New Beginnings

by Megan Keith

  “With the way you’re dressed tonight there’s no way he’d mistake you for a kid!” Scar laughs.

  I look down at my revealing shirt and giggle into my cleavage. The way I’ve got those babies on show tonight, Seth must’ve noticed them. Not that I’ve seen him ogling them, which has been my intention all night. Maybe he’s just not a boob man. Or he’s too much of a gentleman as Scar said.

  “Don’t give up,” Scar whispers in my ear while giving me a squeeze on my knee. She leaves the couch and that’s when I spot him.

  Seth takes Scar’s seat and leans into me, the heat of his body against my side does things to my belly. “I hope you weren’t too embarrassed by that in there.”

  “No, not at all.”

  “Liar.” He calls me on it and my cheeks heat as if to prove him right. “I just didn’t want them to get the wrong idea.”

  “Of course.” I want to ask him ‘what’s so wrong about the idea of us?’ but I don’t. I sit silently instead. When I look up I finally catch him checking me out. He’s trying to do it slyly, out the corner of his eye, but I catch him eyeing my boobs. I straighten my back a little and the movement captures his attention even more. He turns his whole body so that we’re facing each other. Seth’s tongue darts out and licks his bottom lip, making my heart rate spike and then our eyes meet. I can see desire in his eyes. Maybe I’m not wrong after all.

  Then Scar’s loud laughter from the other room breaks the spell.

  “She sure bounces back quickly,” he says, blinking and glancing away.

  “That’s Scar for you. Always good at hiding what she really feels.”

  “You two could be sisters.”

  “How’s that?”

  “You’re hard to read, too.” His eyes linger on my face, then drop lower again.

  “I am?”

  “Yep, though you’re getting a little easier.” I notice him focusing on my mouth and so I lick my bottom lip.

  “Really? What am I thinking now?” I give him my best ‘come hither look’ and he blinks before leaning closer.

  “Well, I know what I want you to be thinking,” he whispers, his intense stare capturing me.

  My breath hitches at his admission. “You do? What’s that?” I can feel the heat of his body stronger now and it causes me to shiver.

  “I, uh … I think I’ve had too much to drink.” He pulls back and I feel all hope leave my body. “Sorry. I might call a cab and head home.” Disappointment swarms me as he walks away.

  What was that?

  There’s no way he didn’t feel that!

  Not wanting to let him get away when I was finally so close to having him, I chase him down. “Wait! I’ll come with you.” He spins to face me. He looks set to argue so I say, “I mean, I’ll share a cab with you. You can drop me at my place.”

  “Okay, sure.”

  Seth

  We sit in silence in the back of the taxi but I can practically hear the sizzling of the energy in the air between us. Though I agreed to drop Bianca off at her place before continuing on to mine, I’ve only told the cabbie her address, not mentioning a further stop. As wrong as I think it is, when she doesn’t see me that way, I’m silently begging her to let me into her house. Into her bed.

  But when the car pulls up and she doesn’t invite me in, I pay the fare and follow her anyway. Right or wrong, I just don’t care anymore and it seems neither does she.

  Bianca unlocks the front door, hangs her keys and bag on the hook and then silently takes my hand. Without looking up at me she entwines our fingers and shuts the front door before tugging me to her bedroom. She flicks on the dull light and turns to face me. Her nervous blue eyes twinkle, begging me to take that first step. So I do. I slowly lower my lips to hers and when they meet it’s electric. I drop her hand in favour of holding her head to mine. Taking two steps forward, I force her to take two steps back until she’s pressed against her bedroom wall and my body is pressed against hers.

  Our tongues tangle, and my hands begin to undo the buttons of the tight shirt that has been teasing me all night. I look down to admire the ample breasts spilling out of her dark purple bra, before leaning in and placing a kiss on her chest, then another over her rapidly beating heart. Her fingers thread through my hair and tug on it, pressing me closer. I trail kisses up her neck, collarbone and onto her chin, before lifting my head to look her back in the eyes.

  “Seth,” she breathes, then tugs me to her lips. Our tongues touch once again and our pace quickens. She moans and I’m suddenly desperate for her. Clothes get roughly tugged down and thrown aside until her legs are wrapped around my waist and my cock is firmly pressed against the hot wet heat at the centre of her thighs. I rub against her and we both groan in pleasure. She’s so wet that without any thought I slip inside her and we both moan. I slide in deeper and press her harder to the wall. She scrapes her fingernails down my back and arches her own, encouraging me deeper still. “We should stop,” she whispers between laboured breaths, “we need a condom.” I try to pull out but her thighs tighten, holding me in place. “Bed.”

  I stumble on the way to the bed. I’m still buried inside her and my shorts are tangled around my ankles - the movement is difficult to say the least. I trip and we both land with a thud on the mattress.

  “Shit! Are you okay?” I ask, trying to stifle my laugh.

  She only giggles and then bites her lip before thrusting her hips upwards and shutting her eyes. I press into her and it feels like heaven. Her hair is fanned out behind her and the peaceful look on her face is mesmerising. I still to take her in. She blinks.

  “Quit staring at me and get a condom,” she instructs. “Top drawer.” She points to the bedside table and I withdraw from her body, instantly feeling cold and missing her heat. I quickly remove the rest of my clothes and she does the same, not taking her impassioned gaze from me as she does. She repositions herself on the pillows and blatantly checks me out from hatless head to naked toe. I fumble through the drawer and find the half-empty box of condoms. For some reason the thought that she’s been using them with someone else occurs to me and I’m overwhelmed with a moment of jealousy. I quickly shrug it off though and rip one open. Desire wins. I can feel Bianca’s eyes on me as I roll it on and I waste no time returning to my earlier position on top of her.

  “Are you sure?” I whisper, pressed against her entrance. Bit late to be asking that.

  Her only answer is to push on my lower back and lift her hips, giving me exactly what we both want.

  “Oh god,” she murmurs before pressing her lips against mine. I open my mouth and suck on her tongue as her body sucks me into her.

  Bianca

  I can’t get enough of him. The ebb and flow of our entwined bodies feels perfect as we move. Like we’re meant to be; like we were made for each other.

  “You feel so good,” he murmurs against my mouth, his pace quickening on a groan. He trails kisses down my throat and onto my breast, sucking a nipple into his mouth. The change of his body’s angle affords him a chance to move his hand to my clit and he takes it.

  “Yes!” I whisper with a moan as his fingers masterfully and deliciously drag a deep, long orgasm from my body and he continues to move inside of me. He calls out as I fall apart around him. Seconds later he’s finishing too.

  We take a moment to compose ourselves, our bodies still joined and our skin flushed and sticky with sweat. When Seth lifts his head I see so much warmth behind those chocolate brown eyes that it scares me a little. This was my doing, I invited him in and the way he’s looking at me right now was not part of the plan. This was meant to be just sex but the connection I feel to him is so much more than that. He leans down and presses his lips to mine, giving me a sweet, lingering kiss before lifting and staring again into my eyes. He brushes his fingers down one side of my face and along my hair, all the while keeping that connection between us. Neither of us are able to look away.

  “Bianca,” he whispers before crushing his mo
uth back to mine. He kisses me slowly and passionately and it feels almost as good as what the rest of our bodies just did. When he deepens the movement it feels even better. I return his kiss and it feels like we’re making love with our mouths. It’s like ten thousand first kisses rolled into one. It’s beautiful and I don’t want it to end.

  Eventually it does though. Seth pulls out and I silently watch him stand in his naked glory. He’s more muscular than I’d given him credit for, he’s perfectly toned and fit, and I think I could look at him all night. I see him searching the floor and presume he’s finding his clothes. The thought of him leaving makes me incredibly sad, so I’m pleased when I see he’s only collecting the condom wrapper and disposing of it and the condom in the rubbish bin. I’m especially pleased when he returns to the bed, naked.

  I’m at a loss for words. What do you say to someone at a time like this? It feels much more than a casual one off, so tossing him out like a one night stand is definitely out of the question. Snuggling is what I’d prefer to do but what is this between us? Would that be considered clingy when I don’t know what this is? Should we talk about it? I stare at the ceiling contemplating all of these things, not knowing how to put my thoughts into words and when I finally look Seth’s way I find him fast asleep. I smile at him and pull the covers up, getting comfortable at his side.

  I’ve had my fair share of sex but nothing even comes close to what Seth and I just shared. I fall asleep hoping that this is the beginning of something amazing.

  ***

  I wake up to the sound of running water and an empty bed. Stretching out my overworked body I grin when I realise it’s the sound of my shower. Seth’s here. He stayed the night and now he’s naked and wet in my shower. I consider joining him but the water shuts off before I get a chance to move.

  It’s Saturday and neither of us have anywhere to go. Whatever shall we do with our day? Memories from the night before give me plenty of ideas.

  Ideas that are quickly squashed when Seth enters the bedroom fully dressed with a closed expression. The happily sated and relaxed look of the night before is long gone.

  “Morning,” he says, smiling uneasily as he tentatively sits on the edge of the bed, near me but not close enough to touch, or be intimate. His serious expression indicates I’m not going to like what comes out of his mouth next. “About last night…” he trails off and I can see it all over his face. Regret. What I thought was a perfect night, one of the best of my life, definitely the best and most connected sex of my life thus far … what I thought was a beginning of a new and exciting relationship has ended before it started. “I had too much to drink-”

  “Oh, me too,” I lie.

  “Yeah, we were drunk. I didn’t mean-”

  “I get it.” I have no choice but to interrupt him again and agree. I don’t want to hear how sorry he is, how much he regrets it. A minute ago I could imagine us spending a perfect day together, now all I really want is for him to leave. “It’s cool,” I say, though it is anything but.

  “It is?” His eyes search mine so I look away.

  “It was a mistake,” I whisper, my voice cracking.

  “Y-” he pauses and I can’t bear to lift my head to see him. I don’t want him to notice the tears in my eyes. “Yeah right. So we’re okay? Still friends?”

  “Yeah. Of course we’re still friends, nothing needs to change,” I lie. I stare at my hands in my lap wanting this over already.

  “I’ve gotta go,” Seth eventually speaks.

  “Sure. I have plans today anyway.” Another lie.

  “Right.” His tone is short. “Bye then.”

  As soon as the door clicks shut, my first sob escapes. Tears cascade down my cheeks and I fall back on the bed, burying myself in the pillow that still smells like him. I wipe my eyes on the sheet and smell him on them, too. In anger, I jump from the bed and strip it of all its linens. Not caring that I’m completely naked, I storm off to the laundry, stuff everything into the machine, smother it all with too much detergent and slam down the lid. I scream in frustration and kick the washing machine. Then scream again with the pain shooting from my big toe, before getting into a hot shower and sliding down to the floor to cry while the water washes him away.

  Seth

  My phone rings and I rip it from my pocket, hoping to see Bianca’s name on the screen, but I don’t, it’s Mum so I hit ignore. I instantly feel guilty; not enough to call her back though.

  I’m pacing on the street in front of B’s house. It’s been at least ten minutes since I left it and five since I turned around and walked right back to her door. I can’t decide if I should knock or leave. I’ve majorly fucked up. We’d decided to be friends but after last night I didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t just sex. Being with Bianca was so much more than that. But what I did feel? The overwhelming need to engulf her in my arms and hold her there, permanently, that wasn’t expected at all. I wasn’t expecting her to totally rock my world. I wasn’t expecting to wake up, with her sleeping soundly by my side, and feel right at home. It confused me. So I took a moment to compose my thoughts in the shower, where I decided I wanted to discuss it with her, to figure out where we go from here, to find out her feelings. Instead, I ended up lying to her about being drunk. Why did I say that? I didn’t even drink that much.

  Perhaps my doubts have something to do with the dream I had again last night. The one I hadn’t had in quite a while. The one I first had when Emma and I began dating:

  The sun is shining on my back and the wind is in my face. I’m riding my bike along a path that’s patterned by speckled shadows from the trees overhanging it. It’s the bike path back home, that I’ve ridden many times before, but this time I’m not alone. I hear an angelic laugh on my right, turning my head I see her. She flashes past me on a bike, her hair flowing behind her. She looks over her shoulder and throws a wide grin my way, but she’s almost a blur.

  “Catch me if you can!” she yells and then speeds up. I pedal faster and faster, but she’s faster still. She’s getting smaller and further away from me. I’m panting and calling out to her but she doesn’t slow down.

  I hear a sudden bang and then Kings of Leon start singing about sex that’s on fire.

  “SETH! C’mon!” I hear her yell. I pedal harder but I still can’t catch her.

  That’s where it ends every time.

  Maybe I’m not as over Emma as I thought.

  But … no! That’s not true! When I think about Bianca saying last night was a mistake, the rejection stings. That she wanted to just brush it under the carpet and pretend like it never happened? It absolutely floored me. How could I have read so much into it, when it was something that she didn’t even feel? I didn’t think she was drunk last night either. I wouldn’t have let things get that far if I’d thought she had been.

  So I did the only thing I could think of - I took off like a coward, instead of crawling back into bed with her like I wanted to. And now what? If I knock on the door what do I say? Sorry for bailing on you like a selfish prick, let’s try again, let’s give this thing between us a go?

  No, not when she thinks it was a mistake.

  ***

  I spend the entire weekend trying to steer my thoughts away from anything to do with Bianca. I do my usual grocery run, catch up on my laundry and cleaning, and try to distract myself with a book. I call Mum back and have a lengthy discussion about nothing of importance, but I enjoy hearing her voice and it side-tracks my thoughts so I drag the conversation out.

  I don’t hear from Bianca the rest of the weekend and I miss her terribly, much more than I ever imagined I would. When Monday rolls around I grab a shit coffee from the café in our building instead of going to “Sweets, Coffees & Cakes.” I tell myself it’s because I’m running late and don’t have time, but when I go to the same place for lunch, I can no longer lie about the fact that I’m avoiding her. We agreed that we were still friends, we were drunk and it was a mistake, there’s no reason why I shou
ldn’t go to the café. I should see her. I should apologise.

  Yeah, there’s a lot of things I should do.

  Bianca

  “Please B, tell me what happened. Explain to me why the two of you aren’t speaking.”

  “I don’t know how to explain it, Scar. He woke up with buyer’s regret and left. There’s nothing else to say.”

  “There’s got to be more to it than that. It doesn’t sound like Seth at all. He seemed so genuinely interested in you and he’s such a nice guy.”

  I can’t argue with her because I absolutely agree. He did ‘seem’ those things. If I had known in advance that sleeping with him would have ended our friendship completely, that it would cause him to sever all ties, I never would have done it. At the same time though, I don’t regret it. I’ll always cherish the little that we had, from the times we laughed and hung out, to that amazing night.

  “At first I was angry with him, furious, but now I get it. He wasn’t that interested and I threw myself at him. He was just being a typical male and took what was offered.”

  “That’s bullshit!”

  “It is what it is. Now if you don’t mind, I’m leaving.”

  It was after my normal Wednesday knock-off time and a big bag of popcorn and a happy kids movie were both calling my name. After five days with no contact from Seth it was time to cut my losses and move on. What better way than to distract myself with a couple of hours filled with Disney?

  Seth

  “What are you doing Seth?”

  I knew it was a mistake to come here, but after suffering through the horrible coffees I’d had the last couple of days I couldn’t do it again. I relented and entered my favourite café. Stupid!

  “Eating.” I continue to munch on my sandwich when Scar takes a seat across from me. “By all means, take a seat.” I chuckle without feeling.