It Started in Texas

by M. B. Feeney

  Gage stubbed out the cigarette and headed into the front room. He turned on the TV, put a DVD in the player, and paused it at the beginning. Once I’d finished smoking, I went in and sat on the sofa, confused.

  The background of the video was really stark, not the usual kind of video the band made to address their fans. All five members were sitting on a plain, black sofa. Gage and Matt were in the middle, their usual lively smiles absent. For a minute, I bit my lip as they sat in silence, then I realised Gage had already pushed start.

  "Hey, we're Pocket Full of Lyrics, and we're here today to talk to you about respect. Respect, privacy, and intimate relationships, though we're not going to go too far into that one," Gage began. My breath hitched. Holy shit.

  The Gage on the screen handed the reins to his fellow band mates while the real life Gage watched me.

  "We've been hearing from our manager over there, that you've been dissing our girls online," Matt was sitting forward and looking seriously pissed off, "Well, that just won't do. Because we care about them, probably more than you'd like, but nonetheless, we do. And when they're spooked because of our fans, We. Do. Not. Like. It."

  "We appreciate every single one of our fans, we do. Without you all, we wouldn't be where we are today, but we feel that a small minority are disrespecting us by reacting in such a negative way. We understand that many fans have their 'favourites', but that doesn't mean we're not allowed to live our lives. We're in this for the music, and you should be, too. Being a fan does not give you the right to hurt anyone we care about, whether family, friends, or partners."

  "You guys might buy our music, but you don't own us. I don't want to have to answer my phone in the middle of the night to hear my girlfriend crying on the other end. I won't stand for it, and I promise there will be repercussions."

  Drew placed a hand, his wedding ring clear for all to see, on Matt's shoulder as if to calm him down. His lips moved, but I couldn't make out what he said. Matt sat back, a grim look on his face.

  Diamond sat forward to speak, which surprised me. She was the quietest member most of the time.

  "Speaking as the only female member of this band, it is not cool to act in this way. For this reason, we've decided to cancel all after show signings for a while. We know that this is gonna upset those fans who support us no matter what, but as usual, the minority is ruining things for everyone. We didn't want it to come to this, but we need to make it clear that the abuse must stop." She sat back with a tight smile, not her usual wide grin.

  "So once the bitching has stopped and people begin to accept our decisions, we will reinstate the signings and interaction after the shows. Until that time, you'll have to make do with our music alone." Eli looked pissed off, but it was likely to have something to do with Gage and Matt. They were oozing raw anger and upset, which was affecting the entire band.

  Gage pressed stop on the DVD player and turned to look at me. I didn't know what to say, so I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him tight.

  "Hey, what's that for, darlin'?"

  "For being so supportive with all the shit that’s going on right now."

  "And why wouldn't I be?" Gage pulled me to the sofa and sat us down. "I told you, you are worth it. So what if a few fans don't like the thought of me being unavailable?" He kissed me.

  "Thank you."

  He was about to kiss me again when the door was flung open and the kids came running in.

  Why I was ever worried about Gage meeting the kids and Dermot, I would never know. That last day he spent with me, my house was full of chatter and laughter while he played with both kids and got to know Dermot. It shouldn't have been surprised me, since both men were laid back and tended to get along with everyone they met.

  Then my world crumbled a little when Gage and the band finished up their UK tour and headed back to the states. It was hard to carry on with normal stuff while feeling like I had the biggest secret in the world. Even though I knew Gage wouldn't mind telling people about us, I was afraid people would think I was some sort of fangirly desperado who lived in a fantasy world. That wasn't a good reputation for a teacher.

  Jenny had managed to come up from London for a few days with her mum and daughter. Our kids got on like a house on fire and afterwards began video chatting most nights. Jenny had started working full time on the film, and her mum was watching the little one after school. The pair of them spent many a weekend wandering around London, taking in the sights and getting to know their way round.

  Meanwhile, I immersed myself in a routine of going to work, spending quality time with the kids, and being boring in general. The furore over the pictures had died down, even though they were still in circulation. It seemed the band’s video had done the trick.

