by Lark Maren
“Why do you always have to be like this?” Areal shrieked. “You wanted a better life for us, it’s right in front of your face. Why do you have to be so stubborn? Why can’t you just trust everything will be alright? It’s not like we’re downgrading.”
“It’s not that easy, Areal.” I walked towards the light shining through the window of the back door, carefully navigating through the rows of workout equipment, trying not to stub my toe.
“Why not?” Ella asked. “You know, I lost everything. I didn’t just fall to the ground and accept my fate of digging ditches for the rest of my life. I’m picking myself back up. There’s no stopping what I can do.”
“Poor Ella, got kicked to the ground one time, and she thinks she’s some expert in how to make it in the city. You didn’t lose everything. You have more money in handbags and jewelry than I’ve earned in my entire lifetime. You don’t think if you wanted to you could call up your dad’s thug tomorrow and disappear into some foreign country and live like a princess? You have built in privileges, Ella. You can’t just drag us along on your scatterbrained adventures and leave us in the dirt when you realize it’s not how life works. Wait til reality hits you. Wait til you keep getting kicked down over and over again. Then we can talk about uprooting my sister’s life on some pipe dream.”
I felt like we’d been down this road so many times before; I was getting tired of hearing my own voice.
“Just because you shout that bullshit over and over again, doesn’t mean it gets any truer. It’s almost like you enjoy being stuck in a rut. Who cares how many times we get kicked down? We have each other. We have the team. We have an opportunity here.”
I swung open the back door and squinted, trying to adjust my eyes to the harsh afternoon sunlight. The fresh air wasn’t helping me decompress. It wasn’t the building closing in around me; it was the entire city, the entire world. This wasn’t about me being tied down to a new life. This was about me being tied down to a great woman. A woman I loved. A woman I was certain I would fail, just as bad as I failed my sister all this time.
I sat down on the dusty steps, clutching my head in my hands. I don’t know when she sat down beside me, but her hand on my shoulder made me jump.
“It’s not you, Ella. Everything I touch turns to shit. Hell, if you hadn’t got tangled up with me, you’d be long gone by now and not even know the difference.”
“You think so?” she asked, pulling away. “You think you’re the only reason why I stuck around?”
I shrugged. If I hadn’t showed up at her house that night, she’d probably would’ve left without even saying goodbye. Disappeared into thin air.
“I’m kind of offended by that. I know you think I just let everyone manipulate me, but I’ve been waiting my whole life for a chance to just be myself, minus the bullshit of being Richard and Lisa Morgan’s daughter. I’m not going to let you just step in and replace them, Tonya.”
She had this goofy smirk on her face and she squeezed my knee with her manicured fingernails. “It’s not your responsibility to look after me. Anything dumb I do is on my own volition. Can you at least grant me that luxury?”
“What about Areal?” I asked. “She needs security.”
“I need to be treated like I’m not a burden, Tonya,” my sister’s voice quipped from behind my shoulder. “Let me do me.”
“You’ve had a rough life,” I said, the guilt of everything I’d put her through, everything my mother put her through, and most recently everything Aunt Mae had as well stinging me like a slap across the face. “You needed help, and I just gave you restrictions. I didn’t know what else to do.”
“You always kept me safe, sis,” she said, sitting down on the steps next to us. “You always knew best, even when I didn’t want to listen. I will work on my anger issues. I’m going to start talking to a therapist. And if I get into art school…” she said, trailing off.
“When you get into art school,” Ella reminded her.
“When I get into art school, I won’t have to worry about trying to prove to my classmates that I’m the toughest or the meanest so they’ll leave me alone. I can just let my work speak for itself.”
“So let me get this straight. Basically, both of you are saying you don’t really need me. You’ll be fine without me.”
“Exactly,” Areal said.
“Now, now,” Ella laughed, cutting her off. “We don’t need you to do everything for us. We don’t need you to spend all day every day worrying about our wellbeing. We don’t need you to beat yourself into the ground to put a roof over our heads. But we love you and we want to keep you around.” She giggled and wrapped her arm around me, resting her head on my shoulder. The way she casually peppered the L bomb into that sentence resonated with me. Maybe she was saying it as a friendly little thing, like ‘I love gyros,’ but in my heart, I felt more. Could there be love without need? Every relationship in my life had been transactional.
“We’ll be stronger if we stick together,” Ella said. “it’s not going to be easy. We’re a team now, though. You don’t have to be a hero for us. You do have to be a hero for all the little girls in the community who want to grow up and be athletes just like you.”
“Trust me, nobody wants to grow up and be just like me,” I said, laughing as I stroked her blonde curls. “All I got going for me is a mean tackle, an amazing girlfriend, and a sister who’s going to be a famous artist.”
“Isn’t that enough?” Ella asked. “I’d say that’s a pretty damn good life.”
“I’d say you’re right. Now I gotta go get ready for practice. You want me to take the kid with me?”
Areal rolled her eyes.
“As soon as the power gets turned on, we’re going to paint. I think the two of us will manage just fine.” I waved goodbye, and Ella walked me to my car, her fingers interlaced with mine.
