It Started in Texas

by M. B. Feeney

  I wish I could darlin'. I really do.

  I smiled sadly. The guys were performing the first of three shows over in Ireland. I tapped out a response before I clicked on another link Karina had sent me.

  Me too. Have a great show x

  The LyricCam footage of Matt ripping the show’s presenter a new one for trying it on with him once the interview had finished made me laugh. I knew from online talk that Matt had a bit of a temper, but the girl must've felt about three centimetres tall. From her messages, I thought Karina was taking it all rather well, because I knew I would have been absolutely livid if she'd done it to Gage.

  Always do, especially when we play F&F xx

  Karina and I continued to talk into the early hours of the morning. Just as I was about to log off, I received a notification that Jenny had sent me an email. I was a bit confused. All the message contained was a link and a short message telling me to look ‘ASAP’.

  Stunned, I stared at the screen in silence. I was in a Lyricist forum looking at a picture of me and Gage hugging outside the Student Union gig. You couldn't see my face, but he had his arms wrapped round my waist and we were almost kissing. Oh, fuck. I shot off a quick text to Karina, hoping that she hadn't already gone to sleep, and clicked through the rest of the album. Varying pictures, all with similar poses of me and Gage. A minute or so later, Karina was back online, asking me what was going on. I gave her the link and sat back, dumbstruck.

  Even though there wasn't a clear one of my face, anyone looking at the pictures would know exactly what was happening between us. Karina went off on a tirade about ‘so-called fans invading the guys’ privacy’ while I started to panic. She was fuming on my behalf, which I appreciated, but I didn’t know how to react.

  Picking up my phone, I sent a text to Jenny, asking if she knew where the pictures had come from and who had posted them. Then I spent the rest of the night biting my lip and asking Karina what she thought was going to go on. Despite her angry messages, she was level-headed enough to help me realise that no one could see who I was, which helped me calm down a little.

  I don't know where they came from. Just found them on a Gage fan page, then they got posted in that forum before I could warn you Jx

  Balls. They could have come from anywhere and anyone.

  Fabulous. Did you see the interview and backstage LyricCam video?

  No. Send me a link. Jx

  I did just that. Not long after, she logged on, popping up on instant messenger and explaining that she had just gotten home. I asked her if she thought I should text Gage, and we decided I leave it until the morning so she could try to work some of her magic first. She told me that she'd emailed the link of the pictures to Becky, the band’s manager and publicist, asking her to minimise backlash.

  Jenny explained, as Karina had, that no one who didn't know me would be able to identify me in the pictures, and those who did know were happy for me.

  I decided to log in to some of my other social media accounts since I followed a few die-hard Gage fans. While scrolling through the feed, I was amazed by the pure venom in some of the posts. Pictures had been sent to me because people knew I was a Gage fan. They obviously expected me to join in on the gossip and attacks, even though I never had in the past. I felt sick and couldn't respond, yet couldn't stop looking at the comments. If this had been a normal situation, I would have loved looking at the pictures of the loving couple.

  Although I wasn't the most photogenic in posed pictures, I loved candids of myself. In these, I looked happy and pretty damned good.

  Then I decided to log in to the forum on the Pocket Full of Lyrics website—big mistake. If I thought the other sites were bad, the forum was worse. Well, I say worse. Think Bad, multiply it by Worse, and add a suitcase full of Terrible. Then add some more Unthinkable and a little bit of Hopeless. Then probably sprinkle on some Fuck, and we'd be about on the same page.

  On the forum, the fans were extra-possessive of the guys, all of them. They knew the band sometimes read through the threads on their sock accounts, and they felt as if they had a connection with them. I wanted to tell Gage, but didn't want him to know I was freaking out over a few pictures and comments from people who didn't know me.

  Social Media hates me.

  I texted Karina when she had logged off for the night.

  I'll text Matty, he can tell Gage. What's being said?

  It’s on the forum, too! And thanks x

  Most of the comments against me theorised that I was with him for his money, to get famous, or to meet Jack Hixton, as random as that seemed. There were a few comments about my looks and the way I was dressed, but they didn't bother me.

  Jenny let me know that Becky was monitoring the forum, deleting inappropriate threads and sending out warnings to those who were being extremely disrespectful. I wasn't bothered about myself so much since my face was pretty hidden, but Gage would be bearing the brunt of the gossip.

  Matty and Gage on it. Chill! Kx

  Maybe everything would seem better in the morning after a night of sleep.

  I woke up the next day with a migraine that completely blinded me on one side. Thankful it was Saturday, I stumbled downstairs and made a cup of tea, smoked a cigarette, grabbed the laptop, and headed back to bed.

  The pictures were still being circulated online, along with a couple of Matt and Karina. Most of the comments were concerned with finding out who I was and what they wanted to say to me. The comments about Karina and Matt didn't seem to be as vitriolic in nature but were still horrible. The Callaghan fans weren’t quite as spiteful as the Gage fans, but they were still complete bitches when jealousy reared its ugly head.

