oh, do you know where
Angie, Bebe, and Chrissie plan to stay?”

  “I haven’t heard anything, just that they’re on their way up. Maybe you could see if there’s another cottage for them? As far away from Violet as possible would be best for us all. I’ve got to run and get done here. Cousin, I’ll see you before noon tomorrow.” Lacy-Jane hung up, leaving Dee looking at the phone in her hand in a daze.

  Great, she thought, I have to ask for another favor and hope Kima doesn’t mind. She took a deep breath and dialed Kima’s house, pushing the phone back to her ear.

  “Hi, Kima, it’s Dee. I just got word that more of my family—well, extended family—is coming. Do you have another cottage for three?”

  “Yes, actually,” answered Kima. “I’ve moved my aunt into a cottage and now I have to see about renting out her house. It’s been hectic or I’d have come to see you. Are you doing okay?”

  “I’m not happy my dad’s bringing so many people and I’m worried it will be a nightmare. My cousin told me that Dusty’s sister Angie and her daughter are on their way up here from Florida along with Bebe, their step sister, but nobody’s supposed to know. They might want to rent a cottage for a while. Angie’s moving back here for good. I’d tell Dusty, but I promised not to, so please don’t tell her.”

  Kima didn’t say anything for a few seconds. “Do you think they’d want to rent the whole house and split the rent? It has furniture my aunt left behind and would be much bigger and nicer than the cottages. I’d give them a good deal.”

  Dee thought about it. “It sounds perfect but you’d have to ask them. I don’t know their plans. My concern is my sister and Lacy-Jane. She will be here by noon tomorrow so I’ll bring them over in the afternoon, if that’s okay?”

  Dee heard Kima laughing and wondered why.

  “Sorry,” she said when she recovered. “I was looking out the window and Jo is yelling at my peacocks. Did Jack tell you what happened between Jo and I?”