“So, I’m your girlfriend now?” she said, slipping her hand in the back pocket of my jeans, pinching me until I laughed, that possessive little gesture that once would’ve repulsed me making me think instead about how adorable she is.
I shrugged and reached for the car door. “I thought we already established that last night,” I said, shooting her a wink.
“But now you’re telling people?” She bit her lip and smiled coyly at me.
“I never said I was ashamed of you.”
“Can I update my Facebook status? Can we put a picture on Instagram? Let’s do like a cute snapchat video or something!”
I tried not to roll my eyes too hard. “I look like I just climbed out of a sewer. You do whatever you want, you’re just going to have to photoshop me in.” I leaned in and kissed her on the lips. “Thanks for being so patient, Ella. I know I don’t say it a lot.”
“You don’t have to say it. I can feel it.” My heart fluttered and I wanted to kiss her again. I felt it, too. She’d countered every single one of my tantrums. She’d busted down every single argument I ever had against her. She showed me what it meant to have someone worth sharing your life with. I needed to tell her how much I loved her. “You better get going. Call me after practice and I’ll let you know where we’re at.”
“You sure you’re all right with Areal?” I asked, nodding over at my sister. “She’s a lot.”
“She’s really not. She’s been insanely helpful, actually.”
I kissed her again and got into my car. The two of them watched me drive away, waving from the steps. I couldn’t believe this place was about to be my home. These two were now my family. My life had taken a turn for the easy. All I had to worry about for the rest of the night was training with my new coaches and getting ready for a victorious football season. This had to be a dream.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Ella:
“This is where you live?” Areal asked, her jaw agape, as we pulled into the parking lot of my parents’ mansion. All the lights were on business as usual thanks to a timer system, and for a brief moment I thought I would walk in the do
or and see my parents standing there like nothing had happened.
“Used to live,” I corrected her. “Pretty soon, it’ll probably go into public auction.”
“That sucks. It’s not fair people can just take your home away from you.”
My home. My car. My assets. Probably anything I owned worth any value. I wasn’t sure if my trust fund was even safe at this point. “It wasn’t mine in the first place. It was my dad’s. And he did a lot of shady things, so I think losing a bunch of ‘stuff’ is really a very fair punishment.”
Who was I kidding? Even if my dad lost all this stuff, he obviously already had more. It made me sick to my stomach thinking the people who raised me were so spineless. I couldn’t even think of them as my parents anymore. They were just two common criminals who hurt a lot of people. Not just myself, but all his employees, all his companies and their employees, everything he touched was now ruined, and him and my mom were just out there island hopping like a couple clueless hippies.
“I just want to grab a couple things,” I said. I knew we had some paint in the garage and my mom had loads and loads of brushes and scaffolding from doing set design. I also needed clothes, toiletries, some groceries from the fridge. Nobody told me specifically I wasn’t allowed to come back here, but even standing in the garage made me feel weird.
“You care if I use the bathroom?” Areal asked, stepping out of the car.
“Help yourself to whatever you want,” I said, swinging open the door. I really liked the kid. She reminded me of a version of Tonya who wasn’t so jaded. Sure she was a troublemaker, but she was an artist. She saw things in the world the rest of us didn’t quite understand. Her pain was situational, only in that she never had the opportunity to flex her potential. Exactly like her sister.
I grabbed some folded up drop cloths and picked up a few buckets of paint from the shelves, loading them into the trunk of my car. Suddenly, a shrill scream erupted from the house. What the hell?
I dropped what I was holding and sprinted into the kitchen. I screamed, too, when I spotted my mother sitting at the table, her eyes glassed over with tears.
“I’m sorry,” Areal was murmuring repeatedly. “I didn’t think there was anybody here.”
“Neither did I,” I said, running for my mother. I wrapped my arms around her and she just cried into my shoulder. “Mama, what are you doing here?” She reeked like whiskey and cigarettes and she weakly patted my back. “Why aren’t you gone?”
“We need to do the right thing, Ella,” she said. “We should’ve never left you here to clean up this mess. You probably hate us.”
“Oh mom,” I said, hugging her tighter. “I could never hate you. Areal, this is my mother. Mom, this is Areal Fields. She’s my girlfriend’s sister. We were just stopping by to grab a couple things so we could start working on the new building for the football team.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Areal,” my mom said, standing up from her seat and extending her hand. “I swear I’m not normally such a mess.”
“Trust me, you fit right in with the rest of us,” Areal said with a laugh, shaking her hand. “I’m glad to meet you. Do you care if I use your bathroom?” My mom nodded and smiled, pointing to the stairway.
“Where’s dad?” I asked, as she stepped out of earshot. “Is he in jail?”
She shrugged and poured herself another shot from the bottle on the table. “Dad’s not coming back, at least, not on his own accord.” I gulped. She slammed back the whiskey and grimaced. “I never thought I’d have to make this choice. It would’ve been easier for me to find out he was having an affair. Knowing that the man I spent my whole life with, the man I loved more than myself would always choose money over his family, it’s like finding out your whole life has been a lie.”