  There were still a few threads on the forum in which people continued to ask if there were going to be any more signings when the shows started back up. The guys themselves were working on new material while Gage filmed the Wings pre-release promo stuff, so there also were a lot of questions about when shows would start up again.

  Most of my evenings were spent chatting with the girls from the Texas trip while I worked. Karina had mentioned that she might apply for a promotion that would take her out of the country, and although I was excited for her, I was sad to think of her moving away. Every couple of days or so, Gage would video call me while he was on a break. Sometimes, the crazy bastard even woke up early at the weekends to speak with the kids. For some insane reason, he seemed to enjoy it as much as they did, which was saying something. He seemed to have made quite an impression on them.

  This was something I worried about yet tried not to focus on too often. I knew Gage wanted to be a father one day. He'd mentioned it in an interview a while back, which had caused a flutter amongst his female fans. It wasn’t realistic to expect him to accept my ready-made family for long. He needed someone young enough to give him a real family of his own, his own blood. I could imagine a child with those gorgeous eyes, that fantastic smile . . . hell, everything about him. Even his more annoying quirks would be adorable in a kid.

  This line of thinking tended to happen after we'd finished speaking. In some ways, I was still waiting for the penny to drop and for him to realise he'd fucked up by choosing me. I wasn’t sure why I thought like this, but there was a feeling I couldn’t shake that things were going to change, and soon. The only time I never got that sense of unease was when I was talking to Gage.

  The kids had just gotten into bed, and I was chilling with a book when my computer pinged with an IM. It was Karina. She had just told Matt about her new job over in Baton Rouge. It was with the same company, but she would be heading up a complete new office. She was hyped up about it. I was both jealous and pleased for her since I’d always wanted to live in the States. Once I’d managed to calm her down, we logged off to prepare for work the next morning.

  Time flew by, as it had a habit of doing, and soon Karina was packed and all sorted to leave me. She'd never been the most organised person I'd met, but this whole situation had made her even dizzier. We'd chatted throughout her preparations, and she never seemed to have the minor details covered. The job itself wouldn’t be a problem. I had faith that she was going to kick arse over there. Still, when it came to where she was living and how she was getting there . . . well. It didn’t seem to figure high on her list of priorities.

  "I need a favour," I told Gage one night as we were video chatting.

  "What's that, darlin'?"

  "I need you to get Matt to call me."

  "Why's that?"

  "Well, I need to do the obligatory 'look after my friend while she's in another country or I shank you' thing, plus I want him to do something for me."

  "In that case, I know he's online right now. Let me add him to the call."

  "Thanks." I waited.

  "Hey. How’s my favourite Texan’s main squeeze?" Matt's voice made me jump.

  I turned down the volume, rolling my eyes.

  "
For one, I'm not your favourite Texan. That would be my mom because she feeds you. And secondly, ‘squeeze’?” I could tell, from his voice, that Gage was smiling. "Besides, squeeze sounds too . . . temporary."

  Before they heard it, I swallowed down my gasp at Gage’s words.

  "Yeah, you're right. You're my second . . . nah, that's your dad. He gives me beer. You're my third favourite. Nope, that would-"

  "Matt!" I yelled at my computer.

  "What? Jeez, lady. No need to shout."

  "Obviously there was. I need you to do something for me—well, for Karina."

  "My crazy girl? Say the word, I'll do it."

  Gage muttered, “Whipped,” but I didn't want to ruin Matt's cheery mood by mentioning it.

  " I don't think she's got anyone meeting her flight, and I was hoping you'd be able t-"

  "When and where?" Matt cut me off.

  "Fifteenth July. Her flight gets into Baton Rouge at four fifteen in the afternoon."

  "I can do that. Is that all you need?"

  "Actually, no." I could hear Gage laughing. "Stop that Gage. I'm serious here."

  "Sorry, darlin'. I'm just gonna grab a beer." The phone clattered when it put it down, giving Matt and me some privacy.