  Logging off, I went to smoke another cigarette and make a fresh cup of tea. I sat on the back step staring off into space, feeling my migraine shift. Although I knew I should let Karina know that some pictures of her and Matt had surfaced, I felt drained by the experience. After I’d pulled myself together, I headed back up to bed and found that both she and Jenny where now online.

  Char: Morning ladies

  JenJen: How you feeling?

  Kar: Any news?

  Char: Becky did some awesome damage control on the forum, but the other places are getting worse. Kar, pics of you and Matty now

  Kar: fabulous

  JenJen: I saw the forum posts. Go Becky! I've been looking online and found a couple of blogs.

  Jenny gave us a couple blog links, but I wasn’t ready to face them quite yet. Instead, I ran back downstairs, leaving the girls to their conversation. Of course I was curious and wanted to look, but at the same time, I wasn’t sure I wanted to put myself through that. The pictures would soon disappear, and I’d known this sort of thing was inevitable. So I decided to suck it up and went back upstairs to rejoin the chat.

  Kar: What's the issue with age though, and how would whoever took the pictures know how old she is?

  JenJen: That's the bit that's confused me.

  Char: What I miss?

  Kar: Whoever posted the pics know how old you are, roughly.

  Char: Huh? How'd they manage that one?

  JenJen: indeed. Are u looking?

  Char: Just waiting for it to load... Holy Fuck!

  Kar: yeah.

  I was looking at a picture that, in different the circumstances, I would have framed and hung on my wall. Gage and I were standing as close as two people could while fully clothed and in public. My arms were wrapped round his waist, and he had one hand on my lower back, just above my arse. His other hand was cupping my face while we kissed.

  JenJen: Just ignore it babe and get on with stuff. Let the guys and Becky deal with it; they’re used to this sort of thing.

  Kar: Again, what Jen said. Jut think of Gage kissing you.

  *Just

  Char: you drinking? This time in the morning?

  Kar: Iy's midday somewhere!

  JenJen: *snort

  Kar: Besides, Tha cap'n is needed, u see my arse in't pics of me and Matty
?

  Char: I did, and what of it?

  Kar: I amnt made for miniskirts. I am, however, inclined to think the cap'n is not sticking to his seafaring duties. Movin on to the quality stuff.

  JenJen: You sound like a drunk pirate

  Char: There was nothing wrong with your arse in those pictures.

  Kar: soooooo, checking me owt?

  JenJen: I'm gonna print screen this and show to Callaghan and Gage bahahaha

  Char: Of course I was checking you out ;) And Jen, what's the worst that could happen?

  Kar: The wors tha could happen, Charlotte, would be thatI finish my bottle of Goldshlager *Goldschlaager... *Cinnamon Alcohol stuf.

  JenJen: On that note, I have to go, mum and Little Miss are arriving tomorrow :)

  Char: Okay hun, and thank you. talk soon xx

  Kar: BAYEEEEEEEEEEE

  Jenny went offline, leaving me feeling much better about everything, even if I did have to deal with a drunken Karina. She was making me laugh so much it hurt, which was working wonders. Then I heard my phone ringing downstairs and ran to grab it.

  "Hello?" I breathed into the speaker without even checking the caller ID.

  "Well, darlin', I wouldn't mind a greeting like that every time I call." The sound of Gage’s voice made me smile like a fool while I walked back up to the computer.

  "Hey. Good gig?" When I looked at the computer screen. I had to fight back the hysterical laughter.

  Kar: Ooh, The Blin Maaaaan jus cam on shuffle. Did you know Mattttttyyyy does te vocals on that? Imma Call him and tell him I like his voice lots. Lotsalots. Brb.

  Char: Sure . . .

  "Yeah, it was good. Awesome crowd."

  I could suddenly hear Matt laughing in the background. "Is Matt okay?"

  "Yeah, I think he's having a strange call from Karina. He looked happy when he got the call, anyway."

  I rolled my eyes and typed a message to Karina.

  Char: What are you doing?

  Kar: Dancing around my livi room?

  Char: Um . . . check your phone...

  "She's a little drunk."

  "Already?" Gage laughed. "Why am I not surprised?"

  "Yeah. Coping mechanism, I think." Shit. I wasn't going to bring it up first.

  Kar: oooh when di Matttttyyyyy phone meee?

  Char: You actually called him...

  Kar: OHMG! My bill!

  I couldn't help but snicker.

  “Yeah?” His tone softened, despite the raised voices in the background. “And how are you, darlin’?”

  "I'm better. Karina's entertaining me online." In the background, I could hear one side of her conversation with Matt. No way would he win this one.

  "But, Crazy, you phoned me," I could hear him yelling. "And please, turn that song off. I don't care if you like it. It's making my dick shriv- thank you."

  "Sounds fun your end."

  "Yeah, not so much. I'd rather be on your end."

  There was a tinny noise in the background now.

  "Oh, God. She's singing some jingle we did about three years ago, and Callaghan's got it on speakerphone."

  "I should stop her, but I think she's unstoppable." I glanced back at the computer screen.

  Kar: I'm gonna be so broke tomorrow. And So sick. And fuck.

  Char: Fuck?

  Kar: Oh, fucked. Whatever. I need to call in sick.

  Char: You do know it's Saturday?

  Kar: Wennsday]

  Char: Saturday. Trust me.

  "So, we're back in England tomorrow . . . "Gage trailed off.

  "How the hell did that happen?"

  "Tonight is the last gig here in Dublin. We've got two in Brighton, and then we're back to the States."

  I could hear his name being called in that background.

  "Hey, I gotta go, darlin'. Video chat tomorrow?"

  "Sure." Sadness washed over me when we ended our call, and I wandered downstairs for some fresh air out in the garden. When I got back to the computer, Karina had left me a message before going offline.

  Kar: feeeel soooo baaaad. sleeeep need. bbl xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  After I shut down the computer to prevent myself looking at the blogs Jenny gave me, I pottered round the house for a bit, tidying up and putting stuff away. It was only when I decided to cook that I realised the cupboards were beginning to look a bit bare. I jumped in the car and headed out to do the monthly shop.

  I was wandering around, killing time before going back to an empty house. A spot of retail therapy was something I needed to take my mind off everything. Inside my favourite clothing shop, I had a look round, deciding I wanted a new jacket. A couple of girls were speaking at the tops of their voices, not caring who could hear, but I ignored them and took my time looking through the racks of clothes.

  "Yeah, someone was saying she's English."

  "No, really? How do they know?"

  "Well, you know how they were in London last week? She said this bitch came up to her and Lucy, and was like 'move so Matt can sit down'. Then ten minutes later, she heads outside to see whoever this slag is, and Gage is sitting on a bench with her, talking, and, like, kissing and shit. Both of them seem like total bitches, if you ask me. Totally in it for the money."

  I felt sick when I realised they were talking about me and Karina, but I moved closer, the masochist in me wanting to hear more.

  "And when she got back inside, the other two are sucking face, right by the bar—I mean, like, rub it in and all that shit. Matt's got his hands all over her and then just start fucking rowing, right in the middle of the SU, like they're gonna start a fight! So much wrong in that. But I can't get over Gage. I mean this . . . woman must be at least thirty, and I mean God. Pick someone your own age, you know?"

  "Thirty? No way. That’s gross. She’s way too old for him. Anyway, I thought Lucy told Gage that she and Gemma were up for an all-nighter."

  "He said he was busy, but if they were at another gig, then maybe."

  It took every ounce of self-restraint to stop myself from going over to them and putting them dead straight. Instead, I pulled out my phone, ready to text Karina, but I decided against it. My sudden movement must have caught the girls’ attention, because they looked over at me.

  "Nice jacket." They had the fucking nerve to smile at me before they left.

  With a grimace, I put the jacket back on the rack, all enthusiasm for shopping having deserted me. I left the shop and headed into the supermarket to start on food shopping.

  When I got back home, I spent a couple of hours putting stuff away and making myself some dinner before logging back on to the computer. The evening passed slowly while I avoided looking at anything to do with Gage and those photographs. Things were quiet online, and I assumed that Karina had drunk herself into oblivion since she hadn't come back all day. Jenny was busy preparing for the arrival of her mum and daughter, so she’d been quiet, too.

  Finally, I gave up and decided to have an early night for a change and try to forget about everything that was going on.

  :: ::

  Thanks to my early night, I woke up on a Sunday morning without a foggy head for the first time in a long while. Rather than take a shower, I decided to soak in the bath, savouring the peace and quiet. Feeling more relaxed than I had in months, I got dressed and pulled things out of the freezer to cook for dinner once the kids were home. When I checked my computer, I found that all my work was complete, so I printed it off. Then I logged onto the Internet, and with no real idea where my masochistic streak had come from, I peeked into the forum. There were no new threads slagging me and Karina off, which was a blessing, and I read through the newer comments but nothing really stood out.

  Like a fool, I decided to look at the blogs that Jenny had mentioned, but I soon wished I hadn't. For a few minutes, I read, feeling angrier and angrier, to the point that I had to slam my laptop closed and walk away. What gave them the right to write reports on me and Gage and our private life?

  I heard
my front door open, and thinking it was the kids, went into the kitchen to start on dinner. They always went to the park on the way home and came back ravenous.

  Less than a minute later, a pair of hands covered my eyes, and I let out a shriek of surprise.

  "You know, darlin', y'all should really keep your doors locked around here. Neighbourhood watch, my ass."

  "What would you know about neighbourhood watch?" I leaned back into his body, and he wrapped his arms round me.

  "Hey, I can read those pretty yellow signs as well as the next man."

  I pulled away to face him and lit a cigarette. "I thought we were video calling today."

  As usual, he took the cigarette out of my hands.

  "Hey, you earn more than me. Buy your own," I grumbled, lighting another.

  " I had something to show you." He pulled a DVD out of his pocket.