“You never saw it coming?” I asked.
“I never wanted to see it coming. I thought as long as I dumped all my energy into raising you right and building my career, everything would be okay. Your father is a brilliant man. He’s a hard worker. He just got greedy. Started associating with some people who weren’t exactly on the up and up. Found some shortcuts. I used to press him on it, but it was easier to live in denial than to fight, especially because at the end of the day, I still loved him. I thought he’d come around on his own.”
My stomach lurched. I didn’t know what to say. Part of me felt so stupid for not putting the pieces together. Part of me felt so betrayed. Part of me felt this massive relief. I didn’t have to fill my father’s shoes to be a success. He couldn’t even fill his shoes, and now he had nothing. No career, no family, no way to come back to his home without facing the consequences of his actions.
“What do we do now?” I asked. She poured herself another glass of whiskey and shrugged. “We’re going to be okay, mom. You’re going to be fine. You’re brilliant and talented, and you’re a good person. Nobody’s going to judge you for what dad did.”
“You really think they’re going to welcome us back to the country club with open arms?” Her laugh was cynical. I knew exactly what she was talking about. My phone had been blowing up nonstop all day with former ‘friends’ trying to pry information out of me. I was sure the rumor mill was having a blast with our sudden misfortune.
“You gotta get new friends. People who don’t care about that kind of stuff. Trust me, they’re out there.” I smiled as I thought about Tonya and the football team, the people my father would’ve never let me associate with before. They might be a little rough around the edges, but at least they took care of their own. They were honest. They were real. They didn’t care if I had a million dollars or just the shirt on my back. Areal had rejoined us in the kitchen, and she walked around wide eyed, running her finger over the counter tops. “Areal here just submitted her portfolio to the Pittsburgh Creative Arts high school.”
My mother sighed with relief, eager to change the subject. “So you’re an artist? That’s amazing. What do you specialize in?”
“Whatever I can get my hands on,” she said with a smile. “I like it all. Mostly I just draw, though.”
My mother smiled. “You must check out my studio sometime. I dabble a bit in mixed media.”
“She’s being coy,” I said to Areal. “My mom is a world famous set designer. She’s one of the most talented artists I know of.”
“That’s so cool,” Areal said. “I would love for you to teach me.”
“How about we start with sanding and patching drywall?” I teased. “You up for a road trip, mom?”
“As long as you’re driving,” she said, eyeing her half downed bottle of whiskey. “It’ll be nice to get out of the house, I think. Am I going to meet this girlfriend of yours, by the way?”
Areal giggled.
“I’m sure you will,” I said. “She’s at football practice right now, though.”
“The football girl, huh? Nice.”
I let my mother give Areal the grand tour of the house while I went to my room to pack up some bags. I wasn’t sure what my mother’s game plan was for the foreseeable future, and I was glad to have her back. I hoped she wasn’t going to be offended when I told her I wasn’t living here anymore. My bed was littered with shopping bags from my last adventure downtown, and I stuffed the little jewelry box into my overnight duffel, hoping Tonya and I could have a quiet moment together so I could officially give her the gift I bought her yesterday.
I grabbed my bag toothbrush and stuffed a suitcase full of my hair supplies and skincare regime. By the time I made it back down the steps, my mother and Areal were sitting on the couch watching one of her most recent productions. She talked over everything, breaking down her exact processes, and Areal oohed and aahed in amazement. I was glad they were getting along. If Tonya and I ever got married, what would those two be? I was getting ahead of myself. Everything just seemed to flow so flawlessly for the first time in a while. Could two women like Tonya and myself really be so lucky that all the pieces just fell into place?
Probab
ly not. Messy was good, too, though.
“Party time’s over, ladies,” I said, clapping my hands. “We got a lot of work to do. Our team is out there doing their part.”
“Our team, huh?” my mom chuckled. “All right, let’s go.”
They helped me load my stack of bags into the car. I worried about my mother, but she seemed perfectly happy just chatting with Areal and pretending like everything was normal. I guess it was. Not normal as we knew it, but our new normal.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Tonya:
“It’s going to be incredible,” I said to my teammates as we finished our cool down routine. “The gym alone will make you moister than an oyster.”
“I thought you didn’t say shit like that anymore,” Lindsay said, punching me in the shoulder. “Thought you were a classy broad, now.”
“You can dress me up, but you can’t take me out.” I pushed myself up off the grass, stretching my arms over my head and groaning. Practice today was harder than it had been in the entire time I’d played for the Lady Cats. Our new coaches didn’t mess around. I loved being challenged athletically. Something about pushing my body to the limit sent me to a higher place. The pain only heightened my pleasure. I was on top of the world when I was sucking wind. Kind of like I felt when I was with Ella. “Are yinz coming with me to check it out?”
We piled into two cars, and I had to keep my window rolled down because we stunk like a pile of dirty socks, but nobody seemed to mind. Something had shifted in all of us over the last week. Not only were we playing better than ever before, we were starting to take ourselves seriously.