  "You gonna give me ‘the talk’ again?" Matt sounded a little too cocky for my liking, "Because I know how to wrap it before I tap it."

  "Oh, please. Like I even need to know that. But good boy."

  "Go on, then. Hit me. It's been a while since I've had the protective friend speech." Again with the cockiness, driving me mad. How did Karina put up with his crap?

  "Hitting you sounds so tempting right now, you smug, infuriating bastard. Listen to me, and listen good. I hear one hint of you treating Karina badly, or if you suddenly decide that you want to move on to greener pastures and start being a dick about it, I swear I will fly my pasty white self over there and hunt you down like a dog." I was greeted by silence. Good. "I promise you this—hurt her, and I will cause enough bodily damage to require a closed casket."

  "Oh. Okay. Jeez, Charlotte, you're kinda scary. Does Gage get off on this side of you?"

  I rolled my eyes. "My friends mean a lot to me. She's gonna be in a strange country, with people she doesn't know. If something happens, it's not like she can just catch a bus home. This job puts her over there for at least four years, and I want her to be happy and feel like she belongs." I paused. "Okay, lecture and threatening over."

  "Can I say my little bit now?" Matt no longer sounded so cocky.

  "As you said, hit me."

  "If I ever hurt her, you have my full permission to follow through on everything you just said. I’ll do everything in my power to take care of her from the moment she steps off that airplane. I promise you that much."

  "That's what I like to hear. As strange as it is, you are good for her, and somehow you make her happy. Be good to her."

  "Of course I will—I love her. And thank you. For the record, that's the best protective friend speech I’ve ever gotten." Matt disconnected from the call.

  "Wow, darlin'. That was real scary."

  I jumped. I hadn't heard Gage return to the call.

  "And Callaghan was right. I think I kinda do get off on that side of you."

  "Oh, ha ha."

  "What? It's hot. I can just see you now. Leather min-"

  "Oh. Please do not go there."

  "Sorry, darlin'."

  "Thanks. If there is one guaranteed thing that would make me upchuck, it's the thought of myself as a dominatrix." I swore I heard the bastard chuckle.

  I got a text from Karina the day after she arrived in Baton Rouge, thanking me for ordering Matt to meet her. He'd told her everything I'd said to him, which made me laugh.

  Something Matt had said to me stuck in my mind. The words had rolled off his tongue without hesitation. 'Of course I will—I love her'. It had sounded like it was easy for him to say. A part of me, deep down, wondered. Gage and I had never actually said the words to one another, but the night after the SU gig, we'd come pretty close—or at least I had. Did he want me to say it? Did I want him to? Surely relationships weren’t supposed to be so hard. All I seemed to do was over-think everything and second guess myself.

  I needed to start acting my age, and not my bloody shoe size— especially because the shoes I was filling were, at least according to Gage's fans, huge. His last ex was a stunning actress he’d been in a film with a couple of years before, and there were still photos of them online. Biting my nails all night and worrying myself to sleep, my mind ran over a million things I’d run away from before. I was too old to be acting this way.

  Gage would appreciate me asking him flat out what was going on between us, I was sure. However, even thinking about it freaked the hell out of me. I’d never been one for straight talking when it came to relationships, and I was a natural born worrier and a total pessimist. I could never see myself in the same light blokes did and was constantly waiting for them to realise I wasn’t the person they wanted to be with.

  Feeling down, I decided that alcohol was in order, and plenty of it. I loved Saturdays. No kids, no work. Just me, a bottle of wine, and the TV remote all to myself. I poured myself a large glass and sat down on the sofa with my favourite well-worn, well-read book, needing something to take my mind off from my life and allow me to escape into someone else's problems. These characters were just right for the job.

  I didn't realise how easily the wine was going down until I refilled my glass and the bottle was empty. Sure I'd only had one glass, and knowing my glass wasn't one of those 'hold a full bottle' jobbies, I was surprised. Although I got another bottle from the fridge, I felt strangely sober. While I fumbled with the cork, I lit a cigarette. Sitting back down, I tried to escape into my book yet again. This time, I couldn't concentrate. Reading it made me think of the film, which starred Jack Hixton, which then, naturally, returned me back to Gage.

  I’d admit it didn't take much to make me think about him. Even so, I threw down my book in disgust and grabbed my phone, deciding to call him and ask him straight out. I didn't care what time it was. Before I could change my mind, I hit dial and listened to the ringing the other end.

  "Hello?" I must have woken him up. He sounded like he had a mouthful of cotton wool.

  "It's me. I know it's late, or early or . . . never mind. I just wanted to ask you something."

  "Uh huh."

  Panic began to take over. "I just—" I breathed. "I mean, I know I might not be . . . um, I mean, I'm not likely to pop out any more sprogs any time soon, and I just wondered, does that bother you? And I mean, being this far away, what the hell's . . . just—what the hell's going on here?"

  "Are you drunk? You sound drunk." Like that was the issue here.

  "I may have had a couple of bottles, but that's beside the point. The point is . . . I think the point is, I kinda need to know where I stand. I know I love you, but I feel like—ah, shit. I don't even know."

  "You love me?" Was he really not hearing me? "And am I supposed to know what 'sprogs' are?" Oh shit.

  "Oh, fuck. That's Matt, isn't it? Please don't say it's Matt."

  "Okay, I won't say it, then."

  I bit down on my hand to stop the scream that was about to explode from my lips.

  "So, you're in love with me, eh, lady?" I noticed that Matt didn’t sound quite as cocky as usual, despite his words.

  "Arsehole. Why are you answering Gage's phone, anyway?"

  "I'm not."

  "Of course you are. I may be a little drunk, but I'm not an idiot."

  ""It's not Gage's phone, its Karina's."

  I was even more confused now. "So, why didn't she answer it? And why did I phone her?"

  "I don't know." His voice was unusually flat, and he sounded pretty . . . upset? I wasn't quite sure. "Look, don't kill me for this, okay? I'm not with Karina right now." He paused. "In more than one sense."

  "What?"

  "We had this massive argument, and I
might have called her . . . " Matt hesitated, "a novelty fuck or something, and then we both started yelling and she started crying and I just walked. I couldn't watch her cry, okay? It's not that I wanted to leave, but she really didn't want me there, and—"

  "You called her a what? Are you a complete fucking bell end? Why the hell would you tell her you love her, and then say something like that? I swear to God, Matthew James Callaghan. You are so fucking lucky I can't get over there right now."

  "I haven't told her I love her yet."

  "And why the fuck not? It was easy enough to tell me a couple of days ago. What is it with you men and not being honest with your feelings? Get your skinny arse back to her and make it better. I mean it. I will be phoning her tomorrow to make sure she's okay. Make her happy again." I ended the call.

  Unable to sit still, I paced around the house for what felt like hours. When I looked at the clock, the reality was that it had been less than two hours.

  The decision not to call Gage in my current state was an easy one to make. It was bad enough that I'd already embarrassed myself with Matt. I didn't want to do it with Gage, too. I locked up the house and staggered to bed, stumbling around the bedroom while I tried to change into my pyjamas. A picture of Gage on my wall that I had been given as a present a few years earlier gave me the giggles, wondering how we'd managed to set an intimate mood with that in the room. Maybe I should move it somewhere else.

  I clambered into bed and shut my eyes. Once the room finally stopped spinning, I could feel my body begin to relax and I started to drop off. In the silence, my phone ringing downstairs sounded louder than it should. I groaned and debated leaving it but was worried that it might be Dermot calling about one of the kids. In the dark, I almost fell down the stairs, but I didn't think my eyes could have taken the light. Despite that, I managed to get to my phone before it cut to voicemail.

  "Hello?" I yawned. I walked back upstairs to be closer to my clothes in case I needed to rush out.

  "Hey, darlin'. You okay?"

  "Hey. I'm fine." I yawned again and glanced at the clock. It was nearly two in the